Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[KimGordon67]

Glad to hear you had a nice weekend. Beaches and thermal pools. You do have a some great things there. Throw in some wild assed fuckery and you have a good thing going. I would hit on you and plan to come for a visit but it does not look like an American passport is going to get me into many countries for the near future.

Also, compulsory two week managed isolation for all in-coming. We're taking our covid free status pretty seriously.

We had a good chat about introducing a third party and/or another couple. Plans are afoot.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Glad to hear it was a good weekend!

 

[MrRetro]

... and a great 20ish hours. Forest walk, a couple of hours lounging around in thermal pools, cute wee Mexican place for dinner, some drinking and laughing at music videos and other things, rounded out with some epic fuckery in front of the fire and rambly conversation until 3am. My head is a little worse for wear today, but totally worth it. And I'm discovering the goodness of just enjoying hanging out and getting naked with someone without it all being fraught with not knowing what the hell is going on and without anyone looking in danger of falling in love. Not that love isn't great and all, but I really just need a bit of a break from all the stuff that it so often seems to with ... like a break of about a decade or so.

Happy to hear you had a great time Kim, it sounds like he might become a regular..

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Also, compulsory two week managed isolation for all in-coming. We're taking our covid free status pretty seriously.
We had a good chat about introducing a third party and/or another couple. Plans are afoot.

Sounds fun, Sherlock.

 

[KimGordon67]

Happy to hear you had a great time Kim, it sounds like he might become a regular..

Yes, I think so. I can't quite see it lasting years, but we seem to be on the same page at the moment

 

[KimGordon67]

So an interesting thing happened yesterday ... I took the teenager into the local barber to get a haircut. Never been in there before - his dad usually organises the haircuts. Barber is pretty cute - older (I'd say in his 40s, maybe very late 30s at a pinch), a few tattoos, playing some OK music, and we chat, as you do, mostly about property (it's sort of an obsession in this town). Turned out he looked at the house I ended up buying ... and that was what first made me think 'hmmm'. He'd already mentioned having a 9 year old, but this house really isn't a family home - far too small. There was a bit more banter, a couple of bad jokes, and then as I was paying he looked at me and very pointedly said 'I'm Ray - what's your name?' ... I mean, obviously a pretty innocuous question, but he didn't NEED to know my name.
Am I reading too much into that?
See Paul, this is where I need you coaching me - you would have leapt on that moment and actually done something definitive. I just told him my name, paid him, and said we'll probably be back.
GAH!!!

 

[cookiecat]

:lurks vicariously:

 

[KimGordon67]

:lurks vicariously:

I need ADVICE, not vicarious lurking!!! What do I do about the barber??? I've left a glowing review on the business Facebook page, so he can contact me if he wants to on there ... ARGGGHHHHH!!!!

 

[bitslinger]

There was a bit more banter, a couple of bad jokes, and then as I was paying he looked at me and very pointedly said 'I'm Ray - what's your name?' ... I mean, obviously a pretty innocuous question, but he didn't NEED to know my name.
Am I reading too much into that?

I need ADVICE, not vicarious lurking!!! What do I do about the barber??? I've left a glowing review on the business Facebook page, so he can contact me if he wants to on there ... ARGGGHHHHH!!!!

I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I'm going to go with getting to know a customer and building a rapport to get repeat business. I'm sure that he was attracted to you, but I'll guess he doesn't want a reputation for hitting on clients.

That's my take on it as a small business dude. Next time, flirt with him and see if he flirts back.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I’m oblivious to someone flirting with me. So my assumption would be they were just curious to know my name. I think you should take teenager back for next haircut. If he remembers your name, then I’d say you’re in.

I’ve called my neighbor Dan for six months and every time he reminds me it’s Dave. Hmmm, this makes me think if he were more aesthetically pleasing to me I would properly remember his name. Or he just looks like a Dan.

 

[MrRetro]

So an interesting thing happened yesterday ... I took the teenager into the local barber to get a haircut. Never been in there before - his dad usually organises the haircuts. Barber is pretty cute - older (I'd say in his 40s, maybe very late 30s at a pinch), a few tattoos, playing some OK music, and we chat, as you do, mostly about property (it's sort of an obsession in this town). Turned out he looked at the house I ended up buying ... and that was what first made me think 'hmmm'. He'd already mentioned having a 9 year old, but this house really isn't a family home - far too small. There was a bit more banter, a couple of bad jokes, and then as I was paying he looked at me and very pointedly said 'I'm Ray - what's your name?' ... I mean, obviously a pretty innocuous question, but he didn't NEED to know my name.
Am I reading too much into that?
See Paul, this is where I need you coaching me - you would have leapt on that moment and actually done something definitive. I just told him my name, paid him, and said we'll probably be back.
GAH!!!

Hmmm, the local barber eh, your teenager staying with you this weekend Kim..?

There’s only so much advice one can give with so few details, like did he have a wedding band, what was his body language like, how was his eye contact, how did he make you feel..?

From personal experience, if he wants to know your name, he’s interested in you.. At the very least he likes what he sees..

More importantly, is he someone you’d like to get to know..?

 

[KimGordon67]

Hmmm, the local barber eh, your teenager staying with you this weekend Kim..?

There’s only so much advice one can give with so few details, like did he have a wedding band, what was his body language like, how was his eye contact, how did he make you feel..?

From personal experience, if he wants to know your name, he’s interested in you.. At the very least he likes what he sees..

More importantly, is he someone you’d like to get to know..?

I didn't think to check for a wedding ring!

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I don't think a wedding ring is truly much of an indicator anymore. I wear one but simply because it is "the industry standard." And married people are sometimes poly/kinky. I was involved with someone who was married and had a secondary partner. He was my secondary.

We both just liked jazz and sex. (Our other partners were not big into jazz.)

 

[AnnieLit]

I don't think a wedding ring is truly much of an indicator anymore. I wear one but simply because it is "the industry standard." And married people are sometimes poly/kinky. I was involved with someone who was married and had a secondary partner. He was my secondary.

We both just liked jazz and sex. (Our other partners were not big into jazz.)

I lost my wedding band about 7 years ago. Never got another one, but I am still married.

 

[KimGordon67]

I actually still wear my wedding ring because it's a lovely bit of jewellery and has great value to me - the fingerprints of me, my ex, and our kid are embedded in it.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

I actually still wear my wedding ring because it's a lovely bit of jewellery and has great value to me - the fingerprints of me, my ex, and our kid are embedded in it.

I wish I had kept mine - but I needed the $$ more for repairs on the house that was our only communal property and needed sold. Oh well.

But I actually was checking in as things turned interesting yesterday. There is a group of us that spend free time together as our kids are about the same ages. J and I don’t advertise our life, but we don’t hide it other. So next week “our” lake house will be available for the first time all summer and of course we all jumped at the chance to go. But someone I’ve had a casual flirtation with the last year or two kicked it up a notch by hearing I get my own room and could he stay in mine with me. It just went down (or uphill) from there.

J has to work after being off for over six months from his surgery, but he told me to enjoy myself, that he knows between my car accident and intermittent nerve pain in my face, his surgery and near death in February, and then all the Covid stress with my vacation canceled I could use a distraction.

If someone told me four years ago this is the relationship I’d be in I would have laughed my ass off. Ive always been with men who were way too jealous/insecure or who stoked jealousy because “that’s love, right?”

 

[KimGordon67]

I wish I had kept mine - but I needed the $$ more for repairs on the house that was our only communal property and needed sold. Oh well.

But I actually was checking in as things turned interesting yesterday. There is a group of us that spend free time together as our kids are about the same ages. J and I don’t advertise our life, but we don’t hide it other. So next week “our” lake house will be available for the first time all summer and of course we all jumped at the chance to go. But someone I’ve had a casual flirtation with the last year or two kicked it up a notch by hearing I get my own room and could he stay in mine with me. It just went down (or uphill) from there.

J has to work after being off for over six months from his surgery, but he told me to enjoy myself, that he knows between my car accident and intermittent nerve pain in my face, his surgery and near death in February, and then all the Covid stress with my vacation canceled I could use a distraction.

If someone told me four years ago this is the relationship I’d be in I would have laughed my ass off. Ive always been with men who were way too jealous/insecure or who stoked jealousy because “that’s love, right?”

God, I totally got this when I read it. I don't even know why we think this. Well, actually I do, at least in part - pretty much every single bit of culture we consume about 'love' that paints it as this all-consuming passion that must allow nothing else/no one else into it's world. It's so amazingly liberating to find some other space. My relationship with the sociopath boyfriend is fading into the distance, and I feel like I'm slowly coming into myself. And the universe is providing. The couple thing I mentioned earlier didn't end up working - she messaged me to cancel and said things weren't good with them. (I'm actually going to have a drink with her at some point, but clearly that's going to be a 'why are men such fucks' kind of thing, more than a 'let's get naked and see what happens' thing.) But my new lover and I are meeting another couple soon, with a view to seeing how that works out.

And in a surprise twist, today I'm having a quick 'let's see if we click in person' drink with someone who I've had a few exchanges with over the last while ... definitely over six months. It faded out before we went into lockdown, but now he's made contact again, and just at a time when I was getting a strange little 'switch' urge and had been writing a small fantasy story about meeting a guy in a hotel room and engaging in a bit of control play with him. Not usually my thing, although it comes out every now and then. Anyway, he responded EXTREMELY positively to the story, and suggested a few things to move it along ... and continued to respond positively to a few related images that I sent him. (Yay for Lit's carefully curated topic-specific threads!) So I'm that weird mix of nervous and excited and curious and trying to remember that I still have a day of work to do.

 

[KimGordon67]

It's been so long since I posted in here ... which usually either means I'm in the depths of despair, or I'm too busy with other things. Luckily at the moment it's the latter explanation ... things are going well with the 'friend' - he stayed last weekend, we went out to a DJ gig at the local dive bar, which was a heap of fun, drank more than we probably should have, and got some solid fucking in when we got home. Apparently alcohol really IS a great muscle relaxant, because we unexpectedly ended up having some quite enthusiastic anal sex - something that I don't feel like very often, and is usually quite difficult for me ... but this time it just seemed super easy. Followed by a shower break, and then more fucking in the shower, in the bathroom, back in bed ... just a lot of fucking, really.

Surprisingly, finding another guy to help realised my MFM (I've discovered the order of the initials is apparently quite important - who knew? Everyone, probably) fantasy is more difficult than I expected. Or maybe it's just that I'm too fussy? But I'm not in any great hurry ... it'll happen when it happens. I am in messaging exchange with a guy who seems ... well, great, really, in theory. Ten years younger, comes out here to surf a bit, great sense of humour, hot body (I've yet to see the actual face ... I might rectify that today), and horny as fuck. Maybe he is the solution, either to the MFM dilemma, or the absence of really kinky fuckery in my life - he is definitely into that. We've been swapping porn - often a good sign.

Hope everyone is doing OK out there. I was standing at that gig last weekend, surrounded by people, and then again in a crowded bar on Friday night of this weekend, thinking how weird it is that anywhere else in the world, this either wouldn't be happening at all, or most people would be wearing masks ... I think? It's hard to keep track of what's happening outside of our strange little bubble.

 

[phil1955]

Well I am jealous. Not about the sex. Good on you. But it would be so nice to be able to go to a restaurant or bar. Best we can do is pick up some take out while fully masked. In the states, 2020 is going to be a lost year and I am starting to worry about 2021.

 

[KimGordon67]

Well I am jealous. Not about the sex. Good on you. But it would be so nice to be able to go to a restaurant or bar. Best we can do is pick up some take out while fully masked. In the states, 2020 is going to be a lost year and I am starting to worry about 2021.

It's so weird ... we're literally gearing up for the summer festivals. I'm not sure if all of them will go ahead, but certainly the ones I usually know of are, the only difference being that there's no international acts. The one that's most local to me (like, about 15 minutes away), that'll be January 2021, sold out 7000 tickets in hours. And it's great for local acts, because they're getting more audience than ever. The hospitality industry is booming - the other weekend I tried to go out locally for dinner with my kid, and every place in town was full. Admittedly, it was the middle of the school holidays, but also the middle of winter, traditionally our very slow time of the year. So local tourism is also doing OK, because no one is holidaying overseas.

I have a Facebook friend whose in isolation at the moment - she's back from the UK because her mother is unwell. She seems fine - the hotel isn't flash (although if you get lucky, you get put in a five star shorefront hotel), but they're fed, there's a pleasant exercise area, and they have wifi and all the things you'd expect. Still people are complaining, and trying to work out how to subvert the rules, because somehow NZ's Covid-free status (100 days now!) isn't worth protecting.

 

[numeniusa]

<snip>
It's hard to keep track of what's happening outside of our strange little bubble.

Er, no. Your bubble is what we used to call normal. A model of what to do. It's everywhere else that's strange, and not getting much less strange, grrr.

Anyway, the epic fuckery sounds fantastic. On the MFM, does it seem that the men have to 'vet' each other? Like each other? Not sexually, presumably, since it's MFM, but in a mutual respect sort of way?

 

[Paul_Chance]

I'm settled in for the long run here. Congrats to your whole country on holding the tide of the pandemic at bay. This is normally festival time - not happening - and the local music scene is mostly shut down. Such is life.

Your weekend fuckery sounds like it was a good time!

 

[KimGordon67]

I got a new tattoo! I've been thinking about it for literally years, and had it booked for probably months (had to postpone once because I was sick, and we're not meant to leave the house if we're sick), and finally had it done yesterday morning. So stoked.

https://i.imgur.com/okItTVB.jpg

 

[Paul_Chance]

Congrats on the new tattoo! Is it a quote from someone?

 

[KimGordon67]

It's been a while .... again

Hi world ... how's it all going out there? It's been so long, but I obviously feel the urge to write, so obviously something has been going on ...

And yes, I've met someone. Well, 'met', because we haven't actually been physically co-present yet. We connected on the swingers site I've been using for a while, which is (of course) more than just swingers ... which probably irritates the crap out of the actual swingers, but oh well. He's a fair distance away - 1300 kms (800ish miles in American money), and usually that would be a bit too much of an impediment, but somehow we've slid into each others lives anyway. We started just exchanging a few emails, then I had an urge for some phone sex one night and he was happy to oblige, and there were a few more emails, and then another phone call ... and then more messaging on kik, and more phone calls, and now he's coming to visit for a month in December. Let's call him P.
I'm equal parts thrilled and terrified. He came along at a strange moment in my recovery from the sociopathic ex - I'd just realised that my last fucking awful relationship had somehow broken the bit of me that loves people ... and, as so often appens, realising that was the start of the healing process. I spent a lot of time yelling at him (yes, we do end up have stupid bits of communication still), and something he said - basically, that he couldn't even remember the week+ of psychological torture he engaged in - made me realise that he was actually just a fuckwit. He was never going to actually be sorry for what he did to me, and he didn't care that I couldn't love anyone else - in fact, he probably found that quite pleasing. And I suddenly click that (a) trying to work through things 'with him' was an utterly fruitless exercise; and (b) if I shut myself off emotionally, I would minimise risk ... but also, he would have won. And obviously we can't be having that.

So is P some sort of bandaid? It would be easy to think that, but that's honestly not how it feels. We just clicked. He reminds me the most of TG (if you've read any of the hugely long thread that precedes this post, TG was the long-term long-distance phone/online lover I had a few years back) - the same sort of combination of confidence, caring, and kinky fuckery. We've had hours and hours of phone sex, interspersed with long rambly conversations about all sorts of things. And it's all great. I'm so fucking terrified that I'm just letting myself sink into this because ... I don't know, because I trying to fix myself or something, and that I 'should' be doing that without involving anyone else. But then I'm don't want to be that terrified forever. I want to be able to let myself surrender to something that feels good and safe and exciting. Because I don't want to spend the rest of my life being too scared to really be happy. Being too scared to fall in love with someone. Because that kind of sucks.

LOL ... I don't even know what I'm saying here.
I just know that when I hear him whispering 'good girl' down the phone, I melt.