If the poster above you were arrested, what would be the crime?

[Jada59]

Intimidating cows in all farms of the district.

Horse abuse.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Horse abuse.

Spittin' fer balls at unsuspecting passerbys.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Spittin' fer balls at unsuspecting passerbys.

Attempted to climb naked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Just for the TV exposure.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Attempted to climb naked to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Just for the TV exposure.

Picketing his local McDonalds in order to get the McRib as a year-round menu item.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Picketing his local McDonalds in order to get the McRib as a year-round menu item.

Vegiality -- sex with a rutabaga.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Vegiality -- sex with a rutabaga.

Incest--oops, sorry. Incessant whining to President Trump on why we should stop buying from China and start buying from Pakistan.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Selling gorilla fur without a license.

 

[kurrginatorX]

We're dealing with a career criminal here, so anything is possible.

 

[VoraciousValue]

We're dealing with a career criminal here, so anything is possible.

Tried to dress up as Scooter in an illicit XXX Muppet Show performance.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Tried to dress up as Scooter in an illicit XXX Muppet Show performance.

Theft
Robbery
Receipt of stolen goods
Transportation of stolen goods over state line
Transportation of women over state lines with intent to commit sin
Commission of sin while crossing state lines
Sex with a MILF
Deviate sexual intercourse
Sodomy
Alienation of affections
Prostitution

- AND -

Trespassing

 

[kurrginatorX]

Being the leader of a bingo scam operation.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Refused to kneel and pay homage to Bernadette Peters.

Theft
Robbery
Receipt of stolen goods
Transportation of stolen goods over state line
Transportation of women over state lines with intent to commit sin
Commission of sin while crossing state lines
Sex with a MILF
Deviate sexual intercourse
Sodomy
Alienation of affections
Prostitution

- AND -

Trespassing

Damn, that sounds like fun! Where the hell was I at??

 

[DeckardNYC]

Refused to kneel and pay homage to Bernadette Peters.



Damn, that sounds like fun! Where the hell was I at??

Just a blow-job across the state line, they got all bent out of shape 'cause it was the governor's wife. How was I to know?

Impersonating Bernadette Peters at an awards show!!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Just a blow-job across the state line, they got all bent out of shape 'cause it was the governor's wife. How was I to know?

Impersonating Bernadette Peters at an awards show!!

He was running a scam where he would push bones through Tyson Chicken Tenders and sell them as KFC thighs.

 

[Jada59]

He was running a scam where he would push bones through Tyson Chicken Tenders and sell them as KFC thighs.

Was running around in public with no mask.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Was running around in public with no mask.

Running around in public with a mask, but no clothes.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Tried to seduce his way into the Puppeteer's Club.

 

[Series 6]

Tried to seduce his way into the Puppeteer's Club.

Streaking in a Walmart, after hours.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Streaking in a Walmart, after hours.

Tried to feel up Donald Trump in the middle of a rally.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Smoking in a nonsmoking area after being told to leave.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Smoking in a nonsmoking area after being told to leave.

Stalking Josh Dela Cruz.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Stalking Josh Dela Cruz.

Breaking child labor laws, requiring children to work fifteen-hour days as he tries to realize his dream of a live-action Rugrats movie.

 

[HeavyBalls]

Breaking child labor laws, requiring children to work fifteen-hour days as he tries to realize his dream of a live-action Rugrats movie.

Haunting the dreams of the young

 

[kurrginatorX]

Haunting the dreams of the young

Making Mrs. Potts "Take His Fill."

 

[HeavyBalls]

Making Mrs. Potts "Take His Fill."

More than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.