"To keep the review thread clean..."

[twelveoone]

tess - FWIW, i did
5ed 'em all
prick that i am
& left less than substantial comments too!

 

[Desejo]

Thanks to Chipbutty, Tazz, 1201 for comments on The Thief's Bucket List (sorry, people, I am too lazy to figure out how to do links that don't appear as an URL).

Thanks also to Neo for the challenge. It was cool seeing the different takes on the concept posted. I enjoyed that.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Thank you, to Tristesse for her mention of my poem, Because Everybody Loves a Winner. Also thanks to everyone who commented! I felt so rich reading them and what people were thinking as they read it. I will look at where I could shorten it, possibly, 1201.

Tristesse and all of the reviewers here do a splendid job. I will do a combined Saturday / Sunday review tomorrow but soon we will have to find some more. Oops I mean recommenders.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

 

[butters]

Thank you, to Tristesse for her mention of my poem, Because Everybody Loves a Winner. Also thanks to everyone who commented! I felt so rich reading them and what people were thinking as they read it. I will look at where I could shorten it, possibly, 1201.

Tristesse and all of the reviewers here do a splendid job. I will do a combined Saturday / Sunday review tomorrow but soon we will have to find some more. Oops I mean recommenders.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

just to say i intend to come back later today and do some commenting, P - i read yours a couple of days back and found it striking. some days i come here full of great intentions re commenting but am silenced by what i read, thinking 'wow, this is like ... proper poetry', and then my words shut down as all you writers blow me away.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks to Tzara for the mention of "Child, You Always My Sugar Plum Fairy" and to Harry, tazz, Desejo, and demure for commenting.

Desejo: How do you know I'm not black?

Just kidding. Your comment does make me want to go back and substitute paraphrasing where the direct quotes are and then compare the two. Just how far can a poet stretch a first person voice, whether it's from a different gender, race, or sexual orientation, for that matter, and the risks in doing so might be a good discussion in the PF&D threads.

Wait! I have a lot of Irish in me. I wonder if that counts?

Jimmy Rabbitte: "Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud."

"The Commitments"

 

[Desejo]

GM:
I know exactly one black person who lives in Vermont, so I took my chances.

It is an interesting thread for a discussion. I think your poem would work better with more limited use of vernacular, somewhat like Pandora did in hers. Sounds more authentic - like something she maybe overheard. Anyway - maybe a discussion thread if anyone wants to start it. I do admire how you stretch your limits as much as possible, and as Tzara said - the craft in that poem is fantastic.

 

[HarryHill]

Who me?

thanks, Harry, for your time and your comments on my poor bucket poem.

..
On here looking for someone to accost/talk to and saw Desejo's post to this thread....well you know me ...curiosity killed the cat (but satisfaction brought 'im back) had to look. Where was I?
imagine my surprise to find your note
..
Most welcome, dear Chipper, although I will have to look back for it. All here have been quite kind with comments, suggestion, and employment. I would like to take this opportunity to convey my own thanks to you and the community.

 

[butters]

I would like to take this opportunity to convey my own thanks to you and the community.

^ what he said re my bucket list poem. got more comments than it probably deserved and they were generous to a fault

twelve? re 'out' - i keep trying to read it with that dropped down a line and keep stumbling. might be a lack of distance from write for me as yet; today i revisited 'positive thinking' and only now see what was perfectly clear to outsiders .. those last two lines were totally redundant. way cleaner without.

 

[twelveoone]

GM:
I know exactly one black person who lives in Vermont, so I took my chances.

did they talk black, or did you meet them coming out of a tanning salon?

 

[HarryHill]

Thanks to Tzara for the mention of "Child, You Always My Sugar Plum Fairy" and to Harry, tazz, Desejo, and demure for commenting.

(Welcome, a pleasant chore)

Desejo: How do you know I'm not black?

(I always say, I'm a black man trapped in a white man's body)

Just how far can a poet stretch a first person voice, whether it's from a different gender, race, or sexual orientation, for that matter?

(Experimented with this today in a new submission ...Don't know about stretch let me know)

Wait! I have a lot of Irish in me. I wonder if that counts?

(Irish always counts)

Jimmy Rabbitte: "Do you not get it, lads? The Irish are the blacks of Europe. And Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. And the Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin. So say it once, say it loud: I'm black and I'm proud."

(Great movie)

..
Sure is quiet in here

 

[twelveoone]

..
Sure is quiet in here

and then, i show up
thank you muchly, PandoraGlitters for mentioning. Des, disagree word used is "cancered", twice, one of the few dogmas i have is if you do something that will be perceived as wrong, do it twice. Ang, what got you back into commenting? God, you two are bears, good bears, I love it, lov u2.


Tazz is beginning to annoy me, saw a comment on one of bogus's the other day. Bog was pissed at the queen in chess, do i see a metaphor? Tazz and Raj (is this a comedy act?) start babblin about the chess game, how you must dominate...hello?
Hello, since I think Tazz (and is an Alt of some sort) reads these things...take your buddy Raj over to the opening in Mythos, the opening gambit is a chess move, there is no game, there is no king on the board, no king, no game, he ain't playin Jackson, I even tell you that. What do you T&R two fine minds make of that?
1. b4
The Sokolsky Opening (also known as the Orangutan or Polish Opening) is an uncommon chess opening. And I am an uncommon poet of sorts. Tazz there is another opening, the one in the orange sand, drop in sometime.

BTW cancered is just a word.

 

[Angeline]

and then, i show up
thank you muchly, PandoraGlitters for mentioning. Des, disagree word used is "cancered", twice, one of the few dogmas i have is if you do something that will be perceived as wrong, do it twice. Ang, what got you back into commenting? God, you two are bears, good bears, I love it, lov u2.


Tazz is beginning to annoy me, saw a comment on one of bogus's the other day. Bog was pissed at the queen in chess, do i see a metaphor? Tazz and Raj (is this a comedy act?) start babblin about the chess game, how you must dominate...hello?
Hello, since I think Tazz (and is an Alt of some sort) reads these things...take your buddy Raj over to the opening in Mythos, the opening gambit is a chess move, there is no game, there is no king on the board, no king, no game, he ain't playin Jackson, I even tell you that. What do you T&R two fine minds make of that?
1. b4
The Sokolsky Opening (also known as the Orangutan or Polish Opening) is an uncommon chess opening. And I am an uncommon poet of sorts. Tazz there is another opening, the one in the orange sand, drop in sometime.

BTW cancered is just a word.

Thank you for the BTW. I was concerned.

 

[twelveoone]

Thank you for the BTW. I was concerned.

Des, disagree word used is "cancered", twice, one of the few dogmas i have is if you do something that will be perceived as wrong, do it twice. Ang, what got you back into commenting? God, you two are bears, good bears, I love it, lov u2.

hey. hey what about this?

 

[Angeline]

Des, disagree word used is "cancered", twice, one of the few dogmas i have is if you do something that will be perceived as wrong, do it twice. Ang, what got you back into commenting? God, you two are bears, good bears, I love it, lov u2.

hey. hey what about this?

I have been commenting here and there all along. Just don't get here every day like I used to do.

 

[butters]

so bite me, 12vishone

ok, going to put this here for the record, even knowing as i do that 1201 loathes vacuous comments grandstanding as praise, and maybe when i'm less sick i can come back and say something meaningful enough ... in the meantime:

his poem, I, the Shadow was one of the most beautiful things i've read here.

ever.

it perfectly illustrates how a poet cannot - does not - paint with light alone, and how the shadow is crucial in order to define.

this piece speaks with such elegant sorrow, timing and word-choice that it leaves me wanting to lay down my e-pen and never write again.

(this too shall pass)

i love this poem. completely.



alright, maybe these two lines feel as if they might be neatened:

whether to cut itself off
of or the cut itself back in

 

[twelveoone]

ok, going to put this here for the record, even knowing as i do that 1201 loathes vacuous comments grandstanding as praise, and maybe when i'm less sick i can come back and say something meaningful enough ... in the meantime:

his poem, I, the Shadow was one of the most beautiful things i've read here.

ever.

it perfectly illustrates how a poet cannot - does not - paint with light alone, and how the shadow is crucial in order to define.

this piece speaks with such elegant sorrow, timing and word-choice that it leaves me wanting to lay down my e-pen and never write again.

(this too shall pass)

i love this poem. completely.

you're just saying that cause you ran out of cheese

what the hell is an e-pen?

I could deconstruct this:
was one of the most beautiful things i've read here.
maybe when i'm less sick i can come back ...

I'll let it go, with a very, very humble thanks,
but thank willie too, it was his girl, and...poe

 

[butters]

you're just saying that cause you ran out of cheese

what the hell is an e-pen?

I could deconstruct this:
was one of the most beautiful things i've read here.
maybe when i'm less sick i can come back ...

I'll let it go, with a very, very humble thanks,
but thank willie too, it was his girl, and...poe

meh, i never run out of cheese

typing into the box as opposed to an actual writing tool used on real paper

hmmmn, don't deliberately misconstrue. it's a frikkin compliment.



humble?
hahahahahahahahaaaa

 

[champagne1982]

Thanks for the direction to twelvio's poem chip. I actually voted and commented on this deserving poem and wonder if only for the awkward phrasing in those 2 messy lines could there have been a hidden "E"?

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks for the direction to twelvio's poem chip. I actually voted and commented on this deserving poem and wonder if only for the awkward phrasing in those 2 messy lines could there have been a hidden "E"?

you (and live4passion) are right, typo.
strange i also see why it wasn't picked up as a typo, "cut" is both noun and verb, as a noun, the structure still works but is convoluted.
'wert', i had to look up, just to be sure, that i would keep, it encloses. thou art, thou wert. maybe Ang could rule on that one.

personally it may be a sad shortfall of english that the "you" does not distinguish anything anymore.

anyway, i am humbled, thank you

 

[HarryHill]

Thanks to 12 oh, chip, n Tazz for comments on. <a href="http://www.literotica.com/p/unrequited-8" target="_blank"> Also ...lotta good reads on the board...while my internet was down Octobers challenge got a lot closer to post.. So, good with the bad. First drinks on me tonight CYA

 

[twelveoone]

I mean, this is just lovely writing. Lovely.

I'm not sure I understand it yet. I have a huge respect for demure's talent, [/SIZE]

seriously, a little more detail as to why, especially after that less than substantial thing you said about me in your exorcism

 

[twelveoone]

i am ashamed at what you heathen bitches have done

BTW, i was just funnin' with that i got that from the anon, i think he was referring to the fact someone didn't bow down to the poet god

Wormese
or sumptin like that

and today over in new poems...ta da

TAZZ, does not break out of one line wonderment,blunderment
1201 has taken to his notorious 'w/o comment' comment

BTW, i do hold a record of sorts

Subject: *
Comment: *

just thought i'd bore you with that piece of trivia

 

[twelveoone]

Recommended read for today, Simeon by demure101.

Mantra for all the other contributors[ - read some poetry, notice the structure and content, show don't tell.

best godamm review ever
i couldn't help noticing the reinforcement of

show don't tell.

with the mirror av

shhhhh
(that's the sound of my scales, slithering on the hard wood floor)

 

[Tzara]

Thank you 1201, Desejo, Tazz, Angie (in chronological order, I hope) for your comments. I do appreciate them.

Poetry can be such a lonely thing.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

best godamm review ever
i couldn't help noticing the reinforcement of

show don't tell.

with the mirror av

shhhhh
(that's the sound of my scales, slithering on the hard wood floor)

I don't do reviews, darling, I do recommendations.