EarthquakeMan
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Okay. I'm selling my rooting to the highest bidder.CharlotteNCguy said:
DLL's anything goes thread
- Thread starter DLL
- Start date
well since it is super bowl sunday I will post some football jokes....
How many Noles does it take to change a flat tire?
Just one...unless it's a blowout, then they all show up!
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What do you get when you cross a 'Nole with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football.
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If you have a car containing a nole wide receiver, a nole linebacker, and a nole defensive back, who is driving the car?
The cop.
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What's the difference between a nole and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
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Why did the Nole grad get fired from the M&M factory?
He was throwing away too many W's.
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What did the FSU graduate say to the UF graduate?
"You want fries with that?"
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Why is FSU changing their mascot to the possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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How do you sell out a FSU home game?
Invite the Univ of Fla Gators
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What should you do if you find three Noles buried up to their necks in cement?
Get more cement!
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Good uses for a FSU diploma:
1. Toilet paper
2. Proof of need for handicapped parking sticker
3. Crying towel
4. Proof of need for welfare
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A guy is in a bar with his dog, watching the Florida vs. Florida State game. The noles surprisingly manage to get a field goal and the dog barks repeatedly. The bartender looks at the dog in awe. After a while the noles score a touchdown and the dog does flips and dances across the bar. Then, the bartender looks at the guy and says, "Man, that's amazing. What does your dog do when Forida State beats Florida?" The guy replied, "I dunno, I've only had him 3 years."
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What do you call an FSU grad wearing a suit and tie?
The defendant!
for you cNCg
How many Noles does it take to change a flat tire?
Just one...unless it's a blowout, then they all show up!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you cross a 'Nole with a groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have a car containing a nole wide receiver, a nole linebacker, and a nole defensive back, who is driving the car?
The cop.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a nole and a bucket of manure?
The bucket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the Nole grad get fired from the M&M factory?
He was throwing away too many W's.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the FSU graduate say to the UF graduate?
"You want fries with that?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is FSU changing their mascot to the possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you sell out a FSU home game?
Invite the Univ of Fla Gators
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What should you do if you find three Noles buried up to their necks in cement?
Get more cement!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good uses for a FSU diploma:
1. Toilet paper
2. Proof of need for handicapped parking sticker
3. Crying towel
4. Proof of need for welfare
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is in a bar with his dog, watching the Florida vs. Florida State game. The noles surprisingly manage to get a field goal and the dog barks repeatedly. The bartender looks at the dog in awe. After a while the noles score a touchdown and the dog does flips and dances across the bar. Then, the bartender looks at the guy and says, "Man, that's amazing. What does your dog do when Forida State beats Florida?" The guy replied, "I dunno, I've only had him 3 years."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call an FSU grad wearing a suit and tie?
The defendant!
for you cNCg
CharlotteNCguy
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- Posts
- 20,005
How do you keep a Gator out of your front yard?
Put a goal post up!
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How many Gators does it take to tackle Chris Weinke?
Good question, no one knows.
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A FSU grad, a Miami grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The FSU grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the FSU grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and
as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Florida grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the FSU and Miami grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"
A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Gator fan?" "Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess--by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."
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There was a couple who were getting divorced, so the judge said to the child, "Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?" "No," said the child, "he beats me." "Do you want to live with your Mom?" "No, she beats me too." "Well who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with a Gator Fan." Confused, the judge asked, "Why?" The child replied, "Because they never beat anybody that's good!"
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One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, "I bet your from the University of Florida." "Why yes I am" answered the other. "How could you tell, was it my good looks, my debonair charm, my taste in clothing?" "No," replied the first, "I saw your class ring as you were picking your nose."
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There's a guy from UF driving from Gainesville to Tallahassee, and a guy from FSU driving from
Tallahassee to Gainesville. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road, they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Gator manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!!!" Likewise, the Nole scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Gator walks over to the Nole and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals." The Nole thinks for a momment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else survived this wreck." So the Nole pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Gator, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship." The Gator says, "You're right!", and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Gator hands it back to the Nole and says, "Your turn!" The Nole twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."
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What is the difference between Steve Spurrier and a litter of puppies?
Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining.
Put a goal post up!
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How many Gators does it take to tackle Chris Weinke?
Good question, no one knows.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A FSU grad, a Miami grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The FSU grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the FSU grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Miami grad is next, and
as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Miami grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Florida grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the FSU and Miami grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"
A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Gator fan?" "Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess--by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a couple who were getting divorced, so the judge said to the child, "Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with your Dad?" "No," said the child, "he beats me." "Do you want to live with your Mom?" "No, she beats me too." "Well who do you want to live with?" "I want to live with a Gator Fan." Confused, the judge asked, "Why?" The child replied, "Because they never beat anybody that's good!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, "I bet your from the University of Florida." "Why yes I am" answered the other. "How could you tell, was it my good looks, my debonair charm, my taste in clothing?" "No," replied the first, "I saw your class ring as you were picking your nose."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a guy from UF driving from Gainesville to Tallahassee, and a guy from FSU driving from
Tallahassee to Gainesville. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road, they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Gator manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!!!" Likewise, the Nole scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Gator walks over to the Nole and says, "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals." The Nole thinks for a momment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else survived this wreck." So the Nole pops open his trunk and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Gator, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship." The Gator says, "You're right!", and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Gator hands it back to the Nole and says, "Your turn!" The Nole twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."
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What is the difference between Steve Spurrier and a litter of puppies?
Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining.
CharlotteNCguy
Always in the Mood
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What is the difference between a Gator and Rice Crispies?
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
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Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the UF campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player.
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What's the difference between a Gator and a dollar bill?
You only get three quarters out of a Gator.
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After Steve Spurrier dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Steve a
little two-bedroom house with a faded UF banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says.
Steve looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill...
It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
FSU flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge FSU Seminole banner hangs between the
marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Bobby Bowden gets a mansion with new FSU Seminole banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. God says. "That's not Bobby's house, that's mine."
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LUV YOU 2 DLL !
Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
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Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the UF campus, because that's the last place you'll find a football player.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a Gator and a dollar bill?
You only get three quarters out of a Gator.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After Steve Spurrier dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Steve a
little two-bedroom house with a faded UF banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says.
Steve looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill...
It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
FSU flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge FSU Seminole banner hangs between the
marble columns. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Bobby Bowden gets a mansion with new FSU Seminole banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment. God says. "That's not Bobby's house, that's mine."
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LUV YOU 2 DLL !
EarthquakeMan
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If you two do the halftime show, I'll watch.DLL said:heres more for my cNCg babe
Nole Stamps
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of nole players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
who loves ya baby????
babydoll2u
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DLL said:ok i will play janet he can be justin
LMAO...............
EarthquakeMan
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Nipple? Did someone say nipple?DLL said:ok i will play janet he can be justin
Hokay, I might turn the teevee on for just a bit.
EarthquakeMan
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tall_n_tight
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EarthquakeMan said:
Is this a silent auction or live bids?
I am rooting for the Pats for several reasons. One is I think Tom Brady is HOT!
EarthquakeMan
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Tis a very silent secretive auction, but I am at liberty to announce that painted Gator boobies have taken the early lead.tall_n_tight said:
romanticdrifter
Really Really Experienced
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Good morning ladies.
Gotta love those AVs!
Gotta love those AVs!
romanticdrifter
Really Really Experienced
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Finally! The REAL football!
for the host
for the host 
Jedi_Princess
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DLL said:
that will make a sports fan out of anyone
MysteriousRomantic
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i am rooting for the patriots also. I hate philly for one main reason LOL and I hope the pats pluck the eagles featherless
tall_n_tight
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romanticdrifter said:Good morning ladies.
Gotta love those AVs!
Thank you RD.
I finally earned mine! Now where's yours young man! You are way overdue!
Afternoon DLL , BDand JP. How are the ladies of the thread doing today?
And
for EQM, RD, and CNCG.
MysteriousRomantic
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tall_n_tight said:Thank you RD.
I finally earned mine! Now where's yours young man! You are way overdue!
Afternoon DLL , BDand JP. How are the ladies of the thread doing today?
And
BTW love the new clothes
Jedi_Princess
Around
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tall_n_tight said:Thank you RD.
I finally earned mine! Now where's yours young man! You are way overdue!
Afternoon DLL , BDand JP. How are the ladies of the thread doing today?
And
Afternoon TnT :rose, how are you doing?
Lovely Av ;0
Jedi_Princess
Around
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tall_n_tight said:Thank you RD.
I finally earned mine! Now where's yours young man! You are way overdue!
Afternoon DLL , BDand JP. How are the ladies of the thread doing today?
And
Afternoon TnT :rose, how are you doing?
Lovely Av
tall_n_tight
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MysteriousRomantic said:
Awa shucks. Now you are gonna make my cheeks blush!
Sorry for the oversight.
Hugs and special kisses for MR this afternoon.
MysteriousRomantic
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tall_n_tight said:Awa shucks. Now you are gonna make my cheeks blush!
Sorry for the oversight.
Hugs and special kisses for MR this afternoon.
damn girl you are going to make ME blush now. Those are mighty fine cheeks
