Filthy answers to innocent questions.

[Tio_Narratore]

Sorry, I’m a psychologist PhD, not that kind of doctor! [dials phone] Hey, Tess, turn off your Companion or Sonic Screwdriver and get your TARDIS-type vehicle near mine asap! Alicia’s got a lump and we’re concerned her cancer is back! As the second most omni-disciplinary medical doctor I know, you better get over here! Call Dad too, just in case!

This answer was provided courtesy of my ficverse’s character Dr. Lisa Coleman. Yes, that’s right, folks, she’s _that_ kind of doctor. Or close enough to it so I don’t violate copyright but retaining similar powers.

Were you expecting someone else to reply?

When someone asks to have their sexual proclivities favorably addressed, they usually expect someone else to reply. This, however, is not the case with Onanists.

Why do fools fall in love?

 

[AlinaX]

Something about misunderstanding the protective footwear signs and wearing condoms on their feet.

When was love invented?

 

[Bamagan]

Something about misunderstanding the protective footwear signs and wearing condoms on their feet.

When was love invented?

When I lost the thumb of my helpfully labeled glove.

Who needs a breather?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Someone performing oral sex underwater.

What is a Hamburglar?

Someone who likes to sneak a taste of muff with special sauce.

What is an aerie?

 

[Bamagan]

Someone who likes to sneak a taste of muff with special sauce.

What is an aerie?

It's kind of like an RSVP. It stands for Anal Engagement- Reply if Excited.

What's the most dangerous bird?

 

[AlinaX]

My uncle would insist it's the thrush.

What does it mean to date badly?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

My uncle would insist it's the thrush.

What does it mean to date badly?

When you tell you partner that the sex was "bad," meaning good in a retro reverse sense, you've dated badly, and probably won't share that bed again.

What is this 'fascinator' I hear British women are partial to?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

When you tell you partner that the sex was "bad," meaning good in a retro reverse sense, you've dated badly, and probably won't share that bed again.

What is this 'fascinator' I hear British women are partial to?

When she showed him the muff, he got there damn fast 'an ate 'er!

What's a British pound?

 

[ulllli]

When she showed him the muff, he got there damn fast 'an ate 'er!

What's a British pound?

about ten times the weight of a fascinator

but what is a bush plane

 

[AlinaX]

A euphemism for oral sex in a two-seater aircraft in flight.

What's it like up there?

 

[Rustyoznail]

A euphemism for oral sex in a two-seater aircraft in flight.

What's it like up there?

Warm, wet, and tight.

How's it for you?

 

[AlinaX]

Let's just say: my nipples are very argumentative.

What happened at the Tannhauser gate?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Nobody really knows other than it was very wet and there were slippery fingers.

What's the best way to choose a new car?

Take it for a test drive to see how many girls it helps you pick up and if there's sufficient "head" room once they're in the passenger seat.

What is a "straight-A student?"

 

[AlinaX]

A girl learning to take a man anally, usually going on to graduate summa cum laude.

What are telescopes used for?

 

[Bamagan]

A girl learning to take a man anally, usually going on to graduate summa cum laude.

What are telescopes used for?

Studying boobs on heavenly bodies.

What are periscopes used for?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

Studying boobs on heavenly bodies.

What are periscopes used for?

Taking a peek before coming up for air.

What are stethoscopes good for?

 

[Bamagan]

Taking a peek before coming up for air.

What are stethoscopes good for?

'Stet' is Latin for 'let it stand,' most commonly seen in editing and proofreading, but a stethoscope is a device used to detect where the hos are standing, or to confirm that one has found a ho, by the noise it makes.

Why do doctors make you say, 'Aah?'

 

[bbcbarry9033]

'Stet' is Latin for 'let it stand,' most commonly seen in editing and proofreading, but a stethoscope is a device used to detect where the hos are standing, or to confirm that one has found a ho, by the noise it makes.

Why do doctors make you say, 'Aah?'

Cause they're not plumbers. Pipe-layers make you say "Yes! Yeess! OH MY GODDD!!!"

What's a pipe wrench?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Cause they're not plumbers. Pipe-layers make you say "Yes! Yeess! OH MY GODDD!!!"

What's a pipe wrench?

A woman who's been doing her Kegels regularly.

What is an isotope?

 

[AlinaX]

An anagram of a place where scat fetishists gather.

Who uses margarine?

 

[Bamagan]

An anagram of a place where scat fetishists gather.

Who uses margarine?

Nearly everyone, although her friends call her 'Marge' and she just calls everyone, 'Next!'

What's the healthiest edible lubricant?

 

[bbcbarry9033]

Nearly everyone, although her friends call her 'Marge' and she just calls everyone, 'Next!'

What's the healthiest edible lubricant?

Don't you mean 'drinkable'?

What's a flower moon?

 

[Bamagan]

Don't you mean 'drinkable'?

What's a flower moon?

That's when a woman bends over far enough to show off her ass and her petals.

What's the best kind of cheese?

 

[AlinaX]

Parmesan, cos it smells like ass.

What wine goes with it?

 

[Bamagan]

Parmesan, cos it smells like ass.

What wine goes with it?

If you're asking for a pairing with the cheese, perhaps a nice medium red like Negroamaro. But the best wine for ass is something sparkling, like Cava or Prosecco.

Who picks these names?