"To keep the review thread clean..."

[lorencino]

To keep the recommendations thread clean??????

Quoted from the New Poetry Recommendations Thread

I was blown away by Sandyb's poems. They're fresh, smart and often funny takes on erotic scenarios.

Just to let you know that this thread was meant as a place to discuss what appears on the poetry recommendations page. When the name of the Review thread was changed to Recommendations, this thread should also have had a name change so that it is clear to newcomers what it is meant for.

Perhaps the moderators could look into this?

That being said, I am thrilled, DeepGreenEyes, to find someone who reacted to sandyb's writing in the same way that I did. She really is quite special in her handling of erotic presentations.

 

[butters]

moved from poetry review thread

seannelson Hello everybody,

You know, Chipbutty, now and again(as far back as S.O.U. days) people would tell me they'd reviewed this or that poem on these forums but nobody ever gave me a link.

I have to confess that in the case of "Art Reign" I'm far more able to supply facts than address its exact artistic purpose. In some ways, for example your focus on college life, satire and the arts, you explained the poem better than I could. Looking back, those college days seem utopian, but...
British literature has been a large part of my life but very far from being a brit, I was raised in rural Klamath Falls, Oregon, a poor and honestly rather barbaric place. And so the artistic community in Ashland for me held a fascination that might seem unusual to someone from a more cosmopolitan background.

I can tell you that I wrote the poem during an attempt to abstain from all mind-altering substances- and that I was fixated to an unusual extent on the beat and the sound of the words. The protest in question was against the Iraq war and was remarkable for size and police cooperation(the Ashland city council had long since passed a resolution against the war,) but not for planning or oration.

"This raquetball's a sand-painting" See I would bounce raquetball's quite habitually and, aside from annoying my friends and neighbors, it helped me think and relieved stress. Similarly, a sand-painting is an activity that might appear meaningless or useless but is important as part of a personal voyage.
I'd had a couple positive absinthe experiences and it was quite illegal at the time. Being a tennis player, I had a Penn cylinder that balls came in, and I don't remember the meaning of the words.

As for "Thai Haiku," I appreciate you appreciating precisely this poem-set. It's a frustration to me that what I feel to be my finest work often doesn't get the notice that some lesser pieces do.

Obviously, the sparsity was intentional because I recently wrote "the sparrows of Thailand," a long and detailed account. Honestly, my poetic method is rather sub-conscious and my personality is complex, neurotic, and amnesiac. So, any intelligent interpretation of my poems is as valid as mine.
My fascinations can also be a little eccentric. The butterflies and geckos of Thailand fascinated me to no end. But of course it was students and professors who made that campus memorable for me.

To conclude, I have to tell you about the "stout old woman." She ran the restaurant, which was very cheap and of good quality. I did become friends of the family. She was cheerful and very respectful.

Now, since then I've had some challenging experiences: a couple stays in psych wards for example. I've also associated with many diverse people: German tourists American professors painters, etc. I'm of a social nature, but a face that I can clearly see in my mind is a rarity. Of all the Thais I knew(over three years ago,) hers is the face I remember best.
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chipbutty's reply:

How wonderful to get such a detailed response! And thankyou for glossing over the parts where my interpretations veer wildly from your original intentions. I don't apologise for finding those things in your piece though, as I'm sure you'll understand - we each interpret things subjectively. Your work was an absolute pleasure to read and immerse myself in.

I'm sure people here will be glad to take a look at your other piece. Thanks for the invitation.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Quoted from the New Poetry Recommendations Thread

Just to let you know that this thread was meant as a place to discuss what appears on the poetry recommendations page. When the name of the Review thread was changed to Recommendations, this thread should also have had a name change so that it is clear to newcomers what it is meant for.

Sorry - I didn't get that! Hmmm...maybe "Comment on New Poetry Recommendations Here"?

That being said, I am thrilled, DeepGreenEyes, to find someone who reacted to sandyb's writing in the same way that I did. She really is quite special in her handling of erotic presentations.

I concur!

 

[lorencino]

Ideas for the moderators

Perhaps we need this thread to be a sticky placed directly below the New Poetry Recommendations and renamed "To keep the recomendations thread clean.

When one is pressed for time it is very convenient to go to the recommendations thread and see what's been recommended without having to dig about through a discussion to find the days recommendations.

Then, if you have time, you can take a look at the next thread (this one) to see what responses the recommendations have generated.

For me this arrangement would make my visits to the Poetry Forum a lot more user friendly, convenient, and pleasurable. After all, is it not the satisfaction of the pleasure drive that this web site is all about?

 

[sandyb]

Sorry - I didn't get that! Hmmm...maybe "Comment on New Poetry Recommendations Here"?




I concur!

Thanks so much for the comments by all on my recent poems and thank you to all the reviewers for what they do. It is tremendously encouraging to receive some feedback - even critical comments are much appreciated - and very useful.

I think it is a good idea to have a sticked thread for discussion of the reviews and related matters.

Is there a thread, or would it be a good idea to create one, for discussion of erotic poems by masters and other recognized, i.e., published poets? There's a lot of sensual and erotic poetry by great poets that I think would be fun to discuss on here.

 

[seannelson]

I'm fine with the arrangement; I'd never participated in these forums and had no way of knowing. It wouldn't be a bad idea to make it more obvious.
ChipButty, like you, I take poetry seriously as an art. I put as much meaning into it as I can, and try to get beyond my ego. So you and other readers are as likely to have insight into my poems as I am; If the old T.S. Eliot tried to tell me how I could understand Prufrock, I wouldn't pay any mind.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Thanks so much for the comments by all on my recent poems and thank you to all the reviewers for what they do. It is tremendously encouraging to receive some feedback - even critical comments are much appreciated - and very useful.

I think it is a good idea to have a sticked thread for discussion of the reviews and related matters.

Is there a thread, or would it be a good idea to create one, for discussion of erotic poems by masters and other recognized, i.e., published poets? There's a lot of sensual and erotic poetry by great poets that I think would be fun to discuss on here.

Did some digging - here are a few threads which might be apropos, at least to a degree (may not be explicitly about erotic):

Recommendations: Poems You Should Read or Hear or See

Who Is Your Favorite Poet?

Lit poetry: Porn vs. the erotic

Others who've been around longer may know of a thread which really fits your request for published poet's erotic poetry (note that some lit poets are published).

 

[sandyb]

Thanks...I'll give those a try.

 

[lorencino]

Considerations on Coffeehouse Haiku

here is a list of today's New Poems that caught my attention


Coffeehouse Haiku - by seannelson

taste, hearing, sight, and concept - although all tied together by the thread of sense and sensibility, of these the last is the one that strikes me most, the overall concept of the 'swan coffeehouse' as a summing up of the previous strophes. But, imo, it is capable of standing alone and still express more than the others. Perhaps it would be overworking it to add in lines connecting the senses of touch and smell, since they are perhaps less relevant - having said that, I wonder if they are in fact touched upon by their absence or it's left to us to fill those in: the rose that cannot be smelled or touched, the coffee that's known for its aroma ... hmmm, maybe. I still end up most enjoying the final lines as a stand alone piece.

Snip

First, I would take out the words in parenthesis:

Espresso's flavor
is (like) a graceful symphony;
always surprising

Outside cars drive by
going nowhere (so) fast and loud;
no time for haiku

Then I would nominate the second as my favorite for standing on it's own as an effective poem.

I'm not terribly hot when it comes to knowing all the characteristics of the various poetic forms, but I would venture that these are quite a departure from what is traditionally considered a Haiku. Now , given that the defining characteristics of Haiku has evolved over time, are these four a legitimate development of what constitutes Haiku.

What are the thoughts of those of you more versed in the subject of form poetry?

 

[seannelson]

Lorencino, thanks for alerting me that I'd mis-counted syllables(I was a little hung-over.) ; I'll take your suggestions, though I can't revise on this site.
You know, I like the form of haiku. I actually do know the details of Japanese haiku and maybe someday I'll try to write them. But I'm not Japanese; my experience of their culture has been pleasant, but limited to some runs through the Tokyo air-port and some tourists in Thailand.
I like writing sets of related but not linked haiku: haiku in the sense of 5 7 5.

Arigato,

Sean

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

Chipbutty,

Thank you for the kind words regarding my small poem. Yes, it was for a very special woman.

Esperanza

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I really liked Friday's poetry recommendations.

Cal Y. Pygia's By the Numbers is like a Halloween bag filled with treats!

 

[champagne1982]

<snip> though I can't revise on this site. <snip>
Sean

You can revise on this site. It simply takes a few days to post your edited version, s'all.

Revise your copy, change the title to include (edit), and in the "Notes" field on your submission form enter words to the effect of: "Thank you for posting my earlier version of this submission. Please replace the original copy with this edit. I understand this effort is time consuming and appreciate your attention."

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks

Lorencino: Thanks for your knowledgeable commentary concerning "The Ghost of Guy Fawkes." I couldn't have described my intentions better.

Thanks also to Under Your Spell for adding a touch of levity in her reference to Bonfire Day, reminding me that something about the human spirit seeks celebration without harm, regardless of what may have been in the first place. In that spirit, here's something for you Druids to do on All Soul's Day:

http://www.timesargus.com/article/20091101/NEWS02/911010373/1003/NEWS02

 

[lorencino]

Magnificent Review

=
Snip

greenmountaineer's November still life is the one piece I highly recommend anyone read today. Here are my thoughts as I worked through the piece - as you'll see, it changes my first impression and grows with each read-through. The same poem was aways there, just took me a while to feel it out. I rate it highly.

first of all, I have to say this read better aloud than it first appeared when read it silently.
Does this narrate an actual painting, or does it create one here on the page? The more I read it, the more the second seems to fit the bill.

My initial quibbles with lines 3 and 4 lessen with each read-through, though I still wonder if rewriting this into present tense might not benefit the piece. If we're viewing a piece of art through the eyes of another, it's still a case of discovering it for the first time. If, in fact, this is more a reconstruction of a memory belonging to the narrator of the piece, then past tense might be appropriate. However, placing it in present tense allows me to enter into the piece more fully, as if actually viewing it through the eyes of the narrator themself.

In the first stanza, the narrator places the sun behind the head of the farmer; while enjoying the imagery of the sunlight as it's filtered through his beard (those red-gold tones), there's also a small biblical relevance there - almost a halo, but more earthy perhaps. Can't help but hear 'in the beginning ... and 'let there be light'.

In the second stanza, the visuals are cool as is the backdrop of sound; I question the use of mugged here, though. Yes, a small play on coffee mug, and we know Arabica beans produce dense aromatics - but is the word mugged just too heavy for the line? Is the aroma such a rude assault? perhaps so, to the senses of a tired farmer up all night with a calving heifer. edit: maybe more a rude awakening to a calved heifer - and that sense of 'red' that runs through this narrative. The spider mites (we know them to be red, at least here in the UK), the filtered light, the placenta/bood, perhaps even the reddish hide of the cow. Maybe the assault is the red of everything. Are arabica beans red? Arabica summons up heat, and colour... . edit: stood back for a better look and re-read the title. Penny drops with a clang! - 'still life' guess that title has its own deliberate ambiguity. A Tragedy - no wonder the sense of 'mugged'.

From line 5 on I have nothing but admiration for the wording and allusions. I'm digging the ambiguity created by the line-break between Old Testament and Leather, and Genesis and Praise. On the one hand I see the life-roughened farmer with his leather bible opened to Genesis in praise of another new life; on the other, the placenta and dead beast, reduced to just leather,'splayed' leather at that, and no calf - the bloodiness of the first Testament, the giver and taker of life, the patriarchal overtones ...did the farmer fail his heifer by not being there for the birth? What beast, what beast??? Cougar? Wolf? The Beast???

Oh my, this speaks of so many things to me. Was the fact he wasn't taking care of his animal well enough a comment on how we need tend our own responsibilities? To use a flock or a single sheep here would be too cliché.

Overall, I see this as the farmer looking at the scene of a loss of his heifer and a missing calf, but the richness woven into the wording has me thinking and thinking and thinking, and I probably missed something vital too - umm, like the live cow but the dead 'still-born calf'. But there you have it, the only piece today that got my brain into gear I'm afraid. Even if I lost a few cogs along the way!

I really enjoyed this review of greenmountaineer's November Still Life. It's the kind of thing that makes this site really worth my visiting.

 

[butters]

thanks, lorencino

don't you love it, though, when a poem gets you walking all round it like a sculpture, looking at it from all its angles, seeing how its shadows change depending on where you stand?

 

[lorencino]

Krenna Smart's poem The Evening Tide recommended by PandoraGlitters this past Saturday is an interesting look at nature in romantic action but what really grabbed me about this poem was the ending which functions as an apt conclusion to what precedes it but would also stand on its own as quite a gem:


Life
A sand castle
Built by children
In the morning sun

Washed away by the evening tide

Brilliant!

I think the "Built by children" is pure inspiration as leaving it out would not destroy the sense of the lines but having it in there adds a magical depth to the whole scene.

 

[Bill Dada]

A big thanks to Levitatin_Bed, EroticOrogeny and bluerains for their kind words for 'Before and After.'

 

[Epmd607]

This is exactly the sort of poem I'm into, BillDada:


You come
in all shapes.
You look like the rain
dragged in by the cat
that was wearing
a crooked
top hat
as he turned
into the last thing
you planned on doing
before
you came
in all shapes.


Nice and surreal and fun. Good work.

 

[butters]

BillDada:



You look like the rain
dragged in by the cat



what a great phrase!

 

[Bill Dada]

Thanks

Thanks to vrosej10 for your comments on my new poems and thanks to Epmd607 and chipbutty for you comments that appeared on this page and a big thanks to lorencino for the mention on the poetry recommendations page and yes the last word in the last line is a typo and I have submitted and edited verion of that poem and I've used the work 'and' far to many times in this sentence that seems to have no end in sight.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Thanks to vrosej10 and bluerains for their comments on 'My Story', which is in fact, my story.

 

[seannelson]

You know, I'd be interested in finding some new poems and recomennding them at some point, except that I can't figure out how you all find the new poems for a given day. At any rate, I really like the literary community here.

friendly regards,

Sean

 

[butters]

You know, I'd be interested in finding some new poems and recommending them at some point, except that I can't figure out how you all find the new poems for a given day. At any rate, I really like the literary community here.

friendly regards,

Sean

here's the link to the new poems page, sean

http://www.literotica.com/stories/new_submissions.php?type=poem

you can also get there by going to the main page and following the link you'll find there. anyone can recommend and review poems. some of us have taken on specific days, but there are gaps during the week. maybe lorencino can advise you more than I, since he's been here a while longer and I think he kind of sorts this stuff out. or Pandora or Angeline? but I do know you can review any piece you care to any day I'd be really interested to read what you think about some pieces out there.

 

[lorencino]

here's the link to the new poems page, sean

http://www.literotica.com/stories/new_submissions.php?type=poem

you can also get there by going to the main page and following the link you'll find there. anyone can recommend and review poems. some of us have taken on specific days, but there are gaps during the week. maybe lorencino can advise you more than I, since he's been here a while longer and I think he kind of sorts this stuff out. or Pandora or Angeline? but I do know you can review any piece you care to any day I'd be really interested to read what you think about some pieces out there.

Actually, anyone can sort this thing out or to be more specific there is a thread that is used to sort it out. I'll bump it up to the top.