❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[LadyLascivious1]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

I love self deprecating humor, but the key is humor. For a smart person, I do really ridiculous stuff sometimes and I laugh HARD at myself. I absolutely share those anecdotes with others because they’re pretty hilarious and the world needs more laughter. It’s pretty hard not to be self deprecating when you get an audio message from someone in the UK and are momentarily stunned they have have an accent. Of course, I‘m going to share that revelation under the heading of “times when my bra size was higher than my IQ“ I don’t generally have insecurities about my intelligence though, or most things I’m being self deprecating about, so it’s not signaling anything I‘m looking for reassurance regarding.

Some of the time I do use it as a good reminder to keep myself in check as well. There are times you recognize when you might have a bit of a defensive or egotistical, internal reaction. You can take it personally or laugh it off. I generally choose the latter and it’s a good exercise to keep yourself grounded. Like when you interact with someone a few times and they keep forgetting who you are even though you remember them

I‘m using very light hearted examples here (both Lit ones where I won’t name name’s ), but I do apply the same thing to more serious or embarrassing situations. I learn from them all and actively look for the humor often enough that it is now my natural instinct.

I admire others who can laugh at themselves as well and I’m definitely drawn to that in others. I more often see a lot of pain disguised as self deprecating humor though and that is a very different thing. If it’s someone I don’t know well, my heart usually goes out to them and I might reach out because of it. I’ve made some great friends that way. From my perspective it’s only problematic when someone repeats the same thing over and over. It usually means they aren’t making progress on healing for a variety of possible reasons. If it’s someone I care about, I’ll talk to them about it. I’m the one who will bring up the awkward elephant in the room if I think it’s important. I try to give the benefit of the doubt because I care about them and assume they might not be conscious of it or have considered it from another perspective. You’d be surprised how often people will talk amongst themselves, but never say anything to the people they profess to care about. I also think you learn a lot about someone when you broach sensitive topics like this. It can make or break a relationship.

There are a small number of people who always put themselves down about everything and don’t show any indication of wanting to change. That kind of attitude drags me down, so I find myself avoiding them once I recognize the pattern.

 

[Mrtenant]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

Humor tool. I think, I mean, I don't know. Why are these questions so fucking hard? I said 'hard' uh huhuhhuhh

What do you think?

Are people put off by it?
How many people think that stuff is serious?
Does it make the person unapproachable?
Are you surprised that they are fairly normal upon further investigation?

I think you'll find that such people are much more complex than at first blush.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

I love some self-deprecating humor and I partake in it quite often. I think it indicates a level of self-awareness and down to earth-ness that I find really attractive. (Random note - This morning at 1am when I couldn't sleep I came to the realization that I find self awareness incredibly attractive in a person. But that's a topic for another day.) I do joke about things that I'm really insecure about as a way to make myself more comfortable and acknowledge that I'm aware of whatever it is. How someone reacts to my humor also tells me how well we will interact.

There is a line to self-deprecation though and that's when it becomes abusive to one's self or is of the "fishing for compliments" variety. I don't love either of these things and I will usually ignore the comment instead of feeding the beast.

 

[Mei5ter]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

Interesting question.

Self-deprecating humour is an attractive quality for me. It demonstrates that someone has self-confidence, self-awareness, and a degree of humility. I think most people would find that a good combination.

I find people who are consistently self-deprecating, without any humour involved, irritating and depressing. It's either a form of inverse attention-seeking ('Oh no, that piece of work you did wasn't terrible, it was amazing!') or, presumably, indicates a major issue with self-confidence and self-belief. I've met this with friends and work colleagues. I've wondered if it's a control thing, where there is a refusal to allow accept that another person's opinion could have validity? If I've already decided, or have decided to state publicly, that I don't like how I look or don't believe my work is of good quality, I'm not dependent on anyone else's opinion and am refusing to be judged by their standards. In either case, while I'm sorry if people feel that way, I'm no longer interested in vanishing down someone else's rabbit hole to validate their own unhappiness.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

(Random note - This morning at 1am when I couldn't sleep I came to the realization that I find self awareness incredibly attractive in a person. But that's a topic for another day.)

Some of my best thinking is done when the rest of the house is asleep.

 

[cheekygirl75]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

It’s been really interesting reading everyone’s responses… my first thought is that I don’t like self-deprecating humor and try not to do it myself. But after reading other views, I realized that it depends on if it comes from a place of acceptance or lack of confidence.

If it comes from a place of acceptance, that to me just shows that the person knows and is comfortable with their flaws. And that they don’t take themselves too seriously. They might still be working on improving those flaws, but they realize that a flaw doesn’t make them a bad or unloveable person.

If it comes from a place of lack of confidence, that’s where I really don’t like it. I’ve been there myself and I did it because I had been taught to believe that flaws made me a bad person. That only once I had fixed all of them would I be a worthwhile person. So I’m sympathetic to that mindset, but it gets really tiring. And there’s not much a person outside it can do to help someone get out of it. I think in this case, the self-deprecating humor just helps to keep the person stuck in the belief that they’re just a bad, unloveable person.

Or, I suppose, it can sometimes be a case of false modesty. People who do that are just wankers

 

[HoneyMeadows]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

I will do this about myself when I do something stupid and either a) get caught or b) want to help my friends laugh at something silly.

I tend to be drawn to people who also do this and I think it's a fantastic display of self-awareness, which is totally

Like others have said, if it's a bit repetitive from someone I'm close to I'll want to sit in their lap and cuddle them, as that's my go to position for initiating heart to hearts. If I don't know them then I'll steer clear, as I can't read them properly and I'm easily affected by negativity. Once I get a good read on them I may reach out if I think it'll help.

 

[Orchidea73]

06.29.22

How easily do you change your opinions about something or someone?

Tricky to answer this. The reason is that it takes a lot for me to form a solid opinion.
So, I'm kinda open and waiting to see, until I know for sure. But it has happened, even on major issues and when I thought I knew. I'm far more easy to change my opinion on people, especially once I get to know them, rather than issues.

Do you stick with your gut?

Generally speaking I follow my guts. Especially when I don't know for sure.
I tend to trust my instinct. It has rarely let me down.

Do you need tons of evidence to sway you?

No. Sometimes even one major clue is enough. I very much follow motivation and logic. What makes sense.

Do ever examine your opinions?

Constantly.

 

[Orchidea73]

Interesting question.

Self-deprecating humour is an attractive quality for me. It demonstrates that someone has self-confidence, self-awareness, and a degree of humility. I think most people would find that a good combination.

I find people who are consistently self-deprecating, without any humour involved, irritating and depressing. It's either a form of inverse attention-seeking ('Oh no, that piece of work you did wasn't terrible, it was amazing!') or, presumably, indicates a major issue with self-confidence and self-belief.

As for the self-deprecating humour, I fully support this, commas included.
I don't think it always shows self-confidence too. It can hide an insecurity too. But when you have self-awareness, wits and a degree of humility, it can be very funny and lighthearted. Otherwise, just STFU!

 

[Apisto42]

07.06.22

Let's talk self-deprecation.
We all do it to a degree, either for humor or to signal a real insecurity. Do you do it often? Does it help you embrace the things you perceive as negative or do you use it to keep yourself in line? How do you feel when other people are self-deprecating? Does it annoy you or make you feel more comfortable around someone? Does self-deprecation reveal anything more about someone or is it just a social humor tool?

I’m only self-deprecating when I’m intentionally laughing at myself. We’re all flawed little fuckers and being aware of your flaws does make it easier to laugh at yourself when you fuck up.

I find it super annoying when giving someone a compliment and they refuse it with self-deprecation. Shut the fuck up asshole and learn to accept a fucking compliment. You just made everyone around you uncomfortable.

But if someone can also laugh at him/her/zirt-self, then that’s fun. Means they’re probably not taking this shit too seriously.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.09.22

Defensiveness. Do you think you're a naturally defensive person? Is there a certain topic that makes you defensive? Is there a certain person that triggers that needs to defend yourself? Do you ever have moments of regret after being defensive and regret that it was your first reaction?

Just because I know someone will come say that they are not defensive - We all have this in our personalities, some way stronger than others and there are definitely reasons for that. Do you think it's a trait that serves a purpose or should we try to learn to be less defensive all together.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

07.09.22

Defensiveness. Do you think you're a naturally defensive person? Is there a certain topic that makes you defensive? Is there a certain person that triggers that needs to defend yourself? Do you ever have moments of regret after being defensive and regret that it was your first reaction?

Just because I know someone will come say that they are not defensive - We all have this in our personalities, some way stronger than others and there are definitely reasons for that. Do you think it's a trait that serves a purpose or should we try to learn to be less defensive all together.

Everyone has the ability to be defensive and it's good to have when needed. I am defensive and for me it's to an unhealthy level. Unfortunately it was something I was taught and it's unnecessary to this extent.

If I'm in the wrong frame of mind I immediately think everything is about me (it really isn't and I do know that) so I can get incredibly defensive unnecessarily. To be calm and considerate is an active process for me but I'd love for it to become my default mode soon (please).

To mitigate that, I listen to myself and avoid areas/topics when I'm in that wrong (for me) place.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.09.22

Defensiveness. Do you think you're a naturally defensive person? Is there a certain topic that makes you defensive? Is there a certain person that triggers that needs to defend yourself? Do you ever have moments of regret after being defensive and regret that it was your first reaction?

Just because I know someone will come say that they are not defensive - We all have this in our personalities, some way stronger than others and there are definitely reasons for that. Do you think it's a trait that serves a purpose or should we try to learn to be less defensive all together.

I do think I can be defensive initially. It's something I try really hard not to act on but to think about and see how I feel in a day or two. My initial defensiveness is almost always wrong and I misinterpreted what was said or they were absolutely right and I needed to let that sink in.

Things in the past that really made me defensive were topics of privilege and religion (often topics pushed at me by lovely people I met here) but after some reflection, I had to admit that I was wrong. That was a journey and I'm so happy I was able to see past the end of my own nose. Issues about health and weight still get under my skin to this day. Particularly when having conversations with people who have never had to navigate the world in anything other than a "conventionally attractive" body.

I've definitely had regret if I act defensively towards someone that just brought up a topic and to this day, those are often moments I go back to in my brain at 2am. I think the reaction serves a purpose in the moment. Clearly your brain goes into self-protection mode for a reason but I think it takes a more evolved, self-aware human to process that event afterwards and make changes if necessary.

 

[AlpineFresco]

07.09.22

Defensiveness. Do you think you're a naturally defensive person? Is there a certain topic that makes you defensive? Is there a certain person that triggers that needs to defend yourself? Do you ever have moments of regret after being defensive and regret that it was your first reaction?

Just because I know someone will come say that they are not defensive - We all have this in our personalities, some way stronger than others and there are definitely reasons for that. Do you think it's a trait that serves a purpose or should we try to learn to be less defensive all together.

I think a lot of us naturally react to criticism by getting defensive, and I'm not so sure how useful that is. Often, ignoring or calmly considering it is the better path.

Am I a defensive person? Yeah, on some topics, and depending on who is talking. I'd be bullshitting massively if I said I don't get like this, and it often revolves around class/wealth issues. I would like to be a bit more clear-sighted on those topics. I get spiky if I perceive someone to be condescending (I will stress, perceive, I am not always correct). Other times/subjects? Not so much.

Sometimes, if something is causing a strong reaction, it is good for me to disengage for a bit, or just try to change the subject.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

07.09.22

Defensiveness. Do you think you're a naturally defensive person? Is there a certain topic that makes you defensive? Is there a certain person that triggers that needs to defend yourself? Do you ever have moments of regret after being defensive and regret that it was your first reaction?

Just because I know someone will come say that they are not defensive - We all have this in our personalities, some way stronger than others and there are definitely reasons for that. Do you think it's a trait that serves a purpose or should we try to learn to be less defensive all together.

It’s funny, I think of myself as a relatively chill person, accepting of differences, etc. I try to be that way, at least. But man, I do get very defensive sometimes. Triggered. It’s then that I realize that it’s time to do a little self-reflection to see why I’m being that way. Sometimes I figure it out, and other times I don’t.

 

[Dribble]

Ahhhh PLP... this is an amazing question. Hard. What I view as defensive...and how others define it...may be very different. I do not think of it as being a necessarily a bad thing. Life has proven to me over and over to be wary. Those closest to me have hurt me the worst. It isn't that I am cold to people...they never know I probably am questioning their words. But to say I don't listen to what people say...or more importantly...how they act, would be wrong. I never forget. I don't say I hold grudges. But if walls go up, there is a reason...and it isn't up to me to lower them. It is up to those that made me raise them to give a reason to lower them.

But...if I carry it too far...that too is an issue. So really, it is about finding balance. How to walk that knife edge without getting cut or without isolating others.

Edit: I know my true motives. No one else does. When someone questions my actions...without knowing anything...fuck yea I lock them out. They are ignorant. Why have ignorant people in my life? They only bring you down. Does this mean I am always right? No. Far from it. But again, I do know my motives.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.18.22

Let's talk about kisses that took our breath away.

What are some of your favorite kisses from film or TV? Links please!


Inspired by this gif of a sexy af kiss (IMO). I have no idea what movie or show it was from, if you do let me know.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/28b94782cab026e34a9b2990f865eb60/7befda7d7dd5cdf6-de/s540x810/b8dd517de08dd3293ce5618c8a6e72f567d8a58d.gifv

 

[StacyLeigh]

SNG stole my #1 ... except your gif leaves off the squeeze...

https://media.giphy.com/media/iaj7VpKQl09NK/giphy.gif

Nick and Jess's first kiss is up there, too. You just don't expect the doofus to be spontaneous or a great kisser - but he is...and then it leaves you hanging.

So is Silver Linings Playbook. The build-up throughout the whole movie - it was so satisfying.

 

[Dribble]

I love the song Possession by Sarah M....even though the story behind it is very dark...I love that she took his power away and made it hers

 

[StacyLeigh]

I forgot about A Discovery of Witches... too many in that show to pick just one...

https://64.media.tumblr.com/1106087d7dbc1a99a5713437180c17c8/2176f839d96623c7-ed/s540x810/c71d3a6f6f5dbf567b047c12c7c8a46d50369173.gifv

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Yep, the Nick and Jess one is one of mine too. So good.

And I totally agree with the Nick and Jess kiss.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Jim and Pam's every kiss but their first was bittersweet and perfect.

https://imagesvc.meredithcorp.io/v3/mm/gif?url=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic.onecms.io%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Fsites%2F13%2F2016%2F05%2F11%2Fkiss.gif

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I'm trying to find a good .gif of any of Natalie Dormer's kisses in "The Tudors." But I'm having trouble deciding on which one. They all make me feel tingly in the britches.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I love this

https://sexybritches69.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F186938362872

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Nick and Jess's first kiss is up there, too. You just don't expect the doofus to be spontaneous or a great kisser - but he is...and then it leaves you hanging.

And I totally agree with the Nick and Jess kiss, the way he pulls her in *swoons*

Yep, the Nick and Jess one is one of mine too. So good.

The Nick and Jess kiss is one of my favorites. The mix of anticipation, awkward, and hot is just fantastic.

Side note: Am I the only one who looks around their tv room with the availability of pillows and furniture and wonders about a game of True American?