Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[env789]

Exhausted and stressed maybe?

That was my first thought. I'm so much worse around NTs when I'm dealing with a lot of other stuff.

 

[Strixaluco]

That was my first thought. I'm so much worse around NTs when I'm dealing with a lot of other stuff.

I'm so much worse with anyone then. And considering how my emotional regulation works, that includes myself...

Or now, actually.

 

[Strixaluco]

Wow.
My parents picked me in the afternoon for a night at our summer cabin (back tomorrow morning as they have things in the city). And I relaxed immediately upon coming here. So dramatically quickly even, that I almost collapsed when the blessed silence hit me.

Indoors I mean. Outdoors it's much more quiet than in the city, but birds and wind  do keep noise. Indoors, however, you could hear a pin drop when nobody's talking.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm simultaneously relieved that there's a solution to my chronic stress these days. But also it makes me worried - I'm looking at 2,5 months of being at my parents' due to the renovation, and unless we get a cold summer, I will spend lots of time cross-airing the apartment, aided with a big fan to cool it down. Meaning all the traffic noise comes in, too, plus fan noise. And there's a LOT of traffic noise, one of the traffic knots of the city is within viewing distance.

Now it hasn't even been hot yet, we just barely had +20°C yesterday for the first time this summer and indoors it was already climbing to 25.

 

[stickygirl]

@Strixaluco
We got new neighbours who are noisy, so in desperation I downloaded a 1.5hr track of surf breaking on a shore that I sometimes play on a loop. Perfect white noise that drowns out a lot of background stuff.
I stumbled over an air bubbles underwater one too but it's a bit intrusive for working.

Plus I get tinnitus now *sigh* background Sqeeee for ever

 

[Strixaluco]

@Strixaluco
We got new neighbours who are noisy, so in desperation I downloaded a 1.5hr track of surf breaking on a shore that I sometimes play on a loop. Perfect white noise that drowns out a lot of background stuff.
I stumbled over an air bubbles underwater one too but it's a bit intrusive for working.

Plus I get tinnitus now *sigh* background Sqeeee for ever

I only wish I could use any coloured noises, but for me they are worst, worse than what they'd try to cover That's why traffic hum is such an issue for me. And wind too, and that hum of the fan.

Apparently it's some 15% of the people for whom this applies.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I only wish I could use any coloured noises, but for me they are worst, worse than what they'd try to cover That's why traffic hum is such an issue for me. And wind too, and that hum of the fan.

Apparently it's some 15% of the people for whom this applies.

Noise-cancelling headphones can be nice, but I know the feel can be a bit grating and uncomfortable as well.

 

[Strixaluco]

Noise-cancelling headphones can be nice, but I know the feel can be a bit grating and uncomfortable as well.

There's definitely a limit on how many hours per day and days per week I can use them. Especially while needing eyeglasses - they start to outright hurt over the course of a working day. (I've tried that due to the plumbing reno noise this year.)

 

[anthrodisiac]

I watched Murderbot over the weekend with my autie BFF. I loved how autism-coded that show was. I thought it'd be darker, but it was quirky and delightful.

 

[liliput1]

I watched Murderbot over the weekend with my autie BFF. I loved how autism-coded that show was. I thought it'd be darker, but it was quirky and delightful.

Martha Wells didn't get diagnosed with autism until her fans started commenting on how ASD coded Murderbot is.

If anything the books have more murderbot monologuing so you should try the books. They're all super short except that one book.

Also Murderbot is properly NB in the books instead of being a Skarsgård, which a lot of people are mad about.

 

[liliput1]

Loop earplugs used to come in a clear plastic version so you weren't advertising you were wearing them.

But the little stealth earplugs are super handy when you need to be somewhere loud. Literally adds hours onto how long I can stay polite.

 

[stickygirl]

I watched Murderbot over the weekend with my autie BFF. I loved how autism-coded that show was. I thought it'd be darker, but it was quirky and delightful.

Unfortunate name for the series though

 

[liliput1]

Unfortunate name for the series though

It's a self chosen name, based on trauma, and everything works out okay.

 

[Strixaluco]

Loop earplugs used to come in a clear plastic version so you weren't advertising you were wearing them.

But the little stealth earplugs are super handy when you need to be somewhere loud. Literally adds hours onto how long I can stay polite.

Last time I bought Loop earplugs I actually chose a colour that stands out when I drop them. When, not if.

But Flare Calmer has skin tone plugs. I've considered them, for when noise cancelling is not an option.

 

[stickygirl]

Last time I bought Loop earplugs I actually chose a colour that stands out when I drop them. When, not if.

But Flare Calmer has skin tone plugs. I've considered them, for when noise cancelling is not an option.

I hope you find a solution ... beyond the sanctuary of the mountains.

Here's slight change of topic, but worthwhile.

You may have heard about the couple of articles published, regarding a fresh perspective being pushed by Uta Frith, an early pioneer of autism.
Initially I thought her interviewed statements sounded like a lot like Dr Cass in the UK, conscripted to cast doubt on the transgender status and treatment. ( I still think that! )
This is quite a long YT but certainly worth watching.... he spends the first 15 mins apologising that he'll get to the mentioned points later, so one needs to be patient. His presentation is excellent IMO.
Autistic AF

 

[Strixaluco]

I hope you find a solution ... beyond the sanctuary of the mountains.

I just need to somehow survive until mid-August, then reno is done and I get to move back home

 

[liliput1]

I just need to somehow survive until mid-August, then reno is done and I get to move back home

One of the things I worked out in therapy is that some of the things that I do to 'rest' aren't restorative, they just fill time while I recover at whatever ambient rate I recover when not receiving new insults to my calm. I haven't really found much to backfill them but I know for instance burying myself in a computer game does fuck-all. It's mostly getting outside (green bathing) and naps. Favorite movies do help a bit. I'm still on the fence about books. Better than games, but I haven't dialed in by how much.

 

[env789]

@stickygirl thank you for sharing that video!

 

[Underscore_2]

One of the things I worked out in therapy is that some of the things that I do to 'rest' aren't restorative,

Even in my late years in life I'm still struggling with this. When my comfort or sense of security becomes disturbed or threatened, the closest I come to a solution is distraction, which I have to maintain for a long enough period of time in order for me to have allowed the disturbance to dissolve to a level where I can feel at ease again. I honestly don't believe there is a proper solution.

 

[Strixaluco]

One of the things I worked out in therapy is that some of the things that I do to 'rest' aren't restorative, they just fill time while I recover at whatever ambient rate I recover when not receiving new insults to my calm. I haven't really found much to backfill them but I know for instance burying myself in a computer game does fuck-all. It's mostly getting outside (green bathing) and naps. Favorite movies do help a bit. I'm still on the fence about books. Better than games, but I haven't dialed in by how much.

Oh I've found there to be very few restorative things to do.

Some books, but not most. Especially when I'm stressed already, as then I can't tolerate drama anymore, or many topics for that matter. It comes very difficult to choose any. Definitely no movies, and even fewer TV programs than books. And I don't really game - I may merely fill gaps of restlessness with Mahjongg or Minesweeper.

Sometimes I feel it's just cuddling with my partner. But that's not available more than twice a week. Getting my body to rest during the day is close to impossible otherwise - even napping usually just slows down using energy, but doesn't get body to rest. At night it often take the first 3-4h of sleep before I calm down to actual rest mode - before even my heartrate calms down to resting level. (I've found my asthma meds mess with this, but I can't live without...) But I still usually don't sleep more than 8h.

Also there's difference between mental and physical side. Due to health issues things like walking in the forest (or even to the forest) aren't really an option these days. Sewing is another thing that sometimes restores mind, but needs physical energy.

 

[liliput1]

At night it often take the first 3-4h of sleep before I calm down to actual rest mode

I'm spending my last couple of hours awake in a semi-meditative state trying to get my body calmed down so I can go to sleep. I didn't understand why my ex starting Difficult Discussions at 10pm or later was making me feel so put upon and attacked until I noticed how absolutely awful my insomnia was immediately afterward (activated, high heart rate, etc). Saw the sun rise one time and I was like, okay this isn't right, something more is going on here.

It's like I'm pre-gaming sleep.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm spending my last couple of hours awake in a semi-meditative state trying to get my body calmed down so I can go to sleep.

I have things I avoid doing in the evening (like not reading in bed, because I likely wouldn't stop before I've finished the book). But take adhd-traits + worsening dysautonomia/asthma med side effects, and meditation has completely ceased to work for me. My heartrate just won't go down, and I feel every single beat. (Like right now, too.) Not doing anything makes me more aware of how wound up I am, which is even worse.

If I was in better health, walking meditation would be better than "just trying to relax".

 

[liliput1]

I have things I avoid doing in the evening (like not reading in bed, because I likely wouldn't stop before I've finished the book). But take adhd-traits + worsening dysautonomia/asthma med side effects, and meditation has completely ceased to work for me. My heartrate just won't go down, and I feel every single beat. (Like right now, too.) Not doing anything makes me more aware of how wound up I am, which is even worse.

If I was in better health, walking meditation would be better than "just trying to relax".

You've been screened for thyroid function recently?

 

[Strixaluco]

You've been screened for thyroid function recently?

I think they checked that, too - it's really basic after all. But they don't recognise my dysautonomia (and trying to say a specific thing should be checked doesn't end well here). It could and *should* be treated, I have plenty of symptoms.

 

[Underscore_2]

Anyone else have a favourite film they watch again and again? I do it for comfort: I know their lines, their expressions and can recite entire passages. It's fantasy of course, but it's predictable and that's the best part - it's like being with real people but their words don't jolt or surprise. Their voices are a comfort not a challenge.
I realised this is a thing from Fern Brady's book. An allistic person would be bored 'But I know the ending' and my bf understands my need and doesn't question it ( anymore ).

I have just one movie that I would watch over and over if I could, but I no longer possess either a tv nor a copy of the movie but no matter because I can remember the crunch line (for me anyway), "Master, you might teach me many things, but you cannot teach me how to think."
That one line has been my crutch for almost 50 years.