sugaredwalls
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What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
- Start date
Quoll
Area 25
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It seems that you need a No Soliciting Signs sign to add to your No Soliciting sign, I guess it's just a sign of the times.
Who needs lawyers anyway.
U
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Quoll
Area 25
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"Hey dude, I got an arm"
It's the udders on the "boy" cows and the "grey" market that weird me out.
It's ok to show tits but not balls.
U
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Quoll
Area 25
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I think gender neutral would have been less incongruous in this case rather than gender confused.
I see your point (so to speak) with the film nudity, relax, your making good sense, I speak fluent sleep depravity.
Landon_1980
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Eilan
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From Rate Your Students:
The Euphemism Flood Begins
"Conditionally Admitted." We know you're not going to meet our minimum GPA requirement. We also know you will bomb your appeal, if you even bother to schedule one, because the committee isn't going to buy the "my alarm clock didn't go off and I had the swine flu for a month and my roommate's hamster ate my homework" excuse. You might think we feel bad about setting you up for failure, but we don't. In fact, we gave you an opportunity to prove yourself -- an opportunity that no other college in the state was dumb enough to offer, and an opportunity that you squandered. (And we don't have to report you in our retention statistics or graduation data anyway, so who cares?!) That said, we'd also like to thank your dad for that fat tuition check he wrote us. Happy Trails, and good luck at Hometown Tech!
"Well known for our excellent track and field, soccer and softball teams." We can’t play football.
“As a Christian liberal arts campus, we are committed to your spiritual growth.” We have a cross on our letterhead, we’ll recruit you from Bible camp, and hope you don’t notice we’re hypocrites. Now pay your tuition, please.
"Student-centred learning." The inmates have taken over the asylum.
"We have a nurturing environment." We train our RAs to teach your kid how to do his laundry.
"We combine freedom of inquiry with rigorous foundations." Most of us don't give a shit if you study or work, but there are a few cranks around who pretend to.
"Global-centric." We've fucked up Ohio already.
"Personal growth will give us joy." We smoke a lot of weed.
"Commitment to diversity." We have no other choice. The surrounding area is like Chinatown.
"Students and faculty share academic goals." No they don't. We can't even spin this shit with a straight face.
"Students and faculty share a common desire." For sweet death to come.
"We're a college that believes in you." We have such a tiny endowment that we're letting everyone in.
"We have a great location." No we don't. It's in Wisconsin, for fuck's sake. There's winter and then there's mosquito.
"Urban campus." Junkies sleep on the benches in front of your dorm.
"Rural campus." Meth heads sleep in their cars in the parking lot.
"Suburban campus." It's so much like a fucking shopping mall that you'll wonder where the Foot Locker is.
"A premier institution." We suck. Hard.
"Where your career takes wings." Will it be air conditioning or hair styling?
"We're redefining higher education." We have no fucking idea what we're doing.
"Lively dorm life." Everyone's getting nailed. (Except for you, probably.)
The Euphemism Flood Begins
"Conditionally Admitted." We know you're not going to meet our minimum GPA requirement. We also know you will bomb your appeal, if you even bother to schedule one, because the committee isn't going to buy the "my alarm clock didn't go off and I had the swine flu for a month and my roommate's hamster ate my homework" excuse. You might think we feel bad about setting you up for failure, but we don't. In fact, we gave you an opportunity to prove yourself -- an opportunity that no other college in the state was dumb enough to offer, and an opportunity that you squandered. (And we don't have to report you in our retention statistics or graduation data anyway, so who cares?!) That said, we'd also like to thank your dad for that fat tuition check he wrote us. Happy Trails, and good luck at Hometown Tech!
"Well known for our excellent track and field, soccer and softball teams." We can’t play football.
“As a Christian liberal arts campus, we are committed to your spiritual growth.” We have a cross on our letterhead, we’ll recruit you from Bible camp, and hope you don’t notice we’re hypocrites. Now pay your tuition, please.
"Student-centred learning." The inmates have taken over the asylum.
"We have a nurturing environment." We train our RAs to teach your kid how to do his laundry.
"We combine freedom of inquiry with rigorous foundations." Most of us don't give a shit if you study or work, but there are a few cranks around who pretend to.
"Global-centric." We've fucked up Ohio already.
"Personal growth will give us joy." We smoke a lot of weed.
"Commitment to diversity." We have no other choice. The surrounding area is like Chinatown.
"Students and faculty share academic goals." No they don't. We can't even spin this shit with a straight face.
"Students and faculty share a common desire." For sweet death to come.
"We're a college that believes in you." We have such a tiny endowment that we're letting everyone in.
"We have a great location." No we don't. It's in Wisconsin, for fuck's sake. There's winter and then there's mosquito.
"Urban campus." Junkies sleep on the benches in front of your dorm.
"Rural campus." Meth heads sleep in their cars in the parking lot.
"Suburban campus." It's so much like a fucking shopping mall that you'll wonder where the Foot Locker is.
"A premier institution." We suck. Hard.
"Where your career takes wings." Will it be air conditioning or hair styling?
"We're redefining higher education." We have no fucking idea what we're doing.
"Lively dorm life." Everyone's getting nailed. (Except for you, probably.)
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
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- Jan 23, 2005
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From the mouths of babes
My daugher Em, who is 12 and looks like she is 20, wants to be Dorothy for Halloween. We went to the just-sprung-up costume shop in a strip mall to see if I could just buy one, or if I was going to have to break out the sewing machine. We found the little kid Dorothys with no problem, and then got to the adult costumes, and I do mean adult. Em looked at me and said "Oh great. All they have is Dirty Dorothy."
Yeah. . . not on my 12 year old. Sewing machine it is.
My daugher Em, who is 12 and looks like she is 20, wants to be Dorothy for Halloween. We went to the just-sprung-up costume shop in a strip mall to see if I could just buy one, or if I was going to have to break out the sewing machine. We found the little kid Dorothys with no problem, and then got to the adult costumes, and I do mean adult. Em looked at me and said "Oh great. All they have is Dirty Dorothy."
Yeah. . . not on my 12 year old. Sewing machine it is.
Eilan
Absent(ish)
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We bought costumes at Halloween USA today and I thought of you and your daughter. They had a "clean" adult Dorothy costume!Saucyminx said:My daugher Em, who is 12 and looks like she is 20, wants to be Dorothy for Halloween. We went to the just-sprung-up costume shop in a strip mall to see if I could just buy one, or if I was going to have to break out the sewing machine. We found the little kid Dorothys with no problem, and then got to the adult costumes, and I do mean adult. Em looked at me and said "Oh great. All they have is Dirty Dorothy."
Yeah. . . not on my 12 year old. Sewing machine it is.
My youngest is going to be Dorothy, BTW.
CristinaRobo
Really Experienced
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- Sep 7, 2009
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- 130
In a related sense. I decided to go to HalloweenUSA.com since I had never heard of this store. They advertise, "Where America Shops For Halloween!"
They give you a map to click on your state to find the nearest store location;
"There are no stores in Washington"
"There are no stores in Oregon"
"There are no stores in California"
"There are no stores in Montana"
"There are no stores in Idaho"
"There are no stores in Nevada"
"There are no stores in Arizona"
"There are no stores in New York"
"There are no stores in Connecticut"
"There are no stores in New Jersey"
"There are no stores in Massachusetts"
"There are no stores in Rhode Island"
"There are no stores in Maine"
"There are no stores in New Hampshire"
"There are no stores in Vermont"
"There are no stores in Minnesota"
"There are no stores in North Carolina"
I could go on. It seems like "America" is not as large as the rumors would suggest.
Quoll
Area 25
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- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
In a related sense. I decided to go to HalloweenUSA.com since I had never heard of this store. They advertise, "Where America Shops For Halloween!"
They give you a map to click on your state to find the nearest store location;
"There are no stores in Washington"
"There are no stores in Oregon"
"There are no stores in California"
"There are no stores in Montana"
"There are no stores in Idaho"
"There are no stores in Nevada"
"There are no stores in Arizona"
"There are no stores in New York"
"There are no stores in Connecticut"
"There are no stores in New Jersey"
"There are no stores in Massachusetts"
"There are no stores in Rhode Island"
"There are no stores in Maine"
"There are no stores in New Hampshire"
"There are no stores in Vermont"
"There are no stores in Minnesota"
"There are no stores in North Carolina"
I could go on. It seems like "America" is not as large as the rumors would suggest.
Haha, I've been through similar this week trying to source computer parts nearby or for delivery to my home.
"We've got it all", well except for that bit.
"Thousand of items in stock", but only three of those.
"Our prices can't be beat", because we don't actually display them.
I thought I'd go direct to the supplier, found what I needed and clicked link for closest store, apparently the don't actually have any stores seeing as how no locations showed up.
What rare and intricate piece of hardware was I looking for?
A dvd burner.
I did find a few, in the $100+ range, but considering the recommended price is between $35-$50 I think I'll pass on those.
CristinaRobo
Really Experienced
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- Sep 7, 2009
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- 130
I'm sure there's a smartassed political comment to be made about "real" America!
Or maybe Halloween is aholiday in those states!
I'd never dive into the arena of political satire...I'm sure to be boiled in my own stew!
CristinaRobo
Really Experienced
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Must be that all the stores in Qualbaza Rey de los conejitos del polvo have closed up due to an abysmal customer base.
OK...it appears I'm in a feisty mood this evening, must be the after effects of the prolonged vacation. I'm bound to come back to earth any moment now.
Quoll
Area 25
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- 10,886
Must be that all the stores in Qualbaza Rey de los conejitos del polvo have closed up due to an abysmal customer base.
OK...it appears I'm in a feisty mood this evening, must be the after effects of the prolonged vacation. I'm bound to come back to earth any moment now.
Heh, feisty is good.
The service motto in the surrounding towns is "We haven't got it but we can order* it in for you."
*Of course we can't just send out for one, you'll have to wait until we can submit a large order so qe can save $5:00 on shipping costs, shouldn't take more than two weeks.
TypicalDeviant
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 2, 2006
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- 716
In the spirit of Eilan's post, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwghabw4N80
And rediscovering this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=girA-la1RDA
And rediscovering this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=girA-la1RDA
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
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- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
We bought costumes at Halloween USA today and I thought of you and your daughter. They had a "clean" adult Dorothy costume!
My youngest is going to be Dorothy, BTW.
We shall have to swap pictures. I'm doing my Susie Homemaker schtick today and sewing like a fiend, you know, as soon as I clean the bathroom, and do the dishes, and throw in a load of laundry, and take a shower, and paint my finger nails. . oh hell. I think I'll just go read a book.
. .. snip
I saw this last night,
So when you say you saw this. . . was it in the same room? And did you run like hell or summon a large party of your minions to fight it off? Inquiring minds (who are putting off sewing a Dorothy costume. . . ) want to know.
This makes me laugh every time i see it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssOq02DTTMU
WARNING: so high on the damn cute-ometer it may cause vomiting!
Last edited:
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
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- Jan 23, 2005
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Jeesh, everyone knows that. Onions and rings.
Quoll
Area 25
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Tickle a midget in Portugal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ-CiwlqIEo
Really worth a look and as an added bonus she can sing like a nightingale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ-CiwlqIEo
Really worth a look and as an added bonus she can sing like a nightingale.
bobsgirl
Jiggly
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- Feb 17, 2003
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