Aussie's Adventures in Life, Love, and the Universe

[Apisto42]

You and me both!

That’s going to be my next career. Librarian.

But like the movie version where I’m like Indiana Jones.

 

[Endless_Night]

But like the movie version where I’m like Indiana Jones.

I was so disappointed when I hit grad school and met some of the guys working on archeological PhDs.

They in no way resembled Indiana.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Mine's a historian/archaeologist/archivist

 

[Apisto42]

I bet he digs deep to search out all the important finds.

 

[Endless_Night]

I bet he digs deep to search out all the important finds.

Oh, my . . . .

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Hey pervs,

Today I ended things with The Professor.

I didn’t go into the day intending to do it, but I got hit with a very clear wave of knowing- about the transitions in my life, about what I have capacity for, about what feels aligned- and once it landed, it felt important to name it. Not dramatically. Not impulsively. Just truthfully.

Part of what brought me here is something simple and unglamorous: I’ve become unavailable. Life has shifted. My bandwidth changed. And we haven’t been able to find time with each other. It’s been this long stretch of “soon” and “when things settle” and “after this week,” and at some point I had to admit that the shape of it had changed.

He responded with dignity and grace.
No defensiveness. No bargaining. No making it heavier than it already was. Just respect, and warmth, and an acceptance that felt… deeply human. I’m grateful for that. I care about him, and I’m very aware of what it means to end something with someone who has been good to me.

And I also want to say this plainly: I’m okay.

I’m sad in a clean way, but I’m okay. It feels like a solemn closing. Like putting something down gently, instead of dragging it behind me because I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I value his friendship. I really do. And I hope, in time, we can find our way there. I may need a little space first - not as punishment, not as a dramatic “no contact,” just as a kind way to let the feelings settle and let the new reality become real.

That’s all I’ve got today.

Wrist healing. Heart steady. A small ending, handled with care.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Take care of yourself .

 

[dkak001]

Many things in life will not last forever. Even if these things we love or enjoy may be transient, it doesn't make them less valuable. Cherish them for what they are, and enjoy them while you have the opportunity. Then remember them that way going foreword.

 

[Apisto42]

Hey pervs,

Today I ended things with The Professor.

I didn’t go into the day intending to do it, but I got hit with a very clear wave of knowing- about the transitions in my life, about what I have capacity for, about what feels aligned- and once it landed, it felt important to name it. Not dramatically. Not impulsively. Just truthfully.

Part of what brought me here is something simple and unglamorous: I’ve become unavailable. Life has shifted. My bandwidth changed. And we haven’t been able to find time with each other. It’s been this long stretch of “soon” and “when things settle” and “after this week,” and at some point I had to admit that the shape of it had changed.

He responded with dignity and grace.
No defensiveness. No bargaining. No making it heavier than it already was. Just respect, and warmth, and an acceptance that felt… deeply human. I’m grateful for that. I care about him, and I’m very aware of what it means to end something with someone who has been good to me.

And I also want to say this plainly: I’m okay.

I’m sad in a clean way, but I’m okay. It feels like a solemn closing. Like putting something down gently, instead of dragging it behind me because I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I value his friendship. I really do. And I hope, in time, we can find our way there. I may need a little space first - not as punishment, not as a dramatic “no contact,” just as a kind way to let the feelings settle and let the new reality become real.

That’s all I’ve got today.

Wrist healing. Heart steady. A small ending, handled with care.

Check your pm.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Check your pm.

Try hitting "Send"

 

[Endless_Night]

Hey pervs,

Today I ended things with The Professor.

I like the Professor even more now than I did before. Such a rarity to see someone act with grace and generosity under fire.

You too. To be straight forward and honest. No excuses. No prevarication.

- what it means to end something with someone who has been good to me.

This. What has been good deserves a good ending. That can be tough to manage.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I’m becoming increasingly impressed by The Banker.

Not in a chaotic “new shiny object” way, either. In a slow-burn, surprising, almost inconvenient way. The kind that makes me pause and go, oh… this is actually real curiosity. This is me wanting to know him. Wanting to spend time in his orbit. Wanting it to turn into something.

He’s a good, safe man who under almost any other circumstances would not have caught my eye… and yet I’m genuinely grateful I’ve met him.

And lately, I’m starting to see more of his sexual side.

Which is delightful.

And also funny, because if you were doing a quick visual scan of this man in the wild you would not immediately clock him as someone who’s about to match my energy. He’s a little unsuspecting in that regard. A little nerdy. A little ordinary. Not as an insult. More like a factual observation that makes the contrast even better.

Last night we were chatting, and he sent me a photo of him trying on new pants.

A dressing room mirror photo.

His shirt was strategically covering the front of his anatomy, but his bare arse was very much on display, and I—truly—was delighted.

Not because I needed proof that he has an arse. Obviously. But because it carried something rarer than nudity: reciprocity.

I put out a certain energy. I’m open. I’m playful. I’m honest. I’m not a “pretend I’m not thinking about sex” person. And it’s oddly uncommon to have that met with the same kind of easy confidence. This is not something The Banker usually does. He wasn’t performing a personality. He was sharing with me.

And I loved it.

The photo turned into a playful exchange, and I noticed I was suddenly curious about one very specific thing: what kind of underwear he wore.

He told me he doesn’t wear any.

Believe it or not, I don’t think I’ve dated anyone who doesn’t wear underwear before, and I can’t fully explain why it intrigues me so much. It just does. It makes him feel more specific. More knowable. Like there are little doors inside him I haven’t opened yet.

And I want to open all of them.

Somewhere in there, I found myself offering him something I’ve been collecting over time: my little set of relationship physics. Not rules for him. Guardrails for me. Things I’ve learned slowly, and sometimes painfully, and now refuse to unlearn.

Rule #1: No big decisions when I’m intoxicated.
Intoxicated counts as substances and emotions. (Hot-me doesn’t get to sign contracts.) If I don’t want it sober, or I haven’t had the chance to check in with myself sober, I don’t get to make that decision drunk.

Rule #2: Work is off limits—sexually.
I can be intimate with people at work. I can be human. I can care. I can build real connection. But I don’t get sexual with people I work with or adjacent to work. The reputational risk is too high, and it takes up too much brain space for a field that already demands a lot of it.

Rule #3: If I can’t decide, it’s a no.
Or more accurately: it’s a not yet. If it’s not a hell yes, I’m not doing it right now. It can always become a yes later.

Rule #4: People are doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
Most things are a skills issue, not a personal attack. I can hold compassion and still act accordingly.

Then The Banker shared one of his own.

He told me he has a masturbation rule. Whenever he gets sexually charged about a specific person, he masturbates. And if the desire to pursue a person still exists on the other side of that, he trusts it. He’s learned it’s a filter: a way to tell the difference between genuine interest and the simple itch of boredom, horniness, or the craving for stimulation.

I found it interesting in the best way. Also delicious. Als, if I’m honest, deeply comforting. Because it wasn’t just a sex thing. It was self-awareness disguised as a life hack.
What I keep noticing is how much tenderness can live inside a system.

His rule isn’t about masturbation. Mine aren’t about control. They’re both just ways of protecting what’s real from what’s momentary. Ways of keeping impulse from impersonating truth.

I don’t know where The Banker is going to land in my life yet. But I recognize the kind of person who builds guardrails instead of excuses. And I recognize the version of me who feels safer when someone else is doing their own driving.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I found my new home!!

It’s a cottage filled with light and old-world charm, and it fits my personality so perfectly it feels a little rude. The kind of place that doesn’t ask you to convince yourself. It just lets you know.

The moment I walked in, my body reacted before my brain could catch up: a kind of vibration, and then a complete relaxation. Like something unclenched that I didn’t realize I’d been holding for years. I had the same reaction when I walked into my office for the first time

And then I walked into the dining room and that was it.

It’s sun-drenched, with original wood floors from the turn of the century. The kind of charm you can’t fake. It felt like mine immediately, in that quiet, undeniable way. It has sweet little built ins and I can imagine sitting in there with the girls as we eat, play games, do homework. I can't wait to host friends.

Outside, the neighbourhood sealed it. Meeting the neighbours gave me this warm, surreal confidence I wasn’t expecting. There are other families. Young children. A sense of community that made me realize my kids will have people in their lives, and I’ll have people in my court. That matters to me more than I can fully articulate without getting emotional, so I’m going to leave it there.

I’m about to sign the lease. I’m about to take possession. I’m about to do the thing.

And of course I’m having other feelings, too.

Because as dreamy as this cottage is, the hardest part isn’t packing boxes. The hardest part is letting myself be the one who leaves.

I’ve been married to Mr. Aussie for a long time. We separated a couple years ago, and we’ve still been living in the family home trying to make things work. I’ve known for a while that it was time. The knowing has been there, quietly, like background music I couldn’t un-hear. But stepping into this cottage made it real. It turned knowing into movement.

Now I have to tell Mr. Aussie I’m leaving for good.

My biggest feelings are guilt and fear. Guilt that we couldn’t make it work. Fear of his reaction. Fear of the finality. There’s also a deeply wired part of me that feels responsible for his sense of loss, like if his life has to downshift, then it must be my fault for leaving. I’ve been the caretaker and the support since I was a teenager, and that identity doesn’t come off cleanly, even when it’s time.

And there’s the strange comfort of what’s familiar. Even when it’s painful. Even when it isn’t love in the way I want love to be. A familiar hell can feel easier than an unknown bright future.

But my body relaxed the moment I walked in.

I keep coming back to that. Not as a dramatic sign from the universe, but as something simpler: my nervous system recognizing home.

And I have daughters. I want them to grow up in homes full of love and mutual respect. I want healthy relationships modeled to them so they know what it feels like in their bodies when it’s right. The dynamic between Mr. Aussie and me is not that. So yes, I’m doing this for me. And yes, I’m doing this for them too. I will never put that weight on their shoulders, but it’s part of my why.

This cottage is dreamy.

And it’s going to be mine.

And I think the most honest thing I can say right now is: I’m terrified, and I’m ready.

Sometimes the only way out of a familiar hell is to walk, shaking, toward your own bright future and let it be unknown until it isn’t.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I'm proud and in awe of you.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm proud and in awe of you.

Thanks.
I'm proud of me too.
This has taken two years of therapy and a very heavy heart to reach this point.
But I'm here now.

 

[Endless_Night]

Fantastic news, Aussie. I'm so pleased you found the right place at the right time.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Nothing can prepare you for the unexpected gut punches that throw down on a Monday afternoon..


Today the kids were running around the house. The eldest slipped and fell. I pointed out that the walkways had clutter and that the reason I'm so diligent about clear walkways is to reduce the risk of accidents like this.
Her response....
"Is that why you're moving out?"

 

[Wand3rlust]

All the hugs.

 

[dkak001]

Nothing can prepare you for the unexpected gut punches that throw down on a Monday afternoon..

Sorry. That sucks.

There are costs to everything. Staying or leaving. It's hard because they're young enough they don't understand the costs of staying. All they see are the changes from their perspective. A simple explanation may be the hardest thing to try to formulate for them.

So reassure them of how you feel about them. That they matter in your life. That's really what they want and need.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Yeah, the kids will be okay. They're resilient, full of love, and have the unwavering support of their parents and extended family.