Ask Doctor Liz ... Again

[LizVegas79]

Firstly, Doctor, your photograph seems to have exacerbated my addiction problem rather than relieving it. That seems somewhat retrograde to me. You're medical directions seem somewhat contradictory: first you post that photograph, then you tell me not to touch myself. Those seem mutally exclusive to me...but you ARE the professional, so I suppose I have to take your word for it.

Also, I noticed you mentioning my problem on another thread. I was operating under the assumption (though I'd prefer to be operating under you, but that's besides the point) that medical information shared within these four walls was confidential. And since you've so forcefully pointed out that you're in no danger whatsoever of losing your medical license and never will be, no matter what flagrancies you commit, I think it high time to take this matter into my own hands and make sure you can't say anything else about me to anyone.

Dear Unhappy With Our Progress So Far,

Are you saying that you have to take my word for it that I'm a professional? Or that you have to take my word for it that you shouldn't touch yourself so that you save up for me a week or two until I can touch it and relieve your strain myself?

If you want a refund talk to the hand.

And if that doesn't work, talk to my lawyer. I keep him on a retainer (well, actually it's a leash because that's what he's into) so it's no skin of my knees.

If I'm going to make your problem go away, I have to be free to discuss it with my colleagues in order to come up with the best solution ... I mean, course of action ... I mean, position. I had decided on cowgirl, but I suppose you'd have a problem with that too and probably question my judgement again so it's not only off the table now, it's not even over the table.

It's too bad really. Because FYI, I've been showing that picture I took of your problem to several of my girlfriends and they all offered to help.

However, since you seem to think that my advice is contradicktori, I am inclined NOT to bring my friend Tori in to help me with your case afterall. Too bad for you because she's really cute and I assure you we make quite the team together. Our success rate working together to help guys with problems like yours has been 100% in the past.

But I guess if you want your problem to not go away but instead persist on and on and on, instead of letting us find a way to make it go away for you, well then, I guess you're free to solve your problem all by yourself if that's what you really want.


- Doctor "Help Me Help You Help Yourself" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Lizzie -

Those heels are everything, right?

Signed,
Someone who enjoys asking rhetorical questions.

Dear Rhetorically Speaking,

ikr? I forget who gave them to me and whether I thanked them properly ... or improperly.

Oh, wait! Now I remember. I definitely thanked them. Although, I'll leave it up to your imagination whether it was properly or improperly.


- Doctor "I Have Several Ways Of Expressing My Gratitude Depending On What You're Into" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

"Well the good news is I'm pretty sure it's not infected. It's definitely very, very, VERY swollen though.

Your balls do look a little blue and tender to me, as well.

Can you tell me approximately how long it has been since you last ejaculated?

Perhaps if there's anything about me that reminds you of your wife you could focus on that
while I attempt to relieve some of the pressure for you."

 

[hotcpu]

"Well the good news is I'm pretty sure it's not infected. It's definitely very, very, VERY swollen though.

Your balls do look a little blue and tender to me, as well.

Can you tell me approximately how long it has been since you last ejaculated?

Perhaps if there's anything about me that reminds you of your wife you could focus on that
while I attempt to relieve some of the pressure for you."

Thinking about my ex wife is the last thing I would think of to make me ejaculate ...

I think who is in front of me doing the exam is perfect!!

 

[Jordan90]

Dear Unhappy With Our Progress So Far,

Are you saying that you have to take my word for it that I'm a professional? Or that you have to take my word for it that you shouldn't touch yourself so that you save up for me a week or two until I can touch it and relieve your strain myself?

If you want a refund talk to the hand.

And if that doesn't work, talk to my lawyer. I keep him on a retainer (well, actually it's a leash because that's what he's into) so it's no skin of my knees.

If I'm going to make your problem go away, I have to be free to discuss it with my colleagues in order to come up with the best solution ... I mean, course of action ... I mean, position. I had decided on cowgirl, but I suppose you'd have a problem with that too and probably question my judgement again so it's not only off the table now, it's not even over the table.

It's too bad really. Because FYI, I've been showing that picture I took of your problem to several of my girlfriends and they all offered to help.

However, since you seem to think that my advice is contradicktori, I am inclined NOT to bring my friend Tori in to help me with your case afterall. Too bad for you because she's really cute and I assure you we make quite the team together. Our success rate working together to help guys with problems like yours has been 100% in the past.

But I guess if you want your problem to not go away but instead persist on and on and on, instead of letting us find a way to make it go away for you, well then, I guess you're free to solve your problem all by yourself if that's what you really want.


- Doctor "Help Me Help You Help Yourself" Liz

Dear Dr. Help Cubed,

You'll have to forgive my frustrated rantings. Remember, I'm an addict and I need my fix...if I don't get my sexy Latina fix in time during the day I can become a snippy patient. Overcoming my addiction to your lack of gag reflex, gentle medical ministrations, and slinky black-dress fashion sense is why I'm back here with you after all.

So what IS the best way to overcome this addiction without becoming snippy in the process? I'd hate to be snippy with your friend Tori, since she's only trying to help me. And of course, I'd hate to do or say anything to ruin our patient-doctor relationship, but on the other hand, are addicts in search of a Latina fix truly in their right minds? Can they be held responsible for the things they say??

 

[HotBrand]

Dear Doctor Frankenfine,

Help me. I feel like I have a screw loose.

It's been a couple of days since I last wrote to you and it feels like I'm all jumbled up now. It's almost like I'm made up from an odd collection of parts and, because of you, I feel like there's a hole to fill.

Maybe I'm overly passionate. It might be the Latin part of me. I think that's the lower half of my body.

I need another appointment, doctor. Be frank with me. You know how to put me together. Put those healing hands to use, tighten my nuts, and make my body with an unholy resurrerection.

There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.

Sincerely,
Your Monster

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Dr. Help Cubed,

You'll have to forgive my frustrated rantings. Remember, I'm an addict and I need my fix...if I don't get my sexy Latina fix in time during the day I can become a snippy patient. Overcoming my addiction to your lack of gag reflex, gentle medical ministrations, and slinky black-dress fashion sense is why I'm back here with you after all.

So what IS the best way to overcome this addiction without becoming snippy in the process? I'd hate to be snippy with your friend Tori, since she's only trying to help me. And of course, I'd hate to do or say anything to ruin our patient-doctor relationship, but on the other hand, are addicts in search of a Latina fix truly in their right minds? Can they be held responsible for the things they say??

Dear Snippy,

If you haven't realized it already, we sort of specialize in tough love around here LOL. So, addict or not, don't expect any preferential treatment. That's only for my Diamond Platinum Plus Patients

And if you think I'm going to help you get over your addiction to my lack of gag reflex, gentle medical ministrations, and slinky black-dress fashion sense, you obviously have not been paying attention. I can't change who I am sweetie. And even if I could, it wouldn't be right to do that for you and not all my other patients and then I'd just be another broke ass bitch eating burgers and fries on the street in between offering to wash windshields at traffic lights with dirty water.

The best thing to do is to lie down and think of a nice beautiful white sand beach with a warm breeze blowing in off the clear aquamarine water as I give you a coconut oil massage under this cabana. If you could just either lower or remove your swim trunks so that I can - oh my, hi there mister happy. Would you like a nice, long, slow coconut oil massage too?

- Doctor "This Is My Medical Bikini" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Doctor Frankenfine,

Help me. I feel like I have a screw loose.

It's been a couple of days since I last wrote to you and it feels like I'm all jumbled up now. It's almost like I'm made up from an odd collection of parts and, because of you, I feel like there's a hole to fill.

Maybe I'm overly passionate. It might be the Latin part of me. I think that's the lower half of my body.

I need another appointment, doctor. Be frank with me. You know how to put me together. Put those healing hands to use, tighten my nuts, and make my body with an unholy resurrerection.

There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.

Sincerely,
Your Monster

Dear Loose Screw,

I don't deal with crazies. Only perverts and married guys and divorced women who are feeling a little curious now that they have some freedom to explore what they truly want and need.

However, maybe all you need to do is relax. Lie down, relax and picture a nice beautiful white sand beach with a warm breeze blowing in off the clear aquamarine water as I give you a coconut oil massage under a private cabana. If you could just either lower or remove your swim trunks so that I can - oh my, hi there mister happy. Would you like a nice, long, slow coconut oil massage too?

Mmmm, oh my, thank you mister happy. That sure was A LOT of admiration and gratitude. Now don't you feel better? Don't worry, I haven't forgotten your nuts. Oh I'm sorry. Are they a little sore? Well you just lay there and relax. I'm going to dash up to our room, slip into something uncomfortable but naughty and be right back with my friends Tori and Michelle and Inga.


- Doctor "Don't Go Anywhere" Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

"Mmmm ... stop ... I have two patients waiting for me down on the beach
... okay fine ... don't stop ... you're right ... we can fuck them later ...."

 

[hotcpu]

"Mmmm ... stop ... I have two patients waiting for me down on the beach
... okay fine ... don't stop ... you're right ... we can fuck them later ...."

Excellent plan ... Just bring the video and the patients will forgive the delay.

 

[HotBrand]

... Thursdays ... they remind me of a Thursday appointment we once shared together ...

"As your doctor, I must tell you that you'll have to stop masturbating."

"But ... why, doctor? I came in because I have a sore throat!"

"Yes, but it's distracting me from performing my diagnosis checks."

... such sweet memories. I received my first restraining order from you that day. The comfiest straightjacket I've ever been made to wear.

Actually, I just wanted to say that your posts are still so amazing. Are you as smart as you are beautiful, or as gorgeous as you are intelligent?

Regardless, keep being you. Bring that #LatinaFire! #damemásgasolina

 

[LizVegas79]

Excellent plan ... Just bring the video and the patients will forgive the delay.

I'm glad you approve of the way I choose to run my business LOL

... Thursdays ... they remind me of a Thursday appointment we once shared together ...

"As your doctor, I must tell you that you'll have to stop masturbating."

"But ... why, doctor? I came in because I have a sore throat!"

"Yes, but it's distracting me from performing my diagnosis checks."

... such sweet memories. I received my first restraining order from you that day. The comfiesta straightjacket I've ever been made to wear.

Actually, I just wanted to say that your posts are still so amazing. Are you as smart as you are beautiful, or as gorgeous as you are intelligent?

Regardless, keep being you. Bring that #LatinaFire! #damemásgasolina

Dibs on that "cumfiesta straightjacket" idea HB!! I bet that's going to be a hot seller on my Etsy store!

Gosh, you used four of my favorite words in one sentence! Smart and beautiful, Gorgeous and intelligent.

So who told you the secret to making my clothes fall off? Was it that slut JJ? Well, for once she was telling the truth about me. I guess I owe her dinner. I'll let you know where we decide to go for Happy Hour and karioke after so that you can pick up the tab.

- Doctor "Stop Masturbating While I Take Your Temperature" Liz lol

 

[JerseyJade]

So who told you the secret to making my clothes fall off? Was it that slut JJ? Well, for once she was telling the truth about me. I guess I owe her dinner. I'll let you know where we decide to go for Happy Hour and karioke after so that you can pick up the tab.

- Doctor "Stop Masturbating While I Take Your Temperature" Liz lol

Lol

So where are we going for dinner, Liz?

 

[Deacon_Voss]

Lol

So where are we going for dinner, Liz?

My place. I have a few rib eyes I need to get rid of

 

[JerseyJade]

My place. I have a few rib eyes I need to get rid of

 

[LizVegas79]

Lol

So where are we going for dinner, Liz?

I'm thinking somewhere super expensive and classy where there's tons of rich, young guys
with nice big juicy boners.

I mean, steaks.

No, wait, I definitely mean boners.

 

[JerseyJade]

I'm thinking somewhere super expensive and classy where there's tons of rich, young guys
with nice big juicy boners.

I mean, steaks.

No, wait, I definitely mean boners.

I'm on my way!

 

[LizVegas79]

Me: "Well, I can't say exactly what your problem is yet.
You seem perfectly normal and exactly like most guys to me so far.
But, there's a few other tests I would like to do before I give you
my final diagnosis. It's possible you're just a regular pervert.
But, it's still too early to tell."

 

[YoWhatsGood]

I don’t get foot fetishes Dr. Liz, can you explain them to me? What am I missing out on? Have I just not been with the right women?

 

[LizVegas79]

I don’t get foot fetishes Dr. Liz, can you explain them to me? What am I missing out on? Have I just not been with the right women?

Dear Missing Out,

I can't explain them. I can only recognize them.

But yes, you are missing out because you have not been with the right woman yet.


- Doctor "Don't Think of Me as Mrs. Right, Think of Me as Mrs. Right Now" Liz

 

[JerseyJade]

So when a man tells me I have pretty feet or my toes look pretty, should I assume he has a foot fetish or is he just trying to get into my panties?

- Just a "men confuse the shit out of me sometimes" Jersey Girl

EDIT: This is actually the very first question I have asked Dr. Liz

 

[LizVegas79]

So when a man tells me I have pretty feet or my toes look pretty, should I assume he has a foot fetish or is he just trying to get into my panties?

- Just a "men confuse the shit out of me sometimes" Jersey Girl

EDIT: This is actually the very first question I have asked Dr. Liz

Dear Confused,

5 times out of 10 they're just saying that to get into your panties.

And 5 times out of 10 they have either a growing, or full-blown, foot fetish.

imho (and experience) at least, you won't know for sure until you are alone and naked with them.

- Doctor "If They Rub My Feet They Usually Get Lucky" Liz

 

[JerseyJade]

Dear Confused,

5 times out of 10 they're just saying that to get into your panties.

And 5 times out of 10 they have either a growing, or full-blown, foot fetish.

imho (and experience) at least, you won't know for sure until you are alone and naked with them.

- Doctor "If You Rub My Feet You Will Get Lucky" Liz

Gotcha. Boners and steaks are definitely more interesting.

 

[LizVegas79]

Gotcha. Boners and steaks are definitely more interesting.

Well I don't know about that exactly lol

And btw - I meant "they" (guys) not "you" personally btw.

 

[Mav Unlimited]

It is always the panties. If you’re wearing any.