✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I have real trouble getting out of ruts. My biggest one is thinking about things in the past that I wish I’d done differently. I have to force myself to do something else. Talking to my therapist can help. I also have a slew of CBT/DBT techniques that I’ve learned over the years that I try to remember to use.

There is so much to respond to over the last couple of pages and I’m still at work on a break outside in the beautiful air so I can’t take as much time as I’d like to. I will have to revisit these later, BUT…I torture myself with replaying stupid things I’ve done in the past SO OFTEN. Omg. And when I do, I won’t even realize it but I literally yell without meaning to. So, if you are ever around me, and out of nowhere I just go, “NOOOooOOh No!” That will be me reliving one of many many terrible moments I’ve caused for myself. Usually it is when I’m alone on my car, or even if I’m in the shower! Whenever I’m daydreaming and my mind wanders, I will think of the time I said the wrong thing, or didn’t do the right thing… yeah. I really really get this.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

No sad emoji needed-it’s ok. It is just one of those things. Shrug

 

[Booboobear84]

I’m curious.​

what was your favorite class in school? What was your least favorite? Why? Did you have something that came naturally to you? Teachers that stood out? Lessons that were particularly meaningful or especially ridiculous?

View attachment 2533366

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Math Science English and History, hated art, penmanship (only course I ever failed), spelling, French (I would love to speak another language but I'm not wired that way). Gym was ok.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I think I put a lot into being responsible and it’s exhausting.

Yes, very much.

I mean . . . I’m likeable, I’ll give you that.
But I seem to get far more credit or faith from people than I deserve—that’s not me being down on myself, seriously, nobody could ever love me as much as I do! But, I don’t know, I guess I could use a little more criticism every now and then.

*opens folder*

 

[Wand3rlust]

I’m curious.​

what was your favorite class in school? What was your least favorite? Why? Did you have something that came naturally to you? Teachers that stood out? Lessons that were particularly meaningful or especially ridiculous?

View attachment 2533366

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I didn't fit well into school. I'm bright, could have been a top student if I'd have turned up and put some effort in. But I didnt. So I did just enough. Favourite lessons - ones where I could be creative. Music, Drama, PE, English. Least favourite - most of them. Just didn't want to be there. I found it dull, uninspiring and unchallenging.

I'm one of those annoying people.who is naturally good at mostly everything. But that's where it stops. I'm a typical 'Jack of all trades, master of none'.

*edited - wtf was a 'toonstudent??*

 

[Wand3rlust]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person?
​

View attachment 2534271

*Cue the music from the Life O’Brian*
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life…
whistle whistle whistle

It’s all perspective or how you choose to look at things, right? Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things? Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

I think I'm very similar to @cheekygirl75 - I'm supportive and positive about those I care about, and I try to say I'm realistic about myself, but it does tend to skew towards the negative. I'm British. We don't do over confidence. We don't trust it. We see it as arrogance. And we support the underdog everyrtime. It's a thing that is in us.

It's something that I struggle with here sometimes. I have a very slight tendency to be cynical and sarcastic - although I hide it well... and in the face of the overwhelming public displays of joy, and love and championing other from mostly the US contingent on here... I actively sometimes find it too much.
And oh God, the sarcastic responses I sometimes ACHE to post... but I have the awareness to not say them. So sometimes I just leave.

But those who know me privately I hope you'd say that I'm not that really.

But not for myself. I struggle with my self confidence, self doubt, I DO have people who are so kind and patient with me. So, I'm very lucky.

 

[Lmizzler]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person?
​

View attachment 2534271

*Cue the music from the Life O’Brian*
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life…
whistle whistle whistle

It’s all perspective or how you choose to look at things, right? Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things? Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

I’m more glass half full, for sure. I much prefer to stay positive. I am also realistic though and know when to put my head down and just grind through.

With that, I much prefer to be around positive people as well. It keeps me focused and diligent generally. Don’t go giving me a motivational speech, just stay upbeat.

A pet peeve of mine is when trainers or people lead g workout videos try to give some sort of excessive pep talk during workouts. I hate them. Keep me motivated but don’t make me feel like I have to talked off the ledge.

 

[MissRadiant]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person?
​

*Cue the music from the Life O’Brian*
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life…
whistle whistle whistle

It’s all perspective or how you choose to look at things, right? Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things? Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

I maybe odd, but I actually look at the line where it is. It's pretty cool to look at. Because if it's low or empty in my opinion then you need to fill it up. And you can't help others by pouring from your cup to theirs without making sure yours doesn't run empty or low kind of thing.

I tend to look for the positive and fight off the negative which isn't easy. The negative is annoying but i do know i can be annoying to at times.

But to get out of a rut takes listening to music, going for a walk, sitting in nature or reading a book and maybe even journaling. Doing something for myself. If it does get bad, then yes, I do ask for help, not ashamed to.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person? ​

Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things? Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

I’m more of a positive person in general. I find that if I start thinking negatively, I spiral down and I end up in an unhealthy place. So while I don’t want to be unrealistic or deluding myself, I do want to try to break things into manageable parts. I don’t give up. Ever. And that is a blessing and a curse because that can be called either persistent or stubborn. It’s all in how you look at it.

I will say that I am a positive person when it comes to other people. I think that I can see the strengths in others easily. I work really well with people. I genuinely like getting to know almost anyone. And as long as someone is sincere. I’m happy to try and work through our differences if we’ve had a problem in the past. (Except if you fuck with my children. Then I shall end you.).

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

If I’m in a rut, most of the time (after I cry it out - bc I’m a crier - doesn’t matter if I’m happy, sad, mad, I cry) I try to get outside, keep myself busy, journal. Clean, cook, do some work, walk the dog, anything. If I’m really mad, I will tell off the person I’m mad at. That helps. If I’m feeling lost and I don’t know what to do, I lean on someone I trust. I’m better now at asking for help, although I still feel like I’m adding to someone else’s burden by doing that. So I have to really feel comfortable with them. I get to a point where I really need a little help from my friends, just like the song says.

 

[Mei5ter]

I'm British. We don't do over confidence. We don't trust it. We see it as arrogance. And we support the underdog everyrtime. It's a thing that is in us.

You see, this is me. And I'm still wired that way. It's why we find writing CVs such torture, for one thing.

But then I look at popular recent political leaders. What set Blair and Johnson apart from Brown and May was confidence to the point of arrogance. And I do think that the British public liked that, and liked being told we were cool (Blair) or world-beating (Johnson), even when the Backstreet Boys and Matt Hancock proved otherwise.

I'd like the old mistrust of arrogance back, please.

It's something that I struggle with here sometimes. I have a very slight tendency to be cynical and sarcastic - although I hide it well... and in the face of the overwhelming public displays of joy, and love and championing other from mostly the US contingent on here... I actively sometimes find it too much.

I used to feel this way too. Americans do these things differently from us. But I think it's just the emotional equivalent of them having proper air conditioning when we just had a two bar electric fire in Nan's bedroom. The warmth was overwhelming at first, but I've got used to it. Or them having cheerleaders at a football game, and us drawing solace from someone selling lukewarm Bovril. There's a beauty to both.

*edited - wtf was a 'toonstudent??*

Someone who went to university in Newcastle.

 

[Mei5ter]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person?
​

View attachment 2534271

*Cue the music from the Life O’Brian*
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life…
whistle whistle whistle

It’s all perspective or how you choose to look at things, right?

This has always been my motto when posting ampics. Perspective and angles.

Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things?

Hmmm. I think it depends on why I'm looking at it? If I'm trying to fix it, I'm quite positive because I'll enjoy the challenge. But I'm struggling with a few things at work where I can't fix a bunch of fundamental problems, and I don't have that sheer weapons-grade perkiness to barrel through the collective dull inertia of others.

Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

It makes the world of difference to me, actually. And positivity is a fundamental thing. It doesn't mean that you won't be sad or depressed or struggle when the world isn't kind to you. But I've learned that I do better around people with warm hearts, even if there are layers of ice on the surface, than people who are superficially pleasant but fundamentally not.

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

I will do things by myself, thank you. Unfortunately, I don't come with a Haynes Manual, and I'm still working out which bits do what.

Being serious, one thing I have learned from Lit is to see therapy and counselling as a positive thing - where you're trying to make yourself the best you can be - rather than a negative - you need fixing because you're fucked up and broken. This place has its moments.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I'm British. We don't do over confidence. We don't trust it. We see it as arrogance. And we support the underdog everyrtime. It's a thing that is in us.

It's something that I struggle with here sometimes. I have a very slight tendency to be cynical and sarcastic - although I hide it well... and in the face of the overwhelming public displays of joy, and love and championing other from mostly the US contingent on here... I actively sometimes find it too much.
And oh God, the sarcastic responses I sometimes ACHE to post... but I have the awareness to not say them. So sometimes I just leave.

I used to feel this way too. Americans do these things differently from us. But I think it's just the emotional equivalent of them having proper air conditioning when we just had a two bar electric fire in Nan's bedroom. The warmth was overwhelming at first, but I've got used to it. Or them having cheerleaders at a football game, and us drawing solace from someone selling lukewarm Bovril. There's a beauty to both.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. @Wand3rlust thank you for stating this the way that you did. Theres an obvious difference between an English and an American sense of humor, if we are speaking in stereotypes. The darker, sarcastic, subtle aspects that are more prevalent in English humor vs the slapstick, goofy, and direct qualities in American humor.

I noticed it, but I never really thought about it enough to name it or describe the difference.

It’s interesting to note these varying views because there are so many people from different places who are here on Lit.

Even within the states, it’s very different if you have more northern manners vs southern manners. In my experience growing up in a mid Atlantic state on the east coast, if you went to a southern state and drove to a diner or gas starion to ask for directions, you tended to get better results if you really ASKED for help. If you approached the person there, smiled, said hello, explained that you needed to find such and such a place, and could they help you. Usually, in the south, I would get a very helpful answer and maybe a nice cup of coffee and some pie.

Now, if you go north, let’s say above .. Delaware ? New Jersey? and you do the same thing, in my experience, that would annoy the person you were asking for their help because you were taking a lot of their time. They are busy and want to help but they need you to be more efficient with their time. If you say something like, “Hey I’m lost, which way to the highway?” they will be happy to tell you.

But if you try that hurried approach in the Deep South, again, in my experience, it would be considered rude and pushy to demand an answer so quickly. You would not get very far, and certainly no coffee nor pie with that “yankee attitude”.

Have others had this similar type experience? What regional sorts of comparisons can you draw from your travels? I’m curious

I imagine in times earlier than the 90s, things would have been very different, especially in the south. I’d have probably gotten different treatment if I had been male and/or a minority too.

Again, these have been my experiences. YMMV. I’d be very curious to hear anyone’s thoughts.

 

[SimonSex]

Even George Washington had a mistrust of northerners, as they did not have the same level of manner and gentility that he was accustomed to in Virginia. There’s the whole slave-owning thing too, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.

Having grown up in the northeast U.S. and lived on the west coast and now the mid Atlantic, I have witnessed that of which you speak @Love_Is_Blonde. I’ve been to 49 of our 50 states and talked to a lot of people in my travels.

Regional differences certainly exist. What disturbs me most is the dichotomy of wealth and poverty pretty much everywhere. I was a guest at a party in Mississippi where the owner was a billionaire and had a Monet hanging in his pool house. Just down the road were cold water shacks housing the indigent. It’s upsetting.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I’m better now at asking for help, although I still feel like I’m adding to someone else’s burden by doing that. So I have to really feel comfortable with them. I get to a point where I really need a little help from my friends, just like the song says.

I so feel this! I was just talking to my therapist about this, actually. Her advice was to think how I feel when a friend asks me for help - usually I like that they’ve trusted me enough to ask. It’s something I’m trying to do

 

[Endless_Night]

Nice thread, @Love_Is_Blonde.

But there was one guy who kicked my ass about 80% of the time. He was twice my age. Had one lung. And wore pajama pants during our matches. This drove me crazy. I hated it. I did finally get to where I beat him more. But it was years.

I skimmed back a couple of pages. This made me laugh so hard. I suspect the pajama pants were the worst part.

 

[Endless_Night]

Are you a “Glass half-empty or half-full” type person?
​

It’s all perspective or how you choose to look at things, right? Some are much easier than others. Do you lean toward the bright side, or do you tend to look at the more negative parts of things? Do you think that being around more positive people is annoying or uplifting?

I consider myself a realist. Others have called me a pessimist. Like @hotwords229_A, I tend to think of all possible scenarios. Bad stuff happens. I don't want too be surprised, and it helps too have a plan in place.

I enjoy being around more positively minded people, as long as they are not too cheery. What is it about that type of happy that makes you want to do violence?

People with calm demeanors are even better. Helps tamp down my anxiety.

If you’re in a rut, what helps you get out of it? Are you a person who can ask for help or do you have to do most things by yourself?

I have always relied on myself. I can usually fight my way through anything, but very occasionally some extra tough life event or childhood issue will blindside me and I'll struggle. My ability to overthink can make things messy.

Therapy has never been very helpful. Until recently. I've been seeing someone for about six months now and it's good! Better than good. Finding a therapist that meshes with your temperament and needs makes a difference.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I enjoy being around more positively minded people, as long as they are not too cheery. What is it about that type of happy that makes you want to do violence?

People with calm demeanors are even better. Helps tamp down my anxiety.

So human Xanax is a desirable trait in Enny friends. Everything is starting to make sense now

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Therapy has never been very helpful. Until recently. I've been seeing someone for about six months now and it's good! Better than good. Finding a therapist that meshes with your temperament and needs makes a difference.

It’s really hard to find a good therapist. You have to try on a lot before you find a good fit. And also just bc one comes well recommended, that doesn’t mean they will be a good fit for you.

Also, in response to what you said about being around someone who is too cheery, it is very stressful to feel pressured to BE HAPPY. Sometimes less is more; just being there is plenty.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Thinking even more about this… what do you need when you are upset? How are you comforted?

People need different things when they are upset.

When some people are upset, they want company and attention and things done for them. They are able to delegate jobs and chores. They get comfort from the constant house full of people. They don’t want to be alone. They are not self-conscious about mourning or being upset publicly. (I’m thinking about one of my college roommates and also my sister, specifically).

When I am upset, I want to hide. I hate to be so vulnerable unless it is with someone I am very close with. Even then, I feel like I’m being a complete nuisance. I just want to be a hermit and sleep. I don’t want to disrupt anything or anyone. I pretty much just want everyone to act as if I’m not there. Eventually I seek out help if I need it. I go to counseling if I feel it will help.

It’s interesting to me how differently people react.

What made me think of this question… idk but I’m going with it.

 

[BreukelenAnima]

What do you need when you are upset? How are you comforted?

I'm just finding this thread and immediately see its value and importance in dialoging and learning from each another. I hope it's Ok to lend my opinion to this question?

When I am upset, I do seek to be alone -- not so much to hide, but to reflect on what is bothering me, or causing me pain... or if it's a difficult situation -- how best to handle it. I tend to be quiet by nature and I agree with Love_Is_Blonde, I don't like others to see me vulnerable... I hate it, in fact.

In solitude, I can best understand the situation and own up to my involvement and act from that position, and I do consider it a postion of personal strength: What did I do wrong? Where does the fault lie within me? What can I do to change or remedy the situation?

I do strive to live in a world where I can be a positive influence for others and to seek happiness and contentment. Both are interconnected. The world sometimes seems designed to create unnecessary drama and conflict for me at every turn, though, so sometimes being alone helps me navigate my path forward... and I need that on occasion.

 

[Mei5ter]

It’s really hard to find a good therapist. You have to try on a lot before you find a good fit. And also just bc one comes well recommended, that doesn’t mean they will be a good fit.

Therapists and bras alike. Support matters.

 

[SimonSex]

Thinking even more about this… what do you need when you are upset? How are you comforted?

On average I am a pretty calm and measured dude. The odd moments when I am truly upset set me off center in a big way. Mostly I seek validation for the thoughts I am thinking when I am upset. Wifey is my best friend and sounding board, so she is the go-to pretty much always. She’ll tell me if I’m off base or spot-on with love and objectivity. For better or worse I have zero problems with confrontation, so it’s good to have a coach telling me to pull some punches now and then.

 

[hotwords229_A]

when you are upset? How are you comforted?

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Gear up. Go directly to the source. Sort it out.
When I’m angry (my version of upset) I want it to stop immediately.

 

[Endless_Night]

So human Xanax is a desirable trait in Enny friends. Everything is starting to make sense now

Everything? What is "everything"?

 

[smtst5]

Thinking even more about this… what do you need when you are upset? How are you comforted?

People need different things when they are upset.

When some people are upset, they want company and attention and things done for them. They are able to delegate jobs and chores. They get comfort from the constant house full of people. They don’t want to be alone. They are not self-conscious about mourning or being upset publicly. (I’m thinking about one of my college roommates and also my sister, specifically).

When I am upset, I want to hide. I hate to be so vulnerable unless it is with someone I am very close with. Even then, I feel like I’m being a complete nuisance. I just want to be a hermit and sleep. I don’t want to disrupt anything or anyone. I pretty much just want everyone to act as if I’m not there. Eventually I seek out help if I need it. I go to counseling if I feel it will help.

It’s interesting to me how differently people react.

What made me think of this question… idk but I’m going with it.

When I’m upset, I withdraw from everyone and everything until I have a chance to process what is bothering me.