"To keep the review thread clean..."

[Angeline]

Hey, I hate ellipses, too! lol I had a devil of a time with line breaks and dashes, etc. I couldn't get it exactly the way I wanted it. I started to send it to you but knew you'd be reviewing and I'd get a comment then. Thank you!

I like your perm. It's schnoodle-like!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Gonna start a 'save the ellipses fund' 'ellipses are innocent!' ' free imprisoned ellipses!!'

 

[Angeline]

Gonna start a 'save the ellipses fund' 'ellipses are innocent!' ' free imprisoned ellipses!!'

That's what I'm saying! Free the ellipses! Free them from poems so they can flee to dialogue where they belong!

 

[WickedEve]

That's what I'm saying! Free the ellipses! Free them from poems so they can flee to dialogue where they belong!

Well, I was trying to trail off from one thought into another and that's why I used the dot dot dot. So dots my story!

 

[Angeline]

Well, I was trying to trail off from one thought into another and that's why I used the dot dot dot. So dots my story!

I guess that's fair. I think the only time they should be used is to suggest trailing thoughts because otherwise they're a substitute for not knowing what to say. But I still like words better. But I can't disagree with you. I don't have it in me. So to speak.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well, I was trying to trail off from one thought into another and that's why I used the dot dot dot. So dots my story!

I always did think you were dotty >>>>>>>>>>>>runs

 

[WickedEve]

I guess that's fair. I think the only time they should be used is to suggest trailing thoughts because otherwise they're a substitute for not knowing what to say. But I still like words better. But I can't disagree with you. I don't have it in me. So to speak.

You can disagree. I was teasing about the dotties. I went back and looked at the poem and the dots, dashes, parentheses and I will edit. I does detract from the words. I told you I was rusty!

 

[WickedEve]

I always did think you were dotty >>>>>>>>>>>>runs

I'm coming to get you.

 

[Angeline]

You can disagree. I was teasing about the dotties. I went back and looked at the poem and the dots, dashes, parentheses and I will edit. I does detract from the words. I told you I was rusty!

You and me both! But I really can't disagree with you. Well I can, but I don't like it. Nope, I don't.

What a weird morning. I got up to all these voices outside my window and looked out and there were two police cars parked next to my car and about nine cops standing there! Lol, they didn't come for me so I have no idea who they were after. I felt like yelling down "hey what's goin on," but that would sound so totally trashy. Then ee woke up sick as a dog, and I am now on my way out to get the poor thing some zantac. Whew.

 

[WickedEve]

You and me both! But I really can't disagree with you. Well I can, but I don't like it. Nope, I don't.

What a weird morning. I got up to all these voices outside my window and looked out and there were two police cars parked next to my car and about nine cops standing there! Lol, they didn't come for me so I have no idea who they were after. I felt like yelling down "hey what's goin on," but that would sound so totally trashy. Then ee woke up sick as a dog, and I am now on my way out to get the poor thing some zantac. Whew.

Oh, be totally trashy! Maybe they have a camera crew hiding and you'll end up on Cops! LOL

And sorry about ee.

 

[Angeline]

Oh, be totally trashy! Maybe they have a camera crew hiding and you'll end up on Cops! LOL

And sorry about ee.

Lol! That's all I need for my ex to see me on Cops. It'll confirm all his worst suspicians about me.

ee is ok, I think. He's laying on the couch watching sports news and bitching about how he feels like nine miles of bad road, which is actually a sign he's better. If he didn't say anything I'd worry.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

WickedEve and Safe_Bet, thank you for the kind comments on my poem.

LeBroz, thanks for the mention. I hope you aren't getting sick of reading my villanelles. It seems as if I have been posting them on Tuesdays for some reason. I may have to make a point to post something different for you. LOL

-Sheila

 

[sassynyc]

Thank you LeBroz for the mention in reviews today. WickedEve and SB, thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it, tons.

 

[The_Frank_Black]

Although it did not come through on the poem, I did give credit for the title to bluerains for the title. It was something she said. I don't know how to quote that on a poem here, so offer suggestions if you should care to do so.

Regards,
Frank Black

 

[Safe_Bet]

Thanks, WickedEve, for the kind words in your review.

I am a little concerned about one thing,however. When you said "Ever been on stage?", do you mean like as part of a trained animal act; a member of the clowns crammed into one of those little cars, or the chick that gets the knives thrown at her?

 

[WickedEve]

Thanks, WickedEve, for the kind words in your review.

I am a little concerned about one thing,however. When you said "Ever been on stage?", do you mean like as part of a trained animal act; a member of the clowns crammed into one of those little cars, or the chick that gets the knives thrown at her?

Oh, lord!
Like at a poetry reading. I don't know much about them. They don't exist where I live.

 

[Kaliwitch]

Thank you!

Hello all!

I just wanted to say thank you for Jamison for mentioning me! I am new here and have just started to post my writings. I have some erotic and some non erotic.

I look forward to sharing, reading and getting to know you all.


Blessings,
Kali

 

[Guest]

Hello all!

I just wanted to say thank you for Jamison for mentioning me! I am new here and have just started to post my writings. I have some erotic and some non erotic.

I look forward to sharing, reading and getting to know you all.


Blessings,
Kali

Welcome to the PF&D. I'm so glad you came. Keep sharing your poems and look around the forum because there're plenty of poetry challenge threads to get involved in to do just that.

 

[WickedEve]

but I agree with Evie

And here I parrot Evie again in her Public Comments

and I say what Evie says, I say what Evie says.

Ah, good boy. Now do what I do. Take off your pants.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Jamison and Eve, thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Equinoxe]

Many thanks to Jamison and Eve for their comments.

I am inclined to agree with both of your assessments on the poem. The ending is not as tightly written as the core of the poem and could use some editing. As for the line ending in "of", it was for metrical purposes, but I am not particularly pleased with the "of" and I would generally prefer that prepositions be on the same line as the words to which they are pre-.

 

[sassynyc]

Jamison, thanks for the mention in today's review. Considering I've read some pretty hot poetry from you, the compliment goes far. Any suggestions you have on the the two phrases you mentioned, I'd be glad to hear. Quite honestly, I found myself stuck on both, specifically with trying to smooth out "pearly whites". Sometimes simple is best.

*leaves a bucket of iced tea on the table*

 

[The_Frank_Black]

TY for the "warning" note-

 

[The_Frank_Black]

hoping this is right...

Well, poems finally showed up, so here we go.

There are three that I'm going to recommend. I'll just copy and paste my comments that I've already made public.

It happened on the night bus
by Josephine_Guilbert
Very enjoyable. A little too long, though. The first 4 strophes give the reader a great story and could even be a complete poem. There are too many unneeded words after "progressed to more intimate matters." Leave some things to the imagination and do more showing than telling.


Horsing Around
by The_Frank_Black
Very good poem. I see a couple of spots that could use an edit. I wouldn't use neighbor twice. You could try: "in my neighbor's field and the hay he sold brought what I imagined," and I believe you need to change determine to determined. Other than that, really nice work!


Mean Sheets
by Safe_Bet
This would really work great for a poetry reading. Ever been on stage? I'd get rid of the last stanza. It seems pointless in the poem. Kind of tacked on. It ends just fine with the stanza above it.

Wicked Eve, thank you for reading my poem. I appreciate your suggestions
and will implement them next time I edit.

 

[WickedEve]

Hey, Frank Black, thanks for the comment on my poem. I had two posted today, but they showed up late, along with a new poem from Willow Rain and Safe_bet and some others.

new poems