Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[KimGordon67]

I am sure you are right, it is just me having fun with all the possible variations.

My guess is that they're seeing what possibilities there are ... it's a very small population here, so if you're wanting something very specific, the chances of finding it are pretty low. They do seem to want someone who's bi ... I'm not entirely sure I'm the right person in that respect.

 

[AnnieLit]

My guess is that they're seeing what possibilities there are ... it's a very small population here, so if you're wanting something very specific, the chances of finding it are pretty low. They do seem to want someone who's bi ... I'm not entirely sure I'm the right person in that respect.

If you are not bi, then why are you leading them on? Of course they want somebody who is bi, how else can this possibly work. I have pretty good imagination, but I don't see how a FMF can happen with zero FF interaction... Unless one of Fs is a 100% observer, but then they would have told you about it by now.

 

[KimGordon67]

If you are not bi, then why are you leading them on? Of course they want somebody who is bi, how else can this possibly work. I have pretty good imagination, but I don't see how a FMF can happen with zero FF interaction... Unless one of Fs is a 100% observer, but then they would have told you about it by now.

I don't necessarily know that I'm not - I've certainly been attracted to women in the past. I've just never had the opportunity to act on that. And I tend to think that having sex with a hetero couple is a somewhat different proposition to having sex with just another woman.

 

[Bramblethorn]

"We don't have a grand plan or too much predetermined.

What do you think you would like?"

That's not the worst thing in the world... I've seen unicorn chasers who have already fleshed out exactly what their three-way relationship is going to look like, before they've actually found the third person and bothered to check she wants out of it.

I say meet them. If it's a wash, at least you can talk about Nick Cave

 

[KimGordon67]

That's not the worst thing in the world... I've seen unicorn chasers who have already fleshed out exactly what their three-way relationship is going to look like, before they've actually found the third person and bothered to check she wants out of it.

I say meet them. If it's a wash, at least you can talk about Nick Cave

Yeah, I think being open to things is better myself - it's like any dating site, the people who have an extensive list of requirements just narrow the field too much. I mean, if you really are THAT certain about what you want, to the exclusion of all else, fine, but if I approached dating like that, I would never have met have the people I have ended up getting on super well.
I was also thinking about the bi thing ... and I really do think that sex with two hetero people just is a different thing. There's certainly plenty of fundamentally straight guys who would have another guy involved in a sexual encounter with a woman, so I don't really see why it couldn't work the other way.
Having a strict 'no touching the other girl' policy is probably a bit limiting, but you also don't necessarily want to be having full on sex with them - there's certainly plenty of room between 'no touching' and having something straddling your face (or whatever).

 

[numeniusa]

I might be a bit wary of them not having worked out between them yet what they want and what their own boundaries are. Before my man and I embarked on our first threesome with a woman a friend here gave me some useful advice. She recommended he and I separately considering what we did and didn't want to do, and what we did and didn't want to see the other do with the third, and then discussing our conclusions. That worked well, I think - no surprises 'in session', as it were, and much enjoyed all round. If this couple haven't really decided what's in and what's out (oh dear, sorry!), it could be awkward as it plays out.

But my friend also said don't be afraid to adjust as you go along, be spontaneous. In your case you have nothing to lose, no investment in them (yet), it might be wonderful.

I'd also say I wouldn't describe myself as bi really, but MFF worked very nicely for me - new bits to play with! If you feel open to it, go with it, if not, nothing lost.

 

[KimGordon67]

I might be a bit wary of them not having worked out between them yet what they want and what their own boundaries are. Before my man and I embarked on our first threesome with a woman a friend here gave me some useful advice. She recommended he and I separately considering what we did and didn't want to do, and what we did and didn't want to see the other do with the third, and then discussing our conclusions. That worked well, I think - no surprises 'in session', as it were, and much enjoyed all round. If this couple haven't really decided what's in and what's out (oh dear, sorry!), it could be awkward as it plays out.

But my friend also said don't be afraid to adjust as you go along, be spontaneous. In your case you have nothing to lose, no investment in them (yet), it might be wonderful.

I'd also say I wouldn't describe myself as bi really, but MFF worked very nicely for me - new bits to play with! If you feel open to it, go with it, if not, nothing lost.

That's a great comment ... your friend's advice was really good!
In the end, I've decided to not pursue it, not because of the three-way thing per se, but there's a couple of things about them that didn't quite gel - they wanted to move from messaging on Tinder to another platform really quickly - the reason they gave was wanting to delete their Tinder account, yet two days later it was still there. And then they asked for an 'explicit' photo really quickly as well, which didn't really align with their stated desire to have a 'committed' thing, not just a one-off. So I don't quite know if it was a bit of a ruse, or if they were just over-eager, but either way it was a bit unsettling. And I really don't need 'unsettling' at the moment.

 

[AnnieLit]

That's a great comment ... your friend's advice was really good!
In the end, I've decided to not pursue it, not because of the three-way thing per se, but there's a couple of things about them that didn't quite gel - they wanted to move from messaging on Tinder to another platform really quickly - the reason they gave was wanting to delete their Tinder account, yet two days later it was still there. And then they asked for an 'explicit' photo really quickly as well, which didn't really align with their stated desire to have a 'committed' thing, not just a one-off. So I don't quite know if it was a bit of a ruse, or if they were just over-eager, but either way it was a bit unsettling. And I really don't need 'unsettling' at the moment.

Don't know what was up with a photo request, but as to deleting an account... different people have different degrees of understanding of technology. There is a chance that "delete an account" to them means just to delete an app on the phone. If it was connected to a email account that they never check, tben from their pov the account was deleted - no new notifications, no nothing.

I was in a situation where I needed to delete my account on a dating site, posted a question about how to go about it as it is not obvious there, and couple people suggested just that -- delete an app and forget about it. What can be easier, right?

 

[KimGordon67]

Don't know what was up with a photo request, but as to deleting an account... different people have different degrees of understanding of technology. There is a chance that "delete an account" to them means just to delete an app on the phone. If it was connected to a email account that they never check, tben from their pov the account was deleted - no new notifications, no nothing.

I was in a situation where I needed to delete my account on a dating site, posted a question about how to go about it as it is not obvious there, and couple people suggested just that -- delete an app and forget about it. What can be easier, right?

True ... but they used it to message me this morning.

There was other stuff too ... they didn't really give very meaningful answers to questions I asked, but had a heap of questions themselves about all sort of things (kinks, my job, where I live - including whether I own my own house or not). Just a bit off, somehow.

 

[AnnieLit]

True ... but they used it to message me this morning.

There was other stuff too ... they didn't really give very meaningful answers to questions I asked, but had a heap of questions themselves about all sort of things (kinks, my job, where I live - including whether I own my own house or not). Just a bit off, somehow.

Oh, my! I would be uneasy too.
Sorry it ended like this, but you have to be careful.

Do you in general get a lot of hits from people that want ...I don't even know what, but something that is not their stated reason for the contact.

 

[KimGordon67]

Oh, my! I would be uneasy too.
Sorry it ended like this, but you have to be careful.

Do you in general get a lot of hits from people that want ...I don't even know what, but something that is not their stated reason for the contact.

I think having spent years on Lit makes ones bullshit radar pretty well-tuned. I find Tinder a good platform generally, because of the steps involved in making contact. The other local dating site is a bit more feral, people do lie more there, and they also get quite nasty quite quickly. There's a lot of very very bitter men out there who are blaming everyone other than themselves for where they're ended up, where ever that might be. (I'm sure that's true of the women as well, but I just see the men.) I'm surprised at how many expect an immediate hook up - I can't work out if they're eternally optimistic, or if that actually happens often enough to make it a potential reality. But the speed with which some of them become vitriolic is alarming (especially when they say 'lovely guy with a good sense of humour').

I don't actually think that was your question though?

 

[AnnieLit]

I think having spent years on Lit makes ones bullshit radar pretty well-tuned. I find Tinder a good platform generally, because of the steps involved in making contact. The other local dating site is a bit more feral, people do lie more there, and they also get quite nasty quite quickly. There's a lot of very very bitter men out there who are blaming everyone other than themselves for where they're ended up, where ever that might be. (I'm sure that's true of the women as well, but I just see the men.) I'm surprised at how many expect an immediate hook up - I can't work out if they're eternally optimistic, or if that actually happens often enough to make it a potential reality. But the speed with which some of them become vitriolic is alarming (especially when they say 'lovely guy with a good sense of humour').

I don't actually think that was your question though?

No, it was not
All the bitterness and general lying is one thing, I was wondering more about scams, blackmail, that sort of things.

When I filter out all the guys from China and India (now in China and India, not the ones that moved to US from there) there are still few that want anything but sex. One from the get go wanted my name and bank account so he could transfer $500 as a gift. Nigerian Prince of sorts There was another one that absolutely needed my home address right after "hello", again, so that he could send me something. But there are very few of these and I have never met anybody who wanted not what he said he wanted and still got to the point of a face-to-face meeting. I hope I never will, but it is always good to hear the war stories.

 

[KimGordon67]

No, it was not
All the bitterness and general lying is one thing, I was wondering more about scams, blackmail, that sort of things.

When I filter out all the guys from China and India (now in China and India, not the ones that moved to US from there) there are still few that want anything but sex. One from the get go wanted my name and bank account so he could transfer $500 as a gift. Nigerian Prince of sorts There was another one that absolutely needed my home address right after "hello", again, so that he could send me something. But there are very few of these and I have never met anybody who wanted not what he said he wanted and still got to the point of a face-to-face meeting. I hope I never will, but it is always good to hear the war stories.

Ah ... no, I haven't struck anything like that. There was one guy on the local dating site who kept creating accounts and being really hideous from them - I just started reporting him every time, and he seems to have evaporated. I think the liars are pretty easy to spot though - it's hard to maintain consistency, and I have a pretty lengthy vetting process before I get to the point of even telling someone my real first name, let alone meeting them.

 

[AnnieLit]

Ah ... no, I haven't struck anything like that. There was one guy on the local dating site who kept creating accounts and being really hideous from them - I just started reporting him every time, and he seems to have evaporated. I think the liars are pretty easy to spot though - it's hard to maintain consistency, and I have a pretty lengthy vetting process before I get to the point of even telling someone my real first name, let alone meeting them.

Looks like we have very different priorities with regards to security. Even the guy I am sort of with does not know my real first name, all he knows is that it is not Annie. But then combination of "good girl" and "good slut" is all I need in terms of name calling

 

[MrRetro]

True ... but they used it to message me this morning.

There was other stuff too ... they didn't really give very meaningful answers to questions I asked, but had a heap of questions themselves about all sort of things (kinks, my job, where I live - including whether I own my own house or not). Just a bit off, somehow.

I’m always amazed at how fast messages can change in the wonderful digital age..! I guess everyone is on the search for something, but it saddens me that there are people willing to exploit others for their open and honest yearnings..

I don’t know how people stay positive sometimes..

 

[KimGordon67]

I’m always amazed at how fast messages can change in the wonderful digital age..! I guess everyone is on the search for something, but it saddens me that there are people willing to exploit others for their open and honest yearnings..

I don’t know how people stay positive sometimes..

It's entirely possible they were exactly as they said they were, and just a bit over-excited by the prospect of finding someone they liked. And I'm pretty cautious.

 

[cookiecat]

I recently jumped back on collarme - now ***********. It's where I met Mr. cookie. I've had other pretty good relationships from that site, so I thought why not.

It's been about 8 years since I've dated. Holy cow. I thought I was used to the online shenanigans but everything is so fast now, like Mr.Retro said.

I realize I'm on a kink site but full on naked pics within a few messages are just too much.

Plus the whole whatsapp calling thing. I AM old. Why do I have to look at you when we talk on the phone? I really don't want to. And I don't want to look at my face either. Distracting.

Kim, I don't know how you do it! I've turned off my profile for the moment - I needed to regroup!

 

[AnnieLit]

I recently jumped back on collarme - now ***********. It's where I met Mr. cookie. I've had other pretty good relationships from that site, so I thought why not.

It's been about 8 years since I've dated. Holy cow. I thought I was used to the online shenanigans but everything is so fast now, like Mr.Retro said.

I realize I'm on a kink site but full on naked pics within a few messages are just too much.

Plus the whole whatsapp calling thing. I AM old. Why do I have to look at you when we talk on the phone? I really don't want to. And I don't want to look at my face either. Distracting.

Kim, I don't know how you do it! I've turned off my profile for the moment - I needed to regroup!

Lit ate the name of the site you are using, it's all ***
Was it just a name or the full web address? Web addresses often do not go through here, but a name could still work.

As for video with the phone...I would say why do I need to call you at all? Text or even better e-mail! After we know that we fit together yes, sure, I will want to hear your voice, but to start from a call? No, thank you.

 

[KimGordon67]

I recently jumped back on collarme - now ***********. It's where I met Mr. cookie. I've had other pretty good relationships from that site, so I thought why not.

It's been about 8 years since I've dated. Holy cow. I thought I was used to the online shenanigans but everything is so fast now, like Mr.Retro said.

I realize I'm on a kink site but full on naked pics within a few messages are just too much.

Plus the whole whatsapp calling thing. I AM old. Why do I have to look at you when we talk on the phone? I really don't want to. And I don't want to look at my face either. Distracting.

Kim, I don't know how you do it! I've turned off my profile for the moment - I needed to regroup!

A lot of people certainly seem to lack patience.
I'm chatting with a lovely guy at the moment ... we've progressed to texting on the telephone, but he hasn't asked for pics or anything. And for various reasons, we can't meet in person until early February. I like that he's patient, and happy for us to just get to know each other as people a bit first. (I have ascertained that he's fairly vanilla, but also finished what I assume was a fairly long marriage a bit over a year ago. He seems to really like sex, and have a lot of time for doing it well, so fingers crossed he's just waiting for the right person to discover his domliness ... or alternatively we'll just have high-quality vanilla sex.)

I think the online dating world requires a fair bit of patience - there's a LOT of people out there, and you need to sift through a great deal of them before you hit on someone you spark with. I just ignore the apps/tech I can't be arsed with - I refuse to install anything called anything like 'whatsapp'. Just send a bloody email.

 

[base10]

A lot of people certainly seem to lack patience.
I'm chatting with a lovely guy at the moment ... we've progressed to texting on the telephone, but he hasn't asked for pics or anything. And for various reasons, we can't meet in person until early February. I like that he's patient, and happy for us to just get to know each other as people a bit first. (I have ascertained that he's fairly vanilla, but also finished what I assume was a fairly long marriage a bit over a year ago. He seems to really like sex, and have a lot of time for doing it well, so fingers crossed he's just waiting for the right person to discover his domliness ... or alternatively we'll just have high-quality vanilla sex.)

I think the online dating world requires a fair bit of patience - there's a LOT of people out there, and you need to sift through a great deal of them before you hit on someone you spark with. I just ignore the apps/tech I can't be arsed with - I refuse to install anything called anything like 'whatsapp'. Just send a bloody email.

Even from the male perspective, anything relating to online dating/sex/friendship here or anywhere else is a bit of looking for a needle in haystack. There is something good out there, but you need to wade through a lot of garbage to find it.

And you ladies deal with 10 times the shit that I do.

 

[KimGordon67]

Even from the male perspective, anything relating to online dating/sex/friendship here or anywhere else is a bit of looking for a needle in haystack. There is something good out there, but you need to wade through a lot of garbage to find it.

And you ladies deal with 10 times the shit that I do.

I think one just gets fairly adepts at filtering. Sadly, that possibly means missing out on some great people, but that's the case in most scenarios. Also, I've found as a woman, 'waiting' for guys to come to me is not a helpful approach - that does mean dealing with a lot of shit. Rather, I tend to find people who look interesting (however that's expressed on the platform of relevance) and approach them. My most successful Lit-based relationships with guys (some 'actual' relationships, others friendships) have happened that way.
I think the developers of Tinder have done a good job, in that the first action (swiping right/left) has pretty low stakes, and by the time you get to the second action (messaging someone), you already know they're kind of interested in you because you've matched.

 

[Bramblethorn]

And then they asked for an 'explicit' photo really quickly as well, which didn't really align with their stated desire to have a 'committed' thing, not just a one-off. So I don't quite know if it was a bit of a ruse, or if they were just over-eager, but either way it was a bit unsettling. And I really don't need 'unsettling' at the moment.

Ah, yeah, that plus the stuff in your other post smells a bit off.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Lit ate the name of the site you are using, it's all ***
Was it just a name or the full web address? Web addresses often do not go through here, but a name could still work.

As for video with the phone...I would say why do I need to call you at all? Text or even better e-mail! After we know that we fit together yes, sure, I will want to hear your voice, but to start from a call? No, thank you.

Yeah, I'm no fan of voice (hate listening to recordings of myself). Sadly these days it's not even a reliable "is this person who they claim to be" test thanks to voice-changing software.

 

[KimGordon67]

Ah, yeah, that plus the stuff in your other post smells a bit off.

Yeah ... I'm quite probably over-thinking things a bit, but at the moment I'm a little more risk-averse than usual, and I need to let that be OK.
We seem to have a slightly eerie light again this morning ... or maybe it's just cloud. It must be quite unsettling to have that happen so regularly - it just makes the whole day feel wrong.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Yeah ... I'm quite probably over-thinking things a bit, but at the moment I'm a little more risk-averse than usual, and I need to let that be OK.
We seem to have a slightly eerie light again this morning ... or maybe it's just cloud. It must be quite unsettling to have that happen so regularly - it just makes the whole day feel wrong.

Yeah, after a couple of nice clear days, the smoke is back here and the sky is all creepy yellow.