Dear Agony Aunt...
- Thread starter doormouse
- Start date
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Re: OMG LOL!!!!!
PMSL...
eeeewwwwwwww..
bad charley..
(moremoremore)
CharleyH said:LOL
NOT those . . . the ones at the front of the restaurant, the mints on your way out the door.
Now this raises a whole new pile of questions
PMSL...
eeeewwwwwwww..
bad charley..
(moremoremore)
doormouse
Seductively Sweet
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Not in a fit state, still pissing myself laffin (NO pun intended LOL) LOL ... over the urinal candies... someone please be agony aunt for ten LOL
pfffffttttt........... I'll never be able to distribute the suckers again without laffin LOL!!!!!
Sorry, my warped sense of humour lOl
pfffffttttt........... I'll never be able to distribute the suckers again without laffin LOL!!!!!
Sorry, my warped sense of humour lOl
Virtual_Burlesque
Former Ecdysiast
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2004
- Posts
- 4,083
Postmark: NY, NY 8-28-04 06:14:22 AM
Dear Auntie Agony,
Somebody is helping me. I don’t know who, but I received your letter this morning, hidden inside a sandwich made from individually wrapped Velveeta slices. I got Velveeta cheese in my sandwich, yesterday, but on that occasion they forgot to remove the wrapping.
What with all the exercise I have been getting recently, I was positively famished! When I felt your letter in my mouth, I thought it was another wrapper and tried to ignore it as inert filler. The result was that I had swallowed part of your letter, before I knew it existed.
Here is what I was able to salvage:
I did ask one of the paramedics if they knew what a tontine was, but one of my employers entered the room, and so we could not talk further.
He did say something kind of funny before he left. Looking directly at me, he said, “Last man standing.”
I don’t know what he meant. I believe tontine is a legal term, as it is used in my contract, but that is only a guess.
Oh! Heavens! I forgot to tell you the news.
I am down to five employers. The ambulance has been here three separate times. My employers are dropping like flies. One in the bathroom, one trying to make it back up the stairs, and one right in bed with me. Ugh! That was when I got to talk to the paramedic.
It has settled down once again now, but earlier there was an ugly fistfight between two of my employers. The one I call (to myself) Mr. Sweaty accused Prince Garlic-Breath of “messing” with the Viagra. I am not sure whether he was accused of switching it for something more, or less effective. In any case, they hammered all the loving out of each other, and I have not seen either since.
Could the number truly be down to two? Make war, not love, is the motto I’ve chosen for my employers.
I’ll try to sneak this letter out under the napkin, and hope whoever snuck your letter in will post it for me, but — tra-laa-laa-laa tra-laa-laa-lee — I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
Your Unstrung Heroine.
P.S. My lucky G-string might have been left hanging from a ceiling fan in the Bohemian Hangout, but the one you described could not possibly be it. My lucky G-string is nothing like a thong. It is a true G-string, used to prevent winking my snatch when doing side kicks and squats.
Dear Auntie Agony,
Somebody is helping me. I don’t know who, but I received your letter this morning, hidden inside a sandwich made from individually wrapped Velveeta slices. I got Velveeta cheese in my sandwich, yesterday, but on that occasion they forgot to remove the wrapping.
What with all the exercise I have been getting recently, I was positively famished! When I felt your letter in my mouth, I thought it was another wrapper and tried to ignore it as inert filler. The result was that I had swallowed part of your letter, before I knew it existed.
Here is what I was able to salvage:
I did ask one of the paramedics if they knew what a tontine was, but one of my employers entered the room, and so we could not talk further.
He did say something kind of funny before he left. Looking directly at me, he said, “Last man standing.”
I don’t know what he meant. I believe tontine is a legal term, as it is used in my contract, but that is only a guess.
Oh! Heavens! I forgot to tell you the news.
I am down to five employers. The ambulance has been here three separate times. My employers are dropping like flies. One in the bathroom, one trying to make it back up the stairs, and one right in bed with me. Ugh! That was when I got to talk to the paramedic.
It has settled down once again now, but earlier there was an ugly fistfight between two of my employers. The one I call (to myself) Mr. Sweaty accused Prince Garlic-Breath of “messing” with the Viagra. I am not sure whether he was accused of switching it for something more, or less effective. In any case, they hammered all the loving out of each other, and I have not seen either since.
Could the number truly be down to two? Make war, not love, is the motto I’ve chosen for my employers.
I’ll try to sneak this letter out under the napkin, and hope whoever snuck your letter in will post it for me, but — tra-laa-laa-laa tra-laa-laa-lee — I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
Your Unstrung Heroine.
P.S. My lucky G-string might have been left hanging from a ceiling fan in the Bohemian Hangout, but the one you described could not possibly be it. My lucky G-string is nothing like a thong. It is a true G-string, used to prevent winking my snatch when doing side kicks and squats.
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doormouse
Seductively Sweet
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Virtual_Burlesque said:
Okay, after picking myself up from the floor (LOL),
I hope all my words of wisdom didn't fall on deaf ears.
You made out with the paramedic, right?
Those suckers make good money, and being on the road most of the day, leaves the cat at home to play.
Be thankful the garlic prince has left the building. I've heard garlic can shrink a man's appendage over time. You might have been left holding the baby, so to speak.
OzSteamer
Wetsuit fetish & single
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2002
- Posts
- 1,924
Hullo Don K Dyck
hee hee, you're here, too?
Dear Agony Aunt,
On another thread I always seem to post after a Newcastle guy with a fetish for naked chicks being peeled out of wetsuits.
Can't be ME then...I prefer MY chicks to stay in their wetsuits, For The Whole Body Experience!
Now I find that once again, this wetsuit lothario
Thinks: whoever can Don be referring to?
has invaded another perfectly good thread with his wicked and devilish inclinations.
Thinks: DEFINITELY can't be me...I'm as pure as the driven slush!
Do you think that if you offered to be peeled out of a wet wetsuit and ravaged repeatedly that he would be up to this frenetic session of unmitigated lust and debauchery?
Yep, that confirms it...*I* would be up to it,. so it can't be me Don's referring to...
OzSteamer
Wetsuit fetish & single
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2002
- Posts
- 1,924
Dear Agony Aunt,
I have this TERRIBLE problem with one of my consellors...she keeps falling off her chair LAUGHING whenever anyoner describes their problems to her.
One person had problems with their fish tank...and she recommended KERO for a solution...
I dunno...what can one DO with such a person?
What's that?
Paint them with honey, get them into a wetsuit and seduced them extensively?
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!!!
I have this TERRIBLE problem with one of my consellors...she keeps falling off her chair LAUGHING whenever anyoner describes their problems to her.
One person had problems with their fish tank...and she recommended KERO for a solution...
I dunno...what can one DO with such a person?
What's that?
Paint them with honey, get them into a wetsuit and seduced them extensively?
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!!!
G
Guest
Guest
Dear Agony Aunt
my coffee cup is empty. i have no one to refill it for me and the pot is all the way down stairs. i vaguely remember having leg muscles that will carry me down but i am sure the possibility of causing an injury might be signifigantly high. add to this the possibility of encountering another life form which makes me shudder and im sure you understand my conumdrum.
however will i make it through this morning?
sincerely,
withdrawing
my coffee cup is empty. i have no one to refill it for me and the pot is all the way down stairs. i vaguely remember having leg muscles that will carry me down but i am sure the possibility of causing an injury might be signifigantly high. add to this the possibility of encountering another life form which makes me shudder and im sure you understand my conumdrum.
however will i make it through this morning?
sincerely,
withdrawing
doormouse
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vella_ms said:
Dear withdrawing,
You haven't given me much to play with (no pun intended).
Apart from moving the coffee pot upstairs, or your PC down there... Hire someone like the contortionist, Limber. I'm sure she would bend over backwards, so to speak, to get you a fix.
Virtual_Burlesque
Former Ecdysiast
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2004
- Posts
- 4,083
Postmark: NY, NY 8-29-04 07:29:31 AM
Dear Auntie Agony,
My duties have slackened somewhat, since yesterday. Already, three of my employers are in the cardiac wing of the local hospital, and of the two who fought yesterday, only one has returned. That leaves four of the original eight. My duties are reduced by at least a quarter.
In your reply to yesterday’s letter you didn’t mention my mistake. After relating to you the fight over Viagra, I celebrated the fact that with two more of the remaining five employers gone, only two were left.
As an error in simple math, this would be embarrassing, but I can forgive myself. It is difficult to successfully juggle figures in your head while it is being repeatedly banged against the headboard of your bed.
Right! I have received your letter. This time it was buried beneath two fried eggs, greasy, but still legible. At least I know my letter got through to somebody. I am not alone.
Still, it seems that your good advice has fallen on deaf ears. I did nothing with the Paramedic, except talk. At the time, I was much too happy for the break, to even consider making out with someone to whom I was not contractually obligated.
I have learned that Mr., Sweaty has gone home to Albuquerque. His sparring partner, Prince Garlic-Breath however has returned. As soon as he did, I had an opportunity to check your medical prognostication about the use of garlic. If your warning is correct, the man must have started ingesting vast quantities of garlic practically from birth.
In any case, I am down to four employers. (Call it three and a half with Prince Garlic Breath.)
Mr. Jacobi, the lawyer — the narrow-faced individual with a head shaped like a rat — presented me with a bill, and the advice that I am deeply in his debt. I owe him for the contract he drew up between me and my employers.
I reminded him that he had done it, gratis — for free. But, Jacobi explained that while the supplies (paper, ink, and wear & tear on the pen) were free, the actual effort expended, his legal expertise and participation as a witness was not.
It appears that I owe him three hundred dollars for work drawing up the contract, and an additional five hundred as my legal representative, when he appeared during my arraignment before Judge Pander, and when arranging my bail.
I suggested I could return to jail with the friendly guards, Bill and Dennis, and he be paid out of the returned bail money, but it appears that Mr. Blight — the one with the stringy yellow moustache who collapsed on the stairs — paid the bail, and if the bail is vacated, the money will return to him, not to me, nor Lawyer Jacobi.
Oh well! The food is excellent and my duties have somewhat slackened. Things are beginning to look up, but — tra-laa-laa-laa tra-laa-laa-lee — I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
Cross your legs for me.
Your Unstrung Heroine.
P.S. If you are still looking for my lucky G-string, it is made of flesh-colored nylon, with a purple flower embroidered at the catch above the right hip.
Dear Auntie Agony,
My duties have slackened somewhat, since yesterday. Already, three of my employers are in the cardiac wing of the local hospital, and of the two who fought yesterday, only one has returned. That leaves four of the original eight. My duties are reduced by at least a quarter.
In your reply to yesterday’s letter you didn’t mention my mistake. After relating to you the fight over Viagra, I celebrated the fact that with two more of the remaining five employers gone, only two were left.
As an error in simple math, this would be embarrassing, but I can forgive myself. It is difficult to successfully juggle figures in your head while it is being repeatedly banged against the headboard of your bed.
Right! I have received your letter. This time it was buried beneath two fried eggs, greasy, but still legible. At least I know my letter got through to somebody. I am not alone.
Still, it seems that your good advice has fallen on deaf ears. I did nothing with the Paramedic, except talk. At the time, I was much too happy for the break, to even consider making out with someone to whom I was not contractually obligated.
I have learned that Mr., Sweaty has gone home to Albuquerque. His sparring partner, Prince Garlic-Breath however has returned. As soon as he did, I had an opportunity to check your medical prognostication about the use of garlic. If your warning is correct, the man must have started ingesting vast quantities of garlic practically from birth.
In any case, I am down to four employers. (Call it three and a half with Prince Garlic Breath.)
Mr. Jacobi, the lawyer — the narrow-faced individual with a head shaped like a rat — presented me with a bill, and the advice that I am deeply in his debt. I owe him for the contract he drew up between me and my employers.
I reminded him that he had done it, gratis — for free. But, Jacobi explained that while the supplies (paper, ink, and wear & tear on the pen) were free, the actual effort expended, his legal expertise and participation as a witness was not.
It appears that I owe him three hundred dollars for work drawing up the contract, and an additional five hundred as my legal representative, when he appeared during my arraignment before Judge Pander, and when arranging my bail.
I suggested I could return to jail with the friendly guards, Bill and Dennis, and he be paid out of the returned bail money, but it appears that Mr. Blight — the one with the stringy yellow moustache who collapsed on the stairs — paid the bail, and if the bail is vacated, the money will return to him, not to me, nor Lawyer Jacobi.
Oh well! The food is excellent and my duties have somewhat slackened. Things are beginning to look up, but — tra-laa-laa-laa tra-laa-laa-lee — I don’t know what will happen tomorrow.
Cross your legs for me.
Your Unstrung Heroine.
P.S. If you are still looking for my lucky G-string, it is made of flesh-colored nylon, with a purple flower embroidered at the catch above the right hip.
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RebeccaLeah
Path
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Dear Agony Aunt,
I have a friend with a slight problem. She fell for a vampire, but the vampire in question has an issue with the 548 year age difference. I told her it didn't matter, but she doesn't know what to do. Any advice?
Sincerly,
A friend of Lost in a Timewarp
I have a friend with a slight problem. She fell for a vampire, but the vampire in question has an issue with the 548 year age difference. I told her it didn't matter, but she doesn't know what to do. Any advice?
Sincerly,
A friend of Lost in a Timewarp
doormouse
Seductively Sweet
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RebeccaLeah said:
Dear friend of Lost in a Timewarp,
There's an old adage, 'Everything improves with age'. Don't believe it!!
A 548 year age difference? Ever seen a month old banana? Let alone a 548 year old one!! Compost comes to mind.
Unless your friend likes to have her neck sucked, I'd suggest buying her a huge dildo (unless she has a thing for soggy, wrinkled and saggy bananas).
Do her a favor and switch her perfume with garlic oil to keep the fanged one at bay.
G
Guest
Guest
Rideme Cowgirl said:I have a serious problem. I was created from Darnoels imagination as an experiment. He wanted to see if he could take on the mindset of a typical Hollywood dumb blonde type and maintain that for a period of time. He was trying to get ideas for some new stories and he is working on one now under my persona. Naturally it's a comedy.
But now his experiment is over and he doesn't need me anymore. Oh, don't worry, I'm not upset. I'm him, or at least part of him, or was anyway. I hold no grudges. It was fun.
But now he has tried to come clean, granted in a sneaky, devious way but it was an honest try. He posted as himself under my account and at the same exact instant posted as me under his account in your thread "The AH Pick up post".
You see, he thought if he made an obvious slip up a dozen people would jump on the chance to "Expose" the real Debbie/Rideme Cowgirl. Not only did that not happen, but it seems no one is even willing to believe it's him behind me. Even after trying to point his own finger at himself. Everyone thinks he's just joking.
Isn't that a hoot? He did a great job of hiding his secret Identity for nearly a month. Everyone thought it was him and no one suspected. He even got PMs warning him constantly to watch out for me because I was up to no good. You have no idea how hard he laughed at some of those. And the guys that tried to hit on me made him laugh even harder.
But now the problem is he wants to clear things up and no one will belive him.
What should we do?
Sincerly,
Stuck in the closet and can't get out.
Debbie
Ummm.... Yeah. What Cowgirl said.
..|
..|
.\|/
..V
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G
Guest
Guest
I have a serious problem. I was created from Darnoels imagination as an experiment. He wanted to see if he could take on the mindset of a typical Hollywood dumb blonde type and maintain that for a period of time. He was trying to get ideas for some new stories and he is working on one now under my persona. Naturally it's a comedy.
But now his experiment is over and he doesn't need me anymore. Oh, don't worry, I'm not upset. I'm him, or at least part of him, or was anyway. I hold no grudges. It was fun.
But now he has tried to come clean, granted in a sneaky, devious way but it was an honest try. He posted as himself under my account and at the same exact instant posted as me under his account in your thread "The AH Pick up post".
You see, he thought if he made an obvious slip up a dozen people would jump on the chance to "Expose" the real Debbie/Rideme Cowgirl. Not only did that not happen, but it seems no one is even willing to believe it's him behind me. Even after trying to point his own finger at himself. Everyone thinks he's just joking.
Isn't that a hoot? He did a great job of hiding his secret Identity for nearly a month. Everyone thought it was him and no one suspected. He even got PMs warning him constantly to watch out for me because I was up to no good. You have no idea how hard he laughed at some of those. And the guys that tried to hit on me made him laugh even harder.
But now the problem is he wants to clear things up and no one will belive him.
What should we do?
Sincerly,
Stuck in the closet and can't get out.
Debbie
But now his experiment is over and he doesn't need me anymore. Oh, don't worry, I'm not upset. I'm him, or at least part of him, or was anyway. I hold no grudges. It was fun.
But now he has tried to come clean, granted in a sneaky, devious way but it was an honest try. He posted as himself under my account and at the same exact instant posted as me under his account in your thread "The AH Pick up post".
You see, he thought if he made an obvious slip up a dozen people would jump on the chance to "Expose" the real Debbie/Rideme Cowgirl. Not only did that not happen, but it seems no one is even willing to believe it's him behind me. Even after trying to point his own finger at himself. Everyone thinks he's just joking.
Isn't that a hoot? He did a great job of hiding his secret Identity for nearly a month. Everyone thought it was him and no one suspected. He even got PMs warning him constantly to watch out for me because I was up to no good. You have no idea how hard he laughed at some of those. And the guys that tried to hit on me made him laugh even harder.
But now the problem is he wants to clear things up and no one will belive him.
What should we do?
Sincerly,
Stuck in the closet and can't get out.
Debbie
G
Guest
Guest
Told Ya. ^
G
Guest
Guest
im sorry, but i cant help it
*snicker*giggle*snort*
and repeat
Baaaahhhaaaaahhhaaaa..
ok.. im done now. thank you for your patience
*snicker*giggle*snort*
and repeat
Baaaahhhaaaaahhhaaaa..
ok.. im done now. thank you for your patience
doormouse
Seductively Sweet
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2004
- Posts
- 4,407
Rideme Cowgirl said:I have a serious problem. I was created from Darnoels imagination as an experiment. He wanted to see if he could take on the mindset of a typical Hollywood dumb blonde type and maintain that for a period of time. He was trying to get ideas for some new stories and he is working on one now under my persona. Naturally it's a comedy.
But now his experiment is over and he doesn't need me anymore. Oh, don't worry, I'm not upset. I'm him, or at least part of him, or was anyway. I hold no grudges. It was fun.
But now he has tried to come clean, granted in a sneaky, devious way but it was an honest try. He posted as himself under my account and at the same exact instant posted as me under his account in your thread "The AH Pick up post".
You see, he thought if he made an obvious slip up a dozen people would jump on the chance to "Expose" the real Debbie/Rideme Cowgirl. Not only did that not happen, but it seems no one is even willing to believe it's him behind me. Even after trying to point his own finger at himself. Everyone thinks he's just joking.
Isn't that a hoot? He did a great job of hiding his secret Identity for nearly a month. Everyone thought it was him and no one suspected. He even got PMs warning him constantly to watch out for me because I was up to no good. You have no idea how hard he laughed at some of those. And the guys that tried to hit on me made him laugh even harder.
But now the problem is he wants to clear things up and no one will belive him.
What should we do?
Sincerly,
Stuck in the closet and can't get out.
Debbie
Oh my God, you poor girl!!!
He's put you up to this, hasn't he?
First the big meanie head makes you post in your own thread, now he's trying to make you go away.
Don't listen to him!! He wants you. He wants you all to himself.
Run, girl!! Hide in one of the threads, and don't let him talk you into any more crazy schemes.
G
Guest
Guest
doormouse said:Oh my God, you poor girl!!!
He's put you up to this, hasn't he?
First the big meanie head makes you post in your own thread, now he's trying to make you go away.
Don't listen to him!! He wants you. He wants you all to himself.
Run, girl!! Hide in one of the threads, and don't let him talk you into any more crazy schemes.
thats what i say.. i mean can we get him for some kind of author abuse? wait.. self abuse.. she hasnt written.. but he has.. or rather she has and he is she so.. that makes him selfabusive... so would it be rape if he made her fuck him.. or only masterbation? or what is she made him fuck her.. would that be just a good time or still a five finger molly incident?
im seriously confused now.
G
Guest
Guest
vella_ms said:thats what i say.. i mean can we get him for some kind of author abuse? wait.. self abuse.. she hasnt written.. but he has.. or rather she has and he is she so.. that makes him selfabusive... so would it be rape if he made her fuck him.. or only masterbation? or what is she made him fuck her.. would that be just a good time or still a five finger molly incident?
im seriously confused now.
Vela dont be confuzed because he really is a nice person and I am a nice person too we get along really well but I could never do things with him because he is like my brouther and well I could never be that way with my brother. But really you shouldn't be means about it either because he is good and when you talk like that it makes me sad so try to be a good person. Maybe we can work on a story together because Ive read your stories and I think that they are all very funny and you make me laugh alot Darnoel has helped me alot with my spelling and periods. I know we could do fun toteher
Debbie
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