"To keep the review thread clean..."

[Bill Dada]

Thanks

Thanks Vamp and Tristesse 2 for mentioning my stuff on the Review thread and for saying such nice things about them. Also a big thanks to Unbridled Passion, Ubu and Wicked Eve for your very kind comments.

 

[normal jean]

WickedEve and Angeline

you guys are so sweet to me. I appreciate your attention more than either of you can ever know.

people are scared of my poetry...I guess....never have gotten much in the way of comments on my stuff, except a few have gotten lucky sometimes.


The poem is about the Saluda river. It flows into Lake Murray which is a man made lake resulting from the construction of the Lake Murray Dam in Irmo SC.

She comes out slow and lonely, green and swirliing
until SCANA needs to boost electrical output
and the river rises
ten feet in a matter of minutes.

it feels like a sacred place.




The line, I sit beside her and drink her in...well, that is so worn out, I cant believe I actully typed it without gagging...


I wrote the poem after reading unapologetic's Suicide thread. It is a suicide poem. Ithink about it when I sit there, and realize, the river doesnt care, jump in, drown die, she will flow to the ocean and leave me...( she escorts me wet and swollen ---bloated-dead decaying)

I promise I will fix it before journals start beating my door down begging me for it

 

[WickedEve]

people are scared of my poetry...

Reading your poetry caused me to hallucinate.
It was a little scary.
I think it made me a little itchy, too.
And the voices...

 

[normal jean]

well, I did see some poison oak out there today

youre so silly!


thanks for the smile, I needed it

 

[skittles_lm]

skittles_lm, has given us another good piece with untitled.

thanks for the mention... I have to second ozy on the poem by colddiesel... even if the way he said it kind of hurt my feelings! *pout*

 

[TMV]

I'm sorry to reply of so late.

But I have been off the net for almost a year now and this is the first I've had time to view your comments on my poems. To this, I will give substance.

Replies to Challenge submission: "Empire"

duddle 146: I have read your comment on "Empire" and I'm confused. This poem is "organized". It is one in which I tried brutally to give "focus" and effervescence to. I think it is quite clear that I was speaking of the birds rising first thing in the morning and how at that period in time, they rule thier "Empire" Earth. Nothing mentioned in frustration or anger.


Lebroz: You boggle me sir. Writing without punctuation is not redundant. I have read many poems of the great and near great, and strangely..., they haven't refused punctuation. Creativity is not just throwing paint upon the canvas and taking what it gives you as "ART". If punctuation in a poem disturbs you, might I then ask what you do in your letters and emails? (Non-rhetorical) An artist and poet as well, uses every form of writing as a part of his work. No painter has ever refused any tool to make his work. I refer you to the fact that some even use trash.


Champagne: I see that you quite well understand what I said in my words. You are one of the few reasons that I do write poetry. God knows, it'll never be to make money, and the way I write, harder to make friends. But then again, I don't think Angels rule, remember what we were given according to the author's of the bible. We will be given the domain to rule over the Angel's. And yet, they still help us without any qualms.


Wildsweetone: Again the abhorance of punctuation. You know I have nothing but praise for you. But as to punctuation tearing a poem to peices (I know you didn't say that, but it is the impression I get with comments like these) Instead of period meaning "stop", it has other uses as well. I am bearing on the thought that maybe sometimes people would like a chance to slow down and think things out. I am not the cleanest writer here, but I do wiegh myself heavily on the many different powers of a single word. And I get the feeling that some here are confined to a single form of word interpretation. Is there a single species of flower in the world? Just one frangrance to breath as we walk down the street? Give the power of poetry more credit than that. You can bend..., just don't break.


Bedtime Storyteller: There is no way on earth that one can please everybody. And there is no way that I can understand and confer with everbody without, giving up an intricate and elegant portion of my own psyche. But then there is nothing wrong with questions from a poem. And if you would check some of the more memorable poet's in history, I would think you might find many places where they didn't consecutively rhyme in every stanza. Being one of my more straightforward of poem's, but I don't depend on people having the grasp to read my work. What I look to do is allow themselves to feel the words in their hearts and soul's. BTW, there is a structure of poetry that does not depend on rhymes. It's called "Free-verse".


annaswirls: How greatly you comment on my work in your challenge! "Futuristic"....., I do so want to tell you that it is what I strive for, but it's not. What I am working with is that art is always in flux, and poetry has been very slack in this regard. I just want to be..., forward thinking, and I do follow previous art from some of the more obscure writers. And like I will always say. My greatest inspiration is Jimi Hendrix. And I'm not talking about his lyrics in his music, He wrote a "theme", I guess you would call it, while flying over Denver and it was printed on one of his album covers, inside the fold-over. And something like that struck me, deep and hard! It was power to me, a power of words the likes of which was foreign, yet a flavor of life that I wished to suckle upon. He tantalized me with "Third Stone From The Sun" and then recruited me with his thoughts of another planet and they way they might think all so differently there. And he also slipped in a bit of ancient Egypt. Thinking in terms of another species of the universe...., How can a person change the way they think?

 

[TheRainMan]

. . . remember what we were given according to the author's of the bible. We will be given the domain to rule over the Angel's And yet . . .

i see you're still using apostrophes on plurals.

speaking of punctuation, perhaps you should be studying up on that punctuation, eh, old bean?

 

[wildsweetone]

Wildsweetone: Again the abhorance of punctuation. You know I have nothing but praise for you. But as to punctuation tearing a poem to peices (I know you didn't say that, but it is the impression I get with comments like these) Instead of period meaning "stop", it has other uses as well. I am bearing on the thought that maybe sometimes people would like a chance to slow down and think things out. I am not the cleanest writer here, but I do wiegh myself heavily on the many different powers of a single word. And I get the feeling that some here are confined to a single form of word interpretation. Is there a single species of flower in the world? Just one frangrance to breath as we walk down the street? Give the power of poetry more credit than that. You can bend..., just don't break.

i'm not sure which review you're talking about here, but i would be interested... usually i mention punctuation because when mixed punctuation, or sometimes no punctuation is used i find it difficult to read a poem smoothly - perhaps that's my shortcoming and not the poets, but still, if it hassles me, then it will hassle inexperienced readers too - perhaps.

and for the record... i enjoy the freedom of creating that you show and encourage... for me it helps me to learn to jump the self imposed boundaries that i often forget are there, and i do so love jumping boundaries.



edited to add... it takes a lot to pass the dogma. but what is written has to make some kind of ultimate sense otherwise it becomes babble, or dribble and is impossible for me (particularly) to make sense of - so it becomes meaningless. and i do like meaning in what i'm reading.

 

[TMV]

Hello, Rainman, I'm Back.

i see you're still using apostrophes on plurals.

speaking of punctuation, perhaps you should be studying up on that punctuation, eh, old bean?

When I was in school old bean, I was taught that apostrophies are to be used for plural usage. I do at least understanfdd that there are those who weren't taught as I was. And just maybe the emphasis isn't supposed to be on punctuation as you all seem so hung up about. Why is it so hard for people to focus on the words, as a primary focus and allow that punctuation is just the brush with which I paint.

wildsweetone-I'm sorry that it harms my poetry for you. And I don't think that it will for newbies. But I find that the lack of punctuation and the structure of the line breaks at certain mid-sentence stanza's, to be diruptive to me. It causes me to lose the rhythm of the poem. And since it is, that there are such a wide variety of poem's that have made it to noteworthy status. Maybe sometimes you have to journey beyond your own limitations and see where I might be going with this.

 

[TMV]

And now again, I have a lot of catching up to do!

On this reply, I would like to thank the marvelous comments I recieved on "Slow". I will admit, this one I didn't really think would net this kind of response! Thank you ALL!

duddle146: Again you comment on my poem. I need to thank you for at least showing some heart-felt interest!"Exquisite"...., ooooohh, I get goosebumps! I'm happy that you liked it so much!


Saucyminx: And thank you for giving a small part of your time and making such a fine comment!


wildsweetone: And I do remember your comment. An "odd use of ellipses", I am intrigued with what you expect in a poem. but it is a nice cooment, fllowed with, "it makes interedting reading" and "I look forward to reading more of your poetry." TO you I give thanks for forgiving my mistake and for reading my work. I've submitted a new one. Every bit as intersting than the last. Oh wait, you've already seen it !

 

[LittleJade]

Here are the ones that caught my eye:

Reocurring Dream [sic] by brand new poet mysticstranger is a bit wordy, and there is some inconsistency with the capitalization of the word "I", but there is something here.

skittles_lm, has given us another good piece with untitled.

Newer poet LittleJade gave us a powerful piece with Sacrilege.

Finally, I found Thehiddenredhead's piece Marks was wonderfully erotic.

See ya next week, kiddies.

Thank you- though I'm not new... I was around as Ms_Lilith and Infernal_Contessa before this.

 

[normal jean]

about my name...



my name is Julie

 

[TMV]

Well.............

Nice to see you once again Maria...., I remember when last we chatted! Now I see that you have the same misunderstandings that I do. It isn't really all it seems to be. How have things been going since I saw your last post and made mine for nearly a year ago?


BTW, I'm the The Mystery Valiant! And once again, Hello!

 

[normal jean]

one more thing..

a huge Thank You to everyone who read my recent poem, downing her.

Tristess and Chris, thanks for mentioning, I got lucky, getting 2 wonderful reviews on one little poem.

Angeline, WickedEve, Bluerains, skittles and Champagne1982

thanks to you for your feedback and encouragement.

's and 's

xoxoxo

NJ

 

[TheRainMan]

When I was in school old bean, I was taught that apostrophies are to be used for plural usage . . .

where'd you go to school, Oz?

 

[TMV]

My a personal inquiry?

I went to many schools as I and my family moved often, but I generally spent my years here in the Denver Metro Area, in other hamlets that make up the suburbs of the million plus city. Which is kind of reminiscent of my time in New Jersey in my 20's. When I spoke with the residents there about my home town..., they asked quite sincerely, "How do you get across the desert?" I almost pissed myself laughing. I told them that there is no desert, just miles and miles of flowing wheat-fields. I don't know if they believed me. They seemed rather jaded.

 

[ramonathompson]

As I said earlier, there are 40 or so, new poems for Friday, May 25, 2007. The poems mentioned here were ones that grabbed my particular attention and that I felt could be of particular interest to you poetry reading Litizens out there. Please remember that anything offered in critique in this post is of my opinion only, the poets are free to accept or refuse any offering I may have given.

Interrupted by jessy19 is a poem with the promise of being a really fine piece. I think you should read and comment with an eye to helping her realize the work's full potential. jessy19 has been submitting to Literotica for over 4 years and is a popular prose writer with a substantial list of poems on her personal story index. This poem is a pretty good one to start the reading with.

SoftlyWhisper offers a really pretty word landscape of the Black Hills of South Dakota. Through including a bit of variation in line length the rhymes start to flow into speech a little less obviously, I'd like to see different breaks that de-emphasize the rhyme even further. I know how hard that can be to accomplish though, but sometimes a little work carries huge dividends. It's a lovely poem and worth the moment it takes to read.

My pick of the day:
Oh, what a wonderful surprise and gift I've been given. Tristesse2, one of my favourite Lit Poets (and yes, she's out there in the real world of poetry, too), treats us to a superb jazz poem and sets it in the heart of pre-flooded New Orleans. The Ghosts of Storyville [redux] is a poem with the same bluesy riffs that many of the artists she features in the poem once used to explore sound and rhythm, you can hear it in phrases like:
that Morton wrote before
he blew town
spices the air
still not making much sense.
and then there's the alliteration that sounds like she's singing scat to some great bass beats in the back:
his hanky stark
against his big, black face;
he and Batch never were
After reading this poem, I'm gonna go back and read it again. This time with a bit of whiskey and a cigar burning in an ashtray (not for me to smoke sillies! Just to get that smokey bar smell). You should give it a moment too.

Something different on the lists. ramonathompson shares a lyric with her It Ain't Gonna Be Me submission. It's catchy and shares a universal theme with so many songs, but I'd still like to hear it. Lyrics don't need to avoid cliche, they are designed to get a response that is heightened by combining them with music. Check it out and see if you'd like to listen to the song too.

Don't let the title put you off of reading iqespresso's Small Clit Girls. It's a straightforward poem that uses earthy language to bring us a vignette full of humour and realistic frustrations that are shared with more people than only the girls he glorifies in his title. You'll be chuckling at the end, it's worth the moment.

UnderYourSpell writes poems not always to my taste, with too much rhyme and in being too metrical for some of the subjects in her poems, this time her techniques all work. A big One! explores all of the aspects that the title implies with a gentle humour and absolutely no vulgarity. It's wicked and funny and not disappointing in the least.

Think you're ready for summer? hmmnmm volunteers a little pep talk in A Summer Snapshot. I think the second, more poemishly formatted, half of the poem is much better than the first prose-style block of the opening strophe. Go read and let Tihmmnmm know what you think.

3spirited1 has a healthy number of poems on the list from Friday. peer pressure is a pretty fine poem that explores the type of insecurities everyone has as new situations present themselves for judgement. It's the best effort by this author, I think.

In the spirit of submitting many poems on the same day, Ds Padawan keeps the faith. However, this poem My Trespasses, even though its rhyme and structure are slightly off-putting, carries a treasure at the end. Read through and understand the story, then decide for yourselves. I think this is a very good poem that with some kind attention could develop into something even better.

Don't hesitate to go to read, vote and comment everyone. It is far more encouraging to gain notice than to feel you're being ignored out there. Have a great Saturday and my apologies for missing yesterday. I hope this makes up for it.

*smile*

Thanks for the mention about my song/poem It Ain't Gonna Be Me. I do hope to later record the song along with some of my others. Anyone who wishes to may pm me on the site and I will let you know as soon as I have my new recordings up.

Thanks again and all the best,

Ramona T

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I'm blown away and very grateful for all the kind comments left for Rufous. My thanks to, to Rybka and Champagne for mentioning it in the New Poems thread.

 

[normal jean]

hey Tess,
Rufous is an exceptional poem, I put it in my faves



NJ

 

[TMV]

And Maria..., How disappointing.

But then human nature always gives us away doesn't it.

 

[normal jean]

But then human nature always gives us away doesn't it.

nevermind....it isn't worth the time

 

[TMV]

Sorry to have hurt you.

Please restrict comments to poems under discussion or those recommended in the new poems thread. Thank you.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Dude, you wouldn't be able to one-up-man the worm.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

nevermind....it isn't worth the time

NJ I think he lubs you.

 

[TMV]

And now, bacjk to the business at hand.

There are many people who have made kind and gracious comments on my poem's. Three of the most frequent have been, "My Erotic Tail", "LeBroz" and "duddle146". Thanx ever so much. Also a few that have shown some rather dubious qualities when tested earlier. But still they made some nice comments, although Champagne has tainted her last remark on my newest work. "Sly was the Dawg". I fully understand what I give in my poetry, and still I understand even more that, so much has been made of the nature of my poetry being "non-sensical". But then I have my supporters and I have my detractors. And it was my intention to find the hidden nature of those around me. And being the nature of that poem..., it served to give me solace.