Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[ultramarineblue]

Honestly, I just want to know that someone wants me. That should be so difficult, surely.

I feel the same way.

 

[KimGordon67]

The 'missing the local guy' thing is getting fucking annoying now.

Is there any way to actually stop missing someone, or is the only solution to just ride it out? It's just so tedious.

 

[supercollider00]

I'm sure that many people want both of you That's really the main thing everyone on here is looking for I think. It's not just the rubbing one off quickly, but the actual feeling that someone out there WANTS you deeply. We all just crave a connection really, in whatever way that may manifest itself.

I hope you're both having a lovely day

 

[Mtnmike]

The 'missing the local guy' thing is getting fucking annoying now.

Is there any way to actually stop missing someone, or is the only solution to just ride it out? It's just so tedious.

Kim, I'm sorry you're going through the pain but time heels all or I've found if you could find another it helps a lot. You're a Beautiful, nice lady, I'm sure you'd have no problem finding someone. Here for you if you ever need to vent, life's short, enjoy everyday.

 

[KimGordon67]

Kim, I'm sorry you're going through the pain but time heels all or I've found if you could find another it helps a lot. You're a Beautiful, nice lady, I'm sure you'd have no problem finding someone. Here for you if you ever need to vent, life's short, enjoy everyday.

Thanks ... I'm not sure if I'd describe it as 'pain' (although I guess there was a little crying) - it's more frustrating. I don't really want to use the 'rebound' method of getting over this - it's not really fair on the next person. I just wish there was some 'there, you're over them now' pill that one could take.

 

[saltyselki]

The 'missing the local guy' thing is getting fucking annoying now.

Is there any way to actually stop missing someone, or is the only solution to just ride it out? It's just so tedious.

When I miss someone, or in general when I'm sad, or especially in the beginning when I was learning poly and my partner was with someone and I wasn't- the biggest thing that helped me was scheduling lots of things that I love in the time that I was alone. If that time was of an indeterminate length I made sure to make it a habit to consistently do a lot of little things that brought me joy.

I think a big part of missing someone is that you miss that happy feeling you got when you were with them. The less you have to be happy without them, the more you miss them and the more you depend on them for your own happiness.

Knowing what you can do on your own to make yourself happy goes such a long way. It can be a big thing or a bunch of little things, things I would like to do were:
-going to a coffee shop or cafe and buying a small treat, enjoying the ambience
-painting
-going to a yoga or dance class
-take a walk
-picking out flowers
-planning a day trip somewhere new

More and more, I've found that I don't miss anyone that much because I rather enjoy my alone time. And I used to be a chronic misser. My boyfriend. My dog...

Then again, missing someone isn't always a bad thing.

 

[KimGordon67]

When I miss someone, or in general when I'm sad, or especially in the beginning when I was learning poly and my partner was with someone and I wasn't- the biggest thing that helped me was scheduling lots of things that I love in the time that I was alone. If that time was of an indeterminate length I made sure to make it a habit to consistently do a lot of little things that brought me joy.

I think a big part of missing someone is that you miss that happy feeling you got when you were with them. The less you have to be happy without them, the more you miss them and the more you depend on them for your own happiness.

Knowing what you can do on your own to make yourself happy goes such a long way. It can be a big thing or a bunch of little things, things I would like to do were:
-going to a coffee shop or cafe and buying a small treat, enjoying the ambience
-painting
-going to a yoga or dance class
-take a walk
-picking out flowers
-planning a day trip somewhere new

More and more, I've found that I don't miss anyone that much because I rather enjoy my alone time. And I used to be a chronic misser. My boyfriend. My dog...

Then again, missing someone isn't always a bad thing.

... I do do most of those things, and they do help. And I'm in a bit of a lull with work at the moment (actually, I'm in a phase when I'm meant to be productive, but it's all self-managed stuff with no specific deadlines, so things have slipped a little) - I think when day-to-day work returns to its relatively mental state, things will be a little better ... but still, there's times when I just can't fill up the space ... the hour drive to work and back, the waking up at 3am, etc.
I suspect part of it is that things didn't really end badly ... often with 'relationships' (or whatever) ending, it's not a happy event, so you're sort of glad when it's over. Then there's the ones that just fade away, but usually you're not so invested in them anyway. I guess this was mostly good up to a point, but it was never awful, and I genuinely feel that it would have only taken a small tweak to get it back to being a heap of fun ... so I'm sort of missing what I feel should have happened, especially wrt to the sex - there was so much potential for so much to have been explored.

But that's not what he wants, and I just have to accept that. I can't change him (and I don't really want to), so if he doesn't want that, then it just is what it is.

 

[saltyselki]

I'll admit I'm responding with very little context since I just found your thread today- but it does sound like perhaps your needs/wants from each other don't match. You've already said as much so I don't want to repeat you. But if he doesn't want to give what you are looking for you're right the only thing you can do is either accept that as all it will be, or if it hurts too much you can let him know that it simply isn't enough for you and it probably isn't healthy for you to continue.

I wouldn't generally jump to ultimatums, but the fact of poly is that sometimes you have to recognize that trying to fit a piece of someone in because you're poly and you can, isn't always worth it for one side or the other.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'll admit I'm responding with very little context since I just found your thread today- but it does sound like perhaps your needs/wants from each other don't match. You've already said as much so I don't want to repeat you. But if he doesn't want to give what you are looking for you're right the only thing you can do is either accept that as all it will be, or if it hurts too much you can let him know that it simply isn't enough for you and it probably isn't healthy for you to continue.

I wouldn't generally jump to ultimatums, but the fact of poly is that sometimes you have to recognize that trying to fit a piece of someone in because you're poly and you can, isn't always worth it for one side or the other.

None of this really had anything to do with being poly - although we'd agreed that it was fine to see other people (and didn't really talk about it beyond that), I spent one night with another guy in the entire six months.
It was that we wanted different things ... it's just frustrating because although they were technically different, they were VERY similar, and it would have only taken him to make a couple of very small compromises similar to the compromises I was already making to make things work ... and in all honesty, I think he would be very lucky to find someone who was able to exactly conform to what he wants. The fact that we did end up seeing each other for nearly six months (when at the outset I would have given it six weeks at best) suggests he did really enjoy the time we spent together - it seems silly to abandon that over something that is easily remedied.

But oh well.

 

[ultramarineblue]

None of this really had anything to do with being poly - although we'd agreed that it was fine to see other people (and didn't really talk about it beyond that), I spent one night with another guy in the entire six months.
It was that we wanted different things ... it's just frustrating because although they were technically different, they were VERY similar, and it would have only taken him to make a couple of very small compromises similar to the compromises I was already making to make things work ... and in all honesty, I think he would be very lucky to find someone who was able to exactly conform to what he wants. The fact that we did end up seeing each other for nearly six months (when at the outset I would have given it six weeks at best) suggests he did really enjoy the time we spent together - it seems silly to abandon that over something that is easily remedied.

But oh well.

I feel like I could have written some of this. I think what I have the hard time with is just not knowing why those little changes are unable to happen. Like I want to ask one of my guys if he's just afraid of catching feelings or if he just wants the new of different people because he always seems to really enjoy it and be really into it when we're together. It is as though I can't understand what the problem is that someone would want to give up having some casual fun together.

 

[KimGordon67]

I feel like I could have written some of this. I think what I have the hard time with is just not knowing why those little changes are unable to happen. Like I want to ask one of my guys if he's just afraid of catching feelings or if he just wants the new of different people because he always seems to really enjoy it and be really into it when we're together. It is as though I can't understand what the problem is that someone would want to give up having some casual fun together.

Exactly this.

 

[Paul_Chance]

There is no political solution to our troubled evolution....

Okay, I just really wanted to quote Sting today.

Letting go is an art form. We're all pretty good at letting go people who treat us badly, but letting go of people who haven't and are just "meh" about our relationship is harder. We all know, or have known, people with who we seem to have a good connection but when that connection dies out can't (or don't) articulate a reason. It just slowly withers on the vine and dies.

<-----Paul adjusts Philosophical Pants

I've found a couple of ways to get through those difficult times.

1. Accept the world is an indifferent place and everything is constantly changing. Human beings are all trapped by their karma - which accrues equally to action and inaction. Buddha tells us, correctly, that ALL life is suffering and disappointment (the First Noble Truth). That all suffering is the result of desire (the Second Noble Truth), that the way beyond suffering is to get beyond desire (the Third Noble Truth), and the way to get beyond desire is to follow the Eightfold Path. Hahaha - and when you get there you're enlightened and freed from Samsara.

I go fully Buddhist on you because it has some practical value - as we incorporate the Dharma into our lives - we seen the changes, we feel the suffering, and then we watch it pass us by, dispassionately.

2. Release them in your heart to work on their own karma. I've found the best way to do this is to take into account the entirety of your interaction with them - it's real easy for us, as someone slips into memory, to attach great value to the good memories, to the exclusion of the bad memories. A few years ago when I was suffering because of the loss of a relationship I was able to "put it into context" but sitting in meditation with two things - first, the ways they had mistreated me (lack of communication, lack of commitment, often lack of courtesy) in context with the goodness in the relationship (wonderful conversations, great sex, a lot of fun interactions). I meditated on that and on being grateful for the relationship and developing compassion for their journey, as it was clear to me they were working off their own karma (even as the accumulated new karma), and so when I think of them now, I think of them with compassion.

3. Hookers and Blow. LOL - I am joking here, I do neither, but I am able to pivot to living the life in front me, the wonderful Present, and being absorbed in that. Additionally, with karma, karma is a trickster that is full of suffering that, in the long run, takes us closer to escaping the wheel of Samsara. By neglecting their relationship with you, they have freed you to continue working yourself. In that manner, they have given you a great gift. It allows you to enjoy the present, free of the past (which is illusion) and free of future dreams (which are also illusion).

Or, you could fly to America and we could spend a few months having wild kinky sex.

 

[KimGordon67]

There is no political solution to our troubled evolution....

Okay, I just really wanted to quote Sting today.

Letting go is an art form. We're all pretty good at letting go people who treat us badly, but letting go of people who haven't and are just "meh" about our relationship is harder. We all know, or have known, people with who we seem to have a good connection but when that connection dies out can't (or don't) articulate a reason. It just slowly withers on the vine and dies.

<-----Paul adjusts Philosophical Pants

I've found a couple of ways to get through those difficult times.

1. Accept the world is an indifferent place and everything is constantly changing. Human beings are all trapped by their karma - which accrues equally to action and inaction. Buddha tells us, correctly, that ALL life is suffering and disappointment (the First Noble Truth). That all suffering is the result of desire (the Second Noble Truth), that the way beyond suffering is to get beyond desire (the Third Noble Truth), and the way to get beyond desire is to follow the Eightfold Path. Hahaha - and when you get there you're enlightened and freed from Samsara.

I go fully Buddhist on you because it has some practical value - as we incorporate the Dharma into our lives - we seen the changes, we feel the suffering, and then we watch it pass us by, dispassionately.

2. Release them in your heart to work on their own karma. I've found the best way to do this is to take into account the entirety of your interaction with them - it's real easy for us, as someone slips into memory, to attach great value to the good memories, to the exclusion of the bad memories. A few years ago when I was suffering because of the loss of a relationship I was able to "put it into context" but sitting in meditation with two things - first, the ways they had mistreated me (lack of communication, lack of commitment, often lack of courtesy) in context with the goodness in the relationship (wonderful conversations, great sex, a lot of fun interactions). I meditated on that and on being grateful for the relationship and developing compassion for their journey, as it was clear to me they were working off their own karma (even as the accumulated new karma), and so when I think of them now, I think of them with compassion.

3. Hookers and Blow. LOL - I am joking here, I do neither, but I am able to pivot to living the life in front me, the wonderful Present, and being absorbed in that. Additionally, with karma, karma is a trickster that is full of suffering that, in the long run, takes us closer to escaping the wheel of Samsara. By neglecting their relationship with you, they have freed you to continue working yourself. In that manner, they have given you a great gift. It allows you to enjoy the present, free of the past (which is illusion) and free of future dreams (which are also illusion).

Or, you could fly to America and we could spend a few months having wild kinky sex.

I'm totally down with that last option ... except Covid, and bank balances, and jobs, and all that boring crap. Honestly though, the general idea is brilliant. Stupid actual life.

Buddha really needed to get out a bit more.

I did, through this whole process, get some useful therapy done (although I've paused that for a while, because it felt like we'd started treading water, and I need the money I was paying for that for other things). So I'm a little more settled in myself, and a little more understanding of my need for certain things ... I guess the next step is to move beyond needing those things, which I'll hopefully do one day, but at the moment it's about being able to say 'yeah, I need this thing to have fun in a relationship, and it's not massive or unreasonable' ... especially when I'm going to the trouble of trying to give the other person what they seem to need.
And I have discovered a new and much deeper energy for my friendships in recent months, which has balanced things out a little. I've spent quite a bit of the last few weeks talking with a friend who's been extricating herself from a relatively long-term relationship, and for the first time in ages with these things, I feel like I'm actually doing something useful. Similarly with a friend whose mother died recently - I'm usually pretty bad at dealing with family deaths, but this time I just said to myself 'this isn't about YOU - she needs some support and unconditional love at the moment, so just do that'. That's all been quite revolutionary for me, and given me feelings of connection with people that weren't so strong before. (I just had a night out with a local friend in the weekend that ended with lots of drunken declarations of how much we loved each other, dancing to a bad band at the local club, and some falling over on the walk home. Lots of fun, and quite therapeutic in its own way.)

 

[Paul_Chance]

I feel like I could have written some of this. I think what I have the hard time with is just not knowing why those little changes are unable to happen. Like I want to ask one of my guys if he's just afraid of catching feelings or if he just wants the new of different people because he always seems to really enjoy it and be really into it when we're together. It is as though I can't understand what the problem is that someone would want to give up having some casual fun together.

Exactly this.

Here are my two shiny pennies on this one. Why do people choose to neglect and abandon current good relationships? This is a question every person who has ever been the partner left behind has asked themselves.

The short answer is this - they desire something that they perceive as having a greater value. For some people, it is because they are trapped by past karma. Either they never learned how to form a lasting relationship in the past and so are "trapped" in the cycle of starting a relationship and then abandoning it through inaction or action (neglect or active actions). Their karma is forcing them to relive the decision point over and over until they get it right (build lasting relationships, whatever the parameters of those may be to them).

Alternately, they have created in their mind and their future perception of their self a "better" relationship and so are desiring that relationship. The ease of moving through relationships in the modern world (internet dating, etc.) allows them to pursue this desire (which is an illusion, since it is future based). It's another form of karma they're working off. Because of the strength of sexual desire this karmic cycle traps a lot of people.

Either way, we should develop compassion for them and wish them well on their journey through Samsara. I'm sure that most people, if not all people, if they thought and meditated about the nature of the relationship that ended would be able to drop into one or both of the above karmic traps.

Every relationship we have teaches us something. It accrues karma. That karma either takes us closed to escaping Samsara or further from it.

Or, it could be that some people are just assholes and some of those assholes wear beautiful disguises.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I'm totally down with that last option ... except Covid, and bank balances, and jobs, and all that boring crap. Honestly though, the general idea is brilliant. Stupid actual life.

Buddha really needed to get out a bit more.

I did, through this whole process, get some useful therapy done (although I've paused that for a while, because it felt like we'd started treading water, and I need the money I was paying for that for other things). So I'm a little more settled in myself, and a little more understanding of my need for certain things ... I guess the next step is to move beyond needing those things, which I'll hopefully do one day, but at the moment it's about being able to say 'yeah, I need this thing to have fun in a relationship, and it's not massive or unreasonable' ... especially when I'm going to the trouble of trying to give the other person what they seem to need.
And I have discovered a new and much deeper energy for my friendships in recent months, which has balanced things out a little. I've spent quite a bit of the last few weeks talking with a friend who's been extricating herself from a relatively long-term relationship, and for the first time in ages with these things, I feel like I'm actually doing something useful. Similarly with a friend whose mother died recently - I'm usually pretty bad at dealing with family deaths, but this time I just said to myself 'this isn't about YOU - she needs some support and unconditional love at the moment, so just do that'. That's all been quite revolutionary for me, and given me feelings of connection with people that weren't so strong before. (I just had a night out with a local friend in the weekend that ended with lots of drunken declarations of how much we loved each other, dancing to a bad band at the local club, and some falling over on the walk home. Lots of fun, and quite therapeutic in its own way.)

Buddha was quite the asshole on his path to enlightenment. I mean, he left a beautiful wife and beautiful children to pursue it, and never a mention of that fucker paying a penny in child support.

It sounds like you had some growing experiences on the path, which is how tangled karma gets. Part of the challenge of karma is it's all happening at once.

Zen Buddhism in particular is full of drunks who find enlightenment or Bodhisatva's disguised as drunks. The trap in alcohol is this - yes, alcohol lowers our culturally imposed inhibitions and allows us to be closer to our base desires and emotions, our true desires and emotions. The trap part is "it's because of the alcohol" (or pick your recreational drug of choice). LOL - I should know, that is a trap I've spent many an enjoyable night (or day) in, until I figured out how to be just as bold and expressive sans alcohol.

 

[KimGordon67]

A good half hour wielding a chainsaw always improves my outlook ... with the bonus of a pile of firewood.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Here are my two shiny pennies on this one. Why do people choose to neglect and abandon current good relationships? This is a question every person who has ever been the partner left behind has asked themselves.

The short answer is this - they desire something that they perceive as having a greater value. For some people, it is because they are trapped by past karma. Either they never learned how to form a lasting relationship in the past and so are "trapped" in the cycle of starting a relationship and then abandoning it through inaction or action (neglect or active actions). Their karma is forcing them to relive the decision point over and over until they get it right (build lasting relationships, whatever the parameters of those may be to them).

Alternately, they have created in their mind and their future perception of their self a "better" relationship and so are desiring that relationship. The ease of moving through relationships in the modern world (internet dating, etc.) allows them to pursue this desire (which is an illusion, since it is future based). It's another form of karma they're working off. Because of the strength of sexual desire this karmic cycle traps a lot of people.

Either way, we should develop compassion for them and wish them well on their journey through Samsara. I'm sure that most people, if not all people, if they thought and meditated about the nature of the relationship that ended would be able to drop into one or both of the above karmic traps.

Every relationship we have teaches us something. It accrues karma. That karma either takes us closed to escaping Samsara or further from it.

Or, it could be that some people are just assholes and some of those assholes wear beautiful disguises.

I have thought many times they were waiting for their ideal. I learned from them and was grateful for the experiences.

A good half hour wielding a chainsaw always improves my outlook ... with the bonus of a pile of firewood.

I did some weed eating. Chainsaw would have been a lot more fun.

 

[KimGordon67]

I have thought many times they were waiting for their ideal. I learned from them and was grateful for the experiences.



I did some weed eating. Chainsaw would have been a lot more fun.

You should come over - I need some weedeating done super badly (which obviously gets ignored all the time because chainsawing is more fun).

I think a lot of it is that some people (this guy, for example) want the 'perfect' thing - i.e. perfect for him - and for some reason don't think they should have to, or don't want to, compromise anything in their commitment to that. Or something. It's really the utter lack of compromise that sort of astounds me. Like, I'm pretty clear about the little thing I need - or at least, I was clear about it eventually. I'll admit that part of this is my doing - by the time I achieved that clarity, it had turned into this BIGGER thing that just dragged on. I guess the lesson I've learned there is to try and achieve some level of clarity before I open my mouth (although that can be quite hard when a lot of the relationship process is like science - try this thing out and see if it works, and if the result is negative, try the next thing - it does require a bit of patience).
And I'm bemused by the lack of compromise because we were so fucking close to wanting the same thing. Like, each of us meeting the other halfway just didn't require that much movement on either part. But he just doesn't seem willing to make even that tiny move ... or maybe he thinks that I want more than I actually do, because 'that's what women are like'. (He does have some slightly old-fashioned ideas about what women are 'like' and what they 'want' in some ways, like in terms of relationships ... I feel like maybe my requests got caught up in assumptions that I was trying to trap him somehow.)

 

[KimGordon67]

Let's get this thread back on track

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I wrote a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

It’s just light as I open my eyes. I can feel your warmth next to me. You’re still sleeping, turned towards me, almost exactly where you were when we finally fell asleep last night. I’m happy to wake up next to you ... this is still a novelty, and I like it. Lying on my back, watching the sun shift across the trees outside, I think about last night. As I do, my hand slowly slips down between my legs. My skin warm, smooth, my labia still a little swollen from last night. The air still smells of sex. As I slide two fingers between my lips, I’m thinking of the last part of last night, when you finally came, fucking me from behind, the weight of you pushing me into the bed, your hand in my hair, pulling my head back, your body pinning me to the bed so I could hardly move, only able to barely push my hips up to meet you as you thrust into me, so urgent, so fucking hungry. We’d been making love for hours, and I’d lost count of how many orgasms I’d had ... and when you decided you wanted to finally cum, nothing was going to stop you. My fingers slide over my clit, still a little tender but swelling up again as I remember how delicious it was to have you take me like that, fucking me like nothing else mattered, hard, fast, selfish. Thinking about you growling in my ear, telling me to give myself to you, my hips slightly rise up to meet my fingers, and I let out a tiny moan, barely audible.

I hear a change in your breathing. Turning my head, I see your eyes open, watching me, as your body shifts across the millimeters between us so you can feel my skin, just pushed up slightly against my arm so you can feel me moving. I pause, not sure what you want. ‘Don’t stop’ you whisper – quiet but firm. I gently move, twisting a tiny bit towards you, briefly moving my hand from between my legs so I can slide those two fingers into your mouth. You slide your tongue around them ... you can taste me, salt like the ocean, and a slight tinge of cum from last night. Sliding my fingers out and back between my legs, now slick over my clit. You don’t need to tell me to look at you. Our eyes are locked as I push up against my fingers, applying increasing pressure to my clit. You move your hand, just gently over mine, so you can feel me. I’m breathing a little faster, tiny moans escaping my lips. I can feel your cock getting hard against me ... not urgent, just swelling up slowly. You hook one leg over mine, pulling my leg wider, so I’m a little more exposed, and push the covers down so you can see our hands, my hips pushing up, your eyes flicking between that and looking straight at me. You know I’m close. ‘Don’t cum yet’. I whimper a little ... I don’t know if I can hold it, but I do. ‘Not yet.’ Your hand over mine is pushing down a little more now, guiding my movements more than before, applying more pressure, your fingers sliding between mine as I feel you connecting with my clit. You can hear a sharp intake of breath as I feel the different sensation of you on me. ‘Not yet.’ All I can feel is how much I want to cum, the heat of our skin, your hand over mine, your fingers on me, how wet I am.

‘Now.’ My body explodes, back arching. You can see my eyes roll back, just briefly, before I’m gone, my eyes shut as I give in to the waves crashing through me, my free hand reaching back to push against the headboard to anchor me to something. You can see my breasts taut as I push up and through it and then finally come down to rest. Your hand still over mine. I seem still, but then there’s a tiny little shudder through my body, an aftershock. You smile as you watch me open my eyes, looking back over to you. I know we’re not getting out of bed any time soon.​

 

[Paul_Chance]

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I write a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

Excellent little bit of writing. I haven't done much during the pandemic, but I am feeling that urge starting to rise up again.

 

[Mtnmike]

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I write a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

Mrs Kim, I like this story, short but detailed and so believable.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thank you for the story. Delicious!

 

[clark_kent]

Great thread.

 

[KimGordon67]

Great thread.

I'm sad! This was a much longer post the first time I saw it, and now I've logged back in it's all gone.

 

[KimGordon67]

Finally finally finally at the point with the local guy that I worked out that I have no idea wtf he wants, but it clearly isn't me, and I just need to stop banging my head against that wall. I can't 'fix' anything there. I have no idea what went wrong, and I'll probably never know ... I just have to be OK with that.

And Paul, some of your buddhist stuff did help ... I realised that I was fixating on how things 'could be' if I fixed everything, so some entirely hypothetical future that would probably never happen. And that I had to stop trying to work why things changed. They just did.

And the fact that he doesn't want me doesn't make me worth any less, and it isn't because of something I did wrong. Possibly I could have handled a few things differently, but ultimately I don't think that would have changed anything.

Still miss him, annoyingly, but that's OK. It'll fade. I just have to stop finding reasons to message him.

I'm hopefully organising a drink with a nice young man who's in the town I work in ... we'll see what comes of that.