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Submissive 'Thought for the Day' Calendar 2007

April 7th - words of BiBunny

"Labels are just helpful for other people to (somewhat) know where we're coming from. For example, I identify as a switch because it's a whole lot easier to say and remember than "basically submissive, masochistic chick with a sadistic streak who sometimes likes to dish out as good as she gets." I don't identify as a dominant because, although I can get into that headspace for a period of time and enjoy it, it's not my "default" headspace.

And, FWIW, a desire for kinky play/rough sex does not a Dom or sub make."

Thought That I Was Totally Vanilla...
 
April 8th - words of im_a_voyeur

"Yes, I definitely think that can be true but when you're dealing with a poly situation, if you've been deceptive with one person and honest with the other, when it's time to bring all parties together, it's going to be hard for the person who was lied to to trust the other parties involved.

He cheated on his girlfriend and just because now he's being honest about the situation, everything is supposed to be ok? I'm pretty sure the girlfriend is harboring a lot of resentment and even though she's stating she wants to try to make it work, because an atmosphere of dishonesty was initially created by him cheating, she's going to have a hard time with trust. In poly, trust is vital. If you don't have that, even with the best intentions, everything falls apart."

Turning Point
 
April 10th - words of A Desert Rose

"I don't use it alone; that is to say, I use it with a partner. So, in combination with other stimulations, it is quite nice. And yes, can be painful, too. But pain's part of the pleasure for me.

With clitoral/perineal stimulations, it feels really good on my nipples... to the point of painful.

I would not find it at all enjoyable (boring, really) if I used it with nothing else happening to me or if I used it as part of masterbation. But I think that's true of most toys. They are much more enjoyable, for me, when I have a partner."

I'm Going To Pump You Up
 
April 11th - words of Velvet Bubbles

"From what I've learned/experienced I believe it is possible to give yourself fully to someone that you don't love. But you do have to be able to trust them completely. I would prefer to be in love with whomever I was with. It's just not always possible."

What's Love Got To Do With It?
 
April 12th - words of Bandit58

"I don't see why it should have to be separate at all

Master Gil and I love each other very much. The D/s has enhanced our life together. Sure we laugh and joke and have fun together, but He's always my Master and I'm always His sub.

If you're talking about play like flogging etc - He knows I enjoy what He does to me, and I love to please Him. The love we share doesn't stop Him from doing whatever He wants to me....we've been a D/s couple for over 3 years now and He has learned to read me and my reactions. The safe words are still there if needed however."

What's Love Got To Do With It?
 
April 13th - words of dutiful

"Well,
so far i've discovered that he does like to spank me on occasion. We are pretty open and he does love to play with me with my toys. I have shared some stories from here. I would like for him to be more dominate about his desires or what he wants me to do. I'm tried to mention it to him, I quess I haven't been clear enough."

How To Lead Hubby To Be Dom
 
April 14th - words of myinnerslut

"im 19 as well, and my current relationship is my first BDSM relationship. it all started with increased communitcation. we talkedd about things we liked to do, things we thought about doing or things we fantazised about. we asked each other "would you rather questions" and made confessions. eventually, it came out that i wanted to be tied down. i was so nervouse about his reaction, but all A said was "i should spank you, youd probably like that". things just kept going from there. i never thought i would love things this much and i am so glad i brought it up. just make sure you take things like this slowly!"

Dominate Me!
 
April 15th - words of gingermango

"I will second the recommendation for The Curve. Goddess bought one for me some time ago and periodically decides to lock me into it for a few days, a couple weeks, a month . . . whatever. It is very discreet, even to the point that it can be locked with zip-ties rather than metal locks, making it safe for those who have to go through metal detectors and such. It's also reasonably easy to clean oneself without removing it, making it perfect for long term play. I have been locked into ours for up to about 5 weeks before.

As noted by others, it doesn't stop you from getting aroused, just from having an unimpeded erection. The more aroused you get, however, the more painful it becomes due to confinement. And if that's not enough pain, the Points of Intrigue attachment (which replaces one spacer ring with a small piece that has three sharp, inward-pointing spikes) is VERY painful, I assure you."

Male Chastity Device
 
April 16th - words of FurryFury

"I know a woman like that too. She can talk the talk but rarely even has sex, when she does it's not kinky much less BDSM. She does have online men hanging ALL over her thinking she is really into BDSM and sex.

She's also a bitch but they don't seem to notice or think she is really "sweet deep down inside." I say fuck deep down inside, I don't feel like digging. That's not my job. Give me some surface civility at least or leave me alone.

*shakes head*

Yeah, it's been a while since I talked or gamed with her. It will be a cold day in you know where before I do that again."

Wife IS Anti-Submissive But Co-Worker On The Other Hand..
 
April 17th - words of Chicklet

"I really understand where you're coming from. In my longest relationship, I was sexually frustrated by my partners lack of interest in BDSM.

It's hard to try to weigh the aspects of your relationship with sexual frustration. You love your partner, you're happy in your relationship, but you're not feeling satisfied. From my experience with the How To board, and my own relationship experience, along with the divorce rate, I think that's a very common thing.

do you have children?

Personally, I decided that my frustration was grounds enough for seeking a relationship that would satisfy me. But I broke it off with my boyfriend first, and we weren't married or in any sort of legal bind together that would make such a break more difficult. I hate to be someone suggesting that you leave your wife, but if you talk to her about your sexual needs and she's still uninterested in being with you more than once a month, you might want to seperate.

Couples that have a healthy sex life are the ones that stay together in the long term. You know it's true.

Personally, I'd want to be divorced before my husband cheated on me, or even seriously considered cheating on me."

Wife Is Anti Submissive But Co Worker OTOH...
 
April 18th - words of Quixotica

"My bad experience was of the mental variety and not the physical. It really stinks when you open yourself up emotionally to someone and let the fantasies of "Happily Ever After" begin to play in your head, only to have them squashed by a cold, harsh dose of reality.

Unfortunately, there is no safe word for emotional manipulation.

I chalked it up to experience and have begun to be MUCH more discriminating about whom I allow into my most cherished space: my mind.

I have had other stupid BDSM experiences early on where I dated a couple of guys (not at the same time ) who thought they could get an easy BJ from a submissive by giving her a crack on the ass. Idiots. Again, these experiences just helped me hone my BS-meter and learn that submissive does not equal doormat."

A Question For subs/slaves/pyl's
 
April 19th - words of Irony_Sinclair

"For me, personally, I would already feel that I had failed regardless of the last minute choice to put forth a bad effort or skip it altogether and take the punishment. I would feel I had failed because I procrastinated and wasted my time. So no matter what path I then chose, I would still feel badly.

Not only would I feel that I had failed her, but I'm certain I would feel a sense of failing myself. As, in requesting this writing, she would be doing so for a reason most likely beyond just her own entertainment. Maybe, but this kind of thing, for her anyway, would be more about wanting me to be honest with myself, or push some limits, or whatever, but with the premise being to help me grow.

If I squandered that opportunity I would feel ashamed and remorseful. In all honesty I think I would most likely opt to not produce anything at the last minute. I think that would be more of an insult and contemptuous than a sign of effort. I would be honest with her about why I failed to complete it and want to discuss it with her and ultimately receive whatever correction she so imposed.

In the end, no matter how it ended, I would hope we both learned and grew from the experience. Finding a positive in a negative situation."

To Complete A Task Or Not..That Is The Question
 
April 20th - words of ownedsubgal

"in the vanilla world, where mental "health" is determined by one's ability to be emotionally and mentally stable and secure, have and enforce personal limits, and most importantly, be independently functioning...no, it's not "healthy."

but in our world, that of Master and slave, an Owner taking whatever means necessary to retrieve what belongs to them, and applying the appropriate punishment, is right, good, and and in that sense "healthy." "

Who Has The Power In A D/s Relationship?
 
April 21 - words of liberatedslave

I think a lot of these issues hang on the experience and maturity of each party. Those who are new to 24/7 D/s in an LTR will panic at moments of crisis and revert to old behaviour patterns that worked for them in nilla relationships. When embarking on 24/7 D/s for the first time it's like being in your first ever relationship all over again with the same exhilirating fear of the unkown.

There is also a much stronger bond of trust in D/s IMO. A sub is not only trusting a dom to love and protect but to make the important decisions, control and inflict pain responsibly and act always for the sub and the relationship's good. Likewise the dom needs to be able to command the sub's obedience even when the going gets tough and to know that a sub will communicate honestly and respectfully, using safewords responsibly (where they have been agreed).

Because of all this, if love and trust starts to become fragile a sub doesn't feel safe. It may be a completely irrational fear but left unchecked can cause manipulative behaviour born of the sub's doubt.

Dom/Dommes opening up about manipulative subs.
 
Etoile said:
April 21 - words of liberatedslave

I think a lot of these issues hang on the experience and maturity of each party. Those who are new to 24/7 D/s in an LTR will panic at moments of crisis and revert to old behaviour patterns that worked for them in nilla relationships. When embarking on 24/7 D/s for the first time it's like being in your first ever relationship all over again with the same exhilirating fear of the unkown.

There is also a much stronger bond of trust in D/s IMO. A sub is not only trusting a dom to love and protect but to make the important decisions, control and inflict pain responsibly and act always for the sub and the relationship's good. Likewise the dom needs to be able to command the sub's obedience even when the going gets tough and to know that a sub will communicate honestly and respectfully, using safewords responsibly (where they have been agreed).

Because of all this, if love and trust starts to become fragile a sub doesn't feel safe. It may be a completely irrational fear but left unchecked can cause manipulative behaviour born of the sub's doubt.

Dom/Dommes opening up about manipulative subs.
Click to expand...

I love this Etoile.. it is the truth for someone like me who is a sub.. ;)
 
April 22nd words of serijules

Don't know where this should go, don't care, move it if you wish

Someone emailed me having found my website and wanting to ask some questions about poly relationships, specifically on how to deal with jealousy issues, if it gets better, how I cope, and so forth. I thought I would share my thoughts here as well as I know there are some that have a hard time asking this question because of the negativity surrounding jealousy as a topic at times.

My situation is a little bit different than most in the sense that I am not truly poly. I just somehow always seem to find myself in relationships where my partner is poly. Some of my experiences have been terrible...others (like my current one) are REAL and when all is said and done, very good.

My first two relationships were poly in different ways. The first was a man who wanted all the benefits and none of the reality. The reality is that you really have to be committed to each relationship. Quality time and attention is important in any relationship, and some people are just not cut out to juggle that and the rest of their lives with any sort of ease. I was hurt because he expected too much from me without being willing to guide me and teach me.

My second ended because my Domme found a lover and explored her subside with him, to a point where my relationship with her took a very far back seat in her life. I couldn't handle that. It made me unhappy and resentful. I moved on and said I would never do poly again.

Yet here I am. This time the difference is I found someone who truly loves and respects each of her submissives and partners, and has the ability and willingness to handle the responsibility of having those multiple relationships. I trust her, I trust her to always handle me with respect and love. I sometimes struggle with trusting the others and their intentions, and I always work on that. It doesn't get easier really, it just gets more familiar and with that familiarity comes better coping techniques and ease of acceptance.

However, because of my not-really-poly-at-all nature, I tend to get easily jealous and upset. Oddly enough, as fast as I get upset, I'm just as quick sometimes to realize "cripes Seri, all is fine, get over yourself" and feel better once I've let that "poison" out to air. I'm not really sure jealous is the right word for it because I don't resent the others or wish they were not a part of Ma'am's life. I don't even wish I were in their shoes. I just tend to let their presence allow me to feel as if I am less important or allow fears that they will lessen what I am and what I give. I have a hard time dealing with feeling as though I am "enough" and at times resentful that the limited time Ma'am has is split with others. I selfishly want to be very important, very special. Very "enough".

What I finally realized is that I AM important and special. This is not measured in the amount of time she spends with me compared to others, and there is no scale of who is best and most wanted or whatnot. Realizing this and BELIEVING it has helped me a lot with the "jealous" feelings and insecure feelings. That doesn't mean that I never feel them or think them anymore, I just am able to realize that I am being silly and work through it. Oftentimes working through those feelings also brings me in touch with just how loved and important and enough I really am. It's a circle, a cycle I think, dealing with these feelings. Pretending they are not that or insisting they shouldn't be there is the worst way anyone can handle these feelings I think. I've seen many poly people loudly proclaim that there is NO room in poly relationships for jealousy or negative feelings and that their existence will shatter the relationship. I disagree. I think they are normal, healthy and albeit annoying, they are also chances to grow and strengthen a relationship by dealing with them.

It's a struggle, I won't lie about that. I hate myself sometimes for the things I feel and think but I'm also learning to just accept that what I feel is what I feel, and it's what I do with those feelings that matter; something Ma'am has taught me. A good example of this: I am going to visit Ma'am soon. It's been quite awhile since I've seen her, and part of the time that I am there, another friend will be there as well. Part of me is insecure about this,scared it will mean less attention, less time, less focus, less love for me. The other part of me is thrilled to be meeting this special person and can't wait to spend time with her and share my experiences with Ma'am with her, to talk to her and learn from her and to be shown off and have an audience. If I kept beating myself over the"negative" feelings, I would never be happy. They just are what they are and the only way it really affects our relationship is if I display those feelings in a disrespectful way, in a way that takes my focus and appreciation off of the time and love and attention that I do have or affects my realization that what we have is honest and special.

Again, it's not what you feel, it's what you do with those feelings. I fail at this sometimes too. Sometimes I get sullen and pouty and "poor me". It embarrasses me and usually makes me that much more determined to handle myself better and become a better slave. I'm human. It's ok. Ma'am is good at putting me firmly in my place.

I think the best way to deal with these feelings is just to accept them and be honest about them. The honesty is hard...I hate sharing that part of me with Ma'am, of showing her a nasty or negative side of me. I fear it will make her dislike me or be disappointed in me. I also know that she is not going to just toss me aside because I am not always thinking happy, positive things and that she not only appreciates the honesty, but DEMANDS it, expects it. So even though it causes us stressful moments as she has a hard time understanding my problems just as I at times have a hard time understanding her desires, it's worth it because it builds a solid base of honesty and trust for the rest of our relationship to stand on. That is vital to a poly relationship. Absolutely vital.

And there are benefits as well to poly, many of them. I love my subsister very much, even though at times I don't like some of the things she does and vice versa, it's a real strong family type of love and that is something I treasure. The others in Ma'am's life offer her things I cannot, things that make her life easier and happier, so accepting them and being respectful to them is a way for me to indirectly serve Ma'am, and I find just as much joy in this as I do occasional upset.

When I am having negative thoughts like "She hasn't talked to me much all weekend, I wonder if she's too busy with *so and so*" or "*so and so* has so much more to offer her than I do", I handle these moments by really focusing on my submission and on displaying that. I work harder at being respectful and obedient, I spend time on my knees reflecting, I ask her for help dealing, or even sometimes I talk to that person about how I am feeling and ask them for help sorting it out. Bringing the others into your life even in small ways, if that is possible or allowed, has been one of my best ways of coping. It allows me to understand more what they are feeling, to see how my feelings or actions affect them, and to built a greater foundation of trust and unity. It always helps to know others understand or even if they don't quite understand, know they accept you anyhow.

The others in Ma'ams life seem to deal with and handle feelings of jealousy or even have a lack of this emotion at all, much better than I do. This is upsetting to me and I have to work hard to not feel like a failure for being the "impossible one" as I sometimes tend to label myself. But what it all comes down to is I trust in Ma'ams love, beyound anything else, regardless of anything else...I trust in her love and commitment to US. I know that we will both do anything in our power to make our relationship work and that is a rock for me. I can handle anything if I just keep that in my focus. It's worth the occasional pain and hurt because the good times are so much stronger than the bad.

Poly isn't for everyone, but even if you have a hard time with it, even if you are insecure in it, if your relationship is strong and your will is strong, you will either be just fine, or realize that you just really need to be in a different kind of relationship. In my first two relationships, I realized I needed a different kind of relationship and a different kind of person to Own me. I've found out surprisingly that I rather enjoy the challenge of poly, I benefit a lot from being forced to deal with these feelings, to talk about things, to deal with hurt and grow from the lessons it brings. If I could change things, if I could change Ma'ams desires, I really don't think I would change a thing at all, other than my own ability to cope a bit better as I hate being a source of frustration to her. But that is changeable, and I'm working on it

Would love to hear some of YOUR ways of coping and dealing with jealousy or insecurity, either from you or your partner(s).

Essay on Poly and Jealousy
 
April 22nd - Words of Noor

) if you are out at a club or bar, get your own drinks or go with the guy when he gets them, just twinkle at him and keep talking while he gets them.. Take your drink with you if you get for anything.

2) don't tell anyone you don't know really well and haven't met yet any violent or rape fantasies.

3) tell someone where you are going. Have a code for things going bad. Let the person know that people know you are with them. If this freaks them out or upsets them tough!

4a) check out your prospects before meeting them. Do a zabasearch on them, a reverse dial look up, google their screen name, email address.

4b) check them out on the various warning sites-http://dontdatehimgirl.com/, http://www.womansavers.com/, http://truedater.com/ If you suspect they are a player go to oodle.com's personal section,enter their particulars and see how many sites they come up on. I learned this recently from my lovely experiences on plenty of fish.

5) have your cell and some money on you.

6) do not get into a car with them. meet them somewhere or follow them. A car is one of the best weapons you can have.

7) meet somewhere public (and where you know people, if possible.)

8) Try not to let them know where you live.

9) be on the phone with a close friend as you drive to meet them for the first time. If they are in or near a car give the license plate number to your friend, and a description of the car. Also a description of them before you hang up.

10) block your number when calling them until you know them well enough. *67 does it in the US even on cell phones.

11)if a guy tries to pressure you into meeting him, or meeting him some where you are not comfortable that should be a red flag. If they say what are you scared of? or variations implying that you are not brave enough to meet them, just tell them you are not stupid enough to meet them and leave it at that. These are not guys you want to have anything to do with.

****BiaTcHiNFiRe I am so sorry that happened to you, and glad you survived it.

I have been meeting people from online for a very long time. There is one mailing list I am on that has been around since the late 80's and i have met many of them, even stayed at their houses. Until recently everyone has been just as good or better as they are online and that includes guys from lit, though none were meetings for sex.

Recently though I have met a few guys from www.plentyoffish.com who have been not so good, a couple whom I could see being real scary if I were alone with them. I list my interest as friends on there, and yet I get these guys whose main interest is sex, and they try to badger you into it. Well I am one of those people that if I feel pushed I just dig in my heels.

I love sex, but only among people I know and trust and that takes time and experience with someone. I am that way even in cyber and phone. If I wanted meaningless sex I could get it with a lot less hassle than meeting people on line. Its like buying new clothes, each person should be as good as or better than what you already have ;-)

If you had 10 rules of safely meeting
 
April 24th - words of Etoile

Okay, see, here's my thing. And this is speaking as a linguist who is on the pyl side of the equation.

There is a difference between being 'submissive' and being 'a submissive.' Many people are submissive in various situations; being submissive is an adjective, a character trait. Some people are submissive all the time; this might mean that they are submissive to anybody who comes along, including doms and pseudo-doms. But some people embody submission. They are a submissive, but that doesn't mean they are always submissive. Being a submissive means being aware of the role and its responsibilities, rather than being passive and going along with everything. Being a submissive means that you know who you are, and you know what you're looking for, and you have specific interests, so you find someone you are compatible with. Being totally submissive means that you depend on someone else to tell you who you are, and what your interests are. For some people, that works - that's how they're comfortable. For others, they are only comfortable giving submission to a particular person.

Submission - love involved
 
April 26th - words of serijules

I was asked to post this here since my journal is friends only now...please note the below "post" contains details on needles and other stuff that may be squicky to some.

* * *

There was a time when I couldn't imagine loving service. I know, I know...I say that all the time, but it's TRUE. Each and every time I'm with Ma'am since becoming her slave, I discover more and more what a joy it is to serve someone. I have come to get the same joy out of doing laundry, cooking meals and serving drinks as I do of kneeling at her feet and taking her pain or enjoying her orgasms. It felt so nice to be Home, to know what was expected of me and to do those things without being asked. I failed to do two of the chores on my list and it bothers me a lot, although I know it is completely my fault for not managing my free time better. I'm glad that I recognize these things though as it gives me a chance to correct them and improve, although I still feel disappointed in myself for not recognizing them and managing them better at a more appropriate time. I do wonder if there will be punishment for this slacking as I was given ample reminders. *sighs softly and moves on*

Embracing service has also meant becoming more comfortable in accepting things as they happen and not needing to know everything. This has long been the hardest for me to accept but as Ma'am continues to push me to deeper levels of acceptance and submission, I discover levels of my ability to accept that I never recognized before, as well as another edgier feeling...terror.

It's hard to explain this as terror generally seems like a negative, even harmful word...but it isn't. Not in this context. Having no limits, no safeword...requires an intense amount of trust and faith, both of which I feel in abundance regarding Ma'am. However, along with that trust comes the realization that she may not always make the choices that I want, like or even feel good about. I TRUST her, but she still scares me, her choices still have room to terrify me.

Biting is one of those times when I feel this. She sinks her teeth into my flesh and bites. As I said in a previous post...not the gentle love nibbles that feel good and arousing, but the deep hard bloodthirsty bites of possession. The kind of bites that intend to make you bleed and even if you don't, the marks last for weeks. You can run your fingers over the site hours later and feel the impression of her teeth, the swelling of the skin and hardness of the coming bruises, the puffy redness already taking on a deep purple hue. The kind of bites that leave me screaming and sobbing and clutching to her in terror because I know no matter how much pain I am in, no matter how intensely afraid of taking that pain or how terrified of how far she will go...she won't stop until she's ready and when she DOES stop, it is usually just to find a fresh spot and start all over again.

Those kinds of bites.

Ma'am is fond of them and often has a deep look of satisfaction in her eyes when she pulls away and licks her lips. Me...I just feel the terror and the pain mingled with a hidden sense of gratitude at being chosen to suffer so greatly for her pleasure. I once commented jokingly that if Ma'am never bit me again, I wouldn't exactly complain. She wisely noted that I was not being truthful; if she decided to never bite me again, I would surely feel upset and hurt, knowing me as she does.

She's right. As much as I absolutely feel like I can barely survive the pain of her biting me like that, it is one true pain she gives me, one pure form of suffering that tests just how deeply I belong to her. I no longer beg her to stop and while I still flinch away sometimes, I do so out of instinct, not out of desire to avoid fulfilling her whim or hope that she will change her mind. I know better by now. She never changes her mind or pardons me from suffering when this whim takes her. Instead I just sob and cry and try my damnest to contain my screams.

I rarely succeed.

One night she just bit me...over and over, across my shoulders and breasts and on my stomach. She pressed a hand to my throat before she began, looking deep into my eyes and cutting off my air slowly for a moment, seeing the fear in my gaze and smiling all the wider for it. I wonder now if she saw the desire behind it as well, the wish for her to push the edge on this particular limit of sorts. It isn't really a limit in the sense that she "can't" put hands around my neck or control my breathing, but it's something that has past trauma associated with is and she has thus far chosen to not push the matter. This night she did, just a bit, and I felt my cunt spring a leak and my heart skip a beat or two in an odd mixture of terror and desire. I moaned when she pulled her hand away, overwhelmed with the desire to beg for more and equally overwhelmed with the fact that I even desired such a thing at all.

I didn't have long to ponder on it as the biting began. Each one lasted minutes, her grip growing tighter and harder the more I squirmed and cried. My eyes were nearly swollen shut from crying so hard, my nose so plugged I had to pull the gag out to breath lest I drown in my own panic. She slammed her hand into my mouth at one point, gagging me with the palm of her hand and rather than fight it, I put my hand on top of hers and held her palm as tight to my mouth as I could, screaming into her palm and sobbing, my head dizzy with fear and such an intense longing to please I could barely stand myself for taking it so badly, but couldn't find it in me to do any better.

Perhaps it was the terror.

One night Ma'am led me downstairs and ordered me to stop at the bottom and wait for her. I was stripped and blindfolded, led across the cold basement to the wooden rack table that takes up one corner and nudged to lay down. After a moments confusion and insecurity as to how she wanted me positioned, I closed my eyes more so out of comfort than necessity as the blindfold blocked out all light. I sank my teeth into the gag and waited, willing my body to relax while my heart pounded a hole in my chest, my legs spread wide. My hearing aids were out, so I couldn't hear a thing. I had no idea what toys or implements or even people were present and no idea what was in store for me.

I felt my pussy lips being played with as my legs were forced further apart and smelled the sharp scent of alcohol as my cunt lips were swabbed and cleaned. I bit my lip and moaned, struggling to stay still, trying to slow the rush of panic and fear and wonder and excitement and TERROR going on in my brain. It worked somewhat, until I felt the first needle.

At first I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt like I was being pierced, the same sensation as when I had my labia lips pierced, but the timing was off, the path of the needle different, slower. I felt what seemed like thread being pulled through my lips but it didn't sink in just yet. The needle went through the opposite side and back again, each time with the bizarre feeling of being threaded together, laced up. I struggled to keep my hips still and not move what with needles so close to my most sensitive bits, but it was hard. I don't know how well I did.

I felt the jangle of what seemed to be rings as they were flicked up and down repeatedly. I was struck by the absence of pain...when I was pierced, the pain was rather steady for awhile afterwards and suddenly I realized I had not been pierced at all, at least not in the way I had imagined. Ma'am and I both shared a desire for my cunt to be laced up like a corset with 3 or 4 sets of rings. She had gone ahead with that desire...minus the rings. My lips were laced together and topped off with a slave bell.

I had no idea if she planned to leave it that way and for a moment I was lost in thought, trying to process this realization and again, terrified at the intensity of it. I've felt owned in so many ways over the years, but nothing thus far has compared to being blindfolded, led onto a rack, having my legs spread and my cunt laced shut. No consent, no information, no warning or reassurance.

Just as it should be. Although I wouldn't have minded with a bit of warning, mind you.

Oh who am I kidding, yes I would have. It was beyound thrilling and not being in the know was the kicker. You would think by now I would realize how wise my owner is, how deep my trust in her is and not feel that terror every time the unknown happens, but I'm also starting to realize that I love the feeling, it makes me feel alive and owned with such a purity. PROPERTY.

The purple slave bell hangs on my keychain now and every time I feel it jangle in my hands, I'm reminded of the feeling of it jingling between my legs and I feel my cunt slicken with desire. I felt like crying when she cut the string that laced me shut.

Did I mention how much I love belonging to this woman?

They covered me up and settled me down a bit, stroking my hair and running hands across my body. I thought we were finished, feeling heavy from all the emotions I had run through in the past hour but seems the fun was not over just yet. The needles came back out, and M gave Ma'am a lesson in needleplay with my breasts now being the center of attention. The fear bubbled up all over again, despite what I'd just experienced and having more than survived it, I still was unsure of the needles. Being subjected to something unknown and trying to process and understand it is a whole different experience than watching your flesh being prepped and pierced, seeing the blood flow and the needles played with. That's just what happened too....first M showing Ma'am how to choose, clean and insert the needles, then Ma'am doing it herself on the other breast. I was very surprised at the low intensity of the pain...if anything, it was erotic, not the uncomfortable, sickening stab I usually associate with needles.

And the blood...oh my the blood. It's amazing to watch a droplet of blood form, seeing Ma'am eye it lustfully and smile evilly, flicking the needles no doubt hoping to increase the teasing nearly nonexistent flow. It felt wonderfully erotic and oddly relaxing. A shiver as the alcohol swabbed the area once, then a second time, her breath chilling the area as it dried. A whimper as her fingers chose their target and pinched, testing the elasticity of my flesh. A deep breath in as the needle settled in place one one side and slipped out neatly on the other, my breath slipping out between my lips in time with it, nice mounds of flesh decorated with a sliver of needle and a droplet or two of blood at times. Floss laced the needles together, forming a crude corset decorated with jingling slave bells as Ma'am played with her newfound toys.

Fucking amazing.

And finally, there is a different kind of terror. The kind when you realize you've gone too far, said too much and can't take it back. The kind that forces a lesson into your head so hard and fast it makes you dizzy.

I was sitting at her feet during our last few moments together, complaining about my hair. My hair is long, about to my bra line...and while I like it long, it drives me nuts at times too. It gets in my face, it tangles up and I just generally have a bad habit of complaining about being required to keep it long, even though I know deep down if I were allowed to cut it, I wouldn't. I was casually complaining about this yet again for some reason I can't recall (it was probably in my face) and Ma'am gave me a long look and ordered me to get the scissors. It hit me like a brick as she looked at me, dead serious. She was going to cut my hair, her leash, her pony mane, her grip to pull my face into position before she slapped me. Despite my complaints, I loved being required to keep my hair long, and I had just walked myself into deep trouble.

I quietly stammered that I had given the shears to C the night before and she made a noise and shook her head in annoyance, digging around in her desk drawer for a pair of scissors before loosing interest in the prospect and moving on to another subject.

I know my Owner. If she had found a pair of shears while the idea to punish me still interested her, I have no doubt my hair would have been cut.

Close fucking call. I highly doubt you will ever hear me complain about my hair again.

Was asked to share...
 
April 27th - words of serijules

The thing is though, you are not JUST D/s. You are parents. You are neighbors, brothers, sisters, co-workers, daughters, sons, friends, etc. All of those things are a part of your life too. The only way you could really be "yourselves" without having to make adjustments where those other roles are concerned is to either not be them anymore (in other words, live a fantasy life) or have no respect for the other important people in your life, which I'm sure you don't want to do.

There are outlets available for being "yourself" without worry. Places where family, friends, kids, co-workers, etc are not around. Check out some local clubs and munches and groups. Look to meet people in your area you can socialize with that share your interests. You take advantage of those times to be yourself with no restraints and balance the rest of the times by being realistic and adapting.

I only get to be fully the slave I am...naked, collared, extremely submissive, full of marks and bruises...when Ma'am and I have her house to ourselves when I visit. When the kids are around, or her other subs vanilla partner is a part of our outtings together, I am still her slave. I just am not naked and kneeling at her feet. It doesn't mean I am not being myself when I cannot do these things. Being submissive or being a slave has little to do with being naked and showing marks and crawling around on the floor. The emotional and respectful parts of D/s are always there. It's just the physical stuff you have to adjust.

The "all the time" you are seeking comes from your heart, not your knees.

How do you cope?
 
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