Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[LizVegas79]

I only nominated her because she throws good parties. I mean.. we've been to her parties before and they were just regular parties. Imagine what kind of party she would have if it was a celebration party??? Talk about rockin'. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Sweetie, all it takes for your mouth to water is for the wind to blow.

But that's why all our clients love you!

https://66.media.tumblr.com/fb6e736e1edd5b9139c065de3ad69939/1826cf1b0ed3aa4c-7f/s640x960/aacd390b271d918815c5565191bd8d55e1cdbeaa.png

Love what you've done with the reception room at the clinic, Dr. Liz!

We've decided to embrace a bare boners aesthetic in the reception area.

Ooops, I mean, a bare boners aesthetic.

I mean a bare boners aesthe - oh just take off your pants and proceed to Exam Room #3 please!!

 

[LizVegas79]

(And since you brought up neighborhoods, the following fits *perfectly* for the blonde popularity and me working the block issue.)

Here we go...


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman and started canvassing her neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “I'm sure she knows. It's obvious where the porch is." So the wife and the man were both rather shocked when, a short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked, surprised.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man aimed a smirk at his wife then reached in his pocket for the fifty dollars and handed it to the blonde.

As the blonde walked down the steps, she turned her head to look back at the man, a bright smile on her face. “Oh, by the way,” the blonde said, “you should know. That’s not a Porch. It’s a Ferrari.”

And there you have it.

ROTFL! - this one is getting re-told at work tomorrow five or ten times

(but first I'm going to test it out on the hub's tonight!)

 

[CuMex1]

Dear Dr. Liz

This may seem like an odd question but with my dick size (exactly 5x4.4 erect and 2 inches flaccid) do you think it would be ethical to get a penis enlargement? I've tired many different ways to make it bigger like doing dick lifts and rubbing black seed oil on my penis but nothing seems to work.

I talked if over with my her and she laughed hard and said no that's ridiculous. She said there was no need really.

The other night I believe it was Sunday my wife had two of her friends over and they were watching the Kardashian's show. They had been talking about how tall and well built the husband of Khole Kardashian was. I believe his name was Tristan Thompson. He plays in the NBA and the fucker is big black and like near 7'0 tall. Apparently he had on tight gray sweatpants and all of them were gushing out loud about how big his dick looked through his pants. My wife in particular was gushing about "how big the negros dick is". "I'm not used to seeing dicks that big, I'm used to el Camaron" meaning a shrimp dick. I had been sending work emails to my client on my laptop in the other room and overheard in the hallway.
I couldnt help but get a bit jealous and insecure even after all weve been through. It made me want to get a bigger dick even more

 

[LizVegas79]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/27/33/76/27337694cfc26fb6ee9acd228bbddebe.gif

You're still the cutest (and most popular!) receptionist we ever had at the clinic sweetie!

Oh Good Lord! I wasn't expecting to see THIS going on in the waiting room today.

Oh, Liz! Nova is showing off again!

Dang it, you weren't suppose to find out about that JJ. I needed a date for the Littie Awards and since my husband was busy and you said only attention whores would go to such a thing, I was like, "Wow, you're so right about that" and so, duh, I got the idea to invite Nova to be my date.

On the way there in the back of the limo (omg did we have fun!) she asked me what I did to get nominated in so many categories this year and I told her my secret and ... well I guess Nova wants to get nominated in a bunch of categories next year

Please. That's not showing off. This is showing off.

That's not showing off. That's just Nova doing her job after I ordered her to get her sweet ass out into the Reception Area and handle all our poor backed up customers. And I do mean backed up! You better have a darn good reason for missing your shift today JJ

That's not showing off! That's my idea of a fun night!

or day....

or whatever..

I'm just going to go ahead and auto extend your employment agreement for another year sweetie!

 

[LizVegas79]

I go away for a while and look at this place!

First the correct answer to the above is "You ride whatever way you like Babe. Just as long as you're riding me."

Second, to paraphrase Captain jack Sparrow: Why is there no whisky? Am I gonna have to deal with the Gent from Chicago again?

Cute gif JJ. You too Nova (showing off).

Where's the boss lady? Where's the Caddy? Where's Angela and her brothers? There's going to be work to do, and I can't drive into the desert alone.

Don't drive into the desert alone sweetie!

That's why I bought the RV so that we could all go for a little secret getaway together!

 

[LizVegas79]

This place goes haywire without Liz here to boss every...umm, organize and manage everyone.

You paraphrased Jack Sparrow. That makes you even sexier than usual.

We *always* have whisky. And here's your all-filled-up, cowgirl-inspired flask of your favorite.

https://i.imgur.com/LPZ8U4Tm.jpg

Ride 'em, Cowboy!

BTW - these commemorative, don't-tell-your-wife-where-you-got-it, Dr Liz's Pyscho-Sexual Therapy Clinic flasks are currently available in the Gift Shop located next to the Reception Area for only $75.

https://i.imgur.com/LPZ8U4Tm.jpg

Each flask is made by a hot AF robot in a secret factory somewhere of semi-pure silver with a ceramic interior and screw-top (as opposed to fuck top) cork. (yes, i said 'cork' not 'cock'! sorry, pervs )

Get yours signed by your favorite therapist today!

(supplies might be limited seeing how I have zero intention of admitting that we received the first shipment and the fact that the sales guy has a pet name for each one of my toes and will do absolutely anything I say )

 

[BrainTeez]

https://66.media.tumblr.com/fb6e736e1edd5b9139c065de3ad69939/1826cf1b0ed3aa4c-7f/s640x960/aacd390b271d918815c5565191bd8d55e1cdbeaa.png

Love what you've done with the reception room at the clinic, Dr. Liz!

We've decided to embrace a bare boners aesthetic in the reception area.

Ooops, I mean, a bare boners aesthetic.

I mean a bare boners aesthe - oh just take off your pants and proceed to Exam Room #3 please!!

Doctor Liz,

Is that the new Sensory Deprivation Therapy room you were telling us about ? .... I didn't realize you were ready to go live with it .... your "Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, etc." testing must have gone well.

Which one of those cabinets is Exam Room #3 ? Are you taking reservations yet ?
I'm glad you decided to add the air holes .... I'm sure that added feature brought down the cost of your malpractice insurance .... plus, fewer bodies for you to have to cart out to the Mojave.

Brain "I Want To Go to Sanatorium Doctor Liz" Teez


P.S. That reminds me of Sanatorium Dr. S***** in S******, one of Europe's most respected hospitals highly specialised in the treatment of ... and currently operates two modern Agusta Westland AW 109 SP helicopters" .... Liz, how close are you to getting your helos?

P.P.S Please, "We've decided to ...." we all know you all have been embracing bare boners for years .... especially JJ !

 

[JerseyJade]

You're still the cutest (and most popular!) receptionist we ever had at the clinic sweetie!

Receptionist????

I got demoted again??? What did I do this time?

 

[LizVegas79]

Receptionist????

I got demoted again??? What did I do this time?

No, that was your first job BEFORE you got promoted, remember sweetie?

Remember all "the paperwork"?

 

[JerseyJade]

Dang it, you weren't suppose to find out about that JJ. I needed a date for the Littie Awards and since my husband was busy and you said only attention whores would go to such a thing, I was like, "Wow, you're so right about that" and so, duh, I got the idea to invite Nova to be my date.

Nova. Attention whore. Yep, I see the connection. Totally understand, Liz.

 

[JerseyJade]

No, that was your first job BEFORE you got promoted, remember sweetie?

Remember all "the paperwork"?

I do remember. And there was no paper and pen required. Doing "the paperwork" was so much fun back then.

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Liz

This may seem like an odd question but with my dick size (exactly 5x4.4 erect and 2 inches flaccid) do you think it would be ethical to get a penis enlargement? I've tired many different ways to make it bigger like doing dick lifts and rubbing black seed oil on my penis but nothing seems to work.

I talked if over with my her and she laughed hard and said no that's ridiculous. She said there was no need really.

The other night I believe it was Sunday my wife had two of her friends over and they were watching the Kardashian's show. They had been talking about how tall and well built the husband of Khole Kardashian was. I believe his name was Tristan Thompson. He plays in the NBA and the fucker is big black and like near 7'0 tall. Apparently he had on tight gray sweatpants and all of them were gushing out loud about how big his dick looked through his pants. My wife in particular was gushing about "how big the negros dick is". "I'm not used to seeing dicks that big, I'm used to el Camaron" meaning a shrimp dick. I had been sending work emails to my client on my laptop in the other room and overheard in the hallway.
I couldnt help but get a bit jealous and insecure even after all weve been through. It made me want to get a bigger dick even more

Dear Pequeño,

Well I'm probably not the best person to ask BUT ... good news! I DO have an opinion about whether you should get a penis enlargement or not!

My answer is: (perhaps surprisingly considering my doctoral thesis "DUH, SIZE MATTERS A LOT!") NO.

From what you've told me your little guy seems to be working fine. From what little I've heard about penis enlargement surgery it's risky at best. So what if you can barely satisfy your gf/wife/or whatever? The fact is you try and she is happy with your efforts.

You are never going to measure up to a 7' black guy. Or, probably not even a 5' black guy. But so what? You have something they don't. You have a sense of humor. You seem to respect women. You married your gf even after she fucked around on you. You're a keeper sweetie!

But, do me a favor and please stop watching the Kardashian shows. They give tramps a bad name.

Doctor "Yep, That's Small" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Nova. Attention whore. Yep, I see the connection. Totally understand, Liz.

She's blonde so I tell myself she can't really help it.

I do remember. And there was no paper and pen required. Doing "the paperwork" was so much fun back then.

You were very good at it too if I remember correctly.

I know we were just starting out back then but I don't remember there ever being any backed up customers in the Reception Area when you were in charge of greeting and admissions.

I should probably consider putting you on the front knees, I mean, front line, staff again. You do wonderful work in the exam rooms, all five star gold reviews, but watching you work your magic in the Reception Area was a sight to behold. Well, at least until all the guys waiting their turn crowded and circled around you so much my security system cameras got all smudged up!

 

[LizVegas79]

https://66.media.tumblr.com/fb6e736e1edd5b9139c065de3ad69939/1826cf1b0ed3aa4c-7f/s640x960/aacd390b271d918815c5565191bd8d55e1cdbeaa.png

Love what you've done with the reception room at the clinic, Dr. Liz!

Doctor Liz,

Is that the new Sensory Deprivation Therapy room you were telling us about ? .... I didn't realize you were ready to go live with it .... your "Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder, etc." testing must have gone well.

Which one of those cabinets is Exam Room #3 ? Are you taking reservations yet ?
I'm glad you decided to add the air holes .... I'm sure that added feature brought down the cost of your malpractice insurance .... plus, fewer bodies for you to have to cart out to the Mojave.

Brain "I Want To Go to Sanatorium Doctor Liz" Teez


P.S. That reminds me of Sanatorium Dr. S***** in S******, one of Europe's most respected hospitals highly specialised in the treatment of ... and currently operates two modern Agusta Westland AW 109 SP helicopters" .... Liz, how close are you to getting your helos?

P.P.S Please, "We've decided to ...." we all know you all have been embracing bare boners for years .... especially JJ !

Dear First To Volunteer For Every New Treatment,

You're pretty smart for a guy! Have you stopped jerking off constantly or something?

Yes, those are both our Pet Lockers (for VIP clients) and our Sensory Deprivation/Overload cabinets. The preliminary research on my "Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder and A Penis Really REALLY Like Even The Slightest Bit of Attention" went even better than I expected.

I've applied for additional grant money for research yesterday and the funding was wired transferred into our bank account this morning. It was actually twice the funding I requested but I'm not sure how to report clerical errors of that magnitude and if anybody else does they damn well better keep it to themselves or they will be doing some personal How Do I Get Out Of This Hole In The Desert? research on their own!

Our new RV has a landing pad on top for a helicopter so that should answer your other question.

Doctor "Please Proceed To Exam Room #3 - I Said NOW!!" Liz

 

[JerseyJade]

I should probably consider putting you on the front knees, I mean, front line, staff again. You do wonderful work in the exam rooms, all five star gold reviews, but watching you work your magic in the Reception Area was a sight to behold. Well, at least until all the guys waiting their turn crowded and circled around you so much my security system cameras got all smudged up!

Oh, Liz. I would so love to be back on my knees... um, I mean the front line, staff again. How I miss those days. I'm not saying that I don't love my job now, because I do.. but when I was on my knees.. um, I mean working the front line and in the Reception area, it was so much more rewarding for me. I know at first it was challenging and there was a lot to swallow in learning the new job, but I am pretty proud of myself for what I achieved and can't thank you enough for allowing me to have that experience. So whatever you decide to do, you have 100% of my cooperation.

 

[LizVegas79]

Oh, Liz. I would so love to be back on my knees... um, I mean the front line, staff again. How I miss those days. I'm not saying that I don't love my job now, because I do.. but when I was on my knees.. um, I mean working the front line and in the Reception area, it was so much more rewarding for me. I know at first it was challenging and there was a lot to swallow in learning the new job, but I am pretty proud of myself for what I achieved and can't thank you enough for allowing me to have that experience. So whatever you decide to do, you have 100% of my cooperation.

Well then, consider yourself reassigned back on the Floor Team then JJ!

But ... I'm putting a cap of $200/week on dry cleaning bills this time though. You don't have to change outfits after every rush. According to our survey cards, lots of guys like a wet look


PRESS RELEASE


February 24, 20220

Attn All Media Partners,

Effective immediately Jersey Jade is hereby re-assigned to the floor at Dr Liz's Psycho-Sexual Therapy Clinic.

Please form an orderly line and have your cash or credit card authorizations in one hand and your, umm, you know what's, in your other hand up to speed and at the ready for therapy.

Thank you,
The Management

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Sweetie, all it takes for your mouth to water is for the wind to blow.

But that's why all our clients love you!




We've decided to embrace a bare boners aesthetic in the reception area.

Ooops, I mean, a bare boners aesthetic.

I mean a bare boners aesthe - oh just take off your pants and proceed to Exam Room #3 please!!

Hey Doc. I am ready for bare boners therapy. I left my pants in the car. The boner took care of itself.

As you know, I enjoy AmPics in my spare time. It's a place with lots of exhibitionists. There is my problem. I see tits. They're everywhere. Big ones, small ones, perky ones, bouncey pnes. Long nips, small nips, no nips. Tirs being held, tits being dropped. Tits revealed, tits covered. And then there's the poetry:

AN ODE TO TITS

With many apologies to Dr.Suess

One tit, two tits
Red Tit, Blue Tit
Left tit, left tit. left tit, right.
Tits in the morning and tits at night
Wet tits, dry tits
Low tits, high tits
Tits in the water and tits in the grass
Big tits, big tits, big tits, ass!
Around the corner and on the street
Every where you go its tits you meet
Tits on boats, Tits in cars
Tits on airplanes and Tits in the stars
Tits on tables and Tits in heels
Tits on the internet causing squeals!
Tits in the woods and tits on the beach
Tits doing laundry, just out of reach.
Tits in a Sundress, Tits above a thong
Tits in the garden, naked all along.
Tits spread while laying on her back,
Tits popping out of a little dress that’s black.
Tits that are pierced, tits that are tanned,
Tits getting written on, Tits that get panned
Tits in a red bra, with a clasp at the front
Tits getting squeezed while she plays with her uh, vagina.
Everywhere you go, be sure to thank
The tits you see before you wank.


I'm a sick man. I need help, now! Please Doc.

Signed,

Oh, look: Tits!


PS., don't get me started on feet...or asses...

 

[LizVegas79]

https://66.media.tumblr.com/6f1b2ef72195f1289fb399b2bb86cfcc/7f21816cd2aee824-f4/s500x750/5dccce266c2dc6c7a75fa2f4a2665aa90fa497cf.jpg

The nice thing about owning your own business is you can show up for work
wearing what you wore to bed and no one can give you any sh^t for it.

 

[BrainTeez]

Oh, Liz. I would so love to be back on my knees... um, I mean the front line, staff again. How I miss those days. I'm not saying that I don't love my job now, because I do.. but when I was on my knees.. um, I mean working the front line and in the Reception area, it was so much more rewarding for me. I know at first it was challenging and there was a lot to swallow in learning the new job, but I am pretty proud of myself for what I achieved and can't thank you enough for allowing me to have that experience. So whatever you decide to do, you have 100% of my cooperation.

Dearest JJ,

I want you to know how proud of you I am, especially considering how much you had to swallow not just to learn, but master the new job! Bravo! I feel like a proud Papa! As someone who has passed through Nutley, NJ many times, I can truly say that you, my favorite Jersey girl, have "spunk". You know you will always occupy a special place in my heart (and places farther south).

With sincerest affection,

Brain "Call Me Daddy" Teez

 

[BrainTeez]

Dear First To Volunteer For Every New Treatment,

You're pretty smart for a guy! Have you stopped jerking off constantly or something?

Yes, those are both our Pet Lockers (for VIP clients) and our Sensory Deprivation/Overload cabinets. The preliminary research on my "Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder and A Penis Really REALLY Like Even The Slightest Bit of Attention" went even better than I expected.

I've applied for additional grant money for research yesterday and the funding was wired transferred into our bank account this morning. It was actually twice the funding I requested but I'm not sure how to report clerical errors of that magnitude and if anybody else does they damn well better keep it to themselves or they will be doing some personal How Do I Get Out Of This Hole In The Desert? research on their own!

Our new RV has a landing pad on top for a helicopter so that should answer your other question.

Doctor "Please Proceed To Exam Room #3 - I Said NOW!!" Liz

Dearest Doctor Liz,

With some embarrassment and regret I must admit that at my age I can no longer jerk off constantly. Why do you think I come to your clinic? Because I hope to regain the endurance of my youth, and, I can't think of another group of therapists I'd rather be mistreated, sorry, treated, by. Speaking of my youth, I have fond memories of my mother shouting "get out of that bathroom before you go blind." Of course, I told her she was being insensitive as she knew how much I loved Ray Charles. My mother was a very smart woman, but, she wasn't an MD. Fortunately for me, I can still see, except when I get poked in the eye with a protruding nipple.

As for the doubled grant money clerical error, let me let you in on an old restauranteur trick: keep three sets of books. One for you, one for your partners and one for the IRS. I'm surprised a made Jersey girl like JJ didn't teach you that already.

And, finally, I really liked how you brought back that blonde Lizzie doubled for Uma Thurman in Kill Bill reference with that "How do I get out of this hole in the desert" line! Well done clever lady! But, I'm sorry, I'm never going to believe your boobs aren't as nice as hers ..... but I will give you credit for humility.

Brain "I've Fallen Madly in Lust with Doctor Liz and I'm Not Ashamed to Admit It" Teez

 

[JerseyJade]

Dearest JJ,

I want you to know how proud of you I am, especially considering how much you had to swallow not just to learn, but master the new job! Bravo! I feel like a proud Papa! As someone who has passed through Nutley, NJ many times, I can truly say that you, my favorite Jersey girl, have "spunk". You know you will always occupy a special place in my heart (and places farther south).

With sincerest affection,

Brain "Call Me Daddy" Teez

Thank you, Papa BT. That means a lot to me when someone appreciates all the "hard" work I do around here. I know there are those who think that my job "sucks", but for me, that's a good thing. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Mr_Underground]

I think I have coronavirus or maybe flu. What is the difference. WebMD is some confusing muh fuckers.

 

[BrainTeez]

Dear First To Volunteer For Every New Treatment, ...... Our new RV has a landing pad on top for a helicopter so that should answer your other question.

Doctor "Please Proceed To Exam Room #3 - I Said NOW!!" Liz

A landing pad is OK, but I'm more of a "landing strip" kind of guy .... what I would give to be on final approach to your landing strip ! .... wait, do you still have my GROC retainer or did Nova spend it all already ? .... maybe you'd like to go wild at Marciano ? ....

As for your above-quoted salutation, Your Command is My Wish !

Brain "I Hope I Don't Overshoot .... the Runway" Teez

 

[LizVegas79]

Dearest Doctor Liz,

With some embarrassment and regret I must admit that at my age I can no longer jerk off constantly. Why do you think I come to your clinic? Because I hope to regain the endurance of my youth, and, I can't think of another group of therapists I'd rather be mistreated, sorry, treated, by. Speaking of my youth, I have fond memories of my mother shouting "get out of that bathroom before you go blind." Of course, I told her she was being insensitive as she knew how much I loved Ray Charles. My mother was a very smart woman, but, she wasn't an MD. Fortunately for me, I can still see, except when I get poked in the eye with a protruding nipple.

As for the doubled grant money clerical error, let me let you in on an old restauranteur trick: keep three sets of books. One for you, one for your partners and one for the IRS. I'm surprised a made Jersey girl like JJ didn't teach you that already.

And, finally, I really liked how you brought back that blonde Lizzie doubled for Uma Thurman in Kill Bill reference with that "How do I get out of this hole in the desert" line! Well done clever lady! But, I'm sorry, I'm never going to believe your boobs aren't as nice as hers ..... but I will give you credit for humility.

Brain "I've Fallen Madly in Lust with Doctor Liz and I'm Not Ashamed to Admit It" Teez

Dear Not Ashamed,

Glad to hear you aren't blind. My vision was cloudy for years until I started wearing glasses at work and to bed. I swear, what is it with guys never giving a girl any warning?!

Re: your advice about running my business, would you like a job as our new CFO? The pay sucks (I promise and so does JJ and Nova ) and the benefits are even better. (did you see what I wore to work yesterday?)

Uma's boobs are a national treasure imho. Comparing them to mine would probably get you shot in Sweden.

Doctor "Dig Your Own Hole" Liz

I think I have coronavirus or maybe flu. What is the difference. WebMD is some confusing muh fuckers.

Dear Not The Good Kind of Sick,

The good news is you probably don't have coronavirus. I think you have to be on the surface of the sun or something like that to get a corona and if you were on the surface of the sun, well, you'd have bigger problems that confusing search results.

You probably have the flu. It is after all flu season. Get plenty of rest. Stop streaking until it warms up to at least 80 outside. And drink plenty of non-fluids. Stay away from alcohol. And other people.

Doctor "I'm Not Contagious, I'm Just Latina" Liz

A landing pad is OK, but I'm more of a "landing strip" kind of guy .... what I would give to be on final approach to your landing strip ! .... wait, do you still have my GROC retainer or did Nova spend it all already ? .... maybe you'd like to go wild at Marciano ? ....

As for your above-quoted salutation, Your Command is My Wish !

Brain "I Hope I Don't Overshoot .... the Runway" Teez

Dear Over Shooter,

Silly, there's no such thing as over shooting. I promise, we treat your elixir like it's the fountain of youth around here. The more the better!

Doctor "Guess Why I Don't Look My Age" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Thank you, Papa BT. That means a lot to me when someone appreciates all the "hard" work I do around here. I know there are those who think that my job "sucks", but for me, that's a good thing. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm happy our customers are lining up to show you their appreciation now that I've re-assigned you onto the floor, JJ.

I'll run to the store and get you another box of tissues because you've got a little smudge in your hair ... and on your cheek ... and on your chin ... and on your blouse ... and on your skirt ... and oops did that guy just ... in your eye? ... oh you poor thing! I know it burns. I'll hurry I promise!