What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex?

[newhere2learn]

Was in a sexless marriage for around 5-6 years. Started out dating, typical route and she liked sex. A lot.

By time married 4 years later, down to monthly. Health issues and such then became a part. Then mental health and then her behaviour.

Last 6years we were together, sex was once to twice a year. And vanilla as they come. If she'd been as thus from the offset, that's one thing. But, at the offset she was wild.

Wanking became a go to. Until it was clear our marriage was dead. Then a couple of trusted playmates.

Once we formally split, online dating a d single mums combined with fwb, booty calls and J/O buddies... Really opened my eyes.

Then 4-5 years dating a chubby girl who loves the dick.

 

[Str8andhungfromBoston]

My first marriage was sexless. Wife at the time said to go ahead and satisfy my needs elsewhere... so I did. Thats when I discovered I was Bi. It was so easy to have casual, safe, drama free sex with men that were also married!

 

[newhere2learn]

My first marriage was sexless. Wife at the time said to go ahead and satisfy my needs elsewhere... so I did. Thats when I discovered I was Bi. It was so easy to have casual, safe, drama free sex with men that were also married!

Agreed, men approach JO meets etc as normal do for buying something off eBay or Facebook and collecting it.

 

[FlirtyWordy]

I'm extremely lucky that my wife is still into it. Best sex we've ever had.

If my wife bowed out, there is no way I would just accept not having sex. We'd have to work something out.

 

[PMarky2]

I wank to ease the stress. That takes care of the physical need. Emotionally, I am in a complete hole. There is someone whose mind interlocks with mine, and I absolutely adore. I am too old for her but I want kids with her, which is the first time the breeding impulse has seriously kicked in in my 50+ years. I have got it so bad because I think she will make the most wonderful imaginative mother. It is to the point where I am wondering how many kids before we would need to upgrade from a Subaru to a minivan, but divorce is a no go as my wife is sick, and morally, I would feel like I was abandoning her even though we are somewhat alienated from one another.

 

[Robert_Lovelace]

Lit is a great solace here. We don't just want sex; we want to share our sexuality. Menopause is frequently the problem and not even hrt or/and testosterone necessarily helps. My wife has been promising for years that it will get better but it never does. Not because she doesn't mean it but because it's just not important enough for her. We live in hope but hope deferred maketh the heart sick. Trying to talk about it and negotiating interim measures, halfway activities etc. has limited success because of lack of interest and a feeling of threat. Going to a sex therapist is probably the best option but also requires agreement and willingness. The problem must be wide-spread and it's good to air it. Not easy to deal with the resentment and sense of powerlessness. 'For better for worse' only takes you so far, this being the 'worse', especially if it calls to mind the other promise, probably not heard much these days when the service has been modernized, 'with my body I thee worship'. In any case it can only be good to share ideas. Porn, FWB, going solo, etc. may provide some relief and are probably good for us medically but what we really want is intimacy, self-giving, being wholly present with the other.

 

[Biguy77578]

My 1st marrage was driven by love, fun times and sex. The love part never faded until the fun times and sex did. The things we had in common faded and the sex ended. I tried to deal with it to no avail. So I began an affair with an old HS girl friend and indulged in bisexual relationships.
The wife realizing things were bad got us into couples therapy and the sex improved but it was too late.

 

[Uncut1969]

Stroke my cock to no end! It has opened me up to trying cock so it turned me bi

 

[LookN2Talk]

I'm extremely lucky that my wife is still into it. Best sex we've ever had.

If my wife bowed out, there is no way I would just accept not having sex. We'd have to work something out.

Awesome!

My 1st marriage was driven by love, fun times and sex. The love part never faded until the fun times and sex did. The things we had in common faded and the sex ended. I tried to deal with it to no avail. So I began an affair with an old HS girl friend and indulged in bisexual relationships.
The wife realizing things were bad got us into couples therapy and the sex improved but it was too late.

I take it you are no longer together? So there was no improvement whatsoever that could fix it?

 

[Robert_Lovelace]

My 1st marrage was driven by love, fun times and sex. The love part never faded until the fun times and sex did. The things we had in common faded and the sex ended. I tried to deal with it to no avail. So I began an affair with an old HS girl friend and indulged in bisexual relationships.
The wife realizing things were bad got us into couples therapy and the sex improved but it was too late.

It's sad to read that the sex improved but it was too late. I suppose that's because sex is not the solution but the symptom. Not an end in itself but a means to a greater end. Someone once told me you have to work at your marriage as hard as at your job. So, getting the sex going again is only part of the journey. I wonder how many women understand just what it does when intimacy is lost, and how many of us men make the effort to speak up, understand and be understood.

 

[SPARTAN047]

It's sad to read that the sex improved but it was too late. I suppose that's because sex is not the solution but the symptom. Not an end in itself but a means to a greater end. Someone once told me you have to work at your marriage as hard as at your job.

Harder than any job. Even dating.

So, getting the sex going again is only part of the journey. I wonder how many women understand just what it does when intimacy is lost, and how many of us men make the effort to speak up, understand and be understood.

Zero.

 

[Edgeallday78]

Masturbate with strangers keeps it exciting

 

[Biguy77578]

It's sad to read that the sex improved but it was too late. I suppose that's because sex is not the solution but the symptom. Not an end in itself but a means to a greater end. Someone once told me you have to work at your marriage as hard as at your job. So, getting the sex going again is only part of the journey. I wonder how many women understand just what it does when intimacy is lost, and how many of us men make the effort to speak up, understand and be understood.

If the sex had come back earlier maybe the spark could have too but by then I had found someone who loved sex, loved adventure and loved me!

 

[HampshireBoy]

Mostly yes, nothing crazy. But that would make a good lit story!

For me, it’s the human contact, talk, intelligent exchange. A lot of flirty situons, especially when you become a regular.

Funny how, many of the same faces find their way in the same cafe.

we stopped seeing people after COVID, unless they dare to show their face on zoom calls. After a while, you get bored of staring at your walls.

I don’t know, people watching has always been a thing for me.

I also enjoy people watching.

I belong to a couple of local walking groups, which gives me social interaction - we sometimes go for a drink afterwards. Like you, I have quite a few flirty conversations with women that I know from walking - sometimes I'm the only guy walking with half a dozen women. A number of these women are married, a couple of whom have mentioned to the group that the physical side of their marriage is non existent. One even asked me if I had any experience with viagra and whether I thought it would help her husband. I've resisted going beyond flirting, especially as it is hard to judge whether they would be receptive.

 

[drobert44]

I also enjoy people watching.

I belong to a couple of local walking groups, which gives me social interaction - we sometimes go for a drink afterwards. Like you, I have quite a few flirty conversations with women that I know from walking - sometimes I'm the only guy walking with half a dozen women. A number of these women are married, a couple of whom have mentioned to the group that the physical side of their marriage is non existent. One even asked me if I had any experience with viagra and whether I thought it would help her husband. I've resisted going beyond flirting, especially as it is hard to judge whether they would be receptive.

Divorce and go gay.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Divorce and go gay.

Not an option for me. We're very much in love, just she has lost sex drive. However I enjoy the flirting.

 

[Tomr]

I solved that problem by never getting married in the first place. Decided that when I was in my mid twenties after seeing all the problems and troubles it caused friends and family members. I wanted no part of that nonsense!

 

[Justhappytobealive]

My 1st marrage was driven by love, fun times and sex. The love part never faded until the fun times and sex did. The things we had in common faded and the sex ended. I tried to deal with it to no avail. So I began an affair with an old HS girl friend and indulged in bisexual relationships.
The wife realizing things were bad got us into couples therapy and the sex improved but it was too late.

Ditto

But now I go to the Adult Theater and meet like minded people who have the same situation

 

[LMWM321]

I solved that problem by never getting married in the first place. Decided that when I was in my mid twenties after seeing all the problems and troubles it caused friends and family members. I wanted no part of that nonsense!

well... I guess that's one way to prevent the problem. But I adore my wife and can't even imagine a life w/out her or my kids.

If I had to guess I'd say that there are solutions to at least some of these "sexless marriages" people are writing about. As a starting point, I'd recommend attending couples therapy and visits to an empathetic, sex-positive OBGYN who understands the importance of sex in a healthy marriage - even as the couple reach their 80's.

The problem, however, is that many of these women probably didn't really LOVE sex all that much with their partner even before menopause and the blame for that could partly be a husband who is not a particularly conscientious lover.

Also, understand that people who come to Lit are not just ANY group of people. Yes, there are many here with a very healthy interest in sex that is enjoyed equally by their partner. ..But there are also quite a few men whose idea of good sex seems to be very very porn-driven which is very very male driven. ..So it shouldn't be so surprising that many of those men have wives (if they are married) who have tapped out sexually, especially once they've reached menopause when their libido drops and PIV sex can become painful. Knowing their husbands are jerking off to a hot 20-something woman being covered in cum in a gang bang when she (his wife) is struggling with all the joys of menopause (hot-flashes, weight-gain, vaginal dryness, difficulty climaxing, etc...) makes saying "no more sex for me" kinda understandable. I'm not saying this applies to any specific person in this thread, but more of a general statement.

So though your mind may be made, I would not discourage marriage b/c sex very far down the road can become challenging. Instead, I would make sure I'm being the best lover possible so my wife will be as determined as I am to continue engaging in it, even after menopause.

 

[zcraft5]

Many have all already posted that they have sexless marriages ( and I do sincerely hate that anyone has to go through this) so no need to recant it all, what I want to know is what do all of you do for sex?​

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look to chat on here and following directions etc lonely position glad i have some one to chat with then they leave

 

[zcraft5]

Ditto

But now I go to the Adult Theater and meet like minded people who have the same situation

thats an i idea huh

 

[Justhappytobealive]

Nice legs Z…..

 

[Deadbed1968]

Masturbate way too much, and sext.

 

[van_delay]

Masturbate way too much, and sext.

Same here.

 

[drobert44]

Same here.

Fuck a married woman, and play with a married gay man.