Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[AnnieLit]

Wow ... that's going back a way. Luckily it was a minor aberration ... the judgey judgey people went off and found their own little place to hang out and left me alone.

I guess it is not much fun to be judgey if you don't react properly

 

[KimGordon67]

I guess it is not much fun to be judgey if you don't react properly

It was so long ago I actually can't remember how I reacted, although knowing me my suspicion is that I told them to fuck off.

 

[cascadiabound]

It was so long ago I actually can't remember how I reacted, although knowing me my suspicion is that I told them to fuck off.

And this is why we love you Kim

 

[numeniusa]

Maybe ...

I'm interpreting that as manageably huge then, rather than "bloody hell, that's not going to fit".

Is it weird being able to be with people again? In all senses of 'be'. We are weeks or months away from that here. I can't imagine what the transition is going to feel like.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm interpreting that as manageably huge then, rather than "bloody hell, that's not going to fit".

Is it weird being able to be with people again? In all senses of 'be'. We are weeks or months away from that here. I can't imagine what the transition is going to feel like.

Let's just say there's a challenge I still have to meet ... I'm sure I'll get there though. It's all about angles.

My lockdown was extremely solitary - just me and my fat cat. I think I was in the physical co-presence of other humans half a dozen times in six weeks, and that was just to exchange money for groceries. We then staged into Level 3, which meant businesses started to run again, but our bubbles (our term for the people you isolated with) stayed the same, although there was room for a bit of expansion, and I was able to go to the city to see get my offspring and bring him back to spend a week with me, so consequently ended up spending a bit of time with the ex as well. Then a week or so after that (to make sure I was clear), local friends expanded their bubble to include me, mostly so we just have dinner and get drunk. We went to Level 2 about two weeks ago (maybe less) - no more bubble, so dating can ensue! So by the time I saw him, I'd been around other people a bit ... and honestly, I can go a fair number of days effectively on my own anyway, so the 'alone alone alone ... oh look, another human' thing is fairly usual for me.
Also, I think doing the total lockdown in a small town is a little different - everyone was out walking every day, so there's a lot of saying 'hi' to people in passing. And I have a fairly active online life ... and we got very adept at socialising over video conferences.
But ultimately, we're just bloody lucky the full lockdown only last six weeks. That's a pretty manageable amount of time, and it was pretty clear by four weeks we were doing OK. I feel a bit badly for the rest of the world.

 

[phil1955]

Glad life is getting back toward normal for you. It appears that your piece of the planet has handled the pandemic far better than we have here in the U.S. While we have started to ease lockdown, I am not sure anyone told the virus it could take a break. Other than having a cruise cancelled that we had been anticipating for 8 months, we have not suffered any hardship. Maybe a little boredom but really. One has too feel bad for people living alone or having to wonder how they are going to make a living going forward. I think the world is going to change but hopefully there will be some changes for the better.

 

[AnnieLit]

Glad life is getting back toward normal for you. It appears that your piece of the planet has handled the pandemic far better than we have here in the U.S. While we have started to ease lockdown, I am not sure anyone told the virus it could take a break. Other than having a cruise cancelled that we had been anticipating for 8 months, we have not suffered any hardship. Maybe a little boredom but really. One has too feel bad for people living alone or having to wonder how they are going to make a living going forward. I think the world is going to change but hopefully there will be some changes for the better.

It sure is going to change: a lot of companies that were forced into tele-commuting decided that they like it and are not going back to full time in-office even when it will become possible. Which might be good for people that were asking for this option for years, but not so good for those that absolutely do not want to stay home whole day. Or for their spouses for that matter.

 

[phil1955]

It sure is going to change: a lot of companies that were forced into tele-commuting decided that they like it and are not going back to full time in-office even when it will become possible. Which might be good for people that were asking for this option for years, but not so good for those that absolutely do not want to stay home whole day. Or for their spouses for that matter.

I have been trying to figure out what kind of changes we are going to see but it is too complex to wrap my mind around. I do think telecommuting will increase but there should be ways to get out of the house and see other people. Making arrangements with people in your bubble for several to telecommute from one location. Going to have to be creative. And there are people whose jobs are simply going to disappear. We may survive the virus but the economic fallout is going to linger. Maybe we need to forget about the virus and go back to Kim’s Nice date

 

[KimGordon67]

I have been trying to figure out what kind of changes we are going to see but it is too complex to wrap my mind around. I do think telecommuting will increase but there should be ways to get out of the house and see other people. Making arrangements with people in your bubble for several to telecommute from one location. Going to have to be creative. And there are people whose jobs are simply going to disappear. We may survive the virus but the economic fallout is going to linger. Maybe we need to forget about the virus and go back to Kim’s Nice date

The problem with the concept of 'working from home' (in whatever capacity, whether it be paid work or study, or actually even the domestic labour that's always been done 'at home') is that the experience is profoundly shaped by access to certain resources. It's fine for me to work from home in my cute little cottage that's adequately heated and that I only share with my cat, so I can spread stuff around the place, and I have ready access to reliable internet, and not one but two computers (because I'm in a position that I can sequester hardware from work).
However, not everyone has all these resources. A lot of the universities here had to provide hardware and internet connections to students (and even a few staff) quite quickly, and with varying levels of success. These were all stopgap solutions that probably aren't tenable in the long term. Many students are not living in circumstances conducive to intensive study - Pacific students, for example, living in very large households in terms of numbers, but in houses that are designed for the standard western '2-3 children' model, and often those at university are the oldest, and also expected to do a fair amount of household labour and childcare when they're at home.
For those working or studying, the prospect of heating their homes for the entire day during winter is quite daunting, and again, the capacity to work from home is contingent on having a space in which you can do that.

One of the economic fixes being suggested here is a shift to a standardised four-day week, which sounds lovely - people will have more time with families, and the obviously reduced available employment will be spread across more people. But again, that's fine for those of us who can afford to live on 80% of our salaries. (I probably can, but it will be tight.) For families who are already working 120 between them to make ends meet, the notion of suddenly being 'encouraged' to cut that by 20% is no doubt not a great comfort.

The optimist in me is hoping that what comes out of this is great flexibility in terms of working arrangements ... but even that flexibility is dependent on having the cultural capital necessary to negotiate these arrangements. For those in precarious jobs, the concept of 'negotiation' is already negligible - in times of high unemployment, when they are easily replaced, that capacity drops even further. So the pessimist in me tends to worry that the end result will be a further entrenchment of already existent inequalities.

 

[KimGordon67]

Glad life is getting back toward normal for you. It appears that your piece of the planet has handled the pandemic far better than we have here in the U.S. While we have started to ease lockdown, I am not sure anyone told the virus it could take a break. Other than having a cruise cancelled that we had been anticipating for 8 months, we have not suffered any hardship. Maybe a little boredom but really. One has too feel bad for people living alone or having to wonder how they are going to make a living going forward. I think the world is going to change but hopefully there will be some changes for the better.

Yes, we are extremely lucky. That's partly down to actual luck - being a small island at the arse end of the biggest ocean in the world sometimes has advantages. We also have very low population density. However, as all the international media have noted, leadership also played a massive role. Our government took very decisive steps very early - at the time we went into total lockdown, there had been very few deaths. They also took a 'lives before economy' approach, so for six weeks the hit to the economy was barely even mentioned, but an immediate and relatively generous wage subsidy was rolled out. We're also apparently a very compliant population - I'm somewhat surprised by that, but I think that was in part because the leadership made it easy for us to go along with the plan (and their communication strategy was incredibly impressive), and because we retain a strong sense of community and 'looking out for each other' here (although that probably doesn't actually play out in reality as much as we'd like to think it does).
We'll be hardest hit by the lack of international tourism - tourism is basically the biggest thing in our economy, and that's going to make things difficult for a while.

 

[Ropebunny]

The problem with the concept of 'working from home' (in whatever capacity, whether it be paid work or study, or actually even the domestic labour that's always been done 'at home') is that the experience is profoundly shaped by access to certain resources. It's fine for me to work from home in my cute little cottage that's adequately heated and that I only share with my cat, so I can spread stuff around the place, and I have ready access to reliable internet, and not one but two computers (because I'm in a position that I can sequester hardware from work).
However, not everyone has all these resources. A lot of the universities here had to provide hardware and internet connections to students (and even a few staff) quite quickly, and with varying levels of success. These were all stopgap solutions that probably aren't tenable in the long term. Many students are not living in circumstances conducive to intensive study - Pacific students, for example, living in very large households in terms of numbers, but in houses that are designed for the standard western '2-3 children' model, and often those at university are the oldest, and also expected to do a fair amount of household labour and childcare when they're at home.
For those working or studying, the prospect of heating their homes for the entire day during winter is quite daunting, and again, the capacity to work from home is contingent on having a space in which you can do that.

One of the economic fixes being suggested here is a shift to a standardised four-day week, which sounds lovely - people will have more time with families, and the obviously reduced available employment will be spread across more people. But again, that's fine for those of us who can afford to live on 80% of our salaries. (I probably can, but it will be tight.) For families who are already working 120 between them to make ends meet, the notion of suddenly being 'encouraged' to cut that by 20% is no doubt not a great comfort.

The optimist in me is hoping that what comes out of this is great flexibility in terms of working arrangements ... but even that flexibility is dependent on having the cultural capital necessary to negotiate these arrangements. For those in precarious jobs, the concept of 'negotiation' is already negligible - in times of high unemployment, when they are easily replaced, that capacity drops even further. So the pessimist in me tends to worry that the end result will be a further entrenchment of already existent inequalities.

This is a fab write up Kim - clear, concise and 100% accurate. Not sure what it is you do now but if you’re looking to pivot I reckon you could easily move into journalism


Next week is my moving back to ‘normal’ week, though I’ve realised that my before normal wasn’t really serving me. So this will be a new normal, and I have no idea how it will look or feel but the anxiety about it is slowly being replaced by cautious excitement. I want to see a different future and all the conversations I’ve had recently lead towards everyone being oriented in the same direction. I think we’re gonna be ok, as long as we keep talking and don’t let complacency slink in. For me, at this point in the organisation I’m part of it’s time for me to reap what I’ve sewn over the years and to sit back and trust in the new generation that are growing into leadership. I was struggling with letting go before - now I just want to see them fly with my feet planted firmly in the ground!

 

[phil1955]

I visited your little island from a cruise ship. One thing that really impressed me was the cleanliness. Extremely little litter which tells me that the people care about their home. I have also read a lot of good things about your government’s handling of the pandemic. One might even make a case for having a woman and mother in charge rather than a fossilized politician. It seems you have a great place and good people so maybe you can make the necessary adjustments. We are all going to have to adjust.

 

[KimGordon67]

I visited your little island from a cruise ship. One thing that really impressed me was the cleanliness. Extremely little litter which tells me that the people care about their home. I have also read a lot of good things about your government’s handling of the pandemic. One might even make a case for having a woman and mother in charge rather than a fossilized politician. It seems you have a great place and good people so maybe you can make the necessary adjustments. We are all going to have to adjust.

I wouldn't attribute her success to gender - more likely age and just a general attitude. We've certainly had just as good male leaders historically (in fact, the closest comparison to Ardern is probably Michael Joseph Savage, the architect of our social welfare and health system post-Depression), and I'm going to stick my neck out and say the US situation would probably be quite different if Obama was still the President there.

 

[KimGordon67]

This is a fab write up Kim - clear, concise and 100% accurate. Not sure what it is you do now but if you’re looking to pivot I reckon you could easily move into journalism


Next week is my moving back to ‘normal’ week, though I’ve realised that my before normal wasn’t really serving me. So this will be a new normal, and I have no idea how it will look or feel but the anxiety about it is slowly being replaced by cautious excitement. I want to see a different future and all the conversations I’ve had recently lead towards everyone being oriented in the same direction. I think we’re gonna be ok, as long as we keep talking and don’t let complacency slink in. For me, at this point in the organisation I’m part of it’s time for me to reap what I’ve sewn over the years and to sit back and trust in the new generation that are growing into leadership. I was struggling with letting go before - now I just want to see them fly with my feet planted firmly in the ground!

Well thanks ... it's probably fair to say that analysis like this is pretty much in my job description.

I've found the last couple of months really interesting. It's pushed me into working in ways I've resisted for years, and I've discovered those things actually have some pro's as well as some con's. I'm similarly hoping to merge the best of how things were previously with the things I've learned. A lot of it does depend on how how larger organisation react though, and it's a tricky time for most, with their bottom lines being pretty soundly savaged. Hopefully they can adjust with one eye on the more distant future, as well as worrying about immediate recovery.
Obviously pandemics are not good things, but if societies can take something positive out of the situations we've ended up in, that'll be something good.

 

[phil1955]

I wouldn't attribute her success to gender - more likely age and just a general attitude. We've certainly had just as good male leaders historically (in fact, the closest comparison to Ardern is probably Michael Joseph Savage, the architect of our social welfare and health system post-Depression), and I'm going to stick my neck out and say the US situation would probably be quite different if Obama was still the President there.

Certainly Obama would be an improvement but our problems are not just a lack of leadership. The entire political system is fractured and the primary problem is the electorate. It is not like people did not know what type of person we were electing. Even now many of our citizens are fighting over silly stuff rather than pulling together to solve a problem. Rejoice in your good fortune. If I was just starting out, I would seriously think about moving to a place like your island. Then I might have to beg you to take me for a walk on your beach.

 

[ReaperW]

.....

 

[KimGordon67]

So I'd heard the song before but I didn't know the artist and bloody hell that video you linked is hella sexy. I mean, I was already well on board early on but the look she gives as she pulls the gloves on... I think I'd be instantly hot and blushing under that look. Stunning.

IKR? I felt like I needed a shower after I'd finished watching it.

 

[KimGordon67]

I made another Tinder profile last night (probably the fifth or sixth one I've had) ... flicking through, found the profile of the guy I saw last weekend. So of course I took a screen shot and sent to him attached to a message that said 'Disappointing lack of fish'. He laughed.
And as I was making coffee I realised how great it is to be able to do that and not feel anxious about whether someone is hurt or going to take something the wrong way or upset that I'm on Tinder at all. It's good to finally find my happy place with all this ... it feels right. Well, right for me.
He mentioned last night that his ... partner? girlfriend? the other woman he sees quite regularly ... is keen to meet too. But just in a 'when it happens' kind of way, which is nice too.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I made another Tinder profile last night (probably the fifth or sixth one I've had) ... flicking through, found the profile of the guy I saw last weekend. So of course I took a screen shot and sent to him attached to a message that said 'Disappointing lack of fish'. He laughed.
And as I was making coffee I realised how great it is to be able to do that and not feel anxious about whether someone is hurt or going to take something the wrong way or upset that I'm on Tinder at all. It's good to finally find my happy place with all this ... it feels right. Well, right for me.
He mentioned last night that his ... partner? girlfriend? the other woman he sees quite regularly ... is keen to meet too. But just in a 'when it happens' kind of way, which is nice too.

That's cool. It is always nice when we can just feel free to be ourselves. Kind of tough in this world with it's all seeing and all criticizing attributes of society.

 

[KimGordon67]

That's cool. It is always nice when we can just feel free to be ourselves. Kind of tough in this world with it's all seeing and all criticizing attributes of society.

Yeah ... I was actually just making coffee before I logged into here and thinking 'OK, this is what happy and content feels like. Huh.' Not just about that - about everything. But I think I hadn't realised how being with the BF just made me a little anxious all the time - like, there were great bits as well, but were they worth the consistent niggle that never let me really relax?
Well ... yeah, in the short term they were worth it. But I don't know if it's good for one's soul or psyche or whatever to live like that long term.

I've met a couple of other guys who seem similarly completely cool with the whole not-being-monogamous thing, one who's in a totally poly marriage. It doesn't really seem to be working out with either of them, but it's good to know there's people like that out there. However, they seem just as prone as any other guy to have quite short attention spans, and my inability to meet within 24 hours means they get bored or something and fade away.

 

[ReaperW]

.....

 

[KimGordon67]

But really that's a blessing Kim, that's how you discover the good ones. Glad things are going well!

Thanks. It's nice to finally feel like I'm standing on solid ground.

I was meant to be seeing the new guy this weekend ... tomorrow, actually ... but realised that my work is so insane at the moment that I'd just be too stressed. I was tracking OK, but then a couple of things came out of no where and just tipped the balance too much. It's not ideal, because the first time I can see that I'll really be able to get away is the first weekend of July. But he was totally fine about it. And the bonus is that I'll also have the headspace to feel good about meeting his SO as well. So that'll be interesting! I'm trying to not think about it too much, because that just distracts me from the work I'm meant to be doing.

I was actually wrong about one of the guys mentioned above who I thought had lost interest, and I think we have a date when I'm in the big city next weekend. i'm not entirely sure how that's going to go - he's not really the 'type' I usually go for, but at the very least I think we'll have a fun night out.

And I've started talking to a local guy on Tinder ... I guess it never rains etc.

It's quite weird. None of them are in the 'making my heart beat faster' category, I'm not hanging out for the next message from them or waking up in the middle of the night thinking about any of them, but I kind of feel like that's a good thing. Maybe I need to stop falling in love, and just have people that I enjoy hanging out with, without it being all-consuming. And maybe that being my stated intention has helped as well ... maybe I'm attracting guys who aren't going at things like a freight train. I am a bit susceptible to being swept off my feet, so perhaps the trick is to avoid guys who want to be doing that.

 

[MrRetro]

Thanks. It's nice to finally feel like I'm standing on solid ground.

I was meant to be seeing the new guy this weekend ... tomorrow, actually ... but realised that my work is so insane at the moment that I'd just be too stressed. I was tracking OK, but then a couple of things came out of no where and just tipped the balance too much. It's not ideal, because the first time I can see that I'll really be able to get away is the first weekend of July. But he was totally fine about it. And the bonus is that I'll also have the headspace to feel good about meeting his SO as well. So that'll be interesting! I'm trying to not think about it too much, because that just distracts me from the work I'm meant to be doing.

I was actually wrong about one of the guys mentioned above who I thought had lost interest, and I think we have a date when I'm in the big city next weekend. i'm not entirely sure how that's going to go - he's not really the 'type' I usually go for, but at the very least I think we'll have a fun night out.

And I've started talking to a local guy on Tinder ... I guess it never rains etc.

It's quite weird. None of them are in the 'making my heart beat faster' category, I'm not hanging out for the next message from them or waking up in the middle of the night thinking about any of them, but I kind of feel like that's a good thing. Maybe I need to stop falling in love, and just have people that I enjoy hanging out with, without it being all-consuming. And maybe that being my stated intention has helped as well ... maybe I'm attracting guys who aren't going at things like a freight train. I am a bit susceptible to being swept off my feet, so perhaps the trick is to avoid guys who want to be doing that.

How was your Weekend date Kim..?

Who doesn’t want to be swept off their feet though..? I think it’s perfectly understandable to desire this, love can come in so many different forms..

 

[KimGordon67]

How was your Weekend date Kim..?

Who doesn’t want to be swept off their feet though..? I think it’s perfectly understandable to desire this, love can come in so many different forms..

The one in Auckland? It was fun, but we mutually agreed the 'thing' wasn't really there. We're Facebook friends now, so I guess we friend-zoned each other, which is fine.

And yes, of course getting swept of one's feet is lovely ... but in my case, it also tends to lead to disaster. I have a habit of falling hard for the entirely wrong guys.

 

[Paul_Chance]

For me, that was one of the big (good) changes inside of me once I dropped the societal expectation of monogamy. Love can make you crazy. Love can make your partners crazy. Once I accepted that I wasn't going to be monogamous I found that I was better able to let the crazy slip away.

It didn't change how I love (or how deeply I love) but it opened up casual encounters about physical attraction primarily. If it makes sense, I'm able to accept "friends and good people as lovers, that I will never Love, nor will they reciprocate".

I often joke with my friends who complain "I always pick the wrong type of people" that they need to either a.) let me pick for them or b.) define their type and then use a negative checkbox system to rule people out.