Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007

[catalina_francisco]

February 27th - words of FurryFury

"A fantasy of any sort in itself is not crazy IMO. What you do or do not do about it is what matters when it comes to it being crazy or "wrong."

Taking into account what the love of your life, your partner and your wife feels is extremely important if you want your marriage to endure. It is sometimes too easy to forget why you feel in love with this person or wanted to spend your life with them.

If you decide you need to follow your sexual dreams more than you can do in your marriage that is another thing entirely. I would exercise every attempt to communicate and reach some sort of compromise before doing so, but that is just my way.

Finding all that you look or wish for is usually impossible for most of us. Yet no one can take from us our fantasies because our minds are our own."

Fantasy - Crazy Or Not

 

[catalina_francisco]

February 28th - words of babiesmiles

"Even if I don't completely agree with the sentence " if you love someone set it free" (WTF if you stay with me you stay with ME... damn it! ) I do believe in returns .
Life is a circle ....πάντα ρει....(everything flows ) nothing is lost forever . Never .

Occasions come back , people come back ; you never can say when or where and even how, but in my experience they do . The best we can do is to keep our heart and soul open and be able to recognize the fate when it bumps against us.

Blindness ( or pretended one ) is the main trap we close ourselves in .

We surely won't live forever but it is up to us to live it intense . "

Love

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 1st - words of serijules

"In my opinion you all REALLY make this far more complicated than it needs to be, heh.

Punishment works in some relationships. Those that it works for understand why it does. Those that don't have a place for it in their relationships will rarely understand why it works for those that respect its use. It doesn't always mean the submissive is manipulative, dysfunctional, selfish, bratty, immature, childish or what have you. Most people don't enjoy being punished and if they do, it's roleplay, which is also perfectly acceptable.

This is one of those topics where I honestly don't understand why so many people have such a negative attitude towards it or why it needs to be made into something so much larger than it is. I see it as extremely simplistic and easy to understand. It fits rather nicely in with the kind of exchange that many people in the lifestyle have. Most relationships have some form of it, but people balk at the word "punishment". Training, correction, discipline, punishment...whatever you call the blasted thing, most relationships have some form of it in my opinion. Just like everything else in the lifestyle, it simply exists in different forms with different definitions for those involved.

Our lifestyle is eternally flexible. So are the terms used to express it."

Punishment

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 2nd - words of Vessira

"I had something kind of like this happen the other night. Was tied up, rather tightly and no wiggle room and told I had 30 minutes to get out, or he was going to leave me like that overnight. After about 20 minutes of struggling (I'm usually pretty good at wiggling out of his ties) I realized it just wasn't possibly in the time allotted. The only possibly way to get out of the ties would have been to chew thru the ropes (not my idea of a fun snack) but I couldn't even reach any of them because of my positioning. Well I ended up having a mini-panic attack and broke down crying cause I couldn't get out and it wasn't fair. Now I'm all for being asked to do something difficult, but don't think it's right to be punished for something that's simply not possible. Of course he came and untied me and I didn't get punished. If anything I think he enjoyed more just seeing me squirm under the time restraint and the thought of punishment. But still, next time he challenges me something to do something impossible, I might have to start doing the same to him."

Natural Reactions

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 3rd - words of ownedsubgal

"interesting topic. i think that some Dominants do not care about enthusiasm, and others do not wish to be served without enthusiasm. so like everything else it's very individual.

Daddy usually prefers one or the other based on his mood, and sometimes dependent on the particular activity/circumstance. there are times he wants to see no suffering or deadness in my eyes, and a little bit of lightness in my step, because he may be feeling especially happy/cheery and wants to see something similar with me. at these times, he wants enthusiasm, and will just not bother if it's not there. but most of the time he simply wants compliance, obedience, devoted and focused service, and any enthusiasm on my part is not needed or even welcomed."

Compliance vs Enthusiasm

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 4th - words of the captain's wench

"So we had our first venture with the ginger last night.

Neither one of us had used ginger before so it was kinda neat to try something new together. But neither one of us are sure we really liked it *giggles*.

It burned a lot more than I thought possible. I just kept wondering every time I saw this thread how ginger could really hurt, I use ginger all the time, and didn't think that it could burn other areas if it didn't even tingle my fingers. I was sooo wrong. *giggles*

But it wasn't really painful, just a bit anoying. Might be more fun if we combine it with some other activity, but as it was it was just annoying enough to distract me from the clamps on my pussy lips.

But man did that feeling last a whiles. Was funny because he at one point told me to stop, and I said I had the first time he said so but the ginger didn't. *giggles*

Still, fun to try new things. "

So, Has Anyone Tried Figging?

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 5th - words of leeroy jenkins

"As for me Sir's honorary is actually Master... but I hate the way it sounds with is name. So I either call him by the name he likes best Alex or I call him Sir. It sorta depends on what I use, if I am at the space I would say Sir but around the house with his mother its Alex. Also when I talk about our relationship or mention him to others I refer to him as Sir. If your used to calling your SO something and then you get a name change its only natural to have some issue about remembering to refer to them as something different.

Really I think titles are silly, if you refer the them in a respectful manner and tone that is what counts. Though the use of a honorific does help enforce the differences of positions in your relationship IMO."

What's In A Name?

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 6th - words of ammre

"I've done some sounding in the past. I've always had a, "Oo i wonder what i can stick int hat hole" syndrom. I too went for the non hook end of the crochet hook, not only are a large portion of them metal and rounded, but they also have measurements and so you can know exactly how wide you're going. I've gone well over 1.5 inches in so i guess i've entered the bladder, or i'm a freak of nature. I try to keep my impliments very very clean prior to use, and as soon as i'm finished i go to the bathroom to help push out anything that i might not have stopped from heading up. I've had some of my most intense orgasms with sounding and my normal clitoral stimulation. The urethrea is right up along that soft happy g-spot so really if done right it can be a real treat. I think 7mm is the highest width I got. I think i can still go back to that, but with a little pain. Its best if you start small and work your way up.

Clean before, pee after. play careful."

Sounding...Anyone Here Do It?

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 7th - words of lil slave rose

"ok, just because you are submissive to your Dominant, does not mean you are submissive to everyone. and when i said 'you either are or you aren't' that is not at all what i meant. i ONLY submit to my Master, no one else, and that is the way it is with just about every submissive i know. there is a misconception it seems (this is not the first time i've seen it) that to be submissive means to be weak and not in 'power' or 'control' of anything in one's life outside of the relationship, i've found this to be very very untrue. i have children, therefore i am in control of them. i've had a job where i had a leadership role, though i am naturally submissive that doesn't mean that i can't hold a place of 'power' and do ok with it....

also i never said that it couldn't happen only online or phone, but i don't understand how you can experience all there is to experience in this lifestyle if you will not take it into 'real life' i know that many have long distance relationships via phone and internet, i am one of those people, for the last 3 years, but eventually, it had to go real time, to experience the sensations, and what it was really like to be submissive in a 24/7 setting. it become 'not enough' with just the phone and internet.

Cat described exactly what i was trying to say in my earlier post about not knowing what you want, and the Dom needing to know what you want in order to guide or 'nurture' your submissive side."

Confusions

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 8th - words of shy slave

"Shank, I went to my room as you instructed.

With callinectes idea in mind, I played, and played and played.

I craved more so read porn, watched porn and played again. It didn't work, now I have even wilder ideas that what I started with

However, no matter what the craving, I would never head for your room instead...your toys are just too damn scary for little me!"

Cravings

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 9th - words of CutieMouse

"Years and years and *years* ago, when I was first married, my ex's best friend used to correct my grammar/spelling whenever he came across a to-do list, note, or other bit of fluff I'd left on the refrigerator or kitchen table. He even used a red pen. It annoyed the daylights out of me, especially since everyone else just shook their head and said "Well, it's just how M___ is", and I stubbornly continued to ignore common spelling mistakes, as I'd always been a poor speller.

A few years ago, someone important to me made a point to correct me every time I used incorrect grammar, misspelled anything, made a typo, or pronounced an unfamiliar word improperly. One day I lost my temper, and said my other friends accepted my struggles with typing/spelling/etc, so I didn't understand why he couldn't... and was told in response, that he saw me as someone who was smarter than portrayed by her typing, and the only thing holding me back in Life, was my own acceptance of mediocrity. Over the course of about 12 months, I retrained myself to think before I type, cut my typing/spelling errors by about 95%, and retained almost the same speed.

I rarely correct people publicly, as I still make far more mistakes than I'd like, and Strunk & White I am not, but I do have a greater appreciation for those who are able to properly correct people's writing."


Punishment

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 10th - words of Bandit58

"... Isn't one of the mantras of our lifestyle Safe, Sane and Consensual? Consensual to me means that all parties have consented to be involved. How is putting yourself "out there" in your BDSM regalia giving others, who may not want to have this pushed into their (and their children's) faces in public, the chance to consent?

I know, for myself, in my vanilla days when my kids were young, I wouldn't have wanted to have to try to explain to them why that man was leading that lady around on a leash. I would probably have made a joke of it, something like they're playing "doggies" or something And I didn't know a whole lot about BDSM in those days myself - and my preconceived ideas were nothing like I now know a loving consensual D/s relationship to be."

Children and Public Displays of BDSM

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 11th - words of A Desert Rose

"On different topic: I think that many people, especially women come looking for a D/s relationship with the vision of a romance bookcover in their heads. I'm a romantic at heart too, and can have my head turned pretty easily, but reality isn't what's on a Harlequin romance cover. And the words "being tamed" sound very much like a romance novel title.

The reality, to me, is that one is not tamed. She/he is taught. And so is her/his Dominant. The relationship is a learning, growing, exploring endeavor, for both parties.

But that's just my opinion..."


On Being Tamed

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 12th - words of liberatedslave

"I'm still shy of vocalising what I want to my Sir. There are a few overlapping reasons for this.

1) I used to be religous and still have to fight the nagging sense of guilt and shame that I'm starting to think may never truloy leave me.

2) Part of me feels that I'm stepping out of my sub role if I ask for things or criticise my Sir in any way. I know this is a foolish sentiment because Sir may be the one in charge but he's not telepathic. Bottling stuff is a dereliction of my service to him because he can't make decisions on my behalf if he doesn't know how I really feel about things. Nevertheless it always feels forced and un-natural when I raise issues about our relationship or sex life or whatever.

3) During scenes Sir will sometimes ask me to beg for something and even though I really want whatever it is I really have to force myself to do it. It makes me feel so dirty (which bizzarely, I do love, I just can't vocalize it) but there seems to be a block in my head that makes it so hard. He knows it's difficult for me but will push me, telling me that my begging isn't good enough. I like that he does that because I want to improve and don't believe he should settle for sub-standard service from me.

4) Day to day if I'm asked my opinion on something I'll invariably reply by asking Sir what he wants. He finds this infuriating because it makes him feel I don't have a mind of my own. Usually I genuinely don't mind but I'm having to learn that if he asks my opinion that's exactly what he wants in response.

I can't really offer any easy solution except to say that I find writing easier than speaking and that I keep telling myself that I am my Sir's property and he has the right to know my thoughts and feelings about everything. I've had to learn that being honest isn't the same thing as manipulation or 'topping from the bottom' and that Sir expects to make decisions based on how we both truly feel. It is working and I hope you do find your voice, however it comes."

Shyness or Embarrassment

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 13th - words of Andraste

"knowing that and being able to do that are worlds apart.

"don't be shy" is too easy to say.

me, i can't speak about stuff.
pressure me, tell me a need to open up and express myself, and i'll lose the power of speach totally. mute for hours sometimes before my voice returns.

it's not as simple as just saying it for some people."

Shyness or Embarrassment

 

[catalina_francisco]

March14th - words of minx1

"You are right not only is beauty in the eye of the beholder, it hopefully goes a hell of a lot deeper than just the surface! Its us who pu the pressure on ourselves eh, not our friends, partners or family.

I too have days when I just hate the way I look. With me its not that I look at others and wish I looked liked them, its more I am just hard on myself about my own 'imperfections' lol.
Somedays I can go out feeling good, catch sight of myself in a window or mirror and think "YUCK!!" then I'm on a downer for the rest of the day!

I do have bits of me I like and I try and concentrate on those. I too like my face (mostly) lol. I get comments a lot about my eyes and my lips so I focus on that.
In terms of my body and my own perception of it...I think diet and exercise is the way to go....just to boost my confidence. Thanks for the thread link...I have lurked around there a few times, perhaps now I should pop in!"

Body Image and Cams

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 15th - words of slavin

"When we're really exhausted he'll let me snuggle up and we take a nap but usually I will clean us both up, put the things back in their place and find something useful to do that doesn't require much thinking.

After a punishment he will sometimes hug me and tell me that the punishment is over but that rarely happens.

He tells me that he loves me and that he's proud of me all the time. I don't really need to hear it after an intense time together. I guess we're not really that much into aftercare, unless I need medical attention that I can't do myself.

When I have been pushed into something new, we will always talk about it a little later so that he knows my thoughts and feelings about it.

How long these things take varies."

Aftercare

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 16th - words of callinectes

"For us, aftercare lasts as long as he feels like indulging me. Thankfully, he enjoys just being quiet and cuddling so it's not often that I am left wanting more. On the rare occasions he has not provided much aftercare it was sort of a turn-on for me..the whole control thing doncha know.

I have not been punished so I can't answer that one. There was the threat of it once but what he was talking about was really more of a correction than punishment. If I were to be truly punished I don't *think* I would need a lot of aftercare..but I would need a clearly stated message along the lines of "this is done, don't let it happen again, now let's move forward". I feel confident I would not be allowed to wallow in self-pity or guilt, he has no patience for that.

Forgot about subspace..I have not been there as a result of pain, but I am oftentimes in what I believe to be orgasm-induced subspace. Passage of time has certainly made it easier for me t get there mainly because the our relationship has deepened and he knows my responses better."

Aftercare

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 17th - words of AvaAdore

"In the past, I've been asked by my partner to try to motivate him with university work (he had a lot of issues with motivation, probably linked to depression). It just never worked and made the relationship more stressful. There was nothing I could do to help him until he put in a major effort all on his own. Having said that, it did help him to have someone there for him.

My advice with the motivation thing is to take small steps at first. It is really important to have someone to talk to, even someone online."

Uuugh...really weird question

 

[graceanne]

March 18th - words of serijules

This gets me up in arms every time a topic on safewords comes up, so I'm just going to spew it. I'm NOT directing this at anyone in specific in this thread, just food for thought relating to this failing idea in general.

Those of you that are entertaining ideas of failure and disappointment when you do have to use your safeword?

Cut that shit out. Seriously.

I can guarantee it will annoy the fuck out of most doms to make sure you have a safety net, to make sure you BOTH have a safety net (as the safeword is there for HIS benefit too you know) only to have to continue to worry if the sub is going to not use it for fear of disappointing or whatnot. That worry, that fear....undermines the entire purpose and use of a safeword altogether.

The point of a safeword is a quick, no-confusion-added means of communication to put a stop to something that is potentially or immediately damaging to one or the other in the scene. It's like a tourniquet, a short term, immediate way of stopping the flow of blood until more advanced help can be administered in efforts to save a limb. A safeword is a short-term, immediate form of communication to stop the flow of a scene so more advanced communication can take place to "heal" the problem and can even yes, save a scene or relationship from more serious harm if the issue is not addressed.

I'm really not trying to sound like a bitch here, but I'm likely failing. Sorry about that. Spew = bitchy seri.

If you are going to establish a safeword, use it properly. Let it do the job it is there to do, without making your dominant have to wonder "will she really use it, can I really trust her to use it, or will she suffer through to try to please me?"

No one wants to shoulder that burden. I sure as hell wouldn't.

No decent dom is going to think or say "damn, you really disappointed the hell out of me by ruining that scene and using your safeword over your damn emotional drama again."

If they do? Take if for the huge ass red flag it is and get the hell outta there.

Otherwise, give your partners a little credit.

Ma'am often tells me when I am worrying needlessly about whether or not she is pleased with something I did..."It's no concern of yours. If you displease me, I will let you know."

Edited to add...

This topic just goes to show exactly why you should never allow a safeword to override good old common sense. There are just too many ways that the lack of responsibility or mutual understanding of safewords on either side can cause a heck of a mess. It's just a tool. You need to put the brainpower behind the tool to use too in order for it to be of any use at all.

the use of safe words

 

[graceanne]

March 19th - words of CutieMouse

Marriages do not fail in a vacuum.

If you reached the point where you are unable to stay married, it means you *both* made decisions along the way, that hurt the marriage/each person in it. Those decisions (and the repercussions) may have been made intentionally or unintentionally, but no one has the power to single handedly kill a marriage.



Parenting and Kink

 

[graceanne]

March 20th - words of FurryFury

At the beginning of a relationship, how much trust can you have already built up? Not much really. You are just getting to know one another. Yet you press on despite being hurt because you have wants, you have a vision and you have hope. If you shut down, you don't just shut others out, you shut yourself out. That's my opinion.

Trust - gaining/lost or otherwise...

 

[graceanne]

March 21sth - words of CutieMouse

I don't consider myself to be bratty; I abhore bratty behaviour. As an adult, can I occasionally have a wry sense of humor...

What you're talking about seems to be intentionally screwing around to get punished, whihc I consider a waste of time.

Intillectual sparring, acting like adults, teasing one another... that isn't disrepectful or disobedient, to me.

Disobediant subs

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 22nd - words of the captain's wench

"Personally I don't understrand this need to "come out" either.

I dish information on a want to know/need to know basis. If they wanted to know something about me they would ask, and then I decide if they need to know it or not. but admitedly, I'm pretty open about myself in all aspects of my life.

But I didn't sit anyone down and explain bdsm to them before I started wearing a collar. I just started wearing one. A few asked questions about it, but most didn't, and what questions were asked were usually by fellow kinksters.

My mom had trouble with it at first. But I found out why yesterday and she makes a good point. When I first got into this, when she heard "bdsm" or "dom/sub" or saw my collar she thought it was all just an exuse for a man to carry on an abusive relationship. She worried about my safety, but as time went on she noticed a change in me that she didn't expect. I was happy again, I was bouncy and bubbly and the old wenchie she remembered before I got married. This positive change in me is something she wasn't expecting, and so she soon realized the people I let in my life, and the choices I was making were positive, even if they looked to her like they weren't.

She thinks your average person would think much like her. All they see is abuse. But, had she not known my friends, and had she not had some experience herself in some form or another she would not have even noticed my collar and a lot of the things we talk about now would not have come up.

My dad see's my collar and simply jokes about it, he's now calling me "spike" . He knows I have a "dear friend" in Ireland, but he doesn't know the extent of our relationship, nor does he want to or need to as far as I'm concerned.

I've talked about this a lot before. My friends and family know as much as they want to. Some are happy just knowing I have a "friend" that I plan to see, and some know some of the things we plan on trying, and have even sugested toys. Just depends on the person. I'm comfortable talking about sex with my mom, I'm not with my dad, so the amount of information is based on that comfort level. No need to forse uncomfortable conversations. And with the way I was raised, and my own sence of edicit, I'm sure no one would batt an eye at how I related to my Love in person. It would be much the same as I did for my husband."

Friends Outside the BDSM Lifestyle

 

[catalina_francisco]

March 23rd - words of incubus_sub

"I've just read this thread very quickly & they are all good answers but what about Doms being able to trust subs as well?

As we know, from this site as well as real life, there are scores of silly little girls who get carried away with the slave/sub thing & the excitement of it all, jump in the deep end & then find themselves in over their vacant heads.

Doms are human too, they make mistakes believing they have consent - oohhh, I love you, you can do anything blah blah blah, then suddenly the sub is screaming rape. Not fair in my mind.

If a prospective sub is defining the word rape, particularly in the D/s world, before any action or at the beginning of a relationship, said Dom should be the one running away as fast as possible.

Real rape is a serious issue."

Is It Rape?