Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[stickygirl]

@stickygirl Thank you for starting this. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 40. Having the diagnosis has significantly changed how I interact with the world around me. I am following this as a community of fellow neurodivergents. I appreciate you all and look forward to continuing to learn how to embrace the chaos of a neurodivergent mind.

Understanding yourself is so important, but for most NT folk, it's not something that features large in their life: they go to school, play games with other kids, graduate, do regular-people-things and never stop to ask those questions that trouble us NDs, especially in later life.
So we finally discover 'Is that why I used to think/say/feel' that way? Okay - now, finally I get it and I'm not the only person that finds it impossible to hold a conversation in a noisy bar ( how to people do that ?? )'

It took me about two years to re-catalogue my life after my diagnosis. I found I could forgive myself for so many slip-ups in my life: things I found embarrassing or incidents that made me feel stupid.

So this thread was a result of my diagnosis, then realising that Lit was probably full of folks like me! Welcome

 

[anthrodisiac]

I have rarely if ever lost a CD, except during a breakup, and typically it was movies not music we quibbled over. One of the few albums I just lost at some point was a CD-length recording of a rain storm. Come to think of it maybe that was my mother's and I borrowed it during summer breaks in college before I stopped going home.

There are now 10 hour tracks on YouTube but those are AI I believe.

A lot of them are older than that, not AI. You can find ones from 3+ years ago and that basically guarantees it isn't AI since that stuff didn't really start percolating until early '25, though they existed back in '24, they just weren't that good and people weren't uploading a lot of it.

 

[liliput1]

A lot of them are older than that, not AI. You can find ones from 3+ years ago and that basically guarantees it isn't AI since that stuff didn't really start percolating until early '25, though they existed back in '24, they just weren't that good and people weren't uploading a lot of it.

Where does it rain for ten hours?

 

[anthrodisiac]

Where does it rain for ten hours?

I think it's called looping. I know, crazy concept

 

[liliput1]

I think it's called looping. I know, crazy concept

My brain will notice the loop. And that will eat at me.

Falling asleep, calm, calm, oh there's the loop.
Hey I wonder if anthro responded to my joke? They're probably still awake.

 

[anthrodisiac]

The loops tend to be pretty long, like an hour or more, so that'd be some seriously good pattern recognition to tell "ah yes, that bit of thunder is exactly the same as the one from 3:48 to 3:50" two hours later.

I'm fairly oblivious, so which joke?

 

[liliput1]

The loops tend to be pretty long, like an hour or more, so that'd be some seriously good pattern recognition to tell "ah yes, that bit of thunder is exactly the same as the one from 3:48 to 3:50" two hours later.

I'm fairly oblivious, so which joke?

My parents asked a djinn for a clever son. This is what they got. Cursed to wander the earth noticing shit that nobody else gives two fucks about. Sometimes it's the same branch cracking or two unusual noises happening in succession, but more often it's the seam where the loop starts. It either glitches or is too quiet. Like when kids are getting into something they shouldn't be in.

 

[Underscore_2]

Where does it rain for ten hours?

Manchester

 

[liliput1]

Manchester

I've been to Seattle. It can rain that long but it doesn't make any sound worth recording. Raining enough to make a recording would be at flood stage in 3 hours.

 

[Underscore_2]

My parents asked a djinn for a clever son. This is what they got. Cursed to wander the earth noticing shit that nobody else gives two fucks about. Sometimes it's the same branch cracking or two unusual noises happening in succession, but more often it's the seam where the loop starts. It either glitches or is too quiet. Like when kids are getting into something they shouldn't be in.

So that's why you want Q, X, & Z removed from all the word games...

 

[liliput1]

So that's why you want Q, X, & Z removed from all the word games...

No but get out of my head.

 

[Underscore_2]

I've been to Seattle. It can rain that long but it doesn't make any sound worth recording. Raining enough to make a recording would be at flood stage in 3 hours.

OK. I can recognize and respect your ND condition, and I can make allowances for it. The question is, can you?

 

[liliput1]

OK. I can recognize and respect your ND condition, and I can make allowances for it. The question is, can you?

I've stated a problem/preference I've had and you've spent several posts invalidating both.

Projectiing.

 

[Underscore_2]

I think you're just being a little paranoid and a little in denial. I could say more, but OK, I'll back off. Not because I'm wrong, but because I care.

 

[Underscore_2]

One aspect of autism is my inability, on occasions, to keep my mouth shut. I have a habit(?) of being blunt with people. I tell it how I see it. I struggle with empathy. I don't recognise the effect that my words can have on someone. Sometimes I hurt people, and sometimes they hurt me, because their empathy skills are as equally deficient. Sometimes they just don't care because they don't want to care. They're selfish and they don't give a fuck. They just want to have their own way. I'm not like that. If I hurt someone with my words then I hurt too. I care.

 

[liliput1]

I think you're just being a little paranoid and a little in denial. I could say more, but OK, I'll back off. Not because I'm wrong, but because I care.

Look, if someone said "alcohol helps me sleep" that would be something a lot of us know about. But It's also worth invalidating that experience both for that person and anyone listening, because alcohol to sleep has a horrible long-term prognosis, so we should invalidate them, maybe with an apology and some sympathy.

If someone says, "broccoli helps me sleep." and I say "gross", that doesn't change the fact that they have a solution that works for them, as long as I don't have to kiss them in bed, which is basically 0.000% odds right now. If they say, "broccoli keeps me awake" and I say, "works for me, I don't know what you're problem is." That's the sort of invalidating that we all experienced as kids and that's a fucked up thing to do. I want to be crystal here that I don't mean that as a personal attack, but a comment to the room. We need to be nice to each other because nobody else is.

"Have you tried just not being ND?" just instant spirals for many.

As a footnote, if I implied above that I thought AI rainstorms were the devil, that was not my intent. I don't like that the options that pass my snowflake filters are AI. But they frequently do. Which sucks. What my brain actually wants is for someone to set up fifty recording devices in the middle of a record-breaking monsoon and then discard all the ones with too much anthropogenic noise or get too loud and that is completely bonkers. I can't ask someone to do that. If someone actually managed that, I would pay them, and tell everyone they're my new best friend, but please don't.

Edit to add: Most of this stuff only bothers me when I'm in a record-challenging insomniac phase and I'm on my last nerve, and I know if anything triggers me I'm going to not only see the sun rise but tomorrow is going to be an even more terrible day than it already is. So I tend to select for things that will still work even when everything else stops. I don't want to have to think about self-care when self-care is my last thought.

 

[Underscore_2]

We need to be nice to each other because nobody else is.

"Have you tried just not being ND?" just instant spirals for many.

I thought I'd made it clear that I was ending this convo but no, it's clear that you don't want it to end
You're not going to be happy until you feel you've won.
"We need to be nice to each other because nobody else is". What the fuck is that bullshit? I'm not gonna be nice to you because nobody else is. If you want me to be nice to you then you need to DESERVE it.
"Have you tried just not being ND?"
GET FUCKING REAL.
Do you think being ND is a choice? Do you think we all enjoy this? Do you think we're doing this for fun? To be part of the Gang? Is that what YOUR problem is?

 

[anthrodisiac]

I thought I'd made it clear that I was ending this convo but no, it's clear that you don't want it to end
You're not going to be happy until you feel you've won.
"We need to be nice to each other because nobody else is". What the fuck is that bullshit? I'm not gonna be nice to you because nobody else is. If you want me to be nice to you then you need to DESERVE it.
"Have you tried just not being ND?"
GET FUCKING REAL.
Do you think being ND is a choice? Do you think we all enjoy this? Do you think we're doing this for fun? To be part of the Gang? Is that what YOUR problem is?

Calm down, dude. liliput was telling you that he felt like you were telling him to not be ND, not that you should try not being ND. And kindness doesn't cost much, it's a choice, to be gracious. The world shits on us NDs all the time, no need to shit on each other.

 

[liliput1]

I thought I'd made it clear that I was ending this convo but no, it's clear that you don't want it to end
You're not going to be happy until you feel you've won.
"We need to be nice to each other because nobody else is". What the fuck is that bullshit? I'm not gonna be nice to you because nobody else is. If you want me to be nice to you then you need to DESERVE it.
"Have you tried just not being ND?"
GET FUCKING REAL.
Do you think being ND is a choice? Do you think we all enjoy this? Do you think we're doing this for fun? To be part of the Gang? Is that what YOUR problem is?

me:
I want to be crystal here that I don't mean that as a personal attack, but a comment to the room.

I meant that part. We're talking in front of a bunch of other people. They're entitled to the end of a thought even if you want to tap out. You can tap out, I'm not telling you not to.

 

[Underscore_2]

Calm down, dude. liliput was telling you that he felt like you were telling him to not be ND, not that you should try not being ND. And kindness doesn't cost much, it's a choice, to be gracious. The world shits on us NDs all the time, no need to shit on each other.

No, I believe you're reading him wrong.
I believe he really does believe the world owes him a favour, and I don't believe he has any idea what it is to be ND.
He just wants everything to be his way. I believe he simply has a personality disorder and he tries to hide behind ND to excuse himself.

 

[Underscore_2]

I meant that part. We're talking in front of a bunch of other people. They're entitled to the end of a thought even if you want to tap out. You can tap out, I'm not telling you not to.

You're talking bullshit.
To quote you...

No but get out of my head.

You wanted me gone so I bowed out as per your request. But you weren't satisfied because you hadn't won, and came back hoping to score a result that favoured you. Bad move.

 

[liliput1]

I don't think you understand what 'get out of my head' means. I actually don't like those letters for exactly the reason you posit but I haven't complained to anyone about it because that's just telling them their fun is wrong.

But you've been snarking at me since sometime this morning across other threads and well before this whole mess kicked off so I think I'm gonna go back outside.

 

[Underscore_2]

Oh, now you're losing yourself in your own delusion. Take your meds and forget it. You think what you want to think. Its pointless wasting my time trying to argue with a psychopath. You've annoyed me enough already so I hope that makes you happy. I'm putting you on ignore so I won't have to read any more of your BS.

 

[Noor]

On the topic of noise, I can't remember ever having the luxury of quiet, even though I've lived in supposedly the most peaceful locations possible. The quieter it is the more I hear. Noise cancellers leave me simply listening to the sounds of my own body. There's no escape.

I can hear my blood move in my neck.

 

[liliput1]

I can hear my blood move in my neck.

On tense days I can hear my pulse when laying down but never had that happen. I've heard of similar though.

Maybe this is the universe telling you that you were meant to be a biathlete? How are you in the cold?