Dear Agony Aunt...

[Shock Chick]

Who says humans can't????

Yes, but you're not a mere mortal, like most.



I love this thread!!!

So does our dog.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear AA,

I can't stop drinking vinegar. No, I'm not even talking cheap plonk here, I mean actual vinegar that normal people whack on their fish and chips. I drink it straight from the bottle. It never used to be a problem, but now I've started sweating pure vinegar. Seems to be a turn off for the blokes.

What's a girl to do???

Shocky

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Dear AA,

I can't stop drinking vinegar. No, I'm not even talking cheap plonk here, I mean actual vinegar that normal people whack on their fish and chips. I drink it straight from the bottle. It never used to be a problem, but now I've started sweating pure vinegar. Seems to be a turn off for the blokes.

What's a girl to do???

Shocky

Sounds to my like you're in a bit of a pickle.

 

[Shock Chick]

Sounds to my like you're in a bit of a pickle.

Har har.

Lou's PHSL!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Har har.

Lou's PHSL!

Does it smell like vinegar???

 

[Shock Chick]

Does it smell like vinegar???

No, it's me that's got that particular problem, not her.

Hers smells of lager.

 

[doormouse]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I am writing to ask for advice on how to deal with Time. It seems that lately I keep finding myself wanting to spend more and more time hanging out and flirting with lovely ladies online. However, they always seem to be several hours ahead or behind me...how can we become more in sync?

Yours,

Chronologically Challenged....

Dear Chronologically Challenged,

My advice to you would be to toss out all your clocks, please all the ladies before you even think about sleeping yourself. If this means giving up your day job, then consider all the wanton lusty women you'll be letting down. You'll see I'm... err... they're worth it.

If all else fails, make an audio that plays auto while you're afk

 

[ABSTRUSE]

No, it's me that's got that particular problem, not her.

Hers smells of lager.

 

[doormouse]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear AA,

I can't stop drinking vinegar. No, I'm not even talking cheap plonk here, I mean actual vinegar that normal people whack on their fish and chips. I drink it straight from the bottle. It never used to be a problem, but now I've started sweating pure vinegar. Seems to be a turn off for the blokes.

What's a girl to do???

Shocky

Dear Shocky,

Start using salt instead of talcum powder in your undies. Most guys like salt and vinegar chips, and who wouldn't like it when they're having a 'snack'?

So, stop being a sour puss. The flies will stay away without the vinegar. (I was TOLD to write that LOL)

 

[the_last_rites]

dear doormouse i have a couple of problems. one my dick just went straight up when i saw the girl in Tatelou's avatar and that cleavage looks like a fun place for my junior to slide in and out.
My 2nd problem is i like mature fat women, but i dont think i wanna get married to them. when can i get over this obsession

 

[doormouse]

dear doormouse i have a couple of problems. one my dick just went straight up when i saw the girl in Tatelou's avatar and that cleavage looks like a fun place for my junior to slide in and out.
My 2nd problem is i like mature fat women, but i dont think i wanna get married to them. when can i get over this obsession

Dear last_rites.

That's Agony Aunt, thank you

1stly: If I had a dick it'd be up too after seeing those tits lol

2ndly: They are referred to as Big Beautiful Women, not mature fat women!!

Quote: "i like mature fat women, but i dont think i wanna get married to them. "

This would be bigamy.(no pun intended)

You don't want to marry more than one, so choose one and live happily ever after

You're not alone in your lust for these voluptuous women. Why would you want to get over this obsession?

I think you need to take a handful of biscuits and spend an hour with the willy licking dog.

 

[oggbashan]

Great advice there Shanglan.

I'm still ... they were FULL cans of Foster's??

That's a crime in Australia!! You're supposed to throw the imported shit... shame!!

They were cans of Fosters brewed in the UK - nothing like the imported Fosters.

Who imported the kookaburras?

Was it in revenge for the rabbits?

Og

PS. I once witnessed full cans of Fosters being thrown at the Australian cricket team in Melbourne. The fans were really annoyed and couldn't think of any worse way of expressing their contempt. I think that the grounds staff were drunk for a week.

 

[doormouse]

They were cans of Fosters brewed in the UK - nothing like the imported Fosters.

Who imported the kookaburras?

Was it in revenge for the rabbits?

Og

PS. I once witnessed full cans of Fosters being thrown at the Australian cricket team in Melbourne. The fans were really annoyed and couldn't think of any worse way of expressing their contempt. I think that the grounds staff were drunk for a week.

Heh, were you here for a soccer match??

You wouldn't want to turn up without body armour LOL

 

[oggbashan]

Heh, were you here for a soccer match??

You wouldn't want to turn up without body armour LOL

I was. I played - without armour - and survived. Not sure about the other team. I only played one match because my winter sport was Rugby. (Rowing on the Yarra in the summer)

Og

 

[doormouse]

Someone else's turn at playing Aunt now. I need a breather LOL

(My other site calls )

 

[tolyk]

I don't think I can do it as well as you do, but I'll be Agony Uncle for a whiles

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Postmark: NY, NY 8-27-04 04:28:47 AM

Dear Auntie Agony,


I am sorry. Perhaps you have given me good advice, but I have not been able to read it.

All my spare time has been taken up fulfilling my contractual obligations to the group who — as you suggested — arranged to take care of the rental fee on my e-bode.

I may have told you before, there are eight of the pudgy little dumplings, all over fifty, who reserved a table at Joe’s Bar & Grill & Bar. One of them — a lawyer — showed up at my arraignment before Judge Pander this morning, and arranged bail. He then took me directly to the new apartment that the group has secured for me to live in — gratis.

To date, I have been unable to examine much of it — just a patch of ceiling over my bed — as I am busy fulfilling those previously mentioned contractual obligations.

It is truly amazing how active an octet of older gentlemen becomes once their wives let them off their string. Except during breaks for regular meals, which I insisted upon, I have been very much occupied in my new, rather cliched position.

At the moment, I am not much concerned. I doubt whether many of my eight gentlemen will be able to maintain this pace for much longer. Unless they are prepared to kill themselves, I soon expect that their pace will slacken. Then, my workday is bound to become shorter.

I am not worried.

I do have a question that I hope you will answer, regarding that contract I signed. Do you know what a tontine is?


Unstrung Heroine,


P.S. While I have had little use for it lately, I still miss my lucky G-string.

 

[doormouse]

Postmark: NY, NY 8-27-04 04:28:47 AM

Dear Auntie Agony,



I do have a question that I hope you will answer, regarding that contract I signed. Do you know what a tontine is?


Unstrung Heroine,


P.S. While I have had little use for it lately, I still miss my lucky G-string.

Dear Unstrung Heroine,

Tontine here, is a brand of bedding products. I assume, with your current status that you will be needing a truckload of Tontine pillows and the like delivered to save on laundry?

I suggest you get one of your eight friends to invest in shares in the company.

I think I saw your lucky g-string. There was a peculiar looking 'something' hanging from the ceiling fan in the Bohemian Hangout. Was your lucky thong by chance, 'crotchless' ?

 

[doormouse]

Yes, but you're not a mere mortal, like most.

That's because he's half man/half donkey

(a very flexible donkey LOL)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Dear Aunt Agony,

What's the best and most polite way to tell someone they have a booger coming out of their nose?

signed,
snotfunny.

 

[ferociouskittycat]

I don't think I can do it as well as you do, but I'll be Agony Uncle for a whiles

Dear Agony Uncle,

I have a problem. Last week I lost my pet iguana. The last I saw him, he was on my chair resting in the sun's rays.

Hours later, I sat down and he was gone.

Since he vanished, I've been having these terrible itches (down there). Everytime I sit down, it feels like something is clawing at me

My problem is, should I just enjoy these strange sensations, or should I replace 'Ralphy' with something more docile? I was thinking about a pet like the willy licking dog...

 

[the_last_rites]

ok


thanx aunt. hope to get ur advice soon[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/B]

 

[Don K Dyck]

dear agony aunt i have another addiction problem. i'm absolutely crazy about one of my aunts. She's got this voluptous body. She's 51 and took me to a shrink last time she found out that i was fondling her when she is asleep. i thought that would have been the end of it. But damn its not. she's everything what i looked for in a mature full figured woman(better than mature fat rite??? )
What do i do to control my urges??


oh by the way about that willy licking dog. i just shot it end of story. the whole idea didnt work out


thanx aunt. hope to get ur advice soon

Dear Agony Aunt,

I log on to your informative thread and find that there are a few inhibited teenagers posting obviously ridiculous scenarios.

How do I put the underage fantasisers on ignore and still gather the wisdom that you propound?

PS The vet says that the dog will recover.

 

[Guest]

dear agony aunt i have another addiction problem. i'm absolutely crazy about one of my aunts. She's got this voluptous body. She's 51 and took me to a shrink last time she found out that i was fondling her when she is asleep. i thought that would have been the end of it. But damn its not. she's everything what i looked for in a mature full figured woman(better than mature fat rite??? )
What do i do to control my urges??


oh by the way about that willy licking dog. i just shot it end of story. the whole idea didnt work out


thanx aunt. hope to get ur advice soon

Bastard! That was my dog.

And I was just gonna thank you for the comment you made earlier in the thread about my pic.

But, then I read that you like "fat, mature" women, and didn't know how to take your comment after that.

Then I find out you've shot my dog. Jeez! What a rollercoaster this ride has been.



Lou

 

[Guest]

Dear Agony Aunt,

I log on to your informative thread and find that there are a few inhibited teenagers posting obviously ridiculous scenarios.

How do I put the underage fantasisers on ignore and still gather the wisdom that you propound?

PS The vet says that the dog will recover.

Phew! TFFT!

Thanks, Don K Dyck (love your name! )

Lou

 

[Guest]

Dear Shocky,

Start using salt instead of talcum powder in your undies. Most guys like salt and vinegar chips, and who wouldn't like it when they're having a 'snack'?

So, stop being a sour puss. The flies will stay away without the vinegar. (I was TOLD to write that LOL)

HAHAHA!!!

Ouch. She just kicked me.

Lou