Delving the Psyche of Sadists

[liberatedslave]

LiberatedSlave,

What a great post..you and your Sir obviously have laid the foundation for communicative, trusting relationship. I think you both handled the situation beautifully.

Thanks hon, we know each other really well now so there aren't too many misunderstandings.

 

[Life_Noir]

Do you still worry that it might slip the leash or do you think that with a certain amount of knowledge and experience you can trust yourself enough that it won't.

It's probably a badly phrased question. Hope you understand what I mean.

*lol* Everthing one tends to post here should come with the disclaimer "At the risk of sounding.........................."

The short answer is "No".

The long answer is.... Hmmm...A long answer..
Do I worry that I am going to lose control???....No.

I am what I am...I don't have any moral qualms about it...
I learned to accept what I am... Matter of fact, I kind of like what I am.
With that came the ability to act.....Or to walk away.. And not beat myself up over either choice.

*shrug* Experience tells you when the control gets a bit threadbare.
Is the control occaisionally somewhat tenuous?? Yes...
ANd that's when I walk away...

If I can say that there is any problem after all this time, it would be that if I go too long without "playing", that it tends to bleed over into my "normal" day to day life.
But then, I've started to get a handle on that too...

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you Rebecca for the bump and thank you Etoile for your comments.

A question perhaps to spark some further discussion...

How much of a motivational role do things like "anger", "mean-ness", "fustraton" play when acting on sadistic urges?

1. Do you find it to be a huge part?
2. Do you find it to be a half and half type of thing?
3. They don't come into play at all.

Somethng I have noticed about myself is that I have different feelings afterwards depending on what underlying motive was present during what ever sadistic act I may have done. When passion and sexual desire are the main motives, or when calm testing of control is the main motive...the rewards afterwards are much higher and satisfying for me. Whenever anger or fustration was present, it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Anyone else want to get in on this and share?

Bumpity bump. I've been thinking a bit about sadism lately.

I have sadistic urges. I think they are definitely related to anger, but not present anger. I would never get pissed off at someone and think, I just want to do [insert fucked up shit here] to you. It's more like, there is some untapped anger inside of me, and the idea of releasing it, acting on it, in a controlled environment, totally entices me.

At the moment, I tap into that by telling boys to make out with each other. Nothing violent, because I simply don't have the experience. And I'm not even sure if that appeals to me. It might. It might not.

I almost feel sort of guilty at the idea of acting out on sadistic impulses, without being a Domme. Like the Domme part seems to imply a certain amount of control and responsibility. Can a sadistic bottom ever be a good idea?

I don't know where to go with these ideas and feelings.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Is actually an interesting question RJ asks, and I have to say for me it has nothing to do with anger, frustration or meanness...quite the opposite. I can honestly say my experiences with delivering pain to others didn't raise any of these, and if anything was motivated by a desire to please, fun, and being offered the opportunity to be creative in that realm in which I had never delved or even thought possible. Perhaps part of that is due to my own pleasure in receiving pain...I could relate and feel the desires of those I was let loose on with an uncanny ease I hadn't expected. By doing that I was able to feel joy in doing what I did and the release it gave to another.

I also think I have had a lifetime to work through issues of anger etc., though it has never played a big part in my life to begin with. Frustration probably has been bigger, and yet that no longer hounds me as it once did either. There are a variety of reasons for this I feel.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

Fwiw, I don't even know if I should say it comes from past anger. I don't know where it comes from. It could just be a way of blowing off stress right now. I just know the urges are there.

Then again, isn't sadism necessarily cruel? I don't want to be cruel. I couldn't do it if someone acted like they were in pain. It's more about being in charge, and making the bottom do something slightly uncomfortable for them.

Eek, sorry, I thought I had this somewhat figured out, but apparently not.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Then again, isn't sadism necessarily cruel? I don't want to be cruel. I couldn't do it if someone acted like they were in pain. It's more about being in charge, and making the bottom do something slightly uncomfortable for them.

For me I had no problem with them being in pain as they wanted it, begged for it, and got joy and pleasure from it just as I do....to deny them that would have been cruel at that moment.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I can't answer that question because I am a creature of impulse. I ride it where it takes me, and I haven't killed anyone yet and fully expect not to because that's not who I am or what I'm about.

That may seem lame, or like magic thinking, but I'm beginning to feel like there's a common sense element to it. There are just some basics I trust myself with.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I am not a sadist, but i am in relationship with one and i must say i enjoy him very much. The more he hurt me the closer i feel to him. For me is pain something what rip me open as nothing else.

I can have vanilla sex with my man, but its not the same as when i get into hands of my sadistic master. I am with my man for a lot of years now, but the sexual conection between me and him is not as strong as between me and my master and i think its exactely cuz of the pain. Giving and receiving.

Its something i love, i can freely say i need it. When i get down i need it even more. I could never explain to my man i love being hurt while sex, he wouldnt understand. My master is sadist to the core, i am just the same but masochist, so when we play its intense, very.

The power exchange between someone who gives you exactly what you crave for is incerdible. I have never experienced this before with anybody else. I even didnt know i like pain so much. I found out so much about myself thro my master.

I love suffer for him and i love the knowing its something what turns him on. I love the knowing he enjoy hurting me just as much as i love receiving it. The knowing his needs are met at the same time as mine feeds my soul.

For me is this something really special. Something i have never experienced IRL yet. Have my needs met at the same time as my man is a dream that will prolly never happen. I have no prob with serving him and pleasing him, but at times it sadness me my needs are not met as well.

With my master its so different. It doesnt matter if hes there to take or give, i always get mine at the same time when i serve him. Guess its just cuz he loves to use me, hurt me, humalite me and i just enjoy it. Sex with my man fills only the emotional need of mine, but my body and soul staying untouched and empty. I can live like that, i have learn too, but anytime i can enjoy my Master and all we have and share i can be sure i am a cup who will be overflowing with pleasure soon.

I love to be this for my Master. A cup from whom he can drink. I know it fills his soul to use me for his devious pleasure and i so enjoy provide that for him. Its one of very few things i think i am good in. I know how to give my sadist what he needs, what he crave for. I know cuz what he wants is exactely what i need to give. What he want take from me is exactely what i need to be taken from me.

I dunno why i am so much into pain. And i know i cannot say/share this lil secret of mine with none of my friends. All i know is that i can't get enough of this. I always want/long for more and i havent find my limits just yet. I love this journey of exploring my sexuality. I have learn things about myself i could never think of and i am sure theres still so much to learn infront of me.

I know i am in good hands and i enjoy it as much as i can.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to say online never worked for me in terms of receiving pain...I couldn't jump that gap to make myself fantasise it was real and he was there, nor could I ever have achieved the pain level someone else could deliver in RL simply because of the physical impossibility of it.

Catalina

 

[intothewoods]

For me I had no problem with them being in pain as they wanted it, begged for it, and got joy and pleasure from it just as I do....to deny them that would have been cruel at that moment.

Catalina

I totally get that. I think I would just freak out if a person were moaning loudly, and uh, not in a good way. I've heard people at play parties cry out though, and they always sound like they're having fun.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Have to say online never worked for me in terms of receiving pain...I couldn't jump that gap to make myself fantasise it was real and he was there, nor could I ever have achieved the pain level someone else could deliver in RL simply because of the physical impossibility of it.

Catalina

I dunno it works well for me. Well guess i am or satisfied with very less or my fantasy/imagination is pretty big (it is *chuckles* )

I cannot afort this pleasure IRL cuz my man is not a sadist at all. So i enjoy what i can and i must say i am getting enough to keep my needs met *smiles*

I am not hard to please.

 

[RJMasters]

Fwiw, I don't even know if I should say it comes from past anger. I don't know where it comes from. It could just be a way of blowing off stress right now. I just know the urges are there.

Then again, isn't sadism necessarily cruel? I don't want to be cruel. I couldn't do it if someone acted like they were in pain. It's more about being in charge, and making the bottom do something slightly uncomfortable for them.

Eek, sorry, I thought I had this somewhat figured out, but apparently not.

Intothewoods,

There was a time when I was operating under a misconception that submissive or bottom equated to masochist and visa versa. I am not saying you are doing the same, but I have noticed that sometimes the lines between submission and masochist tend to blur. I would also say that sometimes when exploring power and control as a Domme or Dom, those lines can also blur between sadist and Domme/Dom.

I think what is important is that you are seeking answers to know yourself better. This is so much better than trying to ignore these things.

Before I started this thread, I started another thread about Pain being a multifacted thing. Pain can be many things to different people. For me, before this thread, I use to use a leather strap on myself till my back was raw. For me I liked the cleansing aspects of pain at that time because I was dealing with inner guilt about sadistic desires I was having. I used pain as a means to deal with this because I didn't understand these things within me.

Later I began to learn about sadism and masochism and the moment I finally accepted the sadistic side of my nature, I never felt compelled or needed to ever use a leather strap again. Weird that....but it is 100% true.

There are many sublties when it comes to enjoying aspects of a sadistic nature. Some are more power and control based and get aroused by the pain of others when it panders to their control over the ones being hurt. Other sadists might be more focused on the enjoyment of inflicting pain.

I think that is why I enjoyed all the those who open up and shared what they did on this thread because I think it showed that the psyche of a sadist isn't simplistic by any means. Just as pain can mean different things to different people, so also can inflicting pain have different meaning to the one inflicting it.

I amm still learninng aspects about myself and different ways in which I find sadism satisfying. I think by you questioning, you may, like me, find or discover something very special about yourself.

Delivering pain to another is only cruel when there is no consent.

For me the secret was discovering what sexually aroused me and from that I was able to understand better the whys going on inside my head.

 

[RJMasters]

I can't answer that question because I am a creature of impulse. I ride it where it takes me, and I haven't killed anyone yet and fully expect not to because that's not who I am or what I'm about.

That may seem lame, or like magic thinking, but I'm beginning to feel like there's a common sense element to it. There are just some basics I trust myself with.

Somme try to kill off the impulsive nature, others learn to harness it.

There's nothing wrong with pulling a rabbit out of your hat. Sometimes the hand is quicker than the eye.

 

[RJMasters]

Is actually an interesting question RJ asks, and I have to say for me it has nothing to do with anger, frustration or meanness...quite the opposite. I can honestly say my experiences with delivering pain to others didn't raise any of these, and if anything was motivated by a desire to please, fun, and being offered the opportunity to be creative in that realm in which I had never delved or even thought possible. Perhaps part of that is due to my own pleasure in receiving pain...I could relate and feel the desires of those I was let loose on with an uncanny ease I hadn't expected. By doing that I was able to feel joy in doing what I did and the release it gave to another.

I also think I have had a lifetime to work through issues of anger etc., though it has never played a big part in my life to begin with. Frustration probably has been bigger, and yet that no longer hounds me as it once did either. There are a variety of reasons for this I feel.

Catalina

I really appreciated this post, especially where the motivational aspects are mentioned. There are many spouses who just do not understand the desire for pain by their partners. Your expereinces, knowledge and as you put it...understanding allowed you a freedom that many just do not have because they do not understand and cannot accept certain truths or realities.

 

[BiBunny]

Bumpity bump. I've been thinking a bit about sadism lately.

I have sadistic urges. I think they are definitely related to anger, but not present anger. I would never get pissed off at someone and think, I just want to do [insert fucked up shit here] to you. It's more like, there is some untapped anger inside of me, and the idea of releasing it, acting on it, in a controlled environment, totally entices me.

At the moment, I tap into that by telling boys to make out with each other. Nothing violent, because I simply don't have the experience. And I'm not even sure if that appeals to me. It might. It might not.

I almost feel sort of guilty at the idea of acting out on sadistic impulses, without being a Domme. Like the Domme part seems to imply a certain amount of control and responsibility. Can a sadistic bottom ever be a good idea?

I don't know where to go with these ideas and feelings.

ITW, I think you and I are a lot alike in this respect, so I'm going to ramble about myself for a minute, if you don't mind.

I identify as a switch because it's the easiest label I've found for myself where I don't have to launch into a thirty-minute explanation. In truth, I'm probably more sadomasochist than anything. I enjoy inflicting and receiving pain pretty much equally. I am much more dominant than submissive in my relationships, and I have absolutely zero desire to dominate or submit to someone I don't have deep feelings for. At the moment, I pretty much have no desire to submit, period, and some desire to dominate, were I to meet the right person.

The problem that I find is what RJ talked about in his post. People equate bottom/masochist with submissive and Top/sadist with Dominant. It ain't necessarily so. I'd love to indulge my masochistic side right now, but 99% of folks labor under the delusion that just because I cum harder if I get my ass beaten and my breasts abused beforehand that I should grovel at their feet and call them "Master" or "Mistress." Nope, 'fraid not. I suppose that when I want my painslut itch scratched, I'm more of a masochistic Top than anything else. I want to enjoy the sensation and remain in control of the situation at the same time. For some reason, this blows people's minds.

I think it's possible to be a sadistic bottom, too. I find that, particularly when playing with other switches, I like to do the playful fighting thing. (*Smack* "Fuck you!" *Smack* "No, fuck you!") Even when I know I'm going to end up on the bottom, I like being able to get a few licks in, so to speak.

I'm pretty sure that didn't even come close to touching on what you're thinking about. Maybe I just wanted to ramble.

 

[Netzach]

As someone who feels like she might about beans in chili with the control thing - great when they are there, totally acceptable when they are also not, you know? -- I relate to the Domme/sado thing. I may be wearing the D hat when beating someone's ass black and blue, but I also may not. A good time to me regardless.

I can certainly "go there" but I like to have some discussion and be invited along, not assumed, in terms of Domination. Because if I do go there the royal bitchery will start in. I prefer to be really nice, or really not.

 

[intothewoods]

Intothewoods,

There was a time when I was operating under a misconception that submissive or bottom equated to masochist and visa versa. I am not saying you are doing the same, but I have noticed that sometimes the lines between submission and masochist tend to blur. I would also say that sometimes when exploring power and control as a Domme or Dom, those lines can also blur between sadist and Domme/Dom.

I think what is important is that you are seeking answers to know yourself better. This is so much better than trying to ignore these things.

Before I started this thread, I started another thread about Pain being a multifacted thing. Pain can be many things to different people. For me, before this thread, I use to use a leather strap on myself till my back was raw. For me I liked the cleansing aspects of pain at that time because I was dealing with inner guilt about sadistic desires I was having. I used pain as a means to deal with this because I didn't understand these things within me.

Later I began to learn about sadism and masochism and the moment I finally accepted the sadistic side of my nature, I never felt compelled or needed to ever use a leather strap again. Weird that....but it is 100% true.

There are many sublties when it comes to enjoying aspects of a sadistic nature. Some are more power and control based and get aroused by the pain of others when it panders to their control over the ones being hurt. Other sadists might be more focused on the enjoyment of inflicting pain.

I think that is why I enjoyed all the those who open up and shared what they did on this thread because I think it showed that the psyche of a sadist isn't simplistic by any means. Just as pain can mean different things to different people, so also can inflicting pain have different meaning to the one inflicting it.

I amm still learninng aspects about myself and different ways in which I find sadism satisfying. I think by you questioning, you may, like me, find or discover something very special about yourself.

Delivering pain to another is only cruel when there is no consent.

For me the secret was discovering what sexually aroused me and from that I was able to understand better the whys going on inside my head.

Thank you, RJ. I think these instincts make me feel powerful and strong, but not aroused. It's also true that the more I think about it, the more difficult it is for me to isolate what the instinct is - top/sadist/an offshoot of my voyeuristic tendencies?

 

[intothewoods]

ITW, I think you and I are a lot alike in this respect, so I'm going to ramble about myself for a minute, if you don't mind.

I identify as a switch because it's the easiest label I've found for myself where I don't have to launch into a thirty-minute explanation. In truth, I'm probably more sadomasochist than anything. I enjoy inflicting and receiving pain pretty much equally. I am much more dominant than submissive in my relationships, and I have absolutely zero desire to dominate or submit to someone I don't have deep feelings for. At the moment, I pretty much have no desire to submit, period, and some desire to dominate, were I to meet the right person.

The problem that I find is what RJ talked about in his post. People equate bottom/masochist with submissive and Top/sadist with Dominant. It ain't necessarily so. I'd love to indulge my masochistic side right now, but 99% of folks labor under the delusion that just because I cum harder if I get my ass beaten and my breasts abused beforehand that I should grovel at their feet and call them "Master" or "Mistress." Nope, 'fraid not. I suppose that when I want my painslut itch scratched, I'm more of a masochistic Top than anything else. I want to enjoy the sensation and remain in control of the situation at the same time. For some reason, this blows people's minds.

I think it's possible to be a sadistic bottom, too. I find that, particularly when playing with other switches, I like to do the playful fighting thing. (*Smack* "Fuck you!" *Smack* "No, fuck you!") Even when I know I'm going to end up on the bottom, I like being able to get a few licks in, so to speak.

I'm pretty sure that didn't even come close to touching on what you're thinking about. Maybe I just wanted to ramble.

No, some of it did, especially the so-what-am-I-again question. It's almost like switch becomes the default. But I really don't feel like a switch, in that I can't just jump into Top mode. And at my core, topping just doesn't touch me the way bottoming/submitting does.

 

[_kiana_]

*bumps for rida*

 

[rida]

*bumps for rida*

thank you
will be spending the next few days catching up on it ...

a lot to learn about how a sadist mind works ...

 

[avraxas]

You talk about the Psyche..i say there is no psyche..only a curse..As far back as i can remember i felt and knew i was diffrent from other kids and adults as i grew ..sure i tried to fit in to thier life style.!! was i jealous of thier happines yes i was. i wanted to be loved for who i was rather than.having to use an excuse every time i cam close to a relationship i use to back down becuase i knew i loved to torture and alwasy feared it would come and destroy the love i had for some one.i mean what do you say hello iam a sadist..lol or use the stupid cliches..ohh you know iam kinky ..please..i hate that shit.Does this make me weak as an idividual! does it make me some body who is unstable! dont i have convictions or beliefs . I know one thing i alwasy had control in my life and was alwasy assertive of what i wanted to do and did..i never start any thing unless i know i can finish it.other wise i dont touch it..i respect every one around me at all times for what ever person they are.Yet the minute you hint or unlees your a memeber of a society....the fact that you like to torture .you become the out cast.like having the plague..lol people dont realize how much work a torture puts in thier work..its hard work.becuase a true torturer wants to inflict pain not harm some one..thiere is alwasy the question of saftey.any one who does not pratices saftey is dangerous..thats why i laugh and sake my head when i see ads.young girl want to do all no limits!!!!!!!!!!! wow thats alarming..if she unlucky and gets a crazy...imitating a sadist...then she gona get more than she bargained for..and belive me there are a lot of crazys out there ..who have no idea whatt hey are doing ..i mean iam not talking about mentally ill people iam talking about curious people who have no idea what they are doing for the sake of experimenting..that to me is crazy.. Now why is it a curse ..i can only speak for my self ..i feel its a curse becuse every time i come close to being loved i lose the person by hinting or mentioning that i love to torture..@ the moment i have found the love of my life we are at constant logger heads fighting not talking gettign back .. and this has happed a few times ..all becuse i tried to keep it from her that i like to torture..i kept it from her because when we meet and grew to know each other i knew from the second mettign she would not understand easy about what i like to do..but i slipped up some where actually i trusted her but she was inquistive enoght to dwell in to my past and she hit me like a ton of bricks..THIS IS DIGUSTING YOU SICK FUCK ..BLAH BLAH u can guess the rest...and yet she still loves me ...go figure... all because she found out i like to torture...and i tried to explain to her in so many ways so she can understand but would have no part in it..and at the same breath she would say i love you to death......I TELL YOU ITS A CURSE TO BE A SADIST....but i love it...AS one would love..thier pet ..there is no PSYCHE the only thing there is is FUN after all isnt what we all want is fun right to be happy and fullfilled and content.. yoy all might say move on to me ...I CANT she is in my skin i tied to move on..but she is alwasy there in all my thoughts.but any way dont cry for me argentina..all will be ok...with this i take DEOGENSE wise words.... WALKING through the streets of ancient athens with a lite lamp in his hand holding it up to faces he came across.... When one curious person asked him why do you carry the lite lamp in the day time crazy old man.....answering... I AM SEEKING AN HONEST MAN..

 

[YourCaptor]

This may sound odd

Out of curiosity,

when you sadists where little did you ever find yourself in that scenario where somebody is crying, an adult is yelling, and all you can say is, “it was an accident”, because you really didn’t think it was wrong, but somehow it ended up being so?

I just had a back flash and realized much of my early childhood is littered with these kind of events until it got hammered into my head that it’s wrong. So I am curious, is this something that other sadists have experience or is it just me?

 

[intothewoods]

Out of curiosity,

when you sadists where little did you ever find yourself in that scenario where somebody is crying, an adult is yelling, and all you can say is, “it was an accident”, because you really didn’t think it was wrong, but somehow it ended up being so?

I just had a back flash and realized much of my early childhood is littered with these kind of events until it got hammered into my head that it’s wrong. So I am curious, is this something that other sadists have experience or is it just me?

Frankly, that sounds like the normal socialization process of little kids, although it usually happens when you're too young to remember it. Toddlers think the world revolves around them. They don't have sympathy or know social niceties like sharing. Parents have to basically drill it into their heads.

Also, while very little kids are incapable of lying, they will sometimes say they didn't do something, or it was an accident, because they want to separate themselves from what they perceive as the "bad" part of themselves. In other words, depending on how old you were, you probably did think it was an accident!

Sadism is enjoying someone else's suffering or pain, right? If you did something that caused someone else pain, and then immediately thought, it's an accident, I didn't mean to - that's not sadism. That's normal.

 

[YourCaptor]

Frankly, that sounds like the normal socialization process of little kids, although it usually happens when you're too young to remember it. Toddlers think the world revolves around them. They don't have sympathy or know social niceties like sharing. Parents have to basically drill it into their heads.

Also, while very little kids are incapable of lying, they will sometimes say they didn't do something, or it was an accident, because they want to separate themselves from what they perceive as the "bad" part of themselves. In other words, depending on how old you were, you probably did think it was an accident!

Sadism is enjoying someone else's suffering or pain, right? If you did something that caused someone else pain, and then immediately thought, it's an accident, I didn't mean to - that's not sadism. That's normal.

Hmm, well the last time I can remember this happening I was about 7 or 8, and I would have probably done it a lot more had it not been for total life altering events.

As I remember it, I only knew hurting someone was wrong upon realizing that the other person reacted by crying, which I knew was a bad thing. I think the “it was an accident” thing plays in because I couldn’t identify the action that caused the problem, and a simple lack of vocabulary.

I remember clearly though, whenever I hurt someone out of anger I knew it was a bad thing, and never tried to say it wasn’t.

One incident I remember well involving a sadist sort of “accident”, a friend was visiting, we where playing and a door swung shut on her fingers. Wanting to amplify her reaction I began gradually applying more and more pressure, that time even when she was crying I didn't stop, only when my mother slapped me in the back of the head did I stop and blow on her fingers.

Your comment is very interesting though, I look forward to what else you have to say.

 

[intothewoods]

It would probably be a good idea for other sadists to weigh in. Maybe they'll say, eh, no biggie, everyone does that and grows out of it.

By 7 or 8 you should have enough impulse control and socialization, and empathy to know that crunching a friend's hand in the door isn't right. The lacking empathy thing is troubling, as inability to empathize is one of the traits of a psychopath, if I recall correctly. Otherwise I'd guess you were modeling what you learned as a child. So, as they say, tell me about your childhood...