"To keep the review thread clean..."

[pointless]

umm, thanks for the mention and for making my typo plainly visible to me. ugh, that's horrible.

 

[LeBroz]

umm, thanks for the mention and for making my typo plainly visible to me. ugh, that's horrible.

Don't know what typo you're referring to unless you meant to say throw instead of threw. Just was quoting that last stanza as a way of showing how you convey that downer or rather a bit of a depressed mood. Didn't want to explicitly identify the mood so I left that part unmentioned in the hope other readers would go through the whole poem and find that feeling for themselves.
.
.
.
.

 

[Guest]

Poof!
Twas' magically delicious.

 

[Under_Sun]

thanks for noticing my little poems and for taking the time to read and mention them.

and, oh my!

2 new poets in one day who should be read.

please do read I thought I saw you tonight at Threadgills and His Beard by Under_Sun

go read them.

(and welcome to you, too).

 

[kittyblack]

hee hee hee!!!

*EDIT* DOH! this is a reply for vampiredust!

you ARE reading something from my journal!!!
im not a poet, i just write stuff that sometimes seems like poetry to
me &, since im a nympho, i pretty much consider everything erotic.


as for the title, its not a title, i dont really have titles,
thats actually just part of the first line.
it asked for a title & i OOPS wrote that in the subject
part & then didnt want to fuck with it to edit it later.
& youre right, it is very cliche but eh so are a lot of things!

i so appreciate the feedback!
its always nice to get a response!
thank you!

 

[kittyblack]

in response to the rain man:

thank you for the welcome!!
im glad you liked it!


there are (were) REALLY giant plaster t-rexes in irish hills!!!!!!
(irish hills is a tourist trap type place a couple hrs drive from me)
& every spring, i get obsessed with wanting to take E (rolling) & going to fuck around there.
guess im too late tho as someone (here btw) informed me
that theyre gone gone GONE!!!
*cries*

 

[Tzara]

Ah, Ms. Smut. You embarrass me.

Thanks.

 

[Guest]

Poof!
Twas' magically delicious.

 

[vampiredust]

Poetry Superhighway are holding a poetry e-book free-for-all on May 1st

A bunch of free poetry books will be available to download that day

If you have one that you'd like to share, visit the page and upload it (make sure it's in PDF format and under 1mb in size)

Check it out everyone, it's going to be great

Christian

 

[Rybka]

Just a note . . .

Just a note to mention how happy I am to see so much growth in the ability of a lot of our longer-term Lit. members. ~ I no longer log onto Lit. very often, but a special friend of mine asked me to look at a certain poem and give my thoughts. Having done that, and being here, I read today's New Poems criticism as well. Here are my thoughts on that.

~*~

WSO, you have not only matured in your writing, but I am very glad to see that you now have enough 'self-belief' and confidence to be able to share frankly what you have learned with others! ~ Note to new poets: Accept or reject suggestions form other poets as you will, but NEVER close your mind to it. Growth is a continuing function, or at least should be.

To other long term Lit poets, I also enjoy seeing your talant and style evolving. ~ Perhaps among the the most rapidly evolved is Art. MET, when you first came here you couldn't even spell, nevermind folow metre or rhyme. You have grown greatly and I now look forward to your new contributions.

PAX, Rybka

 

[darkerdreamer]

Spinner:

Streets by JCSTREET​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.


32 new poems up today. let's see what we've got.

first up the E for today goes to Intimacy by returning writer, new to poetry yessirshesaid . The first of three by this poet posted today. i like this poem. it just has 'that something' about it. i've got mixed feelings if i like the static-y sound of the read due to the amount of periods. i'm leaning towards that sound not quite fitting with the waking in the morning feel i expected after seeing the languorous stretch. i pondered the gap on the last line, between 'morning' and 'hours' - i like it. i think to improve, i'd suggest to the poet to try changing the punctuation and to see if they could achieve slightly better flow. i'd also take a look at some of the cliche type phrases - 'your scent on the pillow and wrapped around me'... just a slight tweaking might make this unique. Check out this poet's And Yet, You Stay and Wish for Rain . (in And Yet, You Stay - stanza 3, line 2 i think should say 'be aware'. Welcome to Literotica! and congratulations on your E, though i have no idea what the requirements are to achieve the E.

I... When he... by new poetMissDee . i quite like the format of this poem. i think the words have potential... i'd like to see some poetic use of language as the poem reads almost like a list to me. i'd rework this line 'I close my eyes no words can describe.' as to me it doesn't quite make sense. i hope something in what i've said is helpful. welcome to Literotica.

YOU MUST READ THIS POET:Comfort and Need and Period by new poet bimdee . i love the poetic language in both these poems. (i note only one poem allows PCs but i have linked both here as they are definite MUST READs for our Poetry Forum. there are so many wonderful lines in Comfort and Need that i can't choose one specific one to share. okay, here's an example 'The nosy rain outside presses against the window: voyeur. ' what? the rain is a voyeur! or... 'She turns her breasts into a protest and he meets them, quiets them,' fantastic! okay... improvements? just double check typos i.e. stanza 2, line 1 'Hr' should be 'Her'. and... please write more, lots more and don't forget to share them here! welcome to Literotica.

A Likely Story by BOSTONFICTIONWRITER had me giggling and gave me MUCH food for thought. Definitely worth a read! to improve, i'd suggest looking at the punctuation. a couple of places could have done without commas and other places could have done with periods and maybe a question mark. i liked this poem very much. Keep It All In The Family another funny poem that had my mind racing to keep up. suggestion for improvement here - stanza 4 had me stumbling in the read. i think it's lines 3 and 4 that caught me. maybe a slight rewording...?

The Chilling Birth of an Emperor by My Erotic Trail another great poem! normally i cringe at rhyme poetry but this one works particularly well. i also like how the alliteration dragged me in right from line 1. awesome. i particularly like the use of the word 'arctic'. well done. to improve... i would suggest looking at the use of commas, there are one or two places where i would add one in, i.e. maybe after 'snow' in stanza 1, line 2.

Morning Pink by new poet Lillygirlx0x0 . good rhyme, good meter. and there's impact with the last line. to improve? i think i'd suggest to the poet to try stretching some poetic muscle... add a little poetry into the language. good start though. welcome to Literotica.

blonde like me by RisiaSkye . interesting poem and format. my favourite image 'I wrap my strands, in notes of wheat, honey and chamomile'. to improve... i'm not sure and could be wrong, but i think the last few lines have less impact that the rest of the poem. maybe giving them a bit more oomph? Haze has nice imagery. nice poetic language. to improve, i'd look at punctuation and line endings, keeping in mind that the last word on each line contains a measure of impact that might be wasted if not used well.

Least of All by Curiouswife . i like this poem but am left wondering where it is set. where is 'here'? no apostrophe after 't' in shouldn't.

word whore by Under_Sun and interesting poem but the repetition distracts me rather than enhances the poem in my opinion. i'd take some of it out and see if that improves the flow of the read.

Tongue Tied by bluerains i like this poem for some of the images it gives me to conjure... eg 'drop me down bare back in soft meadow folds'. there are some lines that i feel would be enhanced with a little more filling out, a little more information. i think the find line of too much info and too little info has not quite been stepped across in this poem. i want to know more, to have more details my mind can grasp.

Night Watches the Shadows by new poet Raven666z interesting poem. i like the idea of Night being a vampire, or the vampire being Night. i was a little distracted by the repetition of the first line in each stanza and wonder if the poem would be improved by limiting the amount of repetition. interesting first poem, welcome to Literotica.

All my senses by new poet Ella_79 . to me this submission reads more like prose, and i think not quite prose poetry - but i don't know enough about this form to comment. if anyone has some thoughts, please share them.

For You by SFbayGuy nice poem. i like this image 'Thinking of your lips, That taste just like tears.' it uses sight and taste, and the tears bring in salt which in a sense brings in smell too. well done. i think the rest of the poem would benefit from using a little more poetic language as an alternative to the cliches that have slipped in, i.e. 'Seconds hang heavily'.

Welcome Home by princapessa07 . i didn't like this poem. it's not my kind of poetry. it doesn't feel like poetry to me. three words on every line for 52 lines with every line a sentence. Other readers should read this for themselves and please comment if it's your thing. I Didn't Mean to Break Your Heart is closer to my preferred poetry style. a suggestion of improvement would be to look at each of the five times the poet has used the word 'this' and to reword to eliminate their usage - in the rewording it would be interesting to see the different language that comes out. Thanks for sharing your poetry and welcome to the Poetry Forum, if you come along.

Last Night by new poet floridagirl74 nice poem. i like that the rhyme scheme seems consistent. to improve i'd suggest using punctuation. Welcome to Literotica!

It's Not Because by vixen_2006 has left me wondering just what it is because... a good feat to achieve - me thinking in four lines. hmm i'd suggest that an improvement here could be to fill out the poem a little, let me know what it is because of... and what the 'not' refers to. i'm a reader and would like to know. My secret pain shows promise as there is more for me to understand. to improve here, i would suggest checking the punctuation, and to look at the last word in each line and check that that word is the best possible word that could be used to give good impact.

Notitle!!! by kittieblack . an interesting read. i personally don't like textspeak, but the few times it was used here were apt. i'd like to see this poem presented differently. perhaps italicising the asides and using space a little better. to me presented this way, the poem doesn't flow smoothly as i read - but i like what it's saying so feel that it's worth spending more time in the editing stage.

Hey by new poet lukeleloi i like the impact of this: 'He’s ugly; She forgives him. ' to improve, i'd suggest altering the line about the argyle socks - they're not the first thing she notices as she's already seen his nose. also, he is walking from the alleyway to the barroom, but the poem says that's the way she lives. there is just some slight rewording needing to be looked at. otherwise, very interesting poem.

check out the poems by 7thSpade and see what you think. i don't mind radical or quirky, but can't seem to see past the capitals to be able to read the poem. perhaps someone else might be able to?

Blue Skies by Savannah Skye i like the images this conjures up but would like to see more concrete imagery. also, what can be heard (Line 5)?

Odd little haikus by blondieB90 . these are not haiku as i have learnt them, however they are haiku as the poet has written them. i think i'd prefer to see them extended into free verse, to give them some poetic language and note the differences.


To his Young Girlfriend by new to poetry AnonandAnon i like this poem. i like the imagery, i like the story being told. the only thing i think i would look at would be the initial line capitals - are they all necessary? if you come here, Welcome




Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

This was such a fantastic review, insightful and led me to several poems I missed in my daily scan. Thank you WS1 for your thoroughness and obvious love for the art, I adore your reviews.

(edit: I meant to mention I enjoy the no-bullshit attitude, you call them like you see them and give quality criticism. I could point to numerous times you have pointed out errors my internal-editor missed.)

 

[Raven666z]

New Poems

Thanks Wild for mentioning my poem 'Night Watches the Shadows'. It's the first poem I've written, on a whim actually. I write horror mostly, but I am very interested in the erotic genre also. I've written a few erotic/horror stories for other sites and have gotten great reviews. I'll post one soon here for you all to comment on. This site feels right, I think I'll be here awhile.

 

[WickedEve]

This was such a fantastic review, insightful and led me to several poems I missed in my daily scan. Thank you WS1 for your thoroughness and obvious love for the art, I adore your reviews.

(edit: I meant to mention I enjoy the no-bullshit attitude, you call them like you see them and give quality criticism. I could point to numerous times you have pointed out errors my internal-editor missed.)

I just read the review and wanted to let WSO know what I thought. I see you've already done so. WSO, what darkdreamer said.

 

[Ella_79]

Short Story / Poem

Spinner:

All my senses by new poet Ella_79 . to me this submission reads more like prose, and i think not quite prose poetry - but i don't know enough about this form to comment. if anyone has some thoughts, please share them.

Thank you for mentioning my poem/story. As you mentioned i'm new here to Literotica and most of my writings I consider "short stories". I was originally looking to post this first one as a story but i read that "We do not currently accept submissions under 750 words." Which only left me to post it as a poem.

If anyone has any ideas on how I can post as a short story please let me know.

Thanks

 

[wildsweetone]

...

~*~

WSO, you have not only matured in your writing, but I am very glad to see that you now have enough 'self-belief' and confidence to be able to share frankly what you have learned with others! ~ Note to new poets: Accept or reject suggestions form other poets as you will, but NEVER close your mind to it. Growth is a continuing function, or at least should be.
...

PAX, Rybka

This was such a fantastic review, insightful and led me to several poems I missed in my daily scan. Thank you WS1 for your thoroughness and obvious love for the art, I adore your reviews.

(edit: I meant to mention I enjoy the no-bullshit attitude, you call them like you see them and give quality criticism. I could point to numerous times you have pointed out errors my internal-editor missed.)

I just read the review and wanted to let WSO know what I thought. I see you've already done so. WSO, what darkdreamer said.

and to the PMs and emails i've received...


thanks for letting me know your thoughts. i'm glad to have the time at the moment to be able to help.


(it would be handy to have 10 or 20 poems less each week to review though. lol)

Thank you for mentioning my poem/story. As you mentioned i'm new here to Literotica and most of my writings I consider "short stories". I was originally looking to post this first one as a story but i read that "We do not currently accept submissions under 750 words." Which only left me to post it as a poem.

If anyone has any ideas on how I can post as a short story please let me know.

Thanks

i did a series of short stories a while back (before The Snippettsville Group). i put them together as one submission and they were posted. it was years ago, so i'm not sure if that would still be allowed. you could always give it a try.

or, alternatively. turn your writings into something longer by adding a little more depth in the way of characters or plot. if you wrote 'All My Senses' in third person point of view and added a little more to the setting, you'd have the extra 456 words you need to publish this one as a story. 456 words sounds a lot, but it will fill quickly. eg there are 98 words in your last paragraph... five more paragraphs and you'll be over the minimum count. easy peasy.

 

[Curiouswife]

Thank you for the review today, vampiredust. The poem is an intimate one and was written about a young friend who is dying.

I appreciate all the comments from readers, especially from those who shared their own experiences.

Wildsweetone, thank you for your suggestions from the other day. My life is crazy busy and I don't get on here everyday, but I do read all of the comments eventually.

-Curiouswife

 

[Eluard]

The Tuesday Review

10/4/07

9 new poems up today

My picks:

We Meet in Venice by Eluard

Excerpt:

Unreel yourself back in time to this masquerade with ice cream,
This drug and perfume map of our meeting,
Masked, in a back alley, your best taffeta frock lifted high

I enjoyed reading this poem. The poet has captured the beauty of Venice and fused it with a charged sensuality. Sharp, concise imagery with a good use of the senses has helped to create a vivid scene. Loved the image of This drug and perfume map, The mouth of Tiziano has kissed each of these bridges,

I read that metaphor on so many levels, v well done

A lovely piece of erotic poetry

Thanks so much, V, that's really nice of you to say!

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Thank you, unapolpgetic, for mentioning Seaspring and thanks to all who left a comment and/or voted.

 

[Hunny_Buns]

Hey thanks for mentioning me! I will definitly take your suggestions to heart when I write future poems!

 

[duckiesmut]

Good morning, poets.

No poems have arrived this morning as of yet.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Thank you LeBroz for reviewing my poem The Gatekeeper. Considering the high quality of your poems, I found your comment on word choice quite flattering.

Thanks as well to WickedEve for the PCs.

 

[champagne1982]

Thanks to all who've stopped and read Raise My Hand. I really was stunned when I read that KV had died, yesterday. The world has lost a champion of humanity that unfortunately, I will never get to sit down with and talk about Wheaties and Kilgore Trout.

Much thanks to the kind gentleman who pointed out an easily repaired reference in S2. The edit has been submitted and I hope the new version will smooth the jarring disconnect in that strophe and make my poem worth the E choice it's received.

 

[Unbridled_Passion]

ooops...

 

[Guest]

.........

 

[Catytheghost]

Reveiw on Ghost

Thank you for the review I never force a poem or story.I let the characters or the words flow out. Im not sure if what I call poems realy are specicaly some of the others I plan on posting.

Caty