Trust and Honesty...opinions please

[A Desert Rose]

Shadows and Des

If you come to Vegas, it would be absolutely a wonderful experience. I would love to meet and greet you.

And you too, Shadows. It's such a happenin' town.

Now back to the thread lol

Rose

 

[Shadowsdream]

rose

I agree Vegas is a wonderful place....I pop in occassionally to leave a shirt or two behind.

 

[Desdemona]

Rose, hon I love Vegas. Its very sparkly. Like Shadows, I occasionally feel the need to drop in and deposit a shirt or two.

 

[WillowPuss]

Honesty and Trust

Two extremely innocent and unassuming words. Study them. Think about them. Taste them. Inhale them. Devour them. Commit to them if your desires take you past the bedroom games of Domination and submission and into the lifestyle you say you crave. Without one the other cannot exist.
Honesty is the backbone of integrity and tests the vulnerability of a submissive as he or she lays their life completely open at the feet of the Dominant they have chosen to present the gift of their submission to.

A word that speaks volumes that so many never even think about. So easily the single word * honest!* without a thought of the consequences to the subtleties of slight deceptions in the purity of the statement, can pass the lips before they pass the brain.

Honesty has no less importance when it is presented by the Dominant. To mouth the word in insincerety shows Her weakness. Her honesty must be in all things and at all times for it is the strength of Her committment.One digression can bring down Her house of cards.

Well, willow is going to slightly cheat again ... and answer this as if it is a new question. (I will later go and study others answers and add if I have anything to say)


Honesty ... without my honesty Robuck would have no basis on which to build our journey together. He needs my honesty when asking for feedback, about how my day was, about what, if anything is troubling me. If I answer with less than 100% honesty, how can I possibly expect Him to be able to care and nurture me?

I need Him to be honest with me ... for without that, how am I to know that I am pleasing Him?

Trust ... trust comes slower, to my mind. Trust has to be built up, little by little, brick by brick. Honesty, to me, is the cement that holds the builing of trust together. If honesty starts to slide, the 'cement' is eroded and eventually the trust comes crashing down around you.



(Ohhhh Shadowsdream ... I was late with the assignment - and am not at all sure I answered it fully even now )

 

[Shadowsdream]

willow

(Ohhhh Shadowsdream ... I was late with the assignment - and am not at all sure I answered it fully even now )

you are a lucky girl..your assignment arrived just before the dog ate your homework! I think you must have been thinking of the cane leaning against My desk?

Once again you confirm your understanding of the complexities that run throughout your relationship with your Master. For the betterment of your relationship you see and face the need for honesty as you recognize its base for trust.

Please give My regards to Roebuck!

 

[cellis]

Honesty is a continuum, then, with a complete utter lies on one end and the stark truth on the other. In between is everything else.

I have wanted to respond to this thread for a couple of days, but time just got away from me this week.

Honesty is everything for me. It is the fuel that feeds the trust I have in others.

If I had not had a problem with honesty in past relationships (and I take all the blame that is my due) it might not be such an issue. I made a commitment to be as honest as possible at all times in my relationship with Himself.

It was not something that I consciously asked from him in return, but I realize today that the implication has been there all along.

The honesty I give to him is the fuel that feeds my trust in him and this is definitely not something given lightly. In fact, for me they seem to go hand in hand.

I need to be able to be honest in order to begin to trust... trust that if I tell someone something, they won't leave or belittle me. I have a hard time separating the two because in my mind the two are so very intertwined.

I have tried to live in this relationship without expectations, but I am human and I realize that is not possible. I do expect my honesty to be returned. I do expect to be trusted.

Our relationship is just that, a relationship first and one that is built on the honesty that allows true trust to develop.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have wanted to respond to this thread for a couple of days, but time just got away from me this week.

Honesty is everything for me. It is the fuel that feeds the trust I have in others.

If I had not had a problem with honesty in past relationships (and I take all the blame that is my due) it might not be such an issue. I made a commitment to be as honest as possible at all times in my relationship with Himself.

It was not something that I consciously asked from him in return, but I realize today that the implication has been there all along.

The honesty I give to him is the fuel that feeds my trust in him and this is definitely not something given lightly. In fact, for me they seem to go hand in hand.

I need to be able to be honest in order to begin to trust... trust that if I tell someone something, they won't leave or belittle me. I have a hard time separating the two because in my mind the two are so very intertwined.

I have tried to live in this relationship without expectations, but I am human and I realize that is not possible. I do expect my honesty to be returned. I do expect to be trusted.

Our relationship is just that, a relationship first and one that is built on the honesty that allows true trust to develop.

Thank you so much for participating in this conversation. It is always a pleasure to read your thoughts as they are well thought out and speak so many meanings. your no hedge attitude keeps you vulnerable but in a way of incredible strength.

I hope you will always have expectations of what you recieve against what you give. It is more than human nature it is also common sense.

 

[Shadowsdream]

There are so many aspects of honesty yet to uncover...one of My expectations is as follows....

Do not hide your pain or ecstasy from Me for it is what feeds My desire to take you deeper on the path you have craved your entire life.

 

[WillowPuss]

There are so many aspects of honesty yet to uncover...one of My expectations is as follows....

Do not hide your pain or ecstasy from Me for it is what feeds My desire to take you deeper on the path you have craved your entire life.

I have found that not hiding my pain has been far harder than I ever thought it would be. I had a real struggle with that at the start of our journey. I am much better now at vocalising what it is that is causing me heartache - and yet, if I did not do so, how would I be honest and open. And without vocalising it, how could I expect Him to help me overcome it?

Great point there, Shadows.

 

[zipman]

There are so many aspects of honesty yet to uncover...one of My expectations is as follows....

Do not hide your pain or ecstasy from Me for it is what feeds My desire to take you deeper on the path you have craved your entire life.

Sorry SD, but this post is not about your topic (which I have already posted to). It is about something else that I think is even more important - the way you guide, steer and direct your threads to be substantive conversations instead of either dying out or moving off topic.

I had a funny thought when I read the post I quoted. I thought to myself, I bet she directs her subs like she directs her threads!! It was funny in that you do it so naturally that I bet most people don't even realize what you are doing. I think that is another reason that your threads are so enjoyable to read. It's not simply about acknowledging or answering posters, it's about taking the conversation in a productive direction, that will inspire conversation!

You rock, you thread master!!!

 

[Shadowsdream]

Sorry SD, but this post is not about your topic (which I have already posted to). It is about something else that I think is even more important - the way you guide, steer and direct your threads to be substantive conversations instead of either dying out or moving off topic.

I had a funny thought when I read the post I quoted. I thought to myself, I bet she directs her subs like she directs her threads!! It was funny in that you do it so naturally that I bet most people don't even realize what you are doing. I think that is another reason that your threads are so enjoyable to read. It's not simply about acknowledging or answering posters, it's about taking the conversation in a productive direction, that will inspire conversation!

You rock, you thread master!!!

O O I have been exposed!

Yes Zip I direct My subs and My trainees both subs and Dom/mes exactly as My conversations show.

If I did not I would not be giving all I am to create all they can be. In My opinion ( and I sure do have a lot of them don't I?)
BDSM or D/s is not a half way lifestyle or lovestyle. I also believe that it must be at times obvious and at times so subtle that it flows with a naturalness that you can't quite put your finger on.

I feel the same way about the conversations I begin in Lit. I hope they will make all think about their personal journey in ways that will enhance and build self esteem. If I abandom the conversation before it ends I let down those who have come to trust My honesty and care for their realities.

Thank You for reading between the lines as You so often do...I enjoy Your mind...it is much like My own.

 

[zipman]

O O I have been exposed!

Yes Zip I direct My subs and My trainees both subs and Dom/mes exactly as My conversations show.

If I did not I would not be giving all I am to create all they can be. In My opinion ( and I sure do have a lot of them don't I?)
BDSM or D/s is not a half way lifestyle or lovestyle. I also believe that it must be at times obvious and at times so subtle that it flows with a naturalness that you can't quite put your finger on.

I feel the same way about the conversations I begin in Lit. I hope they will make all think about their personal journey in ways that will enhance and build self esteem. If I abandom the conversation before it ends I let down those who have come to trust My honesty and care for their realities.

Thank You for reading between the lines as You so often do...I enjoy Your mind...it is much like My own.

Sorry for outing you like that! But not only did I notice it, but I haven't started any threads yet because I picked up on the sense of responsiblity that you have for your threads and didn't want to start one until I was more comfortable with my ability to direct and encourage a thread properly. Your threads have a "flow" that makes them such a pleasure to read.

I'm sure that a lot of people don't even realize the level of effort required to make everything seem so "effortless," much the same way as a scene with a good Dom/me.

And thank you for the comment about my mind being much like yours. That is high praise indeed!!

Zip

 

[Shadowsdream]

Zip

I think I will get as much pleasure following Your conversations as You have found in Mine.

 

[Guest]

TRUST & HONESTY

TRUST & HONESTY are the essence to any relationship and I live by it and demand it from my subs,they know each other and knew about each other from the start #1 having been trained by me for me and #2 who is still learning but progressing extreemly well and when #1 came into my possession she had limited sexual experience and was extreemly vanilla as she had only had missionary sex for the 10 years of her marrage but now enjoys it all and has trusted me to teach her how to enjoy serving her MASTER in any way I desire.#2 has had much more experience and thought she knew what she was meant to do but now enjoys all the thing I introduced her to, we have break sessions where we sort the things that they are not sure of and I tet them know what I desire from them, they both ARE honest and trust me to do anything I wish and the trust & honesty is a 3 way thing with us.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: TRUST & HONESTY

TRUST & HONESTY are the essence to any relationship and I live by it and demand it from my subs,they know each other and knew about each other from the start #1 having been trained by me for me and #2 who is still learning but progressing extreemly well and when #1 came into my possession she had limited sexual experience and was extreemly vanilla as she had only had missionary sex for the 10 years of her marrage but now enjoys it all and has trusted me to teach her how to enjoy serving her MASTER in any way I desire.#2 has had much more experience and thought she knew what she was meant to do but now enjoys all the thing I introduced her to, we have break sessions where we sort the things that they are not sure of and I tet them know what I desire from them, they both ARE honest and trust me to do anything I wish and the trust & honesty is a 3 way thing with us.

Thank You for joining the conversation and giving Me an inside peek at Your reality. For a deeper peek could You tell Me if these subs live with You or see You occassionaly?

I totally agree that when there are 2 subs and 1 Dominant the trust and honesty MUST be a 3 way street. Without that dynamic jealousy breeds beneath the surface and respect can never be assured.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I have found that not hiding my pain has been far harder than I ever thought it would be. I had a real struggle with that at the start of our journey. I am much better now at vocalising what it is that is causing me heartache - and yet, if I did not do so, how would I be honest and open. And without vocalising it, how could I expect Him to help me overcome it?

Great point there, Shadows.

O willow I certainly do understand that it is much more difficult on occassion to speak about the heart pain than the butt pain. It is easy to think that you are complaining or whining or looking for a back door to attention.

The danger lies in internalizing heart pain for it grows and engulfs your self esteem in ways that erode it little by little. you are so correct when you state that it would be dishonest to hold it internally away from the help of your Master to help you through.

Heart pain is valid and takes a special kind of care at the right moment to turn it into a new depth of understanding between the Dominant and the submissive. It is a raw emotion.

Thank you for once again taking this conversation into a new direction.

 

[spankableBelle]

Honesty and Trust

Two extremely innocent and unassuming words. Study them. Think about them. Taste them. Inhale them. Devour them. Commit to them if your desires take you past the bedroom games of Domination and submission and into the lifestyle you say you crave. Without one the other cannot exist.
Honesty is the backbone of integrity and tests the vulnerability of a submissive as he or she lays their life completely open at the feet of the Dominant they have chosen to present the gift of their submission to.

A word that speaks volumes that so many never even think about. So easily the single word * honest!* without a thought of the consequences to the subtleties of slight deceptions in the purity of the statement, can pass the lips before they pass the brain.

Honesty has no less importance when it is presented by the Dominant. To mouth the word in insincerety shows Her weakness. Her honesty must be in all things and at all times for it is the strength of Her committment.One digression can bring down Her house of cards.

i always feel completely inadequate posting anything on Shadow's threads.

i value highly trust and honesty. For one in my personal situation, i realize that is hard for anyone to see or believe or even understand. my thoughts...one can't be completely honest or trusting with anyone else unless they are completely honest with themselves and trust in what they are doing, saying, etc... i am 31 years old, married for 10 years, and i had not one clue as to who i was inside...i was not honest with myself, i didn't look inside to see if i was truly doing what was right for me...(i swear this isn't poor poor pitiful me hour)...as i watched and experienced my life over the years evolve into discontent and unhappiness, i began to realize that i had to take a good hard look inside...and i found a lie...a boldfaced lie...i wasn't what i needed to be...i wasn't letting myself be who i was...being dishonest with oneself can be terribly destructive to not only oneself but to others around and involved...i had this high sexual, emotional, passionate, submissive need and i buried it, telling myself in the great scheme of things all of that wasn't really important...hubby and the kids and the bills and the friends and the family, that's all that mattered...didn't matter that inside i was dying slowly...failing to be honest with myself before i ever said 'i do' would have saved a whole lot ot people some serious heartaching pain, myself included...It's only been in the last few years that i've realized this and done some serious soul searching, some educating of myself, some learning from others that i am finally starting to understand myself and how to be so truthful to my own heart and soul and body...

How can i possibly be honest to another if i can't or haven't been honest with myself?

As for trust...it is vitally important to me. Can i trust myself, my heart, my soul, my mind to do what is right for ME? i am learning, i am trying... Can i trust another with my heart and soul and body and mind to not harm me? Again, i am learning and trying. Can i trust not to be judged for the way i choose to live or fix the mistakes that i've made? Ummm...not, i can't. i have seen it all to often, the judging, the verdicts, and the executions... Can i trust myself enough to realize that i have worth and value to someOne? He is trying to show me... People on another board here trusted me to be an equal give and take friend, but when i withdrew into myself for personal issues that i was dealing with, the trust they placed in my friendship was violated and for some, unable to be retrieved. Can i trust myself not to be selfish in my friendships, learning a valuable lesson through loss? Work...work...work here in this area... Can i trust myself not to be selfish in my submission, truly doing for another and not for myself, giving because it is necessary, not holding back on my thoughts or emotions or my passion, not holding back from that which i am striving for...His pleasure and my freedom in surrendering all that i am as a submissive woman? He believes so and through His belief in me, i am learning to believe the same in myself, therefore building that trust within.

It is all a learning process for me. i don't know if i've made any sense or if i've just rambled on into oblivion. Shadow asked for opinions and my own is that being honest with oneself has to come before honesty with another, or there is gross misrepresentation of all that one is faced with in the end...trust is vaulable, necessary...within oneself and within others...

belle

 

[Shadowsdream]

(It is all a learning process for me. i don't know if i've made any sense or if i've just rambled on into oblivion. Shadow asked for opinions and my own is that being honest with oneself has to come before honesty with another, or there is gross misrepresentation of all that one is faced with in the end...trust is vaulable, necessary...within oneself and within others... )

first belle..please never feel anything but at home posting to My conversations for you never waste a word as you look deep within to find your own trúth.

It is a long journey you have begun and to question the past will not benefit the outcome. you lived your life as you were meant to and in all likelyhood never even knew about submission and Domination to any depth years ago. It is doubtful you had any concrete reference to utilize and question your sexulaity.

you recognize it now and have been fortunate enough to have been given the opportunity to be guided lovinly into this new possibility.

It is seldom easy to change ones direction in mid life but often the rewards are worth the self evaluation.
There is no doubt that all the honesty and trust must begin within.

Now don't make Me come looking for you all over Lit when I begin the next conversation young lady!

 

[spankableBelle]

(It is all a learning process for me. i don't know if i've made any sense or if i've just rambled on into oblivion. Shadow asked for opinions and my own is that being honest with oneself has to come before honesty with another, or there is gross misrepresentation of all that one is faced with in the end...trust is vaulable, necessary...within oneself and within others... )

first belle..please never feel anything but at home posting to My conversations for you never waste a word as you look deep within to find your own trúth.

It is a long journey you have begun and to question the past will not benefit the outcome. you lived your life as you were meant to and in all likelyhood never even knew about submission and Domination to any depth years ago. It is doubtful you had any concrete reference to utilize and question your sexulaity.

you recognize it now and have been fortunate enough to have been given the opportunity to be guided lovinly into this new possibility.

It is seldom easy to change ones direction in mid life but often the rewards are worth the self evaluation.
There is no doubt that all the honesty and trust must begin within.

Now don't make Me come looking for you all over Lit when I begin the next conversation young lady!

Thank You, very much.

You are right in that questioning the past will not change or add to the outcome of what is to come in the future, and it's not so much that i've questioned it as much as it is how do i not let myself become blind again, lost in the darkness of self-denial...

The One that is helping me is truly a blessing and His Dominance is something that i cherish and it often puts me in a state of blissful surrender to this soul that lives within me...i am encouraged to question, to learn, to read, to seek answers actively from within and from without...He encourages my participation on these threads so that i may increasingly move forward in my discovery of my submission...

i won't make You come looking for me when You start another conversation, though i wonder what the punishment would be, if You did have to?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thank You, very much.

You are right in that questioning the past will not change or add to the outcome of what is to come in the future, and it's not so much that i've questioned it as much as it is how do i not let myself become blind again, lost in the darkness of self-denial...

The One that is helping me is truly a blessing and His Dominance is something that i cherish and it often puts me in a state of blissful surrender to this soul that lives within me...i am encouraged to question, to learn, to read, to seek answers actively from within and from without...He encourages my participation on these threads so that i may increasingly move forward in my discovery of my submission...

i won't make You come looking for me when You start another conversation, though i wonder what the punishment would be, if You did have to?

ah ha an inquisitive nature is a good thing!

I will be keeping an eye on you from afar as you enjoy the guidance and support of your most supporting guide in reality. you are truly blessed to be encouraged so gently.

Don't worry to much about falling into the darkness of denial ..if you stick around Lit I will keep propping you back up with My honesty and your own curiousity.

 

[spankableBelle]

ah ha an inquisitive nature is a good thing!

I will be keeping an eye on you from afar as you enjoy the guidance and support of your most supporting guide in reality. you are truly blessed to be encouraged so gently.

Don't worry to much about falling into the darkness of denial ..if you stick around Lit I will keep propping you back up with My honesty and your own curiousity.

~smile~

i have a most inquisitive nature...

And i appreciate the eye from afar...it seems i have many, beginning with Him and for all of those encouraging of my journey, i am ever grateful and humbled...

And as for sticking around Lit...first came the stories, then the chatrooms, now the boards...i'm not going anywhere...

 

[cymbidia]

Variances in communication styles, especially in newer relationships, can sometimes have a very real effect on the perception of the truth and honesty going on between partners.

Tex is taciturn.
I am not.

Tex thinks his feelings and responses through, mulls them over, and doesn't use ten words when two will do.

I have words to spare in every situation and use them with intensity and abandon, heaping them atop each other in a blaze of verbal excess.

Tex keeps his own counsel.

I seek mine and hers and his and thiers and mine again and ponder it all aloud.

We aren't alike in this matter of communication and it's led to a few times of doubt and hurt feelings, at least on my part.

However, if we both get said what we need to say, if we feel heard, if we talk it over enough so that we both feel the subject, whatever it is, has been settled and attended to, then that's what's important. It is then, within the intersection of our very different communication styles, that trust and honesty can grow roots and, eventually, set seed between us.

 

[zipman]

<snip>
I have words to spare in every situation and use them with intensity and abandon, heaping them atop each other in a blaze of verbal excess.
<snip>

Ah, but you use them so beautifully! This is a truly magnificent and descriptive sentence.

 

[WillowPuss]

Ah, but you use them so beautifully! This is a truly magnificent and descriptive sentence.

And so often I wish aloud that I had the skill with words you do, cym!

 

[cymbidia]

Y'all are kind.
Thank you.