Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[AngelicaS1780]

I should read those first three paragraphs every day as a reminder to myself.
Enjoy your drink with the new guy.

 

[KimGordon67]

I should read those first three paragraphs every day as a reminder to myself.
Enjoy your drink with the new guy.

Ha - me too. The difference between knowing something and feeling something can be quite a large canyon sometimes.

The new guy messaged at 7.30 this morning to see how I was feeling - I've been sick all weekend with a nasty cold. I'm torn between taking that at face value and thinking how sweet it is, and cynically thinking 'ha - they're all nice to begin with'. I guess a 'cautiously optimistic' approach would be the best.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Ha - me too. The difference between knowing something and feeling something can be quite a large canyon sometimes.

The new guy messaged at 7.30 this morning to see how I was feeling - I've been sick all weekend with a nasty cold. I'm torn between taking that at face value and thinking how sweet it is, and cynically thinking 'ha - they're all nice to begin with'. I guess a 'cautiously optimistic' approach would be the best.

Hope you’re feeling better!

As for sweet gestures, I don’t think there is any harm in taking them at face value as no more and no less than something to enjoy in the moment.

 

[KimGordon67]

Hope you’re feeling better!

As for sweet gestures, I don’t think there is any harm in taking them at face value as no more and no less than something to enjoy in the moment.

This seems sensible ... I really have to ditch the habit I have of inventing entire future scenarios based on random events, and just enjoy the moment a bit more.

 

[KimGordon67]

I saw the local guy yesterday - I had an issue with some stuff around the house that was in his area of expertise (and he pretty much is the only local tradie with that expertise). It was a perfectly pleasant hour - we did practical stuff, had a few jokes, had a beer when he'd finished trying to fix the problem (leaning on opposites sides of the kitchen counter, rather than sitting on the couch - I'm not sure who engineered that), and then he went home. It's probably the most helpful he's been in the whole time since I've known him. He's back again tomorrow with a different tool to try a different thing to fix the thing.

I honestly don't think I've ever been so confused by a guy in my life.

But I'm proud of myself for not once in the whole hour saying 'maybe we could try again' ... or suggesting that we fuck. The weirdest bit was when he arrived and I opened the door and we didn't kiss - we ALWAYS kissed when he arrived before. That just felt odd.

 

[wicked woman]

But I'm proud of myself for not once in the whole hour saying 'maybe we could try again' ... or suggesting that we fuck. The weirdest bit was when he arrived and I opened the door and we didn't kiss - we ALWAYS kissed when he arrived before. That just felt odd.

Good for you.

The not kissing at the door sounds like a pretty good clue on where the hour was going, or perhaps, not going, is a better way of putting it.

 

[KimGordon67]

Good for you.

The not kissing at the door sounds like a pretty good clue on where the hour was going, or perhaps, not going, is a better way of putting it.

Oh - no. That's just because we're not seeing each other now. Neither of us were expecting a kiss - it just felt odd for thatto be the case.

 

[Dom70]

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I wrote a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

VERY cool story there! Thanks for sharing that! You write well!

 

[JDredd711]

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I wrote a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

I'd love to know the site where you post your stuff. I think the pics would add a lot to stories.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'd love to know the site where you post your stuff. I think the pics would add a lot to stories.

It's primarily a 'dating site' for swingers. Although a lot of the couples are also looking for an 'extra person'- although that's technically me, I do find that aspect a bit strange in that probably 90% of them are ONLY looking for a girl, because the wife is 'bi' but the husband is dead straight. I'm a little sceptical about that.

 

[HotBrand]

As always, it's so enlightening to hear your experiences.

As another silent reader, with a vaguely similar poly background, it's just ... so informative to hear anything and everything from your side.

Plus, as everyone says, your writing style is so engaging. Magnifique!

 

[KimGordon67]

Well, after all that positive feedback, I guess I should post another one.

My place is very private, so in summer I always sleep with the curtains open. And I’m built into the side of a hill – waking up as it’s getting light, through the ranch sliders I can see past the deck to the sun just beginning to wash across the tops of the trees. These are the mornings I wish I wasn’t waking up alone ... I’d so much rather be just slowly reaching out to cup my hand over a lover’s cock while he’s still sleeping, feeling it warm, shift a little under the light weight of my hand, stirring in response to my touch, slowly filling out with wanting me. I slide down the bed, gently so as not to wake him, feeling his cock twitching a little as I apply just the tiniest bit of pressure, smiling. We’ve talked about this already, so I know he’s OK with being woken up like this. His body responds to what he can feel ... still asleep, he moves a little bit towards me, looking for more. I take advantage of the movement to carefully slide in between his legs, so I can bring my face level with his cock.

You smell of us, of sex, of fucking from last night. Your cock can feel the warmth of my breath, and flexes slightly, rising up, hungry. I reach out with my tongue, lightly sliding up the length of your cock, now full, ready, waiting. I can taste left over cum ... my cum, your cum. Slowly running my tongue the length of your cock, and again, and again. Maybe the tenth time I do this, I circle around your head, holding it at the base so I can reach right around. I hear a slight intake of breath and look up to see you watching me as I lift my mouth off your cock, smiling. With that slightly cracked ‘first thing in the morning’ voice, you speak, just quietly. ‘Don’t stop’. Moving my mouth back down, pulling in just the head of your cock so it’s just inside my lips, running my tongue around it inisde my mouth, hearing your breathing just a little faster, and then a slight moan as I slide my mouth right down, taking all of you inside it. You can feel me all around you, hot, wet, as I suck in just slightly, tightening a tiny bit around your hard cock. Shifting a little, I push the head of your cock into my cheek, so it pushes against the flesh – now I know you’re watching, I want to make sure there’s something to see. You reach down, running your fingers over my cheek, feeling the head of your cock pushing against it.

Shifting again so you’re fully engulfed by my mouth again. You slide your hand into my hair, gently encouraging me ... I love that, and in response move down a little bit further, taking in as much of you as I can, feel you in the back of my throat. I pull up a little to get a breath, and then push back down again, trying to find that last few millimeters, trying to get all of you inside my mouth. Your breath quickens, and your fingers move, wrapping my hair around them, tightening, pulling at the roots of my hair, slightly at first and then a little more. I groan in response to the sensation – you can feel that around your cock as much as you can hear it, and that makes you want more. Your other hand in my hair too now, pushing my head down, your hips pushing up into me. All I can feel is your cock in my mouth and your hands in my hair, all I can hear is your voice telling me how good it feels, not to stop, how much you want to cum ... how you’re going to cum ... NOW.

That’s what I’m waiting for. Even though you’re holding my head and have your cock pushed into the back of my throat, it’s that little moment of surrender as everything in your body focuses in on you cumming.

I can feel it before I taste it, in the back of my throat, a sudden burst of warm and liquid that runs down my throat and fills my mouth. And then your hands slide out of my hair, and your body collapses back onto the bed, and the hardness in my mouth slips back into softness. All I can taste is you, as I slide back up into your waiting arm, my head on your shoulder and we drift back into sleep for a little while.

 

[JDredd711]

In the last year or two I've been writing some little bits and pieces of what I guess could be called 'erotica'. The swingers site I come and go from is very image based (so I also have a heap of semi-nude photos), but they also have a 'stories' section. A lot of people use it to tell the story of hooking up with someone else from the site, usually swingers, which is sort of interesting to read. But others are a little more in the erotica category.
The things I've written tend to not have a LOT of kink in them, mostly because I don't want to get swamped with guys telling me how Domly they are. But there's a hint in there for those who are paying attention.

This is one I wrote a while back, and posted on the site again recently ... so I thought I'd share it here as well. It's probably a more fun read than all my relationship woes.

Well, after all that positive feedback, I guess I should post another one.

Definitely keep posting. These are great. Thanks for the previous reply as well.

 

[KimGordon67]

I saw the local guy yesterday - I had an issue with some stuff around the house that was in his area of expertise (and he pretty much is the only local tradie with that expertise). It was a perfectly pleasant hour - we did practical stuff, had a few jokes, had a beer when he'd finished trying to fix the problem (leaning on opposites sides of the kitchen counter, rather than sitting on the couch - I'm not sure who engineered that), and then he went home. It's probably the most helpful he's been in the whole time since I've known him. He's back again tomorrow with a different tool to try a different thing to fix the thing.

I honestly don't think I've ever been so confused by a guy in my life.

But I'm proud of myself for not once in the whole hour saying 'maybe we could try again' ... or suggesting that we fuck. The weirdest bit was when he arrived and I opened the door and we didn't kiss - we ALWAYS kissed when he arrived before. That just felt odd.

After he'd been here the second time (and actually fixed the issue I had), I thought about how he'd gone into total problem-solving mode, eliminating the possible points of blockage (it's a drainage system that was the issue), and working down the system until the actual blockage was located, explaining it all too me as he went, and showing me how to fix minor things. And I thought, maybe if I drew a diagramme of our 'relationship' (for want of better word) and explained where the blockages were, it would make more sense to him.
It's all a bit too late for that, of course, and there's also the fact that whatever he wants, it isn't me. But I do wish people would apply a bit more a 'problem-solving' frame to relationships, rather than thinking 'I'll keep doing the same thing and it'll just magically sort itself out'.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Kim, I think this is great advise. We tend to make relationship decisions based on spur of the moment feelings. If we took more of a problem solving approach then things would be clearer for both people. Are there any new prospects that interest you?

 

[KimGordon67]

Kim, I think this is great advise. We tend to make relationship decisions based on scorned feelings instead of well thought out decisions. Have you had any luck making a connection with anyone new?

I'm meant to be meeting up within someone much younger than I usually go for. We just haven't managed to arrange a time yet ... and something went a bit weird with that a few days ago, so I'm not entirely sure whether he's still keen.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Diagrams help! (Says the guy who draws diagrams for a living.) I an rather notorious among my friends and acquaintances for going to the drawing pad when I am explaining things. I blame it all on a professor I had in college who wrote a text book on making holistic connections to make concepts and ideas "stick". (Brain Switching by John Ascher.) Let me grab a pen and show you....

LOL - my brain in a strange place.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm beginning to wonder if the problems I seem to have connecting with people online is more about me than them ... I just seem to struggle so much. I write profiles that I think make it quite clear the sort of person I am (pretty left of centre in most respects ... musically, politically, sexually), but still get messages from guys who want to take me out to Irish bars for some dancing. I mean, I'm not morally opposed to dancing in Irish bars, but it's something I personally have never been even slightly interested in ... how to they get from 'I like alt/indie music' to 'I'll invite her out for dancing at an Irish bar - she'll love that'. Should I just go to the Irish bars ... even though the photos on their profile indicate we literally have nothing in common. (How do I even know that ... it's just instinct.)

Or the ones who's profiles or message say 'ask me anything' (usually as part of an otherwise blank profile/message). Is there a set of questions I should have at the read? Why is it my job to ask THEM things, when I've already provided a heap of useful information ... am I just being churlish to feel peeved that the onus seem to be put back on me to sustain the conversation?

Or the ones who just immediately want to meet. How do these people have time to spend an evening with someone they quite possible have nothing in common with? Why wouldn't they want to exchange a few messages first to establish whether it's really likely they'll get on.

Or the ones who say 'I like good sex too' and just ignore every other word I've put in my profile. Should I just be meeting them anyway, because maybe they ARE really great in bed, and the fact that we'll have nothing to talk about outside of the sex won't matter?

WHY AM I FINDING THIS SO HARD? I'm just at the point of assuming it must be something I'm doing.

 

[KimGordon67]

After he'd been here the second time (and actually fixed the issue I had), I thought about how he'd gone into total problem-solving mode, eliminating the possible points of blockage (it's a drainage system that was the issue), and working down the system until the actual blockage was located, explaining it all too me as he went, and showing me how to fix minor things. And I thought, maybe if I drew a diagramme of our 'relationship' (for want of better word) and explained where the blockages were, it would make more sense to him.
It's all a bit too late for that, of course, and there's also the fact that whatever he wants, it isn't me. But I do wish people would apply a bit more a 'problem-solving' frame to relationships, rather than thinking 'I'll keep doing the same thing and it'll just magically sort itself out'.

Also, WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO STOP MISSING THIS GUY??? It's getting ridiculous. I don't even know HOW to stop missing someone ... is there something I can do to stop thinking about him every time my head isn't focused on something else? WTAF is going on here?

 

[AnnieLit]

My main explanation to all these: the number game. There are many more guys in these sites than women, so many try to talk to anybody who even remotely can be a fit. Age, size, location match? Great, the rest does not matter. I am sure most of them never even read your profile.

The ones that want to meet as soon as possible... There is a chance they are just trying to make sure you are who you say you are.

"Ask me anything" usually means that the person has no idea what to write there. you can write a list of questions, put them somewhere and then give a link whenever you feel like it. "I have a long list of questions that I usually ask, no need to answer all of them at once, but please look through them and pick one two."

 

[KimGordon67]

My main explanation to all these: the number game. There are many more guys in these sites than women, so many try to talk to anybody who even remotely can be a fit. Age, size, location match? Great, the rest does not matter. I am sure most of them never even read your profile.

The ones that want to meet as soon as possible... There is a chance they are just trying to make sure you are who you say you are.

"Ask me anything" usually means that the person has no idea what to write there. you can write a list of questions, put them somewhere and then give a link whenever you feel like it. "I have a long list of questions that I usually ask, no need to answer all of them at once, but please look through them and pick one two."

'Ask me anything' just feels lazy. If they can't come up with two or three interesting things to write in a profile, I don't hold out much hope for their conversational skills. Also, my profiles invariable give them a number of points to bounce off ... if they can't engage with at least one of those, we're probably not really going to have anything in common. Even the guy I was seeing recently, who had literally no words in his profile, managed to open with something that was easy to respond to, and from there, actually went on to have a conversation. An actual conversations. How hard can that be?

 

[AnnieLit]

'Ask me anything' just feels lazy. If they can't come up with two or three interesting things to write in a profile, I don't hold out much hope for their conversational skills. Also, my profiles invariable give them a number of points to bounce off ... if they can't engage with at least one of those, we're probably not really going to have anything in common. Even the guy I was seeing recently, who had literally no words in his profile, managed to open with something that was easy to respond to, and from there, actually went on to have a conversation. An actual conversations. How hard can that be?

Oh, you mean they put it in their private messages, not on their profiles? And it is the only thing they put there, not as a closing " And feel free to ask me about anything else"? Then it's on them, not on you! If they expect you ALWAYS to be the one starting the conversation, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

[KimGordon67]

Oh, you mean they put it in their private messages, not on their profiles? And it is the only thing they put there, not as a closing " And feel free to ask me about anything else"? Then it's on them, not on you! If they expect you ALWAYS to be the one starting the conversation, then it's their problem, not yours.

Both, but yes, in the PMs as well. This is literally one from a couple of days ago: "I'd like it very much if you ask me some more questions please as you seem to have (and I'm pretty sure you must agree) to having assumed way too much about me from the scant info contained in my 'Profile' and the very limited dialog that we have had so far." ... so even though I seem to have the 'wrong idea' about this guy (completely legitimately based on the information he'd provided in his profile), it's somehow my responsibility to address that.
It's just frustrating.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Also, WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO STOP MISSING THIS GUY??? It's getting ridiculous. I don't even know HOW to stop missing someone ... is there something I can do to stop thinking about him every time my head isn't focused on something else? WTAF is going on here?

If I knew a quick and easy way to stop missing someone, I’d be at the top of The NY Times bestseller list.

 

[KimGordon67]

If I knew a quick and easy way to stop missing someone, I’d be at the top of The NY Times bestseller list.

So frustrating. It's really taking all my willpower to not send a 'hey, what about trying again' message.
What if I never have sex that good again???????