❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[AngelicaS1780]

@AveryElle @AngelicaS1780 What exactly does it mean when you say 'self-aware'? Actually, I'll make that an open question!

For me, in the context of this question, it's whether one is conscious of the choice to consistently act in a certain way. Acting as if one is a pirate is a pretty clear-cut example of the choice to take on a persona. But I do think that people can come across in a certain way or seem to have a persona if they are unaware of how their words and actions come across to other people or if they are focused on only one aspect of their personality.

 

[Dribble]

Depends on the persona. I had no problem with the pirate act. Actually kinda funny. I have a huge problem with some of the other acts I see around here. I have even a bigger problem when they interact with their own persona as if they are two people supporting the shitty action of the persona. Mental.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Depends on the persona. I had no problem with the pirate act. Actually kinda funny. I have a huge problem with some of the other acts I see around here. I have even a bigger problem when they interact with their own persona as if they are two people supporting the shitty action of the persona. Mental.

Are you talking about someone with two accounts who acts like they're not the same person? Does that happen?

ETA: I know people have alts, but I figured it was one new one at a time, not that they interact with each other.

 

[AveryElle]

Pirates would mean everyone came here for the arrs. Or the booty. Whichever pirate joke you prefer.

Oh man, I can't believe I have sex with you

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

07.25.22

Let's talk first impressions.

How much stock do you put in first impressions? Does this differ between in person and Lit? Does your first impression of someone usually turn out to be correct? Do you give second chances after a poor first impression? Do you think you make a good first impression?

I do not put much stock in first impressions either in person or on lit. Most people put their best foot forward, but that is not what I really want to see, so I am trying to look behind, below the surface. Yes, I give second chances on most everything, my impression has very little to do with them. Though as mentioned earlier, there is an aspect of instinct that can come in, so an instinctually threat is a bit different, though even that can often be incorrect and needs adjustment. I don't really run into that much anymore. Do I make a good impression? That depends on if I need to. Job interviews, kid's teachers, pta, is a very different impression than bar, shopping, etc. If I need to, I will, if not, probably not.

07.27.22

Today I want to talk about personas. But first I want to define it for this conversation. I don't mean public person as in only allowing portions of your personality to show publicly. But more when people adopt a character stuck to one aspect of their personality. This can apply to lots of situations but I want to talk specifically about Lit.

How do you feel about people that adopt personas? Do you or have you ever done this? Do you enjoy interacting with a pure persona? Does it offer a clear expectation? Or do you prefer interacting with someone who presents as multi-faceted?

Very few people can successfully maintain a pure persona for any length of time, everyone is multifaceted whether they are trying to preset that way or not, and it will show through. Interacting with a persona is no different that anyone else. If all I see is the persona or the core facet of that persona, then I am not seeing correctly, not asking the right questions, and that is a me problem. I may actually be more inclined to interact with someone that I can't see beyond the persona, because the flaw in my perception will likely get under my skin a little, then I will want to correct that.

 

[AveryElle]

Depends on the persona. I had no problem with the pirate act. Actually kinda funny. I have a huge problem with some of the other acts I see around here. I have even a bigger problem when they interact with their own persona as if they are two people supporting the shitty action of the persona. Mental.

I know there are people who are completely different at "home" (whatever that is for folks) and on lit. To me, that's where the persona comes into play and too often, those lines start to get blurred and I wonder if people have created an alternate reality for themselves and whether that's healthy. But, maybe they need that to make their actual realities more tolerable?
That's definitely not as fucked up as basically talking to yourself on lit. I really don't know, nor am I in any way an expert (or casual participate in) psychology. Lit provides a lot of people what they think they need at the time - whether that's avoiding their realities (plenty of "men in sexless marriages" tropes, for example) or the countless persona types that people develop. Who knows, maybe the persona here is the real them and who their loved ones see at home is the make up one? Even though that's sad, to me, you can argue 'whatever helps you get through'.

 

[Dribble]

Are you talking about someone with two accounts who acts like they're not the same person? Does that happen?

ETA: I know people have alts, but I figured it was one new one at a time, not that they interact with each other.

Yes. Especially on the old GB and presentday Politics Board. I have seen it here in the Playground predominantly only when the Drama Llama raises its ugliness.

 

[Dribble]

Oh man, I can't believe I have sex with you

Oh you love walking that plank...

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

 

[Booboobear84]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

If I'm really horny and the other person is as well, there can be a fun one off. Ideally, however, there would be post fun conversation as we are blissed out together. If that happens, then I will be hoping for more of both. All that said, I prefer to make a connection. I'm then very strongly emotionally invested in pleasing the other person, and have a sense of how to please her.

I am very unlikely to go back to a person who I can't connect with emotionally. That feels wrong.

What's weird for me is that I feel strong attachment to some women here, who by all indicators I would expect to hit it off., but with whom I have no chemistry and I have not tried to go anywhere with it (and as far as I can tell there is little interest on their part either). And there have been a few who I didn't expect the chemistry until after I'm hit off the head with a clue stick.

 

[Orchidea73]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

In the past I have enjoyed casual sexual encounters, in person. But my needs and wants have changed with time, as I learned more about myself, so it's not something I indulge myself into. I do need some sort of connection with the person (emotional or intellectual?).

It doesn't need to be too intense. I don't need to be too attached in order to enjoy a sexy time with him but I do need to have more than just a pretty face and/or body. When it comes to online that's crucial. I cannot have any sexy time (whatever that is) with someone I don't feel any sort of connection. Being online you are missing the physicality entirely, so it's not like you can even enjoy that for a night or two. All I have is the mental and emotional aspect of it and without that I don't see how I can enjoy the time with someone else. I can do that perfectly on my own.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

Emotional connection and sexy times go hand-in-hand for me. The one and only time I tried to have a no-strings attached, one-night stand, I wound up falling for her and we dated for 14 months. If I didn't have feelings for you going into the bedroom, I'm almost certainly going to have feelings for you coming out of the bedroom.

 

[Booboobear84]

Emotional connection and sexy times go hand-in-hand for me. The one and only time I tried to have a no-strings attached, one-night stand, I wound up falling for her and we dated for 14 months. If I didn't have feelings for you going into the bedroom, I'm almost certainly going to have feelings for you coming out of the bedroom.

What he said

 

[LadyLascivious1]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

In person I’m an epic failure at sexy times without a connection. The couple times I tried a one night stand, we ended up as much more.

Back when I first joined Lit a dozen years ago, I enjoyed a few one off sexy times with people I didn’t know well or have any type of emotional connection with. I’m not against it now, but I’ve learned it’s much, much better for me with someone I trust and connect with.

 

[MedicalMuse]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone?

It does make the sex better to have an emotional connection. You get to understand the nuances of your partner. So some kind of connection is preferable.

Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection?

Oh sure. You can enjoy a one night stand for what it brings to you. Can you live off them solely? I think sex would lose its wonder for me if all I had was one nighters.

Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment?

I’ve found that the more I trust you, the better the quality of the release. Not small tentative orgasms, but big shiny ones.

Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

I’ve always been open to it. I don’t get why people think that you can just dive right in to sex without some kind of foreplay… verbal or otherwise. I may be turned on all the time, at least a little, but if you really want the experience get the engine hot.

Okay. I’ve shared enough today. Back to surface chat.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

It does make the sex better to have an emotional connection. You get to understand the nuances of your partner. So some kind of connection is preferable.


Oh sure. You can enjoy a one night stand for what it brings to you. Can you live off them solely? I think sex would lose its wonder for me if all I had was one nighters.

I’ve found that the more I trust you, the better the quality of the release. Not small tentative orgasms, but big shiny ones.

I’ve always been open to it. I don’t get whey people think that you can just dive right in to sex without some kind of foreplay… verbal or otherwise. I may be turned on all the time, at least a little, but if you really want the experience get the engine hot.

Okay. I’ve shared enough today. Back to surface chat.

Nooo stay and play in the deep end!

 

[MedicalMuse]

Nooo stay and play in the deep end!

I read your questions.
This is my guilty lurking thread. I just don’t respond much.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I read your questions.
This is my guilty lurking thread. I just don’t respond much.

Well you're always welcome

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Nooo stay and play in the deep end!

Mmm... I'd like to play in your "deep end."

...I'll see myself out.

 

[Dribble]

In the past I have enjoyed casual sexual encounters, in person. But my needs and wants have changed with time, as I learned more about myself, so it's not something I indulge myself into. I do need some sort of connection with the person (emotional or intellectual?).

It doesn't need to be too intense. I don't need to be too attached in order to enjoy a sexy time with him but I do need to have more than just a pretty face and/or body. When it comes to online that's crucial. I cannot have any sexy time (whatever that is) with someone I don't feel any sort of connection. Being online you are missing the physicality entirely, so it's not like you can even enjoy that for a night or two. All I have is the mental and emotional aspect of it and without that I don't see how I can enjoy the time with someone else. I can do that perfectly on my own.

Well said.

I need to care. I must want to make her happy. Else, he simply lets me down.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment? Has Lit made you more of less open to sexy stuff just for the fun of it?

I do not need an emotional connection, because I can enjoy and appreciate sexy times across the spectrum. I do not find the connection alone equates to the amount of enjoyment, though, depending, there is a correlation. I find the reverse to hold more often true, the amount of enjoyment increasing (or decreasing) the amount of connection. If you really enjoy something, you want to go it again, and again, and spending that amount of time together, in positive experiences, positive vulnerable experiences no less, connection increases. That is usually where things get messy though. Internet based makes that a lot harder, being without several senses and all, I think it is more difficult to develop that kind of connection. Given I am a rather non-monogamous person who has maintained a primary relationship with a much more monogamous person for over 25 years, I much appreciate an emotional distance, as it serves my primary relationship better. I don't think Lit has changed that.

 

[Orchidea73]

Well said.

I need to care. I must want to make her happy. Else, he simply lets me down.

Who's the "he" in this case, Mr. Dicky?

 

[BongoGal]

08.17.22

Let's talk emotional connection and sexy times.

How much of an emotional connection do you need to enjoy sexy times with someone? Can you enjoy the sexy stuff without an emotional connection? Is the amount of connection equal to the amount of enjoyment?

I think I'm weird in the sense that I've never 'done it' with anyone with whom I haven't had an emotional connection of some sort, but that connection can happen for me rather quickly. I don't know what it takes for other people to get that connection. Several dates with long searching conversations? I've had first dates that ended with sex, and that conclusion seemed to me to be pretty likely rather shortly into the date. If I didn't like the guy, the sex would never happen, but I can feel enough of a connection after a few minutes to at least think there's a chance.

Hmmm....what would zero emotional connection be like? A complete stranger meeting me in a dark room, no talking, just sex? I don't desire anything like that, but I suppose I could be willing to try if someone I trusted vetted the stranger for me. If my vetting partner passed the stranger after looking for disqualifying attributes and just told me yes or no, and I consented, would I be able to enjoy this encounter devoid of emotional connection? Probably.

 

[Dribble]

Who's the "he" in this case, Mr. Dicky?

Yep. One of the realities of me getting older. And no...I refuse to take a pill just to make my dick hard when it happens naturally if there is an emotional and mental connection.

 

[Orchidea73]

Yep. One of the realities of me getting older. And no...I refuse to take a pill just to make my dick hard when it happens naturally if there is an emotional and mental connection.

Awwww bless his little