"To keep the review thread clean..."

[vrosej10]

Thanks for the recommendation on New Year's Evening. I was walking through some rainforest near the beach after watching the fireworks. The mushrooms were amazing sight; they were such a bright green. We've been having very wet weather after a long dry spell. I haven't seen em in more than a decade until New Year's. They are toxic, though I gather the weather has been bringing up a lot of the recreational kinds of fungi...

I have taken your advice about better editing. It is so weird because I am a tiger editing my non-fiction; never a slack word in my essays...

 

[butters]

thanks for reading and commenting, V

 

[PoetGuy]

Poet Guy thanks vrosej10 for her recommendation of "Complainte pour Ste-Catherine" and thanks her and chipbutty, greenmountaineer, Maria2394, and twelveoone for their recent comments on his other poems. He appreciates your input on his writing.

 

[butters]

cheers, everyone, for your comments and votes.

seems i've failed to make myself clear in both, though. perhaps i can rework them for the better at some stage.

PoetGuy: yeah, a keepnet's for keeping your catch live for the duration of your time spent sporting here it was intended to show that even if the narrator could lure a guy, she has no means of keeping him so it's not a viable sport to begin with.

twelveoone: course it's not about fishing (unless we're being coarse) but about the 'fishing' that goes on between people visiting this site, what bait they might choose, which lures... as for the title being pat, it is - that old cliché offered up to those of us no longer in 'relationships'

PoetGuy - i work part time in a shop, close to a train station. on St George's day, the shops fill their windows with the mainly red flags, buntings and tat associated with the saint in hopes of maximising sales. when it coincides with a brit footie match/world cup then it becomes major. so, all those big glass shop fronts hugging the pavements, red and tawdry, and the name for a main row of shops is a parade.

friday not a mistake. more a looking at them and a shaking of one's head. right at this moment i can't hear it 'right' without both, but might given some time to get back to it. L5 - guess i was trying to get across the brassy nature of the day, and how the shops line the street up one side then down the other, loud, trashy, drawing crowds. what do you find off with electronic? does it just drag it out too much? i suppose the thinking behind it was for modernity set against the history of the myth, and soundwise, but could cut it without losing much...

greenmountaineer: is it too long? the line, i mean - is it best cut at 'turning them out'?

twelveoone: i don't know when he became PS without googling i think you might be right as to the origins, though, E v W, lol.

and thankyou, V, for your continued support in the reading and commenting on new writings in the new poetry thread

 

[vrosej10]

Thanks guys for all the comments on Might Be Mesuline. The formatting was an experiment; obviously it failed. Whorey was a word play on hoary. There's always a risk when you get up to this kind of shit that it's gunna miss...

 

[greenmountaineer]

cheers, everyone, for your comments and votes.......

greenmountaineer: is it too long? the line, i mean - is it best cut at 'turning them out'?

I just thought the patrons on St. George's Day as "fleeced sheep" made the point. "Naked as they dare" works, and I'm guessing you're referring to their maxed out credit cards (?) but I thought of mannequins, not a good customer base. Ruthless shopkeeper that I am, I would have "discredited them with bling" instead.

Still a good poem, though; wouldn't want you to think otherwise.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Ps

Thanks to chipbutty, 12o1, and Poet Guy for their comments on "Words."

PG: I tend to agree with you. I could have added a little more elbow grease with at least another stanza at the end.

 

[butters]

Thanks guys for all the comments on Might Be Mesuline. The formatting was an experiment; obviously it failed. Whorey was a word play on hoary. There's always a risk when you get up to this kind of shit that it's gunna miss...

ah as for the whorey/hoary, that didn't miss

I just thought the patrons on St. George's Day as "fleeced sheep" made the point. "Naked as they dare" works, and I'm guessing you're referring to their maxed out credit cards (?) but I thought of mannequins, not a good customer base. Ruthless shopkeeper that I am, I would have "discredited them with bling" instead.

Still a good poem, though; wouldn't want you to think otherwise.

credit cards, yup.

ty

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks Vr for the mention and the comment.
quasi- pantoum? no, just sort of has that illusion, because things appear to be the same
they are not, as best as I can tell I'm the only one that uses that trick on a semi regular basis. There is a progressive element, which is why you saw birth, you were right about the other, but I gave that one away. But since you and I are the only ones that saw it, we'll keep it a secret. Technique came from reading Derrida, title came from Matsukaze mon amour, which I no longer have. You would have liked it, it mentioned Alice Springs, a paranoid erotic poem about Spy Satellites. Wasn't erotic at all, just the joy stick jockeys zooming in.

A pantoum is obsessive and haunting but static jthserra wrote one I still remember the feeling, but I can't remember the title, it was written after the tsunami, I would have put a link to it, if I could find it.

I have yet to write a pantoum, because they don't seem to work upside down.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you UYS, Tess, Chip and Poet Guy for commenting on Chagall's Bride. I wanted to evoke those wonderful Chagall paintings and it sounds, from the comments, as if I was able to do that. I'd also like to note that in true Lit poets fashion one person was less comfortable with a line that the next commenter really liked, lol! But I'm still tinkering and do try to remember to always tread carefully where alliteration is involved.

Special thanks to Poet Guy for a great challenge that got me off my poetric butt and posting again. (Yes, my butt is very poetic!)


ETA a thank you to VJ for the recommendation and others (champ, 1201, Liar) who offered feedback. Like Liar said in another thread, I feel kinda rusty after not focusing on poems for a long while and the feedback is really (really!) helpfil. Thank you all.

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

vrose10, fridayam, and poets

Thank you vrose10 and fridayam for writing me. It has encouraged me to start posting poetry again. I am going to try and do one per week.

I am also very pleased to see a group making recommendations again. There seems to be a renewal here on the threads (I have been lurking a bit). It has excited me, drawing me back.

 

[butters]

Just a heads up to newcomers to please only use the New Poetry thread to suggest stuff you think we'll find interesting reading, and use this thread for any further chat on the writes/opinions offered.


And let me say a huge thankyou to Poet Guy for his drive to get people to post their poetry and actually comment on others' writing as well! though i've not time today (gimme a break on me birfday, init) to add my own comments, i have been in there reading all the new stuff and not only is it fab to see so many of you posting but the quality is heartwarming compared to the sort of stuff that reigned there for the most part where our forum poets weren't submitting.

*touches closed fist to chest twice* you guys make me so proud *tears up*

 

[fridayam]

Just a heads up to newcomers to please only use the New Poetry thread to suggest stuff you think we'll find interesting reading, and use this thread for any further chat on the writes/opinions offered.


And let me say a huge thankyou to Poet Guy for his drive to get people to post their poetry and actually comment on others' writing as well! though i've not time today (gimme a break on me birfday, init) to add my own comments, i have been in there reading all the new stuff and not only is it fab to see so many of you posting but the quality is heartwarming compared to the sort of stuff that reigned there for the most part where our forum poets weren't submitting.

*touches closed fist to chest twice* you guys make me so proud *tears up*

Happy Birthday Chip!!!

 

[fridayam]

Thank you vrose10 and fridayam for writing me. It has encouraged me to start posting poetry again. I am going to try and do one per week.

I am also very pleased to see a group making recommendations again. There seems to be a renewal here on the threads (I have been lurking a bit). It has excited me, drawing me back.

Welcome back honey!

Thankyou bronzeage for the recommendation for "Omerta". I'm still pondering the technicalities of "anneal"

 

[butters]

Thank you vrose10 and fridayam for writing me. It has encouraged me to start posting poetry again. I am going to try and do one per week.

I am also very pleased to see a group making recommendations again. There seems to be a renewal here on the threads (I have been lurking a bit). It has excited me, drawing me back.

great news, espie!

yeah, like winter coming to an end in Narnia 'citing, in't it?

 

[butters]

Happy Birthday Chip!!!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you to Tess and Poetguy for your comments and tidy-ups that it does need now you come to mention it! I was thinking more tattooed with the piercing of the skin and her being marked as her new Masters property

Ooops forgot to add Happy Birthday Chippy

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

great news, espie!

yeah, like winter coming to an end in Narnia 'citing, in't it?

It does, Chippy, and happy bday you of pretty lips (maybe I'll show my pseudonymous tit again). Now, where are the poppies? :~)

Thumping fingers on desk...

 

[Esperanza_Hidalgo]

Welcome back honey!

Wink, Wink, Wiggle, Wiggle and a teeheehee.

It be me!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Happy Birthday Chip !
You're doing a bang-up job here.
Hope you have many more!

 

[vrosej10]

Hi Chip,

Happy birthday! Is it the 8th or 9th? A close buddy of mine has her birthday 9th .

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Happy Birthday, chipbutty. Who gets to give you the traditional PFD celebratory spanking? It doesn't hurt honestly - much.

 

[Angeline]

Where's that OT when we need him? He has perfect spankers!

At the very least, these are in order:

Happy Birthday sweet Chip. And thank you for all you do for us.

 

[butters]

two posts that shouldn't be cluttering the New Poetry Recommendations thread

.....

 

[butters]

two posts that shouldn't be cluttering the New Poetry Recommendations thread

Originally Posted by El Folo View Post
I'm glad you found it creepy and uneasy. It did it's job, then.

You're giving yourself way too much credit. Your poem is written poorly.
Senna Jawa
tanka monk jazz San Jose
~ life is a private party ~
Last edited by Senna Jawa : Today at 07:49 AM. Reason: cosmetic
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El Folo
Virgin

Originally Posted by Senna Jawa: You're giving yourself way too much credit. Your poem is written poorly.

Yes, I tried to capture the spirit of the unemployed, the unwashed wretches trying to make their voice heard. I appreciate the praise Senna, god bless.

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