"To keep the review thread clean..."

[LexiRoseLexi]

Thanks Tzara

Exactly those.

I've tried searching the anthologies since but my sons ones are full of Winnie the Pooh/ AA Milne and anon.

The daffodil poem reminds me of a song I used to sing with my dad in the car - seven daffodils - its a folk song and he used to love that Bob Dylan stuff, along with the Conway Twitty and Kenny Rogers songs. Incidentally I tried to explain who Kenny Rogers was to the son and he was just like 'bah old people' but Johnny Cash and Neil Diamond he loves. Kids are strange.

 

[Desejo]

Thanks

Thanks to Pandora Glitters for mentioning Pas de Deux in the review thread, Tazz, Harry and Angeline for their feedback on that poem. Much appreciated.

 

[LexiRoseLexi]

21 broken relationships

Thanks Tristesse for the comments on the review thread. 21 poems it is. Now how to capture the essence of each relationship in poetry...

 

[njoyjade]

Poetry Feedback

Thank you CharleyH

I liked the images in 'unruffled leaf' and 'unbending reed'. Wasn't really keen on the 'armed with goodness' bit, though. Also, I thought the rhyme subtle and unobtrusive, and felt it worked well with the overall theme presented.

I appreciate your feedback on Fabled Beauties.

I still have so much to learn, and remain a work in progress. Your feedback encourages me to keep trying.

p.s.
I also must say Thank you to Tzara
for opening an August challenge without
rules!

 

[CharleyH]

Thank you CharleyH



I appreciate your feedback on Fabled Beauties.

I still have so much to learn, and remain a work in progress. Your feedback encourages me to keep trying.

My pleasure, Jade. I'm glad you feel encouraged. I've only been doing recommendations for a few months, but I have noticed your poetry. I've also noticed how much you have been improving in style, imagery and word choices. Keep writing, babe!

 

[CharleyH]

Won't be around tomorrow (Sunday, August 19) for recommendations. Apologies. Have a great weekend, all.

 

[njoyjade]

Thank You

Thank you bronzeage for for your comment about my poem on August 21st.

 

[njoyjade]

Thank You

Thank you Tristesse2 for your comments about my poems on August 23rd.

 

[Tzara]

Thank you, Tessie, for the mention of both my new poems. I meant for those to come up on Wednesday, kind of sub rosa, but I really do appreciate your mention.

Thanks also to Tazz for his usual somewhat puzzling comments and to 1201 to fiving me on that Box o' Dreams one.

It's, like, fun to write poems here, even after all these years. Thanks, y'all.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Thank you, Tessie, for the mention of both my new poems. I meant for those to come up on Wednesday, kind of sub rosa, but I really do appreciate your mention.

You are welcome but now I'm wondering - why sub rosa - are you trying to avoid my rapier-like comments?

 

[Tzara]

You are welcome but now I'm wondering - why sub rosa - are you trying to avoid my rapier-like comments?

Sub rosa to avoid anyone feeling like they have to review them.

And your rapier-like wit can skewer my poems anytime. Your stinging words are like a bourbon-based glaze--tasty and even a bit intoxicating.


Let me also thank greenmountaineer for his comments on both of my poems from yesterday.

 

[twelveoone]

Thank you, Tessie, for the mention of both my new poems. I meant for those to come up on Wednesday, kind of sub rosa, but I really do appreciate your mention.

Thanks also to Tazz for his usual somewhat puzzling comments and to 1201 to fiving me on that Box o' Dreams one.

It's, like, fun to write poems here, even after all these years. Thanks, y'all.

not so fast, t-man, i gave you a 5, because that is all i could do. i stand by my comment, but that thing is a devil. full of the here it is, no its over there, games that i sometimes play.
That may be the most complex thing I've ever seen here. I just came on and copied it to do some picking at it.

 

[Tzara]

not so fast, t-man, i gave you a 5, because that is all i could do. i stand by my comment, but that thing is a devil. full of the here it is, no its over there, games that i sometimes play.
That may be the most complex thing I've ever seen here. I just came on and copied it to do some picking at it.

Don't overthink things, bud.

Unless you're God or T.S. Eliot, a poem is just a poem. Kind of a thank-you note to language.

My current opinion, anyway. We might argue about that.





Is it too much to say I love you? Probably.

I'll leave it at that.

 

[twelveoone]

Don't overthink things, bud.

Unless you're God or T.S. Eliot, a poem is just a poem. Kind of a thank-you note to language.

My current opinion, anyway. We might argue about that.





Is it too much to say I love you? Probably.

I'll leave it at that.[/QUOTE
I am a simplifin' man - Johnny Derrida

'sides Mr. E had Pound to cut the crap out, and yours is so compressed. And who replaced Eliot? Ginsberg. Time to bury him.

There are poems and there are POEMS, the structure of yours is incredible. A base that is linear, intersecting with something like an explosion. I totally rescind my comment. Since I'm consider myself lucky if I write for 3 people, if I begin to see this, that's one for now. I stand now in awe. After being stunned for a day.
Stuffing Eliot dead center did look like a plant.

I'm still shaking my head. The ticket of all things, which I missed at first. I do forget the painter, Renoir? And if I'm right, you'll deny it. Love it.

Love it, but you forgot Chaucer, unless he's included in Eliot, (in which case in may not have been Chaucer but Whitman.)

 

[CharleyH]

Just a mention that I will not be around for recommendations on Sunday, September 9. Have a fab week all!

 

[Neonurotic]

Thanks Mr.12, Tess and taz for your comments on my poem, "Covet the Night".

Moab arches in Utah and similar scenery are probably the most inspiring, awesome (the real sense of awesome) sights that I've ever seen. I've seen them on a hot clear day, on a stormy morning, at night, at sunset/sunrise and still, it takes my breath away. If you've never experienced the desert southwest in the US, you should. In fact, put it on your bucket list.

 

[twelveoone]

a walk on the path by 1201 left no such feeling. His use of language is masterful, there are too many lines to quote here but they made me want to write like this, just go and read it. Read it aloud to yourself to really get the sounds and rhythm, it is a very vocal poem and I loved it.

Read, write and enjoy what's left of the summerr.

"choke cherries crowd the tiny path"
I'm sure you did, you and every other person wading threw new poems.
there are people who come here, write dreadful stuff (we all have to start somewhere) and want to learn, that's fine, its not easy
there are people who come here with a set of skills, those we love

and then there are the pissers, submit five "poems" a day about their dick, clit whatever, what set me off was one that was written like an obscene phone call. So I told him to put it on his voicemail and i gave him a two because one was such a lonely number. I think he responded by straffing mine, without even the customary "Fuck You".
dipshit
asshole
fucking think
wasn't much of a poem, so I went for a walk, the goldenrod had turned a burnt orange, choke cherries crowded the path. somehow some poet god, smacked me in the back of head " you got something already, keep walking" and there...a smiling silver mickey mouse. by the time i got home i had about 4x the material I needed.
since everyone that responded most have had some idea this may have been the path i was talking about, crowded out. thank you for putting the smile on the mouse face! the comments are good.
Des, dipshits of summer came from a book title called the "boys of summer"
Ang, the structure straight line to the mouse head, then as the protagonist sinks further back into memory becomes less literate, language escalates, dipshit, asshole,fuckingfuckingfucking. that stanza has nice patterns of three leading into one another. last stanza, just ties the whole mess up.
gm, i may be on to something with the spiders, i was crowding rhyme, and damn it when i read it, i actually felt like i walked into a web.

anyway you are all cordially invited to level four, pick a poem you feel may have been neglected, tell us what you usually look for, how it meets or exceeds, or does something that may be of interest; or not, just go bash neo's, till i get desijo's up. tzara's not here, leave that one alone.

 

[butters]

leading us down the path

gotta thank tristesse for bringing this one to my attention, since i've not been over to new poems for far too long.

twelvio, much worthy ado about this piece from where i'm sitting, mainly for the sound-work tying everything up. you might have felt spider-webbed, but you tied us up good and proper in the reality of its truth. every good poem is true to itself.

 

[Desejo]

Reviews - thanks and thoughts

I want to thank everyone who commented on Anklets, Green Sweater and Coming to America. These are all poems that were inspired by challenges here in the Forum - as Pandora noted.

There are very different opinions and practices on voting and comments on poems on Lit. Having sat on review committees for years (in another sector, not poetry!) I can say with certainty that that is completely normal. Some are tough graders, some just give the same score and comment, there are different tastes and focuses. It should all even out in the end, in theory.

I have to admit - I like seeing good scores on my poems. But more importantly, I like the discussion. It's disappointing when comments given in the spirit of improving already strong poems are considered to be unfair and people and authors or fans get defensive. So for the record: don't go easy on me. If you have a concern or suggestion - throw it out there. I'm here to learn, not have my ego stroked.

 

[twelveoone]

gm, half my comment disappeared, other one didn't take
irony and contrast is incredible on no great leap
5ed

 

[greenmountaineer]

My thanks to Charley for the mention of "No Great Leap Forward" in NPR and to Desejo, oneiria, 1201, Angeline, demure, and Tazz for taking the time to comment.

The poem was inspired by a conversation with my teenage daughter who visited China and saw an elderly woman, now crippled and reducing to begging, whose feet had been bound as a young girl before the Communist Revolution in 1949.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

1201, I quite liked your phrase "Kind of a thank-you note to language." Thanks for that.

 

[twelveoone]

1201, I quite liked your phrase "Kind of a thank-you note to language." Thanks for that.

that was Tzara's phrase

im feral

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Ah, thanks to Tzara, then. Cheers.

 

[butters]

thanks, twelve and tazz and yes, the cheese is off-putting. very