"To keep the review thread clean..."

[UnderYourSpell]

Thankyou to Equinoxe for including 'Faded Lace' in your review I sat for ages wondering about that apostrophe! Thankyou also to SB and Eve for their comments ... Eve you make it look so easy *sigh*

 

[WickedEve]

Thankyou to Equinoxe for including 'Faded Lace' in your review I sat for ages wondering about that apostrophe! Thankyou also to SB and Eve for their comments ... Eve you make it look so easy *sigh*

Sorry about the long comment I left. I just felt like tossing out some suggestions. I'm excited about the improvement in your poetry. You are writing some good stuff!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Don't you dare be sorry !!!

 

[Equinoxe]

Thank you, LadyStFreknBed, for your mention in the reviews thread, and WickedEve for your comments on my ghazal.

About the review:
The poem is made of Hendecasyllable verses (I was inspired by the comparison to Petrarchan sonnets in the link champagne provided); there may be some technical issues with the syllable count, I'm not sure at the moment [Oops. There are two issues!]. Amusingly, to me anyway, the couplet you mentioned in the review is my least favourite. The first stanza is a bit awkward and I am not that happy with it, but I am actually more displeased with the straightforward line than the awkward one.

Thank you, again, for your comments.

Thankyou to Equinoxe for including 'Faded Lace' in your review I sat for ages wondering about that apostrophe! Thankyou also to SB and Eve for their comments ... Eve you make it look so easy *sigh*

You are very welcome.

 

[hmmnmm]

Thanks go out to Lorencino, SB, and WE. SB, if I was a woman and you weren't married, well, it would just be one more broken heart for me to suffer, but what delicious suffering it would be.

Wicked, funny you mention what you mentioned. Yes, they are similarities. Couple times a couple from the 30/30 attracted my attentions, knowing they could stand improvement, as all of them always. And you know they make it so easy here to just plop a poem in the box and tada! there it is the next morning. A little thrill.

But you're also spot on the money about the recurrence of similar style and flavor and stuff. It's funny because i was thinking the same thing. Even bordered on starting a thread about it, like: Ever get the funny feeling your poems are starting to look too much alike?

On the other hand, it could be a simple case of approaching a similar theme many different times. Like a series of chord progressions, that don't really change but there's endless ways to treat them and it's hard to settle on the one best one.

I mean, for me, dawn or pre-dawn moments are no-fail poetic sources. Especially here, this time of year. So yeah, there's a definite attraction to capturing that feel, never feeling like it really came out right, so try again...

but you're absolutely right, because it tempts the perils of repetition. Ruts. Mouse in a wheel. Habit. Know you ought to break out, but you just don't. Run the wheel again. Knowns become cozy, too cozy.

So yeah... I do appreciate the sweet boot in the pants.

And one more - check this out - not that it really matters to anyone else, or that it is important at all, but my own personal life has kinda fallen into a similar habitual pattern. Got a long list of "should really dos" and always, "yeah yeah yeah. should. Will. Tomorrow. Start tomorrow." Then it's the next day. Like, again this time of year here, incredibly beautiful, and there's hills right out there. Short walk away. If I'd been passing through I'd be all jealous, "man if I lived here I'd be out there every day! Just walking around looking and exercising, fresh air..." and stuff. But I don't.

Weird how things match up.

So... tomorrow. New approaches. Change ups.

Thanks again.

 

[Equinoxe]

Thank you, LeBroz, for your review and to everyone for your comments on my poem today.

 

[vampiredust]

Thanks for mentioning my poem in the new reviews thread, Leon, and thank you to everyone who took the time to comment.

 

[lorencino]

In response to "Nature is Revolting" by Hmmnmm

Fuck's gonna love this.
Stuff being careful.
Up beats down.

Join the naturist revolution!
Our's to reason why.
Cocks up stuff

 

[UnderYourSpell]

A lot of the new poems just lately seem to be rhyming ones, some not so bad but some I must say are making me cringe when they force the wording to get in the rhyme. I have written a lot of rhyming stuff myself but I hope to goodness I never resorted to that.

 

[WickedEve]

A lot of the new poems just lately seem to be rhyming ones, some not so bad but some I must say are making me cringe when they force the wording to get in the rhyme. I have written a lot of rhyming stuff myself but I hope to goodness I never resorted to that.

If you're cringing, then it means you're growing as a poet.

 

[WickedEve]

WickedEve gives us a creative poem. Death in a Jar is an intriguing poem, but it left me a bit perplexed. Perhaps Eve will choose to comment on the poem's ambiguous elements.

Sure. It's death and it's in a jar. She is sent to fetch her death. There are choices. That's about it.

 

[mark_j]

I wish to thank those that have reviewed my work

LadynStFreknBed - Morning Sun and Within My Dreams

Lorencio - Equine Sublime

Some of the works I have presented here are very old works dating back to the early 90's and as such may contain some technical error as LadynStFreknBed pointed out. I have tried to edit those to bring them up to date but in some cases I felt it was better to leave as is.. Those that I left "as is" I included the original date of writing (on Within My Dreams if forgot).

Lorencino - To answer the question on what form style I used in Equine Sublime. Uhhh I really have no idea if it is a formal style or not.. The piece was done in 5 minutes one afternoon while watching one of the horses work with her trainer and the flow just sort of came to me...

Again, thanks to the reviewers for looking at my work..

Side note; Is there a way to re-edit a submission after I have made it and it has been approved?

 

[RhymeFairy]

If you're cringing, then it means you're growing as a poet.

Ditto ~

 

[hmmnmm]

so
more flesh, closer focus, tactile contact.
maybe 5/5 is more fitting than 30/30.
fellow wears out, settles in for an inarticulated duration.
nothing really new sprouts or crops up.
maybe cancel the 30/30. take more time.
go slower. pay closer attention. fling less for less mess.

 

[RhymeFairy]

so
more flesh, closer focus, tactile contact.
maybe 5/5 is more fitting than 30/30.
fellow wears out, settles in for an inarticulated duration.
nothing really new sprouts or crops up.
maybe cancel the 30/30. take more time.
go slower. pay closer attention. fling less for less mess.

Hmmm,

Maybe not. I know I may not be the one appropriate to say this but in my opinion ( keep in mind, I am a fledging poet who lives and breathes wording and inspiration. I go for the neck and strangle every ounce of feeling out- jus' sayin' - been offline a while and just getting back to writing - but ... ) umm, in my opinion. One must
must
must
practice their craft. Yes, you could take it slow - not so much - so fast but, to get a work out, work it out. Write every chance you get. Format, edit, and live .... your work, in mind, spirit and body if necessary. Or take your time and go slow. Day by week, if that's how you write best. Every poet/writer is different. Go with your flow.

Jus sayin' - Good luck my friend ~~

 

[hmmnmm]

Rhyme,
you served up lotsa meaty morsels suitable for lengthy contemplation. keep meaning to get out there more, because it's just gorgeous lately.

Ange,
Thanks. Once in a while I get in a mood and scout around for possibilities, but it tends to end up discouraging trying to find what might be good matches. Maybe try another soon.

Blue,
No, you stop it. Really. Stop it. Oh and I checked out your Kerouac piece again, and your reviewers' understanding of it helped me to better understand it. It's a really good one.

 

[lorencino]

. . .

WickedEve gives us a creative poem. Death in a Jar is an intriguing poem, but it left me a bit perplexed. Perhaps Eve will choose to comment on the poem's ambiguous elements.
. . .

Far from leaving me "a bit perplexed," I have no idea what this poem is about and as for "ambiguous elements" I can't even work out one meaning never mind finding any ambiguity. It's like being tickled into helplessness by this fine poet. I can see all the hints of meaning but they just don't provide a unified reality for me.

I'm not criticizing the poet—I'm flopping about like a fish out of water slowly loosing access to the oxygen all around it. So there's these old jars of preserved human body parts or fetuses from long long ago and some old woman is being forced downstairs to radiation poisoning, it seems, and what human remains could possible lie under a younger man that gets scrapped into body bags and mayhem in a tiara breaks out.

WickedEve is my overall favorite poet on Literotica right now and this is driving me so crazy that I'm in danger of loosing my balance and tumbling down the cellar steps into a dark, cold oblivion that cuts me off from mayhem for the rest of eternity.

 

[WickedEve]

Far from leaving me "a bit perplexed," I have no idea what this poem is about and as for "ambiguous elements" I can't even work out one meaning never mind finding any ambiguity. It's like being tickled into helplessness by this fine poet. I can see all the hints of meaning but they just don't provide a unified reality for me.

I'm not criticizing the poet—I'm flopping about like a fish out of water slowly loosing access to the oxygen all around it. So there's these old jars of preserved human body parts or fetuses from long long ago and some old woman is being forced downstairs to radiation poisoning, it seems, and what human remains could possible lie under a younger man that gets scrapped into body bags and mayhem in a tiara breaks out.

WickedEve is my overall favorite poet on Literotica right now and this is driving me so crazy that I'm in danger of loosing my balance and tumbling down the cellar steps into a dark, cold oblivion that cuts me off from mayhem for the rest of eternity.

If you look a few posts up, I explain the poem. It's death. And death is in a jar. God sends an old woman (she's old and you die when you're old) to the cellar to choose her death. She doesn't know what to look for. There are descriptions of types of death. Then I write that God should label them. I don't want to die so horribly that I'm scraped into a body bag. I'd rather die beneath a young man and I bet the old woman would too. Old woman dying beneath a young man, like sexually? Hmm... Is any of it clearer? Okay, the poem is freakish!

And I recently submitted another Death poem that received no comments:Reaping I think you people are avoiding my death.

 

[DocktorWu]

Ahh Death In A Jar

From WickedEve "If you look a few posts up, I explain the poem. It's death. And death is in a jar. God sends an old woman (she's old and you die when you're old) to the cellar to choose her death."


Big light goes off and everything is clear. I often lean toward prose or longer poetry, perhaps this poem would benefit from a deeper examination of her talking with death. I really like the idea of death allowing her a choice, and the location of the shopping spree is perfect. I'm off to read Reaping.

P.S.

Nobody loves death more than me, except you.

 

[WickedEve]

From WickedEve "If you look a few posts up, I explain the poem. It's death. And death is in a jar. God sends an old woman (she's old and you die when you're old) to the cellar to choose her death."


Big light goes off and everything is clear. I often lean toward prose or longer poetry, perhaps this poem would benefit from a deeper examination of her talking with death. I really like the idea of death allowing her a choice, and the location of the shopping spree is perfect. I'm off to read Reaping.

P.S.

Nobody loves death more than me, except you.

I think I do need to add a bit more to this poem. It's really not clear enough. It was one of those weird thoughts/images that popped into my head and ended up as a odd poem. And if you like odd, Wu, check out the poem that's up today. It's an older one but crazy fun. And I think you have some poems posted that I haven't read yet. So, I'll do that today.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Must be catching I've just submitted a 'death' one

 

[WickedEve]

Must be catching I've just submitted a 'death' one

Is it online yet? I'll read it. You've been writing some good ones.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Shouldn't think so I only submitted this morning and thankyou very much. Wish I could say the same of the Halloween entry which seems to have stuck and I keep avoiding it I must make myself go and do something with it!

 

[lorencino]

Sure. It's death and it's in a jar. She is sent to fetch her death. There are choices. That's about it.

Missed this. Need more oxygen, obviously. Can someone throw me back into the pond.

 

[lorencino]

. . .
And I recently submitted another Death poem that received no comments:Reaping I think you people are avoiding my death.

So I googled "glowabouts" because I had never seen this word before today. The fourth item in the google listing was a link back to your poem here on literotica. All the other items that came up seemed to be typos where the space was missing between the words "glow" and "about" as in " . . . casting an eerie glowabout the room." It looks, therefore, as though this word is a coining by WickedEve exercising her poetic licence. Congratulations.