"To keep the review thread clean..."

[DeepGreenEyes]

Thanks for the thoughtful reviews of new poetry, chipbutty.

Yep. I'm officially digging sandyb's work:

once my husband left, we used up men,
chasing our pleasures with cheap bourbon.
hermanas, brujas, putas locas –
angels started hissing. one stormy
dawn, making coffee in torn panties,
her bare breasts outlined by the window,
she met my stare with blue eyes flashing -
a wounded priestess, her gods dying

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=450678

 

[Tzara]

...I wanted to mention Buxom's poem A Word from your Neglige (this seemed like a survivor poem--wasn't that one of the themes to write from? Or was that one of the forum challenges?). I was interested in the use of repetends in this poem. Can anybody identify this crazy form? It's almost (but not quite) like several triolets.

It's a roundelay (Dryden's variant). Pretty good example, actually.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Thank you, Tz! I knew you'd know.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Buxom has put her name forward for the survivor

Buxom can't contact you direct pop a PM to Lauren Hynde about your needing a score card

 

[lorencino]

Compelling or compulsive

Compelling Desire by sweet_tits2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=452498

Callused hands trace rays of sunlight
across the slopes of velvet skin

this is how it starts. and those lines have a music about them that captured my ear and eye from the off. even while dealing with the familiar, there's a lightness of touch to the write, as we're led through it on a slipstream of sibilance, harder notes acting as counterpoint and building a sense of movement. It works, and works well, even if it has the word 'soul' in it. If I had one suggestion it might be to swap compelling for compulsive: I realise the meanings aren't 100% transferable, but they're close enough not to skew the entire meaning of the piece and, for me, the sounds of compulsive work as well as what is there already. Others might disagree with me there, but that's fine

Though I would love to understand more about why you would like this change, I find myself an "other that disagrees."

For my part "compulsive" has connotations of a pathological condition and is not as strong as "compelling." "Compelling" has a more compelling feel than "compulsive." The poem sounds to me like a celebration of what is natural and it is wonderful to know that what is so compelling is natural. Compulsive suggests a falling from nature, a warping of what is natural that is a result of some destructive occurrence.

I like the change from the slipstream of sibilance to the brisk, fresh sound of "compelling" that feels like someone breaking the surface after swimming in warm diffuse pleasure and crystal clear drops of water flying everywhere as they shake their head briskly.

 

[lorencino]

Wow wow WOW

streets of gold by greenmountaineer
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=452634

tight, evocative write by this writer who never fails to impress me. It summons up dark poverty and exploitation, with a creole flavour - smoky and smacking of voodoo. You can hear the oily slap of dark waves against the palings and the slap of flesh ... money changing hands even while the images created by these lines remain fresh;

They asked for their ancestors after dark
With photographs, flowers, and red bean rice.

If ever my intellect found a poem compelling, this is that poem. In fact, my intellect found it so compelling that I am overcome with compulsive emotion. Kudos to greenmountaineer for what I think is one of the best.

 

[butters]

Though I would love to understand more about why you would like this change, I find myself an "other that disagrees."

For my part "compulsive" has connotations of a pathological condition and is not as strong as "compelling." "Compelling" has a more compelling feel than "compulsive." The poem sounds to me like a celebration of what is natural and it is wonderful to know that what is so compelling is natural. Compulsive suggests a falling from nature, a warping of what is natural that is a result of some destructive occurrence.

I like the change from the slipstream of sibilance to the brisk, fresh sound of "compelling" that feels like someone breaking the surface after swimming in warm diffuse pleasure and crystal clear drops of water flying everywhere as they shake their head briskly.

Ok, let me see:

while compulsive derives from compelling, we do tend to taste a different flavour from the one to the other. Which is what I was getting at about slanting the meaning of the poem. Compelling does indeed feel somehow cleaner, but the carnal nature of the poem allows (imo) that sort of thrustyness of sound we get with compulsive, lol. Honestly, it works both ways for me but my ear wants to hear the sound-link between callused and compulsive and my eye was almost disappointed. The unexpected often works wonders and maybe tomorrow, with no other distractions around me I might find myself agreeing with you 100% lori.

 

[normal jean]

Lorencino-

Your comments sent me straight to the poem. While ChipButty has a good point, what I found wonderful about the poem was the visual. It took me to that port, that street and with the sounds intact.

Greenmountaineer, keep up the good work!!!

 

[bflagsst]

Ok, let me see:

while compulsive derives from compelling, we do tend to taste a different flavour from the one to the other. Which is what I was getting at about slanting the meaning of the poem. Compelling does indeed feel somehow cleaner, but the carnal nature of the poem allows (imo) that sort of thrustyness of sound we get with compulsive, lol. Honestly, it works both ways for me but my ear wants to hear the sound-link between callused and compulsive and my eye was almost disappointed. The unexpected often works wonders and maybe tomorrow, with no other distractions around me I might find myself agreeing with you 100% lori.

"Compulsive desire" wouldn't work for me either. Desire is compulsion toward some person or object. I don't like compelling desire. "Fueling the agony in compelling desire" is that point in poetry where we keep saying the same thing, unnecessary repetition. Okay poem, keep writing whoever wrote it, but it could be used as a learning point if interested.

 

[butters]

Lorencino-

Your comments sent me straight to the poem. While ChipButty has a good point, what I found wonderful about the poem was the visual. It took me to that port, that street and with the sounds intact.

Greenmountaineer, keep up the good work!!!

hi

my comments about c v c were directed at the poem Compelling Desire by sweet_~tits, not that superb work by greenmountaineer

 

[lorencino]

hi

my comments about c v c were directed at the poem Compelling Desire by sweet_~tits, not that superb work by greenmountaineer

I think normal jean is referring to my comments about greenmountaineers poem.

 

[butters]

I think normal jean is referring to my comments about greenmountaineers poem.

oops again

 

[emma_tate]

I want to thank greenmountaineer for his comment on my poem. THAT is why I love the posting here when people give good, honest comments. His suggestions are excellent and removal or reworking of those parts will make my poem better and I am grateful for his honesty.

I also want to commend jthserra for his comment about an anonymous comment on "Adult Alphabet." I have seen that it takes tremendous courage to say what you honestly think and feel around here and he is a brave man.

It's been good reading you all. Have a good day.

ET

 

[Epmd607]

I want to thank greenmountaineer for his comment on my poem. THAT is why I love the posting here when people give good, honest comments. His suggestions are excellent and removal or reworking of those parts will make my poem better and I am grateful for his honesty.

I also want to commend jthserra for his comment about an anonymous comment on "Adult Alphabet." I have seen that it takes tremendous courage to say what you honestly think and feel around here and he is a brave man.

It's been good reading you all. Have a good day.

ET

I don't think it's all that bad. If you've been around here for more than a minute you'll usually hear an honest opinion. There's no reason to slag every slaggable poem, and it's silly when folks appear and demand criticism when they haven't actually criticized/read the work of others. Vrosej realized she lost her head for a bit when she posted that thread, and that's cool, cuz she comments on and respectively criticizes the work of other poets.

 

[emma_tate]

Actually, Epmd, I don't see many comments anymore. And I certainly wasn't criticizing anyone. I make attempts to read and give honest opinions without being spiteful, mean or cruel. In my eyes, every poem has a chance until I click on the button to read it.

Maybe I misunderstood you, but I did not expect anyone to comment, just left that option open. And I am not the type to demand anything.

I have enjoyed my small bit of time here and enjoyed some of the banter and have marveled at some of the talent that exists in the hole in the wall of cyberspace.

I admire many of you, am in awe of many more. I look forward to learning from all of you and this is open invitation to crit my work if a person so desires. I will in turn, should the reader desire. return the read.

be well, Ye poets of Lit.

ET

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sorry I am all behind on saying thankyous for mentions and for comments on my poems. One thing on the comments for 'Unseen Worth' I agree it's a hell of a form to even attempt to write properly. I needed to write it to complete the second round of Poetry Survivor or it most probably wouldn't have been submitted at all!

 

[hmmnmm]

Feel a strange desire to become a serial semicolon offender.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Feel a strange desire to become a serial semicolon offender.

Heh! :caning: I'm ready to offer remediation.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Heh! :caning: I'm ready to offer remediation.

can I watch?

 

[hmmnmm]

This supposed remediation wouldn't be too egregious?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

This supposed remediation wouldn't be too egregious?

What did he say?

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Sorry I am all behind on saying thankyous for mentions and for comments on my poems. One thing on the comments for 'Unseen Worth' I agree it's a hell of a form to even attempt to write properly. I needed to write it to complete the second round of Poetry Survivor or it most probably wouldn't have been submitted at all!

Congratulations on completing the 2nd round!
Only one other player has has completed the first round (not counting Pushkine, who doesn't count now).
You're the only one who could get the extra 12 points for doing all the bonus poems (whenever Lauren gets around to giving it).
You've got nearly twice as many points as your closest competitor (looks like its been quite a while since Lauren updated the totals, and poor buxom is waiting for a scorecard). Even if Pushkine came back he'd have to post quite a bit to catch up.

 

[butters]

Congratulations on completing the 2nd round!
Only one other player has has completed the first round (not counting Pushkine, who doesn't count now).
You're the only one who could get the extra 12 points for doing all the bonus poems (whenever Lauren gets around to giving it).
You've got nearly twice as many points as your closest competitor (looks like its been quite a while since Lauren updated the totals, and poor buxom is waiting for a scorecard). Even if Pushkine came back he'd have to post quite a bit to catch up.

oh wow! congrats, UYS

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Congratulations on completing the 2nd round!
Only one other player has has completed the first round (not counting Pushkine, who doesn't count now).
You're the only one who could get the extra 12 points for doing all the bonus poems (whenever Lauren gets around to giving it).
You've got nearly twice as many points as your closest competitor (looks like its been quite a while since Lauren updated the totals, and poor buxom is waiting for a scorecard). Even if Pushkine came back he'd have to post quite a bit to catch up.

oh wow! congrats, UYS

Thankyou kindly both groannnnnn still got to write an erotic Christmas one!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thankyou EO for your kind mention actually it's funny what you say about Deidre's rug because thats's the first one I wrote for the challenge but I didn't think it was good enough or that the content quite fitted the challenge so I set it to one side and did the Triolet instead.