"To keep the review thread clean..."

[TMV]

Maybe I shouldn't

Dude, you wouldn't be able to one-up-man the worm.

And still..., I really have some mean and cruel things I might say. But I won't, I needn't. How am I supposed to give you your solace? Concede that you're are my Overseer? Like a rich person and the money he seeks, even all the money in the world would not satisfy him/her. I can say any number of things and still it's like red before the bull. Any chance to charge. Is self-intropection such a violent illness?

Sit back and read the poem's. Maybe one might cause an epiphany.

 

[normal jean]

NJ I think he lubs you.

Tess!! oh my, that gave me a weird image in my mind's eye, time to go poke it out

 

[TMV]

Please use this thread to refer to poems recommended in the new poems thread. Thank you.

 

[The_Fool]

If I roll over on my back I wonder if Tess or Jean will rub my belly...

 

[normal jean]

If I roll over on my back I wonder if Tess or Jean will rub my belly...

yeah, I will!!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Sit back and read the poem's.

Sit back and read the poem's what? Finish the sentence!

 

[TMV]

Bait and switch........

 

[bluerains]

Thank you Istat!

For the mention ...This Instant was a difficult emotive thought process ..to find words for...dealing with dissillusion and mostly disappointment and its jaded
facets of faith breaks...in another ...to move forward would be a better pen...
if and when ....will be the question I ponder ...take care...blue

 

[UnderYourSpell]

my choice for your taste buds today, two Sonnets from Shakespeare:

LXXIII.

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.


and

CXXX.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.



something to strive for, perhaps.

======================================================
this review contains some constructive criticism that is intended to help some poets with their writing. there is a limitation on the use of smilies in posts on Literotica and therefore i am unable to include what i would like. my intention is to encourage and help by giving suggestions to poets.



13 new poems for us today. let's see what's here.

Non-Erotic Submissions

Waiting by UnderYourSpell . no matter if this poem is still very close to the poet's heart (if it is a true poem, you have my sympathy and prayers), to me as a reviewer i am looking for what i like and what can be improved. i like the succinct wording of this poem, i like the alliteration and assonance. i love the line end choices. all excellent. for improvement, i'd suggest lower case capital for the word 'Yours' - but to be frank with you, the capital is growing on me. well written. thanks for sharing this poem.

Goldeniangel has 7 submissions today. my choices are Safe, Ocean Blue, Close, and a pantoum called The Last Night. i like your poetry, the messages you are getting across to me as a reader. however as a suggestion for improvement, i would like to see more concrete imagery, and correct, consistent capitalisation of the 'I'.

Flight of the Cosmic Tractor by impulse. - unfortunately personal comments are not open on this submission, which is a pity because i'd like to have commented.

Erotic Submissions
It it it forever by arwenloves. to improve this poem, i'd suggest the poet looks at consistent punctuation to help the reader read more smoothly.

a first poetry submission by Teddybearsubmissive called My Submission. i think to improve this poem, i would suggest the poet look at punctuation and also word choice. to me this poem reads just a little bit 'flat' and i'd like some exotic or erotic word choices to tempt or tease the reader so the reader can become part of the experience of the lyrical subject.

The wanton lover by new poet lil_temptress. to improve this poem, i'd suggest correcting the spelling errors and looking at punctuation. are the initial beginning capitals on each line, necessary? welcome to Literotica.

Naked on my Bed by AnaLeePleasured . i think the best part of this poem is in the hint of the last two lines... i say it's the best because it makes me (the reader) think. to improve the poem i'd suggest to the poet to have a look at some phrases, some unusual ways of saying the things that are said here and to try them out on this poem. perhaps drop the 'list' sound of 'then'. is there any reason rhyme was used? perhaps you might like to try writing in free verse?

Please note that these are my opinions on poems. It is up to you as a reader and/or writer to form your own. Go read, go comment and keep writing!

I did wonder about whether to capitalise the 'Yours' and I decided to do it to show that this fight is the largest she has to do .. I am not very good at explaining this but the 'Yours' is like the fight personified and so needs the capital 'Y'. Thankyou for the prayers and she is fighting on and is still with us

 

[CeriseNoire]

I just wanted to say thank you to champagne1982 for the kind review of my poem today.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Thank you, Leon and Carrie, for mentioning my two latest poems - Eating Pessoa, and Santa Cruz, 12.Nov.1991 - and especially thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on them. You know who you are.

 

[normal jean]

Thanks for the mention, Carrie



it is much appreciated!








~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Tathagata]

Thank you loserstyx

for taking the time to read and comment on my stuff.

I appreciate it

 

[annaswirls]

Thank you, Leon and Carrie, for mentioning my two latest poems - Eating Pessoa, and Santa Cruz, 12.Nov.1991 - and especially thank you to everyone who read and/or commented on them. You know who you are.

And thanks to Eve for putting it in her Sig line! Damn! What a poem!

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=314397

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Punctuation

Okay, I usually just enjoy the read in here, but I TOTALLY HAD to jump on for a second. I am terribly curious about any English texts used in public schools which recommend using apostrophes to pluralize standard words. Now, yes, there are a few exceptions, (aren't there always in this language) but I would really like to see chapter and verse on making ALL plurals with apostrophes.

or would that be exception's, plural's, apostrophe's...

woof. woof woof woof.
bijou

By the way, gratitude to the reviewers and those who have messaged me privately about my work. I greatly appreciate the feedback.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Thanks to "annaswirls" - and a question or two

I have been scrolling through New Poem Reviews from the past few weeks and finding some real gems! Thank you generous reviewers for your time and efforts! I want to second Angeline's recommendation on this poet, please if you have not read her, go on in! I was not crazy about the first on the list, so if you feel the same, please don't let it stop you from moving on down her Author's Page A fresh voice, interesting context and lovely use of language.....sounds and meanings alike make this poet a lit must read

Thank you so much, dear.
I've learned something on this board about that first piece, which is the one entitled Calculations. You wouldn't believe it, but that one has been a massive crowd-pleaser at every live reading I've done. That's actually the reason I posted it first. I think, and it's just my opinion, that it's this: there are pieces that simply NEED to be performed - perhaps that one isn't even a poem so much as a script for a performance piece.

I had to cringe a bit seeing it ignored so heartily in here, since it's one of my personal favorites. But we are, ostensibly, here for critique, even the passive kind.

The idea that some of my pieces are best read aloud is not a new one for me - I have several pieces that I don't bother to post here for that reason - they really need a performance to shine. Calculations surprised me though - I thought it translated better onto a plain page than it obviously does. Lesson learned.

I wonder, is there a way to move or re-move that piece from the list? I'd hate to have it put folks off of reading the rest of my work.

I wonder something else, and this constitutes a "dumb question" because I bet if I searched around the site long enough I'd find the answer, but forgive my ignorance: Is it considered acceptable in here to put a note in one's profile with the website or other location of one's additional work? This wouldn't be sales or anything, just on-line versions of other poetry and essays and such.

Thanks for both your compliments and your patience, y'all.
bijou

 

[Lauren Hynde]

And thanks to Eve for putting it in her Sig line! Damn! What a poem!

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=314397

I hadn't noticed that! Damn.

 

[Reltne]

I would have sent you an e-mail but you have opted not to allow that. Hopefully you will see this here. ~ I merely wanted to be sure that you know that Lit. has a category for poems with audio. You can submit a reading of your poem along with the written text. In this category readers can follow along in the written text as they hear how you want the words spoken. ~ It is also possible to remove or replace submitted work. Read about how to do it on the FAQ board.

Looking forward to 'hearing' your work.

Thank you so much, dear.
I've learned something on this board about that first piece, which is the one entitled Calculations. You wouldn't believe it, but that one has been a massive crowd-pleaser at every live reading I've done. That's actually the reason I posted it first. I think, and it's just my opinion, that it's this: there are pieces that simply NEED to be performed - perhaps that one isn't even a poem so much as a script for a performance piece.

I had to cringe a bit seeing it ignored so heartily in here, since it's one of my personal favorites. But we are, ostensibly, here for critique, even the passive kind.

The idea that some of my pieces are best read aloud is not a new one for me - I have several pieces that I don't bother to post here for that reason - they really need a performance to shine. Calculations surprised me though - I thought it translated better onto a plain page than it obviously does. Lesson learned.

I wonder, is there a way to move or re-move that piece from the list? I'd hate to have it put folks off of reading the rest of my work.

I wonder something else, and this constitutes a "dumb question" because I bet if I searched around the site long enough I'd find the answer, but forgive my ignorance: Is it considered acceptable in here to put a note in one's profile with the website or other location of one's additional work? This wouldn't be sales or anything, just on-line versions of other poetry and essays and such.

Thanks for both your compliments and your patience, y'all.
bijou

 

[Angeline]

the biography page of unpredictablebijou is well worth reading also, not just for the enjoyment but also for the comments about chosen punctuation.

LOL! Well I'm not going back and changing any pronouns--the poetry speaks for itself! Those darn Swedes--another talented poet from there who submits here. Is it something in the air, the snow? Liar?

 

[Angeline]

The only cases I've ever heard of using an apostrophe + "s" to show a plural are:

1. Plural possession (e.g., the girls' rooms)

2. Plural of numbers or letters (e.g., 1930's, A's)

3. Plural of words that areen't normally pluralized (e.g., no but's about it)

The second and third cases are not consistently recommended; some grammar sources say do it, others say don't. If there are other cases where one uses apostrophe + "s" to show a plural, I'd be interested to see the source(s) quoted.

 

[LeBroz]

The only cases I've ever heard of using an apostrophe + "s" to show a plural are:

1. Plural possession (e.g., the girls' rooms)

2. Plural of numbers or letters (e.g., 1930's, A's)

3. Plural of words that areen't normally pluralized (e.g., no but's about it)

The second and third cases are not consistently recommended; some grammar sources say do it, others say don't. If there are other cases where one uses apostrophe + "s" to show a plural, I'd be interested to see the source(s) quoted.

An excellent summation. Regarding the second point, I found the following in Kate L. Turabian's A Manual for Writers:

3:5 Capital letters. Form the plurals of most single and multiple capital letters used as nouns by adding s alone:

The three Rs are taught at the two YMCAs.​

3:6 Small letters. Form the plurals of all small letters, of capital letters with periods, and of capital letters that would be confusing if s alone were added, by adding an apostrophe and s:

All the examples were labeled by letter; the a's were tested first, the b's second, and so on.
The B.A.'s and B.S.'s conferred were almost ten times the number of M.A.'s, M.S.'s, and Ph.D.'s
The A's, I's, and S's in the directory were checked by one group.​

.
.
.
.

 

[Angeline]

An excellent summation. Regarding the second point, I found the following in Kate L. Turabian's A Manual for Writers:



.
.
.
.

Merci!

Think there are any other rules on this? Anybody? I'd like to see a resource on one regarding apparent haphazard use of apostrophe + "s" on nonpossessive plural nouns. I'm not from Missouri, but I'll believe it when I see it.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

poems with audio

I would have sent you an e-mail but you have opted not to allow that. Hopefully you will see this here. ~ I merely wanted to be sure that you know that Lit. has a category for poems with audio. You can submit a reading of your poem along with the written text. In this category readers can follow along in the written text as they hear how you want the words spoken. ~ It is also possible to remove or replace submitted work. Read about how to do it on the FAQ board.

Looking forward to 'hearing' your work.

Thank you! I still don't navigate well through the site (good writer, bad bad bad techie) so if I figure out how to enable email I will do so - I HAVE gotten private emails from a few folks so there must be a way, but I'm stumped as to what to tell you.

I am aware of the audio option, and have in fact done a few recordings of my work, but even then, I haven't been happy with them. I think a few should really just be reserved for live performance. I want to be the Janis Joplin of open mic nights... If, however, I dig around and find some of the old audio files I may see if I can figure out how to post them.

Thank you thank you thank you to everybody for your kind words. You are doing wonderful things for my self-esteem. As someone who rejected the traditional early childhood career paths of ballerina, princess and nurse, and began calling herself a writer as early as age 5, I have waited a very long time for this sort of feedback.

blessings,
bijou

 

[Rumpleteazer]

lol

*sigh*

no matter how good you are
theres always someone better isn't there?

 

[Angeline]

*sigh*

no matter how good you are
theres always someone better isn't there?

You can't look at it that way--everyone is learning, always. I read other poets here and elsewhere, and I think about why they're good, what works for them, what can I learn from it? Nobody is ever always "best," ever. We're all at some point on the learning curve and if we're not willing to learn, we stagnate.

Ultimately, the only one I'm competing with is me--trying to improve from where I've been.