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"To keep the review thread clean..."

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Angeline said:
I've known some wonderful poets who just stopped writing and when I'd ask them why they'd say they didn't have anything to say. I did not understand and then it happened to me for almost two years. I think we just need to take breaks sometimes but if one loves writing and keeps trying, it will come back eventually.
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Ty :heart: I think I'm just taking a breather:)
 
Thank you to fridayam , Liar , Tristesse2 and Angeline for their comments on 'Feathered Fiends'. It's supposed to be Sci Fi my fault for not making it clear enough apart from mentioning aliens! They are breeding feathered children onto peasant women to use as a fighting force in their galaxy! The title is a dreadful pun, I originally thought feathered friends (perhaps that's not a term you are familiar with in America) then changed it to fiends. Yes it is a pantoum
Thank you also to Liar , Angeline and twelveoone for comments left on 'From the marshes to the sea' I worried for ages about the apostrophe in 'Harriers' put it in then took it out! although it should really be Marsh Harrier.
The poem is about the view I had from my bedroom window as a child and listening to the ships fog horns.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Thank you to fridayam , Liar , Tristesse2 and Angeline for their comments on 'Feathered Fiends'. It's supposed to be Sci Fi my fault for not making it clear enough apart from mentioning aliens! They are breeding feathered children onto peasant women to use as a fighting force in their galaxy! The title is a dreadful pun, I originally thought feathered friends (perhaps that's not a term you are familiar with in America) then changed it to fiends. Yes it is a pantoum
Thank you also to Liar , Angeline and twelveoone for comments left on 'From the marshes to the sea' I worried for ages about the apostrophe in 'Harriers' put it in then took it out! although it should really be Marsh Harrier.
The poem is about the view I had from my bedroom window as a child and listening to the ships fog horns.
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i've read these and left scores (at least i think i scored, i'll find out when i revisit), annie, but i'm running behind on my comments - your marsh one was so atmospheric!
 
Thanks to Vee for the recommend and all those who commented on Unfolded. I've got some really useful feedback from you all on that one.

:rose:
 
your 'swans', Angeline - weren't they an allusion to fidelity, mating for life? i thought they were... loved that write, anyway. :D

and thanks to you and friday for showing me i've done it again - my main fault (i'm guessing, lol): I know what i'm seeing in my head, but i'm not conveying that in a clear enough fashion. this was an older piece already published, but i wanted to float it to get feedback in order to improve it - i pulled it up and was looking through it, but was unsure where to start making changes and needed new eyes. and no time to write a new one atm!

it was me, in a bath, tempted to touch those bare wires where the light fitting was waiting to be fixed in place. it was a musing on the what would happen, with religious connotations thrown in (what would happen, what would i see? like saul, struck by lightning and seeing things from a new perspective..) imagination working, even though i'd never touch them, especially with wet hands! :eek:
 
Thankyou Vee for recommending my poems and thankyou for slaving not only over your own poetry and comments but on the recommendations too:rose:
 
Thanks for the recommends chip and fridayam. I really appreciate it. UnderYourSpell, I did get the sci fi element but I dismissed it as a mental phantasm. That's for all the useful commentary I've been getting.
 
i'm trying to figure out how to make 'revelations' less obscure ... maybe changing the title to indicate being in the bath/bare-wires waiting for the light fitting. DIY daydream? :D damn, i really had no idea it was so inaccessible - so i've learned something valuable through posting it.
 
vrosej10 said:
Thanks for the recommends chip and fridayam. I really appreciate it. UnderYourSpell, I did get the sci fi element but I dismissed it as a mental phantasm. That's for all the useful commentary I've been getting.
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what's a mental phantasm? :confused:
 
chipbutty said:
i'm trying to figure out how to make 'revelations' less obscure ... maybe changing the title to indicate being in the bath/bare-wires waiting for the light fitting. DIY daydream? :D damn, i really had no idea it was so inaccessible - so i've learned something valuable through posting it.
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ok, so i'm wondering if the way forward is changing title (though i'm reluctant, of course :rolleyes:), changing the wording, or getting around the problem by resubbing this as an illustrated poem of a woman sitting in a bath with the bare wires hanging from the ceiling above.... i 'spose that's a lazy way about it, and the bath element's not entirely necessary as it was about the temptation to touch the bare wires, imagining the results - the water in the bath's simply an amplification.

would you guys consider that cheating, taking the lazy route to sorting this? (part of me does, which is why i'm asking :eek:)
 
chipbutty said:
ok, so i'm wondering if the way forward is changing title (though i'm reluctant, of course :rolleyes:), changing the wording, or getting around the problem by resubbing this as an illustrated poem of a woman sitting in a bath with the bare wires hanging from the ceiling above.... i 'spose that's a lazy way about it, and the bath element's not entirely necessary as it was about the temptation to touch the bare wires, imagining the results - the water in the bath's simply an amplification.

would you guys consider that cheating, taking the lazy route to sorting this? (part of me does, which is why i'm asking :eek:)
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Personally I liked the title thought it tied in really well with Saul etc I'm terrible at titles and yours was clever
 
fridayam said:
Ok, I've cancelled the doctor's appointment:)

Seriously, thankyou to all those who have commented on the poems lately: I have been overwhelmed by the responses. I had a period from Christmas Day to January 6th when I didn't seem to be able to stop writing, but I'm a bit tanked out now. Does anyone else feel that maybe you have written your last poem but you don't know it? I hate it when my brain is empty :mad:
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I was just reading this thread when I happened upon Ange's response to your post. I've just had a couple of years where I hardly wrote a word, I tried on the odd occasion but I really had nothing to say. As suddenly as I dried up I suddenly feel I have something to say but I can't for the life of me explain way.

***********

Thank you Angeline and Tristesse for your comments on my poems. I think you are spot on Angeline with your comments on 'the hike'.

Apologises for not returning too many criticisms for the moment but I have an exhibition deadline this weekend and having to work long hours in my studio but come Monday I will participate more. I am really enjoying being back. Sad to see 1201 has had to bow out because of apparent healh reasons but hopefully he will be back.
 
bogusagain said:
I was just reading this thread when I happened upon Ange's response to your post. I've just had a couple of years where I hardly wrote a word, I tried on the odd occasion but I really had nothing to say. As suddenly as I dried up I suddenly feel I have something to say but I can't for the life of me explain way.

***********

Thank you Angeline and Tristesse for your comments on my poems. I think you are spot on Angeline with your comments on 'the hike'.

Apologises for not returning too many criticisms for the moment but I have an exhibition deadline this weekend and having to work long hours in my studio but come Monday I will participate more. I am really enjoying being back. Sad to see 1201 has had to bow out because of apparent healh reasons but hopefully he will be back.
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All three of your submissions today were a delight to read. You haven't lost your touch, buddy.

:rose:
 
Thanks Tristesse and Angeline for your comments on my latest effort, as confounding as I found them. What a poem is, is ultimately in the eye of the reader. You read two different ones, and I wrote a third one. ;)
 
Group hug.....

Time for catch-up - I thank the following for taking time to read and leave their comments and advice on my poems -

Past tense – Ange, UYS, vrosej10 and twelveoone
Sinister Christmas – UYS, chipbutty, Fridayam, EO and vrose
Almost – Liar, UYS, vrose, chipbutty and bogusagain.

In the future I'll certainly be making use of your good ideas to improve them.

:rose:
 
Hi Y'all

Thanks for the comments on my current batch of poems Angeline and Tristesse2. I am particularly grateful for the creative criticism (which I believe is the biggest gift you can give a writer).

Tristesse2; Black Cockatoos scream. I mean SCREAM. The wind in questions is this eerie little warm breeze that warns either a major rain depression is coming or a cyclone. It's fairly nondescript.
 
I've been trying to submit a poem but the submit page is demanding a URL and when I offer it one (I am guessing based on what is now appearing under my submissions) its telling me that its unavailable and I can't submit. Lauren what is going on?
 
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