What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex?

[Pantux]

Been married 40 years haven’t had sex for 10 years. Was doing some erotic touch etc but that does not happen much anymore. My wife’s problem is health conditions. So I jerk off experience various fetishes on my own, watch porn, do only fans etc. Sometimes it’s hard and I crave physical touch. I watch a lot of JOI videos. Never been with another woman. It is what it is.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I agree! There has to be a way for a couple to work it out. I cannot understand why so many are unable to figure out some arrangement.

It depends on the couple/individuals.

The problem I found was my wife didn't want sex! But more than that, she didn't want ME having sex!!! And she changed her work schedule and habits at home to avoid spending any time with me or sleeping in the same bed with me.

When she found that I had a sex benefits friend (whose husband was impotent and couldn't please her), my wife insisted that was the end. "Outsourcing" for me to get it elsewhere (which I suggested) wasn't an option.

So, it's not the sex, lack of sex, different libido, etc that's necessarily the underlying problem. In my wife's case, she was jealous, and it was as if she had someTHING stolen from her! She considered me her property, to be set aside in a closet until she wanted something from me. But for anyone else to enjoy me? That was forbidden!

In a case like that, where one person in the marriage feels that way, there's no "arrangement" to be made.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Many have all already posted that they have sexless marriages ( and I do sincerely hate that anyone has to go through this) so no need to recant it all, what I want to know is what do all of you do for sex?​

​

Get a divorce!

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Freak out after catching you masturbating?!

I hope that is happening less these days... Heck, I'm very open with my wife about my masturbating and have even told her when she comes into the bathroom when I'm doing it, "Hun, keep the shower door closed, I'm jerking off in here..." She doesn't mind one iota. And shouldn't mind. She hasn't yet but if she asked, "So, who are you thinking of this time?" and I said, "This morning, it's Mariska Hargitay...she's giving me a BJ." She'd laugh and say something like, "Ha! I hope she's good at it!" And I'd have the very same reaction catching her masturbating.. Though I'm pretty sure she'd be thinking of Regé Jean-Page or Roger Federer... but who knows, maybe she's thinking of Mariska Hargitay too!

Perhaps it's too late for the older generations but I hope the younger ones understand that sex - preferably w/ a partner, but even if alone - is NOT a pointless activity, or an intrusive itch that doesn't need to be scratched. Nonsense! For many of us, sex is every bit as essential to a happy life as laughter. Desiring sex is not a psychological weakness; it's a goddamn biological mandate.

Strays or maturating was the quote. You only focused on one part.
A guy I worked with wife divorced him after catching him maturating to porn. There was probably more to the marriage issues but the point is different people react differently

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

I masturbate.

I've masturbated all of my life, even when the sex in my marriage was good. Now that it's almost non-existent, I do what I've done all of my life - I masturbate. And, of course, I partake in the stimuli of porn and sex chat to aid in my life-long pursuit.

I've also enjoyed quite a few blowjobs from fellow sex-starved married men in Adult Book Store video booths.

 

[LeeKee]

What do we do? Nothing. Age. Die a quiet death from a hollowed out life. Hope that selfish bitch feels worse. Basically that's it.

 

[LookN2Talk]

Been married 40 years haven’t had sex for 10 years. Was doing some erotic touch etc but that does not happen much anymore. My wife’s problem is health conditions. So I jerk off experience various fetishes on my own, watch porn, do only fans etc. Sometimes it’s hard and I crave physical touch. I watch a lot of JOI videos. Never been with another woman. It is what it is.

I'd probably have a massive sex toy collection at that point, some sex machines, and a few sex dolls no doubt.

 

[LookN2Talk]

It depends on the couple/individuals.

The problem I found was my wife didn't want sex! But more than that, she didn't want ME having sex!!! And she changed her work schedule and habits at home to avoid spending any time with me or sleeping in the same bed with me.

When she found that I had a sex benefits friend (whose husband was impotent and couldn't please her), my wife insisted that was the end. "Outsourcing" for me to get it elsewhere (which I suggested) wasn't an option.

So, it's not the sex, lack of sex, different libido, etc that's necessarily the underlying problem. In my wife's case, she was jealous, and it was as if she had someTHING stolen from her! She considered me her property, to be set aside in a closet until she wanted something from me. But for anyone else to enjoy me? That was forbidden!

In a case like that, where one person in the marriage feels that way, there's no "arrangement" to be made.

Get a divorce!

I am sure many do. I am surprised that Lifestyle66 & Pantux have not. Serious stick em guys! I am not a big fan of divorce but there are times when it is needed however I definitely would want to explore ALL things possible to keep it from happening. As for you Lifestyle66, do you at least continue with self sex? My wife did go through a time when she needed me to let her be. She was grieving. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help her except let time heal the wound. I took care of my self alone during most of that time. Yes it is very lonely as others have said and it is what it is as more have said but we still do not have to go without release even though we miss the loving from our spouse. I was thankful that my wife would occasionally walk in and say, "I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself." It ached not being able to help her but it also didn't help not having self sex. I've tried the route of not having orgasms and it makes for a miserable life for me and those around me. Sex is not my happiness, or my joy, but it is a very integral part of me.

So how are you guys handling it currently? Are you okay? Have you discovered anything that help more than not?

 

[Lifestyle66]

I am sure many do. I am surprised that Lifestyle66 & Pantux have not. Serious stick em guys! I am not a big fan of divorce but there are times when it is needed however I definitely would want to explore ALL things possible to keep it from happening. As for you Lifestyle66, do you at least continue with self sex? My wife did go through a time when she needed me to let her be. She was grieving. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help her except let time heal the wound. I took care of my self alone during most of that time. Yes it is very lonely as others have said and it is what it is as more have said but we still do not have to go without release even though we miss the loving from our spouse. I was thankful that my wife would occasionally walk in and say, "I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself." It ached not being able to help her but it also didn't help not having self sex. I've tried the route of not having orgasms and it makes for a miserable life for me and those around me. Sex is not my happiness, or my joy, but it is a very integral part of me.

So how are you guys handling it currently? Are you okay? Have you discovered anything that help more than not?

The example I gave was from my FIRST (now ex-) wife on why "arrangements" aren't always possible. Even when married to that selfish B, after a few YEARS of taking care of myself, I eventually found a fuckbuddy to take care of my needs, ... until the B found out. So, I've been down that path of trying to make things work. But when I realized it wasn't just the issue of sex, but rather her CONTROL and OWNERSHIP of me that was the issue, ...

We're now divorced, because she couldn't tolerate the fact I was having fun sex with someone else!

I'm now happily married to my second wife, and having a great sex life!

 

[elizaloo]

So, I've been down that path of trying to make things work. But when I realized it wasn't just the issue of sex, but rather her CONTROL and OWNERSHIP of me that was the issue, ...

We're now divorced, because she couldn't tolerate the fact I was having fun sex with someone else!

I'm now happily married to my second wife, and having a great sex life!

I hear this SO MUCH from guys on Lit - it's the CONTROL - the aspect of, "I don't want/can't have sex with you, but if I even catch you having it with YOURSELF, we're done." And too many of the marriages are older ones, where you have multiple homes, bank accounts, children and grandchildren (who would choose mom's side of course!) and the issue becomes 'is it worth facing all of that, especially the loss of children and grands to have sex?'

SO they ride it out - have a fling on a biz trip, or utilize an escort when they're out of town, or find a super discreet FWB and pray the wife never finds out.

Which is SO WRONG - we are all adults and there's no reason why you can't have that conversation without hate and anger...except for that pesky aspect of CONTROL. Too many people have it and can't let go of it....like another person should EVER be yours to control.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I hear this SO MUCH from guys on Lit - it's the CONTROL - the aspect of, "I don't want/can't have sex with you, but if I even catch you having it with YOURSELF, we're done." And too many of the marriages are older ones, where you have multiple homes, bank accounts, children and grandchildren (who would choose mom's side of course!) and the issue becomes 'is it worth facing all of that, especially the loss of children and grands to have sex?'

SO they ride it out - have a fling on a biz trip, or utilize an escort when they're out of town, or find a super discreet FWB and pray the wife never finds out.

Which is SO WRONG - we are all adults and there's no reason why you can't have that conversation without hate and anger...except for that pesky aspect of CONTROL. Too many people have it and can't let go of it....like another person should EVER be yours to control.

My first wife insisted we go to marriage counseling when she found out I had an FWB.

In the counselor's office, she said she'd TRY to have sex with me more often. I pointed out to her "You don't WANT sex with me anymore. You don't LIKE sex with me. And I don't want you doing something you don't want to do. And you don't even LIKE me or want to spend time with me. So, why not outsource?"

The marriage counselor interrupted, saying "You can't DO that!"

So, we're divorced.

EDIT: And BTW, I didn't try to hide my FWB from my wife. We just got together when my wife wasn't around, and NEVER in our own houses. My wife just came home unexpected one time and found I wasn't home as SHE expected me to be. It was like she put me in a closet when she didn't need me, and I got out. I wasn't where I was supposed to be.

 

[amigayorbi]

think about cheating but not do it, try knowing I won't cheat. Jack off and ease off! lol

 

[elizaloo]

My first wife insisted we go to marriage counseling when she found out I had an FWB.

In the counselor's office, she said she'd TRY to have sex with me more often. I pointed out to her "You don't WANT sex with me anymore. You don't LIKE sex with me. And I don't want you doing something you don't want to do. And you don't even LIKE me or want to spend time with me. So, why not outsource?"

My H has an ex like this - only it was over money/work....He worked three jobs and she had none - kids were older and in school FT..and during counseling one time the counselor looked at him and asked why he couldn't pick up another job....and H looked at the woman and said 'so it would be me with FOUR jobs and her still with NONE?"

They had issues with sex too.

Yeah, they're divored too.

The marriage counselor interrupted, saying "You can't DO that!"

I find this the most amusing of all! Did you pin them down and ask WHY NOT

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My wife just came home unexpected one time and found I wasn't home as SHE expected me to be. It was like she put me in a closet when she didn't need me, and I got out. I wasn't where I was supposed to be.


It's great that you got out and are happy now.***** is so damn short and gets shorter every time we turn around (just diagnosed after 15 years of NED cancer and now have Stage IV) and my attitude has become...If I WANT to do it, I'm going to...too many times we think, "well, later, when this or that planet lines up" and then suddenly there aren't many more planets to wait for. It makes me sad for those who find themselves with no more time, and all that disappointment (whatever kind, sex/money/travel).

 

[elizaloo]

So how are you guys handling it currently? Are you okay? Have you discovered anything that help more than not?

FWB makes all the difference - having that person be a friend you can talk to about anything and share your life with (and have AMAZING sex with) BUT also respect the boundary of not making plans to 'be together forever' is a blessing.

 

[Lifestyle66]

My H has an ex like this - only it was over money/work....He worked three jobs and she had none - kids were older and in school FT..and during counseling one time the counselor looked at him and asked why he couldn't pick up another job....and H looked at the woman and said 'so it would be me with FOUR jobs and her still with NONE?"

They had issues with sex too.

Yeah, they're divored too.



I find this the most amusing of all! Did you pin them down and ask WHY NOT

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My wife just came home unexpected one time and found I wasn't home as SHE expected me to be. It was like she put me in a closet when she didn't need me, and I got out. I wasn't where I was supposed to be.


It's great that you got out and are happy now.***** is so damn short and gets shorter every time we turn around (just diagnosed after 15 years of NED cancer and now have Stage IV) and my attitude has become...If I WANT to do it, I'm going to...too many times we think, "well, later, when this or that planet lines up" and then suddenly there aren't many more planets to wait for. It makes me sad for those who find themselves with no more time, and all that disappointment (whatever kind, sex/money/travel).

We stick it out for the kids.

When we have kids growing up and getting married, and having their own kids (our grandkids), we want them to be happy. But we don't want to set the example that divorce makes things better or easier. We want our kid to stay married and work through their problems for the sake of the grandkids having a two-parent family.

But when the kids are old enough, all out on their own, and can UNDERSTAND that our divorce is not about a short-term problem and instant gratification, ... then it's time to move on.


Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Here's to hoping you (and all of us) get the best out of the time we have.


EDIT: And BTW, this is why my stories are mostly about extra-marital FUN. Been there, done that! And sex SHOULD be about having fun.

 

[Deadfreak]

I would do almost anything for sex........ except cheat

 

[LookN2Talk]

I agree that cheating is not a good answer. I'm glad to hear others of like mind.

 

[ned63]

I come here and see the ladies that post their pictures, men that post their wife or gf. Get good naughty thoughts about them. When I get alone time I go in bathroom an masturbate thinking of them. Get my pleasure with my hand since wife doesn't have sex or play. That's the way it goes, hopefully I will find a lady that will become a long time friend online an we can pleasure ourselves with each other on cam. Can only hope.

 

[van_delay]

I come here and see the ladies that post their pictures, men that post their wife or gf. Get good naughty thoughts about them. When I get alone time I go in bathroom an masturbate thinking of them. Get my pleasure with my hand since wife doesn't have sex or play. That's the way it goes, hopefully I will find a lady that will become a long time friend online an we can pleasure ourselves with each other on cam. Can only hope.

I give myself a lot of hand pleasure too

 

[ned63]

I give myself a lot of hand pleasure too

like you undie's your wearing in profile pic. Those you wife panties?

 

[van_delay]

like you undie's your wearing in profile pic. Those you wife panties?

Yes

 

[crem]

I would go to an ABS and get head before going home to my wife, after so long of not having sex with her I started blowing guys in the ABS. The best was giving her a kiss hello when I got home, if she only knew that those lips had dick and cum on them 10 minutes earlier. Still my secret today, divorced now but never told her..

 

[FreckledSprite]

I still have marital sex but not at the frequency or type I need. We chose to open our marriage hoping it would add value to our lives.

Men in sexless marriages are my niche for finding cybersex partners. It’s just a matter of time before one becomes an in person partner.

I don’t get the point of suffering through forced celibacy just because we signed a marriage license way back when. Make it make sense?!

 

[Britva415]

You don't think asexuality is a thing?

Thumbs up.

Person might as well say "_fill_in_any_non-straight_sexual_orientation_ isn't natural." They probably know better than to say that about gays, but in 2024 asexuality is still misunderstood, disbelieved, erased and pathologized.

 

[kccasey]

I have been in a sexless marriage for some time now. Sexless as in I don't get any. When she gets the urge, very infrequently, she rolls over on top of me, masterbates herself on my pubic bone, and I suck her nipples. She gets off quickly and that's it. Nothing for me. She did give me permission to seek sex elswhere, but do not tell me about it, I don't want to know about it, and don't bring them here.
I am looking for someone, like FWB, but have not had luck yet. Went to adult theater, where you can get blow jobs from other men. I was considering giving blow jobs, never done that, but it is a fantasy, chickened out after watching some guys give head in the back of the theater.
Divorce is like not an option. To expensive. We have some good memories, fortunately no kids. Have hired some prostitutes, but mostly a cold proposition.