i wonder if that word 'maintain' has anything to do with it.
it's not an issue for me; to date the most comments any of mine received was 9 - ah well
i wonder if that word 'maintain' has anything to do with it.
it's not an issue for me; to date the most comments any of mine received was 9 - ah well
i could lose it, and not lose the beats... oops, and a big thankyou!
Just be thankful you weren't here when the top list vigilantes where riding around.
Someone had mentioned they had liked one of mine, H gone, ironic thing (that's how I noticed it) was I was pulling it at the time, destroying most of it.
BTW chip, thanks for the comment, made my day, did you notice where you started and ended it rhymed. I figured I should at least attempt to upgrade from drivel to doggerel.
Angie, i'm looking at your suggestion as we speak ... i think you may be on to something, sweetheart, though i'd hoped the semi's were pause enough. clearly not so for your seasoned ear x
Liar - i am hopeless at form names ... this is three reps of 8/10 syllables per line, 4/5 iambs, with the final two lines 10 each (5) and it being a rhyming couplet. maybe annie will know. the 'and' felt right as it arrived, but then i began with shelley, byron, et al influencing my language/thoughts (blame 1201, i'd been reading his What is it? piece) but that soon enough traveled to current times - i'm not so sure we're really that far apart anyway
friday, din'tcha mamma tell you you should chew yer food? gulping gives you wind *nods*
theo - cheers
I happen to love semicolons (lol can you tell I'm an editor?), but as the author John Irving points out most people either hate them or don't understand them. Anyway they mainly work best in prose, imo. If you are needing to use more than one or two in a poem you are skirting with making your poem look like a list. And yours is way too good for that. After a few reads it made me think of ghazals though I know it's not one.
And thank you to those who commented on Dance Trance. Liar you made me laugh. I know the title is awful. Mea culpa: I was so exhausted (in an oddly hours-of-good-sex kinda way) after writing and editing it that I totally copped out on the title. But I see you knew I did.
Thanks to you, twelveoone, vrosej10, and anyone else who may have voted for any of my poems. Much appreciated.
good editors rool. oh yeah.
so, does it work better for you presented this way, and lose most the punctuation? and how do you feel about the initial 'and'? dispose of it?
and should our eyes grow wild upon
this diet of ambrosia and dust
and should these visions torment us
with howling griefs, outrageous joys the same
should comfort and distress become
our burn, our greed, our fevered daily bread
will laurels, earned, be worth the name they say?
or is it, still, a price too high to pay?
sorry, another quick question: griefs/joys? keep as plurals or would singles work better? i'm still kinda leaning to the plurals to keep the sibilance linking with 'us', 'visions' and 'outrageous' but maybe it's overdone...
Angeline, 'loose' and 'lose' may have to contend with 'then' and 'than' as subjects of any additional poems I may compose like my last.
I'd add some caps, maybe change the line breaks a bit but I'm a hopeless tinkerer (and also it's your poem--I don't want to be stepping on it!). But I think it's easier now to read it with a more measured pace. And that helps me appreciate it better. I'd be interested to hear what others think too though.
For me singular "joy" and "grief" works better for two reasons 1) "our" already implies plural and 2) "our" + a singular suggests a universal which I think is the intent. I mean you could argue either way but overal how do you quantify things like that?
ETA: that "the same" at the end of the grief, joy line is so damn good, chippy.
i'll wait to see if anyone else has opinions and weigh them all up and see how the see-saw sways. ty
My understanding is that once you get an H, it's supposed to stay. I think that once you get ten votes, you get the H. But Lit regularly does sweeps where they reduce votes/views that are based on alts or bots voting. This is much more an issue on the story side of Lit, not here. They also make mistakes both when sweeping and doing updates as many here have noted. We've all seen comments and votes disappear for no apparent reason. That's why, for me, an H or an E or a W (for winning a contest here) is great, but the feedback itself is where the real value is.
"As for my garden, yes, I will have at least a pepper and tomato garden this year. I accidentally discovered a market for pickled peppers a few years back when I gave a friend a couple of quarts of mixed hot peppers. He sold a jar and that turned into him buying almost all my pickled reserve at 10 dollars a jar. I had a pepper garden that year with 12 varieties of hot and sweet peppers. He told me that I need to make at least a hundred quarts this year as they are sold. I might go into business, lol."
Maria/Julie
May I put in an order?
Angie, i'm looking at your suggestion as we speak ... i think you may be on to something, sweetheart, though i'd hoped the semi's were pause enough. clearly not so for your seasoned ear x
Liar - i am hopeless at form names ... this is three reps of 8/10 syllables per line, 4/5 iambs, with the final two lines 10 each (5) and it being a rhyming couplet. maybe annie will know. the 'and' felt right as it arrived, but then i began with shelley, byron, et al influencing my language/thoughts (blame 1201, i'd been reading his What is it? piece) but that soon enough traveled to current times - i'm not so sure we're really that far apart anyway
friday, din'tcha mamma tell you you should chew yer food? gulping gives you wind *nods*
theo - cheers
you'd need to ask Tz or Lauren, perhaps you've followed in my footsteps and invented your own!
:caning:
Those two last lines took weeks to perfect. I got the metaphor early on but expressing it was another matter. This is an intensely personal poem. I have fertility issues and battled for years to have my son and for years after, unsuccessfully, to have a second child. About seven years ago I decided I could not take the endless hoping; it was killing me and we made a conscious decision to stop trying. The poem originated from a dream in which I was a man, as the poems states, with a partner who'd just given birth...a bit weird but I am on strange meds...
Thanks all you guys for the comments on Bitter Regret.
I think about it less now than I used to but it still haunts my dreamlife. Writing keeps the demons down.OK, in that respect, I'll live with it. Only there. I really don't want anyone trying some of the "stupid" stunts, that I try.Also, 1201 who hates for me to refer to him as a teacher, tough, you've taught me. To respect myself and to never give up. Live with it, Buddy.
God, You are asking for it. Here, check out http://www.literotica.com/p/apocalypso
