Fuck It: Refux

[hopeful_wife]

I'm giving myself time though to continue healing and I'm trying to let myself be open to new opportunities instead of hiding myself away.

I'm proud of you and appreciate, so much, that you shared!

Realistic permanent solution is, well in 8 years, our child will be an adult, so I have decision.

Thanks for talking about it, Justa. Choices like these are overwhelming sometimes. I hope sharing is helping you to process a little more today.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Triggers ahead

Ugly - 7 years. After a nasty break up to a worse relationship where I ended up in a refuge and with ptsd I never wanted to be touched again.

Bad - I was the party that said no cos I didn’t have any trust in the ex. He was hyper sexual and constantly pawed at me and often just took what he wanted.

Good - Friends encouraged me to sign up for apps and I met a nice guy who only wanted something casual. He was very patient with me. After reconnecting with my sexual side I eventually found Lit and it's been really healing.

Best - honestly I don't know. I don't want another 24/7 relationship but I hate being alone. I could potentially join a poly couple or try to find a long term casual arrangement. I'm giving myself time though to continue healing and I'm trying to let myself be open to new opportunities instead of hiding myself away.

Thank you for sharing, Rosie.

 

[hotoldrguy]

Triggers ahead

Ugly - 7 years. After a nasty break up to a worse relationship where I ended up in a refuge and with ptsd I never wanted to be touched again.

Bad - I was the party that said no cos I didn’t have any trust in the ex. He was hyper sexual and constantly pawed at me and often just took what he wanted.

Good - Friends encouraged me to sign up for apps and I met a nice guy who only wanted something casual. He was very patient with me. After reconnecting with my sexual side I eventually found Lit and it's been really healing.

Best - honestly I don't know. I don't want another 24/7 relationship but I hate being alone. I could potentially join a poly couple or try to find a long term casual arrangement. I'm giving myself time though to continue healing and I'm trying to let myself be open to new opportunities instead of hiding myself away.

You have been through some really rough relationships. I hope you find what you are looking for and that it brings you much happiness.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I'm proud of you and appreciate, so much, that you shared!

Thanks for talking about it, Justa. Choices like these are overwhelming sometimes. I hope sharing is helping you to process a little more today.

thanks, not really much to process, just a matter of who I will be in 8 years that is the challenge. At this point, I am just seeing if I can figure out how to make an open relationship work for me. If Alexa is around, she will remind me to check myself in about 6 years. 1988 days to be exact, yeah I have an amazon countdown timer. I think I will probably have a better idea who I will be in 8 years, in 6 years, ya know.

WOW! That is one long dry spell, especially for someone who enjoys sex as much as you do. My dry spell has actually been longer than that. In my case, I have to find someone who is actually interested in sex with me LOL.

indeed. I am currently in a months long stalemate where I refuse to beg anymore and am waiting for him to come to me. I do not think I am winning. I do have an old friend visiting this summer, so we shall see.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

How did you perverts manage to take a whole day off?!

Let's talk droughts.
The ugly: what's your longest going without?

I've been married for the past 25 years. In that time, the longest we went without sex was about nine months. But, for most of those years, we only had sex 3-4 times a year.

The bad: how you've tried, unsuccessfully, to interest a partner into helping you break it?

For a long time, I didn't try. Depression, medication, and weight gain killed my libido. His low drive didn't help. When I finally found a medication that worked without the significant sexual side effects, I began to try reinvigorating our sex life. Then he began having performance issues... mainly the inability to maintain an erection. I asked him to talk to his doctor. He told me that he wasn't ready to do that. I asked again a month later and he became irritated with me. Within days, I moved from the story side of Lit to the Personals board.

The good: how you finally got your groove back?

I got my personal groove back by changing meds, reading the stories here, masturbating, investing in some new toys, joining the forums, learning more about what I like, and interacting with people here, both platonically and intimately. That all helped me to remember that I am a sexy and desirable person.

Still haven't got the groove back with the husband. I'm not one hundred percent sure we ever really had one. Things were finally starting to improve a bit after I joined the boards, then he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had his prostate removed and is cancer free. Immediately following the surgery, the body's ability to have a spontaneous erection is gone. I had to give him an injection in his penis three times a week for several months in order to keep the tissue well perfused and pliable while the nerves healed. That definitely created some more baggage for us around sex.

The best: what's your fantasy of a permanent solution?

To have an open marriage. We're so well matched in every other aspect of our relationship and love one another. We don't want to divorce. I hid my virtual dalliances from him at first, but he caught me fairly quickly. We had some serious discussions, and he gives me the freedom to explore virtually. I would love to be able to explore and experience other people in real life.

 

[hopeful_wife]

I would love to be able to explore and experience other people in real life.

Then this is what I wish for you. I'm not there, yet, but feel like it's a possible outcome someday. It's an interesting prospect.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I've been married for the past 25 years. In that time, the longest we went without sex was about nine months. But, for most of those years, we only had sex 3-4 times a year.


For a long time, I didn't try. Depression, medication, and weight gain killed my libido. His low drive didn't help. When I finally found a medication that worked without the significant sexual side effects, I began to try reinvigorating our sex life. Then he began having performance issues... mainly the inability to maintain an erection. I asked him to talk to his doctor. He told me that he wasn't ready to do that. I asked again a month later and he became irritated with me. Within days, I moved from the story side of Lit to the Personals board.


I got my personal groove back by changing meds, reading the stories here, masturbating, investing in some new toys, joining the forums, learning more about what I like, and interacting with people here, both platonically and intimately. That all helped me to remember that I am a sexy and desirable person.

Still haven't got the groove back with the husband. I'm not one hundred percent sure we ever really had one. Things were finally starting to improve a bit after I joined the boards, then he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had his prostate removed and is cancer free. Immediately following the surgery, the body's ability to have a spontaneous erection is gone. I had to give him an injection in his penis three times a week for several months in order to keep the tissue well perfused and pliable while the nerves healed. That definitely created some more baggage for us around sex.


To have an open marriage. We're so well matched in every other aspect of our relationship and love one another. We don't want to divorce. I hid my virtual dalliances from him at first, but he caught me fairly quickly. We had some serious discussions, and he gives me the freedom to explore virtually. I would love to be able to explore and experience other people in real life.

Then this is what I wish for you. I'm not there, yet, but feel like it's a possible outcome someday. It's an interesting prospect.

See, here is the thing about an open marriage, especially if you have not been in on for a long time. Like, I thought when I got the green light I'd be all

but very quickly it was

It is all well and great to have a green light, until you realize you have no earthly idea what the hell to do with it. Like logistically where is my road runner ass clicking my heels and running off to? When am I making the time? With whom? and wait is it some sort of trap?

so now I am curious if you had an open relationship, with whom would you be hanging with? If you don't know, how would you meet them. When would you find the time? Where would you go?

 

[AngelicaS1780]

so now I am curious if you had an open relationship, with whom would you be hanging with? If you don't know, how would you meet them. When would you find the time? Where would you go?

As far as the time, I no longer work and I don't have kids. So my days are pretty much mine. I don't currently have any candidates waiting in the wings, but I live in a very big city. Lit would be one place at which I would look for potential partners. I would also get back on FetLife and go to some munches. During the week, we can go back to mine, as we have a guest bedroom. Their place may be a possibility. And then there's always dayuse.com for daytime hotel reservations.

 

[hopeful_wife]

As far as the time, I no longer work and I don't have kids. So my days are pretty much mine. I don't currently have any candidates waiting in the wings, but I live in a very big city. Lit would be one place at which I would look for potential partners. I would also get back on FetLife and go to some munches. During the week, we can go back to mine, as we have a guest bedroom. Their place may be a possibility. And then there's always dayuse.com for daytime hotel reservations.

That was a whole lot of great advice for those of us in the earlier stage of the journey!

if you had an open relationship, with whom would you be hanging with? If you don't know, how would you meet them. When would you find the time? Where would you go?

There are some folks I've met here that would be open if I were. But I'm not there, yet. They also mostly don't live local, so that's an issue. Time? I think I need to retire like Angelica.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

That was a whole lot of great advice for those of us in the earlier stage of the journey!

Glad to be of service.
I've only used dayuse.com once. It was very easy to make the reservation and, sadly, very easy to cancel it.

There are some folks I've met here that would be open if I were. But I'm not there, yet. They also mostly don't live local, so that's an issue. Time? I think I need to retire like Angelica.

Having a husband that travels for work several times a year can help with that. My fingers are always crossed for London. I have tried to meet platonic Lit friends as well while traveling. Damn rail strikes messed that up twice now in the UK.

 

[javajug]

The ugly: what's your longest going without?

Currently something like 4+ years. Once in a while, there's heavy petting and mutual masturbation. But, no sex. Some of it is due to menopause. But, it started a long time before that.

The bad: how you've tried, unsuccessfully, to interest a partner into helping you break it?

We've talked about it. I've bought her toys and have tried to introduce them into our play time. She's not that into them. Honestly, I've mostly stopped trying.

The good: how you finally got your groove back?

We haven't.

The best: what's your fantasy of a permanent solution?

I finally decided to stop being ashamed of my strong sex drive. And, I accepted that sex isn't part of what works between us. (And there's a LOT that does work between us.) So, I started looking here and on FetLife for potential partners. Lit has lead to some possibilities. On FetLife, I met a couple that was looking for partners to open their relationship. We had a Skype date and after that it was ON. We've had a bunch of wonderful dates one of which included a fourth partner. Logistics have become a bit trickier because of geographic moves, but we're committed to keeping it going.

 

[javajug]

Glad to be of service.
I've only used dayuse.com once. It was very easy to make the reservation and, sadly, very easy to cancel it.


Having a husband that travels for work several times a year can help with that. My fingers are always crossed for London. I have tried to meet platonic Lit friends as well while traveling. Damn rail strikes messed that up twice now in the UK.

We used dayuse.com once and it was *perfect*!

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Currently something like 4+ years. Once in a while, there's heavy petting and mutual masturbation. But, no sex. Some of it is due to menopause. But, it started a long time before that.


We've talked about it. I've bought her toys and have tried to introduce them into our play time. She's not that into them. Honestly, I've mostly stopped trying.


We haven't.


I finally decided to stop being ashamed of my strong sex drive. And, I accepted that sex isn't part of what works between us. (And there's a LOT that does work between us.) So, I started looking here and on FetLife for potential partners. Lit has lead to some possibilities. On FetLife, I met a couple that was looking for partners to open their relationship. We had a Skype date and after that it was ON. We've had a bunch of wonderful dates one of which included a fourth partner. Logistics have become a bit trickier because of geographic moves, but we're committed to keeping it going.

Thank you for sharing with us, JJ.

 

[Bbl87]

The ugly: what's your longest going without?

2-3 months, not counting post-childbirth or other medical reasons. Slight caveat, there were longer stretches where we may have had sex but I was clearly the only one interested in it, which sometimes feels worse.

The bad: how you've tried, unsuccessfully, to interest a partner into helping you break it?

Feeding her bondage kink, buying toys, doing as much as I can around the house to make sure shes not tired, trying the little romantic things, trying to just discuss it in a straightforward manner.

The good: how you finally got your groove back?

I mean, Lit had helped alot. My biggest thing, with her very rarely initiating and often seeming uninterested, was that I often felt unwanted, undesired and unattractive (I'm no Ryan Gosling but I'm not ugly! ). Getting to know people on here has reminded me that I am worthy of desire, which has done wonders for my mindset.

I've also seen some minor progress lately, we'll see how it develops.

The best: what's your fantasy of a permanent solution?

Well, that's a twofold answer...

1A would be that my wife rediscovers her desire, be it spontaneously or via counseling/medical intervention/etc.. And she wants to explore some of my fantasies, kinks, etc. that she has either icked or I'm too afraid to share. I'm thinking the first part may be possible, not sure about the second.

1B would be if that can't happen, having an amicable open marriage (I love her and my kids and don't want to leave either), where I would hopefully be able to explore some of my bull/hotwife fantasies I've developed.

 

[hopeful_wife]

On FetLife, I met a couple that was looking for partners to open their relationship. We had a Skype date and after that it was ON. We've had a bunch of wonderful dates one of which included a fourth partner.

1A would be that my wife rediscovers her desire, be it spontaneously or via counseling/medical intervention/etc...1B would be if that can't happen, having an amicable open marriage

Thank you, gentlemen, for both sharing. It's nice to hear from some men about their experiences.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

1B would be if that can't happen, having an amicable open marriage (I love her and my kids and don't want to leave either), where I would hopefully be able to explore some of my bull/hotwife fantasies I've developed.

I am definitely envious of the two women I know here whose husbands enjoy them being with other partners and have encouraged them to pursue that. I wouldn't want my husband present during such encounters, but I would not be opposed to discussing them with him after the fact. I think that qualifies as a hotwife fantasy.

 

[Bbl87]

I am definitely envious of the two women I know here whose husbands enjoy them being with other partners and have encouraged them to pursue that. I wouldn't want my husband present during such encounters, but I would not be opposed to discussing them with him after the fact. I think that qualifies as a hotwife fantasy.

I'd say so. I've talked to plenty of people in the lifestyle, and there's alot of variation in how involved spouses are and things like that. Really just depends on the couple. And that's something important to recognized as the bull/boyfriend/3rd/whatever term you want to use. They are allowing you into their relationships, so you play by their terms. If that doesn't work, then you don't play.

 

[javajug]

I am definitely envious of the two women I know here whose husbands enjoy them being with other partners and have encouraged them to pursue that. I wouldn't want my husband present during such encounters, but I would not be opposed to discussing them with him after the fact. I think that qualifies as a hotwife fantasy.

If hubs isn't there, who operates the camera?

And where do I book my flight to?

 

[AngelicaS1780]

If hubs isn't there, who operates the camera?

And where do I book my flight to?

Now don't you go getting my hopes up like that.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Really good conversation on opening relationships
It's funny cos I'm single so therefore I could theoretically choose a new partner like I was operating an arcade claw machine. Or playing Pokemon - "I choose you!".
Doesn't really work that way though.
Either my claw machine is rigged or I keep catching magikarps...
I'm at the point now where I'd consider dating someone but this "someone" is proving elusive to find.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Another week, another challenge

I'm visiting family for a few days and another of my good friends has decided I need to be kept occupied. I have 3 things to do and will be keeping a tally just incase I don't have time to post

1 - whenever I'm alone I have to pinch a nipple hard enough to gasp

2 - every time someone says my name I have to gently touch my arm, face or neck so it feels like it's from a lover

3 - When I actually have some real privacy I have to squeeze my cunt. Through my clothes is okay but naked is preferred.

The only information I can offer during my challenge is my tally. Not how I feel or any other details.

Once it's done and I've debriefed my friend I can then write an update if anyone wants one

Ok so my challenge is over and I can share my final tallies

1) Day one - 5, two - 3, three - 1
2) Day one - 24, two - 45 ish*, three - 15
3) Day one - 3, two - 2, three - 1

* I was at a concert and didn't have my notes app open to keep score but I'm pretty sure I'm only one or two off

I don't have permission yet to share anything else but if anyone is curious then hopefully I can soon

 

[WriterLust94]

Ok so my challenge is over and I can share my final tallies

1) Day one - 5, two - 3, three - 1
2) Day one - 24, two - 45 ish*, three - 15
3) Day one - 3, two - 2, three - 1

* I was at a concert and didn't have my notes app open to keep score but I'm pretty sure I'm only one or two off

I don't have permission yet to share anything else but if anyone is curious then hopefully I can soon

Bravo!! . I look forward to more details

 

[stressedsubject]

Really good conversation on opening relationships
It's funny cos I'm single so therefore I could theoretically choose a new partner like I was operating an arcade claw machine. Or playing Pokemon - "I choose you!".
Doesn't really work that way though.
Either my claw machine is rigged or I keep catching magikarps...
I'm at the point now where I'd consider dating someone but this "someone" is proving elusive to find.

It's Squirtle you always choose Squirtle

Ok so my challenge is over and I can share my final tallies

1) Day one - 5, two - 3, three - 1
2) Day one - 24, two - 45 ish*, three - 15
3) Day one - 3, two - 2, three - 1

* I was at a concert and didn't have my notes app open to keep score but I'm pretty sure I'm only one or two off

I don't have permission yet to share anything else but if anyone is curious then hopefully I can soon

DAY 2 Really went for it!
If we do get to hear more about I can't wait

 

[RosewoodTulip]

An interesting thing just happened to me

My little corner of nowhere just had a thunderstorm. I got a little, erm, excited

I've always loved thunderstorms but I've never loved thunderstorms so I'm not quite sure what that was about...

For info I wasn't doing anything interesting, just busy cooking and other everyday stuff

Had anyone else ever had something like this happen?

(please say yes )

 

[stressedsubject]

An interesting thing just happened to me

My little corner of nowhere just had a thunderstorm. I got a little, erm, excited

I've always loved thunderstorms but I've never loved thunderstorms so I'm not quite sure what that was about...

For info I wasn't doing anything interesting, just busy cooking and other everyday stuff

Had anyone else ever had something like this happen?

(please say yes )

I know @MrsPassion brought up sex and thunderstorms once. Maybe you found natures beauty electrifying, pun intended.