❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Kelvin8or]

Not a profession, exactly, because none of them do it for a living. But I find I am attracted to men who play piano/keyboards. Most of the men I've dated seem to play. And sometimes I don't even know until after I start dating them. Weird.

Not only do I play piano I tune and repair them. I'm pretty good with my fingers

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Oh hey! Remember me? No? Totally fine. Want a question. Good! I have one!

04.22.24

Let's talk spank banks!

Do you have sexual encounters that after a time still spark your sexual imagination in the same way they did when they occurred? Are you ever surprised by what memories stay in your erotic imagination? Is your spank bank lovingly curated or do you have a wealth of material to pull from? Can you even use memories to get you off or do you need fresh material?

For bonus points, feel free to share one of your special memories. Don't worry. It's a safe place.

 

[Xerxes82]

Do you have sexual encounters that after a time still spark your sexual imagination in the same way they did when they occurred?

Very much so. Three in particular stick with me. The one I revisit the most is the best I've ever had. She lives rent free in my brain, forever, and I am 100% ok with that. The way she moved, the way she sounded. Her taste. The incredible sexual energy she brought to life in general, let alone my bed.

She still gets me off every single time. I miss her. Though it was right to end when/how it did, I do sometimes regret losing the sexual outlet, because holy fuck she was a goddess.

The other two were just wild circumstances that are fun to recall/relive. Fun to remember my ho period.

Are you ever surprised by what memories stay in your erotic imagination?

More by what slips through the cracks.

Is your spank bank lovingly curated or do you have a wealth of material to pull from?

I like to keep my options open. Variety is the spice of life. Fantasies, celebrity crushes, old memories. I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

Can you even use memories to get you off or do you need fresh material?

See above. Both, depending on the day/mood. Memories can be incredibly fun, but sometimes you need to turn a new page and keep things novel.

 

[Booboobear84]

The first hand job I ever got. It was our first real date. I took her to dinner and Nutcracker. I was just trying to be romantic and wasn't looking for anything. We were making out and then, well wow. I think because she did it because she wanted to was the big thing (and yes there was a time I was that innocent).

 

[hotwords229_A]

Oh hey! Remember me? No? Totally fine. Want a question. Good! I have one!

04.22.24

Let's talk spank banks!

Do you have sexual encounters that after a time still spark your sexual imagination in the same way they did when they occurred? Are you ever surprised by what memories stay in your erotic imagination? Is your spank bank lovingly curated or do you have a wealth of material to pull from? Can you even use memories to get you off or do you need fresh material?

For bonus points, feel free to share one of your special memories. Don't worry. It's a safe place.

Yes. Especially those times that weren’t crazy sex moments, but the more soft, intimate times, near the beginning when there was the promise of more but it hadn’t happened yet.

I am surprised at how those little moments stand the test of time.

I wouldn’t say I have a wealth of material to pull from, just an average sized one.

Sometimes a new script is written (in my head), but with an old cast. Does that make sense?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Oh hey! Remember me? No? Totally fine. Want a question. Good! I have one!

04.22.24

Let's talk spank banks!

Do you have sexual encounters that after a time still spark your sexual imagination in the same way they did when they occurred? Are you ever surprised by what memories stay in your erotic imagination? Is your spank bank lovingly curated or do you have a wealth of material to pull from? Can you even use memories to get you off or do you need fresh material?

For bonus points, feel free to share one of your special memories. Don't worry. It's a safe place.

I didn’t think I was ever consciously curating a spank bank until recently - when I’ve needed to make a few ahem… withdrawals.


I have been #blessed enough to have many encounters that I can pull from that make my erotic imagination ignite. Some that stand alone as perfect moments that I’d like to revisit again and some that overlap in topic or emotion that can just heat my brain right up. I never seek out these moments but the instant when they happen I can feel the little cha-ching deposit in my brain.


I am not really surprised at what sticks as to what doesn’t. Reflecting on it a bit I think those raw, real, spontaneous moments where someone was really stepping out of a comfort zone are the things that usually have staying power. My SB is probably more curated than overflowing due to simple brain overwhelm. I can only keep so much information on my hard drive … sadly.


Getting off to memories takes more time than direct stimulation but my oh my, it’s much much better.


And share? This is a safe place right? Just between you and me? Lol – well I do remember a specific day rushing home to hear all the naughty details of things that two of my partners had done together while I was at work. That was an all timer.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

 

[StillRain]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

I make acquaintances easily, but friends are harder to come by. Those really deep lasting connections that I feel in my inners. I don’t seek more of those kinds out really either.

Small kids are gifted at friendships. They do it so easily. I watch them outgrow that gift though as life bears down on them.

Friendship material, for me, is a commonality in how we treat people, and who we are on some level. A drive and commitment by both parties to keep the friendship alive and flowing healthily is a must. A shared humour helps.

I think I can be a brilliant friend or a total let down. If you want all my time all of the time you won’t get that from me - I have a life full of demands and I’m not the needy friend’s friend.

Like Lit, I have a deliberately small and tight circle of close women friends.

I have ended Lit friendships for various reasons, reality ones not so much. I’m good at choosing those.

 

[Indie]

I tend to make friends easier online than in person. I'm much more of an introvert offline and tend to be a homebody. I believe some friends are for seasons and some are forever. It's heartbreaking to lose someone you thought would be a forever friend, but I can still love and appreciate the time I had with them. I click most with people that share my sense of humor and have similar beliefs. It's nice when you don't have to explain or defend yourself to someone, because they get you. When they know how your mind and heart work. I think I'm a pretty good friend to have, but I also know that some would disagree. I love hard and will put in the time and effort for those that do the same for me.

 

[orangecurious]

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

There was an episode of Seinfeld where they talked about this. I don't make friends easily, or have that many... people just drift away and I lose contact.

The ones i make tend to be at work, or at places i volunteer at. Then, you, or the other person, moves on and you stay in touch for a while, then they drift

I'm not sure i have deliberately ended a friendship, but a lot of have just faded away. Thinking about it, there was one person I decided to cut out, various reasons, but they never got the hint, which made me pull away even more. They even contacted friends to ask for me to talk to them. Another, I did, in a fit of rage and depression, but we are now friends again - the red mist got to me at that time and they respected me enough to stay away and give me time to heal.

I never think someone will be a friend, it just happens. My best friend is an ex. I liked her, we hung out, got more serious, then realised we were better as friend. No ill feeling, just the love never really firing fully in us.

I find I get on better with animals!

 

[Deleted member 6607120]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

I lost my core friend group when my husband and I made lifestyle changes in 2020. They are all in the their mid-40s partying like they're in their early 20s and we aren't there anymore, we don't even drink. Every one of them stopped communicating with both of us, and we stopped getting invited to events. I heard from one of them that they felt uncomfortable having us around because we didn't drink. These are the people who were in our wedding party, who we went to school with, and had been friends with almost 20 years. It hurt, and it still does. Starting over has been hard because how do you even meet people if you don't go out and you're not a member of a church or anything like that?

My husband is a total homebody and seems content but I'm social and need to be with like minded people. I have found lasting friendships through my work, and I just joined a roller derby league in hopes to connect with others through common interests.

It's hard. Acquaintances are easier than finding those strong connections. I feel like lasting friendships come to you rather than you looking for them.

As far as online friends - I think this is hard too. I have a very small group that I consider my closest friends online and I don't see myself opening up to anyone new anytime soon. The folks who I have closest friendships online are those whom I met when I first joined lit years ago and they've lasted.

 

[Orchidea73]

Oh hey! Remember me? No? Totally fine. Want a question. Good! I have one!

Great to see you, PLP. You've been missed.

04.22.24

Let's talk spank banks!

Do you have sexual encounters that after a time still spark your sexual imagination in the same way they did when they occurred?

Yes.

Are you ever surprised by what memories stay in your erotic imagination?

Not really. I think it's just like with anything else that stays in your mind. Some you understand why they stay there and some not. It's just the way it is. Human mind and all that jazz. Who the hell knows.

Is your spank bank lovingly curated or do you have a wealth of material to pull from?

Now, what's a span bank? lol

Can you even use memories to get you off or do you need fresh material?

Good memories never get old, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[GSDom]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

I don’t make friends easily. I tend to overthink, or sometimes I’m just too quiet. It can take a lot for me to be “known” by others. But when I do manage to make a friend, it’s a solid friendship.

I tend to think in a great friend. I’m that guy who checks on people I care about, and I hold communication secret and dear. On lit, I used to have lots of them, but I’m more reclusive now.

 

[Orchidea73]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along?

Just like Rain said, I make acquaintances easily, but true friends, as in "deep and lasting connections are harder to come by." Not because I have trust issues, but you need time for those kind of connections. Trials and tribulations, so to speak.

Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief?

The Friends I have are from a lifelong connections.

What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you?

Someone who is tolerant, generous and reliable is a pretty good start and solid base.

Are you a good friend to have?

I would like to think so. For the most part, at least, because I do know that I haven't always lived up to it.

Have you ever had to end a friendship?

Yes. Although it has been with what I call "Coffee Friends".

Of course, I'm talking about Friendship off Lit. On Lit things are different.

 

[Photog1rl]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along?

I make acuantancies easily. I am generally open to chat with folks in person or online. In person I make deep and lasting connections much more easily. Online I can be guarded and have a hard time trusting (body language and visual cues are really important for me) and I will put walls up or second guess people’s intentions. It takes a special person to be someone I consider a true friend.

Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief?

in person my friendships are lifelong connections. Online it has been a mixed bag. I haven’t really been on lit long enough to know if I’ve met lifelong friends yet. There are some folks that I believe I could say that about but only time will tell.

What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you?

Shared sense of humor, easy to talk to, and generally positive but I don’t navigate looking for friends or trying to make folks I interact with be my friends. It usually just happens. On Lit most of the friendships I have made required perservrence by the other person. Not because I’m not interested but because I didn’t expect to find friendships online.

Are you a good friend to have?

It depends. I think I am a very good friend but I can be hard to be friends with. I am very busy and can not always be available so that can be difficult. I also need my friends to be clear communicators and share their feelings-this is not always easy or something people want to do. I also want emotional depth and can be needy if I really have opened up.
Once I let someone in though, I trust and think I bring a lot to a friendship. I will listen and support unconditionally. I am work but I think it’s worth it.

Have you ever had to end a friendship?

Yes, but only a handful of times. I’ve disagreed with people but have usually been able to work through the issues. I’ve had some friendships fade away but those were mostly school (HS or younger) where we grew into different people. We are still friendly but not close in the same way.
It takes me time to make a friend but once I’ve made one I really want to keep them.

 

[StillRain]

On the friendships topic. I see what I will refer to as “collectors” (for want of a better term) around me here at Lit. People that gather humans around them like bees, they list you know maybe twenty people in the grateful threads etc and have a continual flow of different names as their best friend at any given moment, that changes so randomly and often. I don’t judge those people, (sometimes I feel like they maybe have it right maybe that’s how Lit SHOULD be done) but I also don’t understand them and I question the terminology they use, how they manage their collections, and what those friendships actually look like when you sink into them. coz I’m nosey like that ya know.

 

[Orchidea73]

I question the terminology they use,

The terminology is a bit tricky for me. Every time when the subject of "friends" and "friendship" comes up, my first reaction is to ask; what kind of friends? I'm not talking about Lit, but I suppose it might apply online too.

You used the word "acquaintance" before, and probably it is the correct one. Still, I feel like that terminology doesn't cover it all. For example, I have friends I know for a very long time, since the 90s. We've been together on vacation, went to parties, dinners out, at home, talk, laugh, cry together etc. They know a lot about me and viceversa. Still, I do not consider them close friends because I do not have that deep connection you were talking about. Of those, I have only a couple. However, they are not simply acquaintances either, so I call and consider them friends too, but I think there are various degrees of friends and friendship.

 

[Indie]

On the friendships topic. I see what I will refer to as “collectors” (for want of a better term) around me here at Lit. People that gather humans around them like bees, they list you know maybe twenty people in the grateful threads etc and have a continual flow of different names as their best friend at any given moment, that changes so randomly and often. I don’t judge those people, (sometimes I feel like they maybe have it right maybe that’s how Lit SHOULD be done) but I also don’t understand them and I question the terminology they use, how they manage their collections, and what those friendships actually look like when you sink into them. coz I’m nosey like that ya know.

 

[Photog1rl]

On the friendships topic. I see what I will refer to as “collectors” (for want of a better term) around me here at Lit. People that gather humans around them like bees, they list you know maybe twenty people in the grateful threads etc and have a continual flow of different names as their best friend at any given moment, that changes so randomly and often. I don’t judge those people, (sometimes I feel like they maybe have it right maybe that’s how Lit SHOULD be done) but I also don’t understand them and I question the terminology they use, how they manage their collections, and what those friendships actually look like when you sink into them. coz I’m nosey like that ya know.

I often find myself thinking about how people lit and wondering if I’m doing it wrong.

 

[Shenanigans90]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

I’m outgoing and generally make friends very easily in real life. Online has been a little more difficult because I have to really build a trust with someone before I let my guard down. Anyone that I share my personal life with is a friend to me. Friendship to me is about trust, loyalty, and patience.

I’ve had a few friendships fade into the sunset for one reason or another but they are still near and dear to my heart.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

I don't know if long thoughtful convos are Lit's thing anymore but... let's try again.

05.01.24
Adult Friendships

How do you even? Do you make friends easily or does just the right person need to come along? Are they lifelong connections or do they burn bright brief? What are some hints that someone you meet is friendship material for you? Are you a good friend to have? Have you ever had to end a friendship?

I find it hard to make new friends. I'm shy and introverted. I'm also very anxious and struggle going to different places.
The friends I have I've known for years and they've weathered the storms my mental health has thrown at them so I know they're there for life.
I'm part of a close group of 4 that met each other while working the same job in our 20's. We only see each other maybe once a year but the conversations and jokes pick right back up again and the only signs of time passing are the grey hairs and our kids growing up.
I've had more casual, circumstantial friendships where we've bonded for a particular reason but had no common ground outside of it. They don't last as people move on but they've still been valuable.
I like to think I'm a good friend. It takes me a while to get comfortable enough with someone that I want to let them in to my life but when I do I'm loyal and giving of my time and energy.
I'm drawn to all kinds of people I guess. I like people who are open, kind and funny. I'm too insecure for anything else.

 

[devilsanus]

As a hardcore introvert. I've found it really difficult to make friends here and in real life.

It probably doesn't help that I'm a completely selfish asshole as well.

 

[GSDom]

On the friendships topic. I see what I will refer to as “collectors” (for want of a better term) around me here at Lit. People that gather humans around them like bees, they list you know maybe twenty people in the grateful threads etc and have a continual flow of different names as their best friend at any given moment, that changes so randomly and often. I don’t judge those people, (sometimes I feel like they maybe have it right maybe that’s how Lit SHOULD be done) but I also don’t understand them and I question the terminology they use, how they manage their collections, and what those friendships actually look like when you sink into them. coz I’m nosey like that ya know.

What an interesting idea, but as I think about being here on lit for as long as I have, it’s all true. And you’re right, sometimes I also find myself wondering if they are doing it right, who’s to say. Anywho, thanks for making me think so early in the day. Lol.

 

[GSDom]

I often find myself thinking about how people lit and wondering if I’m doing it wrong.

Welcome to my world!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What a busy day but I've so enjoyed reading everyone's responses. Some of you have perfectly put words to some of my feeling.

@StillRain - I'm also not a needy friend's friend. I like being wanted and hate being needed (probably definitely unhealthy). Though I can be kind of scattered sometimes so I so appreciate my friends that stay on top of checking in.

@orangecurious - Making friends by proximity is such an adult thing and hard when you're in a period of life where there aren't many friendable folks in proximity.

@sallysparrow23 - I could have written almost every word of what you wrote and the feeling of your life changing significantly and the affect it has on the people around you is so deeply felt. The only part of leaving the church I regret is the community I lost. I also fight opening up.

@Orchidea - the terminology of friendship has to be something other languages do better. There is a place between acquaintance and FRIEND. I hate to use tiers but sometimes that's the only way to explain it.

@Photog1rl - I often think I do Lit wrong. But I also think a lot of other people do it... weirdly so I think we find people who do it the same way we do and those become our people? Maybe? I'm probably wrong!

@RosewoodTulip - Another one I could have written. It takes a while for me too and also a natural chemistry. Friendship chemistry is a thing right?