Holy hole in the plot batman!

[Emotionless]

"Alright, thats it!" The street the boat had been sitting on untill recently said as it stood up meanacingly. "The sky, the ocean, and I took a vote and the next time someone falls out of, on to, or into one of us we're all going to quit this sketch immediatly."

The street then shook it's fist and lay back down again. Grahm Chapman strode out into view and said "I agree, you know. There's been far too much falling about."

 

[Veryknowing]

Meanwhile...far away in the Pacific Ocean, the island of R'yleh began to rise...

And in another place entirely, Ming the Merciless was watching all the action in Gotham City on his Wide-Screen Surround-Sound Televisor with glee, as he snacked on a packet of munchies.

"Foolish Earthmen", he snickered to himself, "my Reality-Destabilizing Hyperbolic Array will destroy every plot-line on your planet, until Flash Gordon comes begging to surrender!"

He turned the dial up another notch; it was getting awfull close to the red bit on the dial. There was a little label there that said, "Threat to the Cosmic Balance"

He laughed maniacally, and summoned some more munchies.

 

[Lovelynice]

Over the city of a Gotham, a gigantic flying watermelon appeared.

It floated serenely above the city, moving steadily and ominously towards Gotham City Hall.

 

[2ndSight]

Ultraman arrived on the scene to fight this new terror of the skies. He landed with an earth-shaking KARUMMP that shook the city of Gotham.

Then prepared to fight the gigantic flying watermelon.

 

[Jacobo_Curious]

The Dark Magician Girl saw the pudgy Italian's fireball coming for Oddler's back, and decided she needed to distract him as long as possible until hopefully the fireball knocked him silly long enough for her to escape...

"That's my staff!" she cried as he picked it up. "Please, don't damage it!" In reality, she didn't care... it would be restored when she summoned it again. "Please... I'll do anything..."

She purred seductively, wriggling until the top part of her outfit slipped down a bit more and the small straps that counted as her sleeves slipped down as well, revealing yet more bosom that strained to escape what little else kept it in.

"Oh, mister demon man," she breathed heatedly, "I really will do anything..."

Fact chance! Just try it, punk!

Dunno how good I am at this, but... might as well try...

 

[hybirdx]

Oddler sharply turned to the fat man. He growled as he stomped his foot, causing the whole thing to shake, and sent the guy flying. Then he turned back to the Dark Magician girl "Do not worry, I wasn't going to break it. I'll let you down, just don't try anything smart, or you'll be the one flying out of the boat." Oddler said as he slowly let the Dark Magician girl down.

 

[SecretDesires]

The door to the bar where Austin Powers and Dr Evil were facing off flew open and Cat Woman entered in her very, very tight latex suit, claws bared and a not-so-happy look on her face.

"Alright," She said as her henchmen, Kit and Kat filed in after her. "I want you all to know that I have called Gotham National Villians Union about all of this overrunning of evil in this city!"

"I mean, come on! I don't mind the mummy or even the creep in the lab coat but when lawyers start horning in on the action it's just too much. How much evil do you think there is to go around? What with Joker, Riddler, Mad Hatter, Poison Ivy and the rest of the two bit criminals...mio excluded," Here she purred and preened herself before continuing,"...all fighting over the city?"

"Now all of you get out and let me get back to my plans of seducing the bat and killing off the runt before I get really mean and paralyse all of you with one of my Cat Nap Gas Capsules and force you to listen to all of the President's speeches until you are mindless zombies under my control!"

 

[Lovelynice]

Jack Slater walked back to his illegally parked car, which already had a dozen tickets under the windscreen wipers. Nonchantly, he grabbed the whole stack and shoved them into the glovebox as he sat down and started-up the engine. The Cadillac engine roared loudly as he reversed out into the street with a squeal of spinning wheels, smoke pouring from the tires.

On the street he noticed that there was a major traffic jam, bumper-to-bumper, so instead of taking the road he drove at high speed along the sidewalk beeping his horn. People dove for a cover, and a fruit-stand was smashed as he sped along.

"New Yorkers", he said through gritted teeth around his fat cigar, "Come on!...Get out of the way!"

He noticed how many people were staring upward, so he looked up...and saw a gigantic flying watermelon in a fight to the finish with a giant man over a hundred feet tall....

....and smashed straight into another fruit-stand.

He didn't stop.

 

[Jacobo_Curious]

The yacht had been forced to go around a bridge. It blasting through several streets and buildings before finally landing in the sea again. That was when Oddler had knocked the italian guy off.

The pudgy italian guy struggled to his feet, clambering up the side of the boat. Fortunately, he could breathe underwater. That's just the way these things worked. It would've been too complicated to program him to drown, anyway.

He slipped out of the frog suit he had summoned by pressing the Y button and accessing the map screen item menu, and snuck up behind Oddler. He jumped up and down, making "boing" sounds, and Oddler turned, surprised.

The Dark Magician Girl knew what she had to do.

She bopped Oddler on the head.

Wincing, the purple haired guy rubbed his head, and the Dark Magician Girl dashed over, picked up the surprised Harlequin Hussy, and rushed over to the italian guy. The italian guy "boing"ed up and down expressively, and the Dark Magician Girl nodded.

"Okay! You change, and I'll change too!" She winked. "I can't get this outfit wet, after all!"

The pudgy italian jumped into the air and landed on Oddler's head.

Oddler suddenly found himself stunned, on the ground, and three feet shorter.

"I hope you have a mushroom!" chortled the Dark Magician Girl, before rushing into the cabin.

She glanced around at the Harlequin's various implements she planned to use for when she captured Robin, and blinked. "Say, what're these things?" Shrugging, she bounded over to a closet, searching through. "You have any swimming suits?"

Wordlessly, her jaw still slack with total confusion, the Harlequin Hussy pointed at what she was wearing.

"OH! That's a SWIMSUIT!" The Dark Magician Girl put a hand behind her head and laughed. "I thought it was your costume!" She pulled another tangerine string bikini out of the closet, stripping out of her outfit (showing she had nothing underneath) and pulling on the string bikini.

She turned around and bounced (in more ways than one) out of the door, tugging on the Harlequin's hand. The pudgy italian had gotten back into his frog suit, and picking up the two beautiful girls, he bounded back into the sea, hopping along the surface of the water.

"What..." managed the Harlequin Hussy, finally able to speak again. "How... who...?"

"Don't worry about it!" cried the Dark Magician Girl cheerfully. "I've heard of this guy!" She smiled. "Thanks for letting me borrow your bikini."

"You... didn't ask!" stammered the Harlequin Hussy. "You'd better give that back when you're done! And..." She looked down at the pudgy italian. "Who ARE you...?"

The short man finally said something.

"It's-a me! Mario!"

 

[poohlive]

Doctor Evil took a look around, at all of the destruction and chaos that he had ensued, sighing as he did so. It was true, he had over-eviled this place. All of the regular evil doers had to work triple over time just to produce half as much evil as he had in his little pinky.
"I sure am sorry Cat-Woman. You know how it is, trying to take over the world and all. I'll get going, perhaps try Chicago or Milwaulkie. No real evil there, just beer factories and lots of cheese."
He gave an evil bow, motioning for his enterage to follow him out.

On the other side of town Melissa stopped short of a counter, pouring the man another cup of coffee. He smiled, thanking her for the refill, and dumping a couple spoons of sugar into it.
"That all honey?"
He nodded, turning to the next page of his paper.
Melissa began to clean the counters. God, she had only been doing this job for a couple of months, but it was already getting to her. Each day her back began to ache a little bit earlier. The hours seemed to stand still at this tiny diner on the outskirts of town. Even the busy hours weren't that busy, and she would just lean up against a shiny countertop that she had wiped off several times despite no reason too...
Bob called up the only order in the house. A house special to a younger woman sitting in one of the far booths. Melissa went to give it to her.
"There you go sugar," she said, placing it next to the woman, "Is that all?"
"Yes, thank you."
She left the woman to her thoughts, and her lunch.
Just another boring day at work. Melissa sighed, finishing up the already spotless counter, and waiting for her shift to end in a few hours.
Her back was already killing her.

Hey... what are you doing?
Listen, there are killer space bunnies with radioactive weapons, evil turf wars, dead scotsmen holding chunks of whale carcass, mutant ninjas who didn't expect the spanish inquisition, dark magician's trying to seduce universe travelling swordsmen, a mummy, lawyers trying to sue everyone, B movie superstars who want to cash in on a cameo, flying watermelons, and someone living in a van down by the river...
What in the hell are you doing reading about Melissa's woes at her crappy diner job?
Go... go back to the craziness. Hurry on then, stop looking at reality. You get too much of that already. Fantasy, just around the corner.
Oh, look... Ultraman and a runaway yacht! Women in tight leather!!!!
Jeez, trying to catch a glimpse of realism. Perverts. Melissa has enough problems already, she doesn't need to add onto it by you weirdo's looking in on her as well.

Meliss sighed as she cleaned up after the man who just left. She pocketed the small amount of change he left. What an asshole, 65 cents. She could really take that vacation now!


HEY!!!! I said stop. Come on now! This was supposed to be a fancy free thread, with all the hooplah's and wonderment that reality can never have. Get going, create your madness. Leave Melissa to hers.
Bunch a weirdo's.

 

[Lovelynice]

When Cat Woman entered the bar with her two cat-like henchmen, and started haranguing Austin Powers and Dr Evil, the forty bikini-girls with machine-guns became confused. So they did what they usually did when confused...they stripped-off all those confining (albeit minimal) garments that they were wearing so they could think clearer...

Austin Powers was mightily distracted by this, as was Dr Evil (who'd brainwashed the forty girls into being mindless bimboes in the first place...and incidentally increased their intelligence to dramatic levels of four times almost nothing). Austin Powers grinned with his yellow teeth, and started to sport a rather large bulge in the groin of his pants. His eyes began to glow and glitter, as his mojo began to do it's work...

 

[Jacobo_Curious]

The bar where Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, and the fourty naked bimbos were standing suddenly became quite popular.

Immediately, drunken men began to file in, and they cheered and hooted as the happy bartender brought more beer.

Until Kim Kap Hwan, Master of the Korean Art of Tae Kwon Do, Defender of Justice, and Property of SNK's King of Fighters series, busted through the door.

He powerposed. "Villains! Public nudity is unjust! With the power of my Pheonix Flattener, I will do away with your evildoing! AAAAA-CHA!"

"GADOUKEN!"

Kim Kap Hwan was quite suddenly laid low by a ki-powered blast from outside of the bar. Standing to his feet in surprise, the Tae Kwon Do-ist beheld a red gi-wearing, blonde man standing there.

Ken Masters, Brother in Arms to Ryu Hoshi, Karateka of Shotokan, and Property of Capcom's Street Fighter series, laughed.

He powerposed. "Silly minion of my company's rival company! Shotokan karate is the true justice!"

In response, Kim Kap Hwan powerposed. "No! The Oath of Tae Kwon Do promotes true justice!"

Austin Powers blinked. "Justice?" he asked. "What about mojo?"

The two martial artists continued to argue, finally beginning an earth-shaking brawl outside of the bar. The drunken misfits continued to ignore them, watching the naked women with resounding cheers.

Dark Helmet put his feet up on a table and smiles. "I was right all along. Evil will triumph... because good is dumb."

Dr. Evil put his head in his hands. "Too bad evil has its share of fricking idiots too," he responded, gesturing toward the now dancing naked women.

 

[cats]

Batman

IC: Batman pulled to a stop. "Look Robin." "Holy gaint flying mellon. There um a gaint... flying... water...mellon" Batman just noticed. "Um, I was refering to the bat signal on it." "Well don't you think thats about the water mellon." "Only one way to find out."

The cycle took off towards gathom citys police department. Once there an old comishionar came out with an Irish officer so unimportant I can't rember his name. "Thank God you came caped crusader." "Whats this about?" The comishionar told batman to come over to him and wispered in his ear.

"Thank you for the tip Comishionar." Batman walked back to the cycle. "Robin I think it's time I drop you off home." "Gee wiz batman why." batman began to drive towards the mantion. "Well a Young boy like you needs rest." "Um batman, I'm 23." "It's still past your bedtime." "I've been staying up all night figthing crime with you sense I was 9 and you never mentioned a bedtime." Batman stared forward. "Um... don't you have a date with Barbra Gordon today." "Holy can of anti-bat bat-spray! Your right batman! Speed up!"

 

[kamalw1]

As Ultraman stood ready to fight the termelon, a 50-foot ape came crashing through the city. He stood in front of the watermelon and swallowed it in one gulp. He then let out a huge earth-shattering belch and stood to confront Ultraman.

 

[SecretDesires]

Cat Woman looked around at the choas in disbelief. Not because of the amount but because of the amount that had not been due directly to her. It was just too disturbing.

"Now look here!" She said grabbing Dr Evil by the collar. "What about those there." She said pointing to the naked bimbos while at the same time smacking Kit and Kat, who had their tongues on the floor, on the head. "None of your destruction compares to anything those are doing now! Don't you dare go anywhere until you clean up that mess!"

Kicking Kit and Kat soundly in the rear as they did not respond at all her her slaps she pointed to them.

"See what I mean? How am I supposed to do villanous things without henchmen? It just isn't done! No self respecting villaness would dare to try it. I can't plan to take over Gotham by myself. I have to have someone to tell me what a marvelously evil plan it is even as I am bragging about it and telling all the plot details so that anyone in listening range can overhear and warn my intended subjects. Thats just how things are done!"

 

[Arc da Rat]

Promtor whispers in the Narator's ear ...

*pss*
That unimportant Irish officer that I can't remember his name ... was Chief O'Hara.

 

[Lovelynice]

Ultraman turns to face the 50-ft tall giant ape, nods his head in thanks, then flys away up, up, up in the sky...

Karack-a-BOOM!

Ultraman and Superman have a head-on collision in the high stratosphere over Gotham City, as neither was obeying air traffic regulations at the time.

Both begin plunging towards the ground, directly towards Gotham City Hall.

 

[Emotionless]

Just then, back at the bar, Princess Margret riding a pantamime hose entered through the front door, dismounted, and kicked Cat Woman in the behind. At wich point she remouted her pantamime horse and rode off into the sunset.
And event so entirely random and bewildering that it casued several of the drunks' heads to explode.

 

[kamalw1]

As Superman and Ultraman were falling through the sky, a voice sang out "Here I come to save the daaaay." A very small streak of yellow could be seen flying towards the two falling heroes. All of a sudden, a mouse in a yellow outfit and red cape could be vaguely seen catching Superman and Ultraman and stopping their fall. He let them down gently on the ground and then flew off, looking for Catwoman.

 

[Jacobo_Curious]

A man stepped up in front of the camera and held up a sign:

"No animals were hurt in the making of this thread."

Mighty Mouse landed next to Cat Woman. Cat Woman, surprised and happy, picked him up before he could even say anything and stuffed him in her mouth, and swallowed.

The man stepped up in front of the camera again.

"Okay, well, one animal."

 

[poohlive]

"I don't get it."
Barry laughed, popping a few french fries into his mouth, "She eats the mouse."
John just shook his head, as if repeating what he had said would make any difference in how it made sense.
"Ok, yeah, but I don't get it."
"It's Mighty Mouse... and Cat Woman. Mighty Mouse is putting the mighty moves on Cat Woman, who then eats him. She's a cat, she eats mice. Why don't you get that?"
"No, no, I do," John picked up his BLT club, taking a bite, "I get it just fine, but I don't know. Just seems like a lot of things are moving into the whole story. I don't know if I can follow it anymore. I mean, what happened to the ninja's?"
Barry sighed, "The point is that it's stupied and sensless John. There should be no resolution to the ninja's, make up your own ending. Let them go conquer South America, or fight those evil bunnies or something. They were only part of a joke, and once it's over, they aren't important anymore."
"Yeah, but there are a lot of jokes going at once. Look at the whole Batman thing. That has been going solid since the beginning, but it doesn't seem to have a cornerstone in anything else."
"Yeah, well that is part of the joke too. There is no lead character, no protagonist, no psycho freudian jargon to get in the way of all the jokes we could make."
John nodded. He could understand that. He might not like it, but he could understand it.
"Did we ever find out what happened to the yacht?"
Barry shook his head, "Nope. Let it roll down Gotham street man. Let it keep rolling..."
"Despite the fact that Gotham has no real hills for it to roll down. It's mostly flat with big buildings."
"Your overthinking it man. The rules of gravity don't exist. That yacht isn't rolling down main street because gravity is making it go downhill, it's rolling because its funny to see an overpriced yacht getting fucked up like that, and all the people running. That's hilarious."
"What about that woman in the diner, what was she all about?"
Melissa came over to drop off their drinks, smiling as she asked them if they needed anything else. they shook their heads, continuing with the conversation.
She, however, moved back to behind the diner. Right next to the sach register, her favorite spot to lean against the counter and watch the clock slowly...
(HEY!!!! What did I tell you about this? Get a moving...)

"I don't know. That part didn't make much sense, but it was funny. Just a really odd piece of the puzzle that is the joke. Come on man, quit thinking about it."
John decided to quit thinking about it.
"Ok, ok, so what happens next."
"Well..."

 

[Jacobo_Curious]

The scene panned to two beautiful bikini-wearing women, one blonde and one redheaded, waving goodbye to a large, unrealistic-looking frog that somehow hopped along the surface of the water.

"That Mario sure is some character," murmured the Dark Magician Girl. Then, to make sure that demon guy didn't try anything, she pointed toward the heavily-damaged yacht still sailing in the distance and yelled "DARK MAGIC ATTACK!"

It exploded.

Ten miles away, a cow exploded as a reaction to the use of Dark Magic. It was put down to spontaneous combustion due to methane.

She turned to the Harlequin Hussy. "Sorry about your yacht. How about I treat you to lunch?"

 

[SecretDesires]

In the distance over Gotham a small biplane flew over with a banner attatched that said:


EAT AT JOE'S

New location at 23rd and Joker Lane, 54th and Harliquin St, 45th and Poison Ivy lane and just about anywhere else in Gotham you can find the pieces!!!


Which made it a very long banner indeed. In fact it was so long that the plane didn't have enough room to fly over Gotham so people could read it and ended up crashing into the top of Police Headquarters demolishing the Bat Signal.

 

[cats]

Batman.

OOC: in one week this thread got to this point. For those that where wondering like I was in fast paced posting.

IC: Batman walked into the new night club looking at the blond brainwalshed bomb shells. "The comishoner is defenitly geting something for telling me about this." He sat down looking at cat woman. "Oh I know who your supose to be.... now lose the cloaths and strip for me." He waved a five at cat woman.

 

[SecretDesires]

Cat Woman glared at Batman but took the five and stuffed it into her costume. Where the hell she could put it in that form fitting outfit only she knew.

"Okay Kit! Kat! Grab the Bat and take him back to the cat lair. We can tie him up to the rack with the swirling blades and timer and then he can have his strip tease."

"But Cat Woman," Said Kit,"We can't..."

Cat Woman sputtered and hissed for a moment. "And why cant we, underling?" She said.

"Because," The small man said pulling out a huge manilla envelope from his costume. Where he had it hidden in there only he knew. "It says in our contract that we can't capture Batman without trying to kill Robin as well. And Robin isn't here!"

"Give me that," Cat Woman said snatching the papers and scanning over them. Her face went from being livid to one of dismay and then defeat. "Damn! You're right."

Shoving the papers back at him, she sat down across from Batman and said,"Order me a drink and don't make it the cheap one or the one with the fru-fru umbrellas. I feel the need to get down and drunk."