Is Romance Important to You or Is it All About the sex?

[PenetratingIntelligence]

Give me connection and communication, or give me death!

If I have those two I can make anything work. Needs are conveyed and if I want romance or she wants to be fucked until she can’t remember her name, we ensure that we each get our fill.

 

[lil_jenni]

Before Hubby, I never needed any connection more than whatever connection occurred in the moment. Well, that is not quite true -- I always needed my connection with alcohol for sex to work, especially vaginal sex. Without enough alcohol to relax me, it was almost always painful. So, I connected with alcohol and then connected with whatever guy struck my fancy that night (or in rare instances, I would have a target in mind ahead of time). It was mostly BJs with me then taking care of myself later when I was alone and could relive what I had done earlier, unless I was so drunk I just got home and passed out.

With Hubby, we had a connection right away that was only a little fueled by alcohol. That's not to say that alcohol was not a necessary part for me at first even with him -- it was months before I had sex with him completely sober, and that was the first time I had ever had sex completely sober in my life -- but it was not the main connection. But romance... meh... it's taken me years to want romance even sometimes. Hubby is very romantic, and at first I accepted it but never really cared about it. That's changed in the last few years, and I like it sometimes. But I also like raw, hard, rough fucking with the man I love.

Completely different story with my girlfriend. Attraction came first (for both of us), then a connection, then sex. But I was her first female lover, so we took it slow. I don't think taking it slow was a necessity for me, but she needed it.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

I'm not really the romantic type, but there needs to be so,e sort of connection besides sex.

Like an arm wrestling match up? (Best of 3)

 

[MissPennyLane]

I think the two are so vastly different and also heavily intertwined at the same time.
Do I personally need there to be romance to enjoy sex? Absolutely not.
Do I need there to be sex to enjoy romance? No, but it could potentially increase the romanticism for me.

Needs and wants change over time... but I think everyone needs & deserves to feel wanted and desired from some direction, even if they won't admit it

 

[Sinstories]

For it to last beyond one or two roles in hay so to speak, there needs to be something else. It doesn't have to be romance, though that's usually a key part. More important is there needs to be some level of friendship or something like it for it to last. Sex by itself, or romance by itself tends to peter out, even just temporarily and if there is nothing else there, it usually leads to the end.

 

[munch2much]

I think the two are so vastly different and also heavily intertwined at the same time.
Do I personally need there to be romance to enjoy sex? Absolutely not.
Do I need there to be sex to enjoy romance? No, but it could potentially increase the romanticism for me.

Needs and wants change over time... but I think everyone needs & deserves to feel wanted and desired from some direction, even if they won't admit it

I agree with all that actually.
I think I always found sex far easier to find than romance and a true connection, so perhaps that’s why I get a bit excited by the latter

 

[Ocs9000uk]

Never just about sex .. I can't do 1 nighters , need to get to know someone 1st... Trust them , and they me.. have a physical attraction yes and a spark... a connection, before I go to sexual .

 

[Waywardwench]

I need a head connection with someone first but once that's established, I hate romance. Sex is it for me.

 

[Grant55]

RIP

 

[Grant55]

It's a beautiful day for romance.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

Romance and deep intimacy are something I share with my wife. I have a few intimate relationships with long term playmates.

My sub and I have a very intimate relationship, I think you have to in order for her to trust me, know that what I tell her to do in the end won't cause lasting harm.

Last night I was with a friend who is probably my most intimate relationship other than my wife. We started out swapping as a foursome 18 years ago but her husband is much older than the rest of us and is no longer physically able to join in the festivities and since she is straight my wife no longer joins us either.


One of the things that makes this particular relationship more intimate than others is the fact that she hates coming in front of anyone, she is the ultimate control freak and the loss of control disturbs her to the point where she will break down crying.

After so many years of friendship and sex she has finally found a bit of peace, allowing herself to let go with me. Even so it is still almost like a grudge Fuck the first go round.

 

[Grant55]

 

[curvyjae]

Intimacy has to come first, sex is a by product. Sure I can fuck whoever without feelings but I’m probably never going to ask for it again. But if we have intimacy… it’s intense.

 

[Ingenue844]

Omg this is so spot on and it’s sad. And it’s not just in RP.

Most of the reason my Coupling ended was this. Back when we had a friendship I would’ve done anything for him. Including meeting irl.

Things got light on friendship and about benefits.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I have a complicated view on “romance”. I think every time I’ve experienced it with a partner, it seemed really forced and obligatory. Like, having a boyfriend buying me a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day because that’s what boyfriends do, even though I’d told him explicitly that I don’t like stuffed animals (he asked me if I like them, I said no).

But connection and intimacy are definitely important. There have been one or two guys I’ve come across who I think I could have sex with without much of those two things, but it’s very rare. And I haven’t actually had sex with them so I don’t know if it would just end up being a one time thing.

 

[Cogan]

I have a complicated view on “romance”. I think every time I’ve experienced it with a partner, it seemed really forced and obligatory. Like, having a boyfriend buying me a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day because that’s what boyfriends do, even though I’d told him explicitly that I don’t like stuffed animals (he asked me if I like them, I said no).

But connection and intimacy are definitely important. There have been one or two guys I’ve come across who I think I could have sex with without much of those two things, but it’s very rare. And I haven’t actually had sex with them so I don’t know if it would just end up being a one time thing.

I'm not the romantic kind of guy and I've always said that romance is created from books and movies and what's romance is for you might not be the same for me. With that said I've found myself with a silly smile and a strange feeling that might be called romantic feelings in some moments in life, and there was not a teddy bear in sight!

I'll agree 100% with connection and intimacy.

 

[Anastasia1999]

I am a sucker for a bit of good old fashioned romance

 

[ThePitViper]

Back in the bad old days, when I had an occasional girlfriend, romance was a big thing for me. I guess it still would be, were I to give a shit.

 

[Photog1rl]

But is romance a gesture like a teddy bear, flowers or dinner or is romance the way someone makes you feel. I think it’s the later. For some a good tingly feeling(heads out of the gutter folks) can come from time spent together, a nice conversation, or a thoughtful action. For others it can be dinner, flowers or even they damned stuffed animal. I think this kind of connection can lead to amazing sex but it isn’t required for it.
Also, it’s important not to forget those that come into your life who you just connect with on a primal animal level. Like a pheromone match to which instant and intense fucking is the best response. It is the kind that should be had at almost any cost.

 

[NC_Coastal]

Romance is subjective, I assume. Most married women I know contend their husbands don't know how to spell romance. Most men I know cringe at the concept, as if it's somehow not masculine.
I believe it's about the little things: flowers on a Tuesday out of the blue, date night at home with a theme (tonight is French night; wish me bon chance). It could be a drive to the mountains with the top down or a slow ride around the lake in my jonboat or just sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch drinking wine and watching the neighbors walk past as the sun goes down.
I was raised by conservative parents who were cold to the idea of showing love, and it took me a long time to get out from under that. I work hard at trying to be as loving and compassionate as I can, but it doesn't come naturally. I'm on my third marriage.

 

[Ingenue844]

Romance for me is intimacy. Talking, affection, spending time together, doing little things that make your partner feel loved. That can be flowers or gifts but doesn’t have to be. In my marriage, it’s us sitting next to each other in the front seat on a road trip chatting. Or going to sports events in matching shirts.

 

[Mom_nxtdoor]

Really both

 

[Grant55]

 

[Booboobear84]

Can I have a roll in the hay without a connectio, yes. Is it sustainable long term , no. I really want to care about the person so that I get joy from pleasing them. Also, I love pillow talk that’s about any random thing: you can’t really do that without a connection.

I’ve had at least one FWB relationship here, but the friendship was really important to me. She needed sex, and she is such a nice person I loved helping her out, she seemed to feel the same.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

To have sex is an easy thing. To have romance requires effort and patience. It’s all about what you want, expect, are willing to share and what you are willing to do. Is the person worth it? It depends on if the person is who you’d want to woo vs the one you’d love “to hit that” with.