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Laughter is Contagious

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Hmmmm, guys certainly have a built-in source of amusement (assuming an over-active imagination!). These are beyond funny!!

JJ :)


techsan said:
From pleaz_me ...

What men do when they get bored. (I don't think these will stay posted very long.)
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/bored01.jpg http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/bored03.jpg

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/bored02.jpg http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/bored04.jpg

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/bored05.jpg
Click to expand...
 
Warm and Fuzzy

>OLD BUT WORTH ANOTHER LOOK !! READ TO THE END YOU WILL BE TOUCHED !!!
>>
>>
>>
>>This will warm your heart, especially if you have lost faith in human
>>kindness.
>>This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school
>>had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new
>>radio at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you.
>>This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who
>>might need a lift today!
>>
>>Dear Faculty and Students,
>>
>>God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
>>citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for
>>the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's
>>nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness
>>to an old forgotten lady.
>>My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this
>>one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
>>The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
>>little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could
>>listen to mine, and I said f-ck you.
>>
>>Thank you for that opportunity.
>>
>>Sincerely,
>>Agnes
 
Daily Humor
October 3, 2006


I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Teresa Pitt
http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/4.gif
 
A patron ordered a Manhattan. When it was served there was a piece of parsley floating in the glass.

"What in the world is this?" asked the man.

The bartender peered into the glass and replied, "That's Central Park."
 
This place is GREAT, you folks are such good contributors.

There was a married man who found a genie in a bottle....The genie came out when bottle was rubbed and said he'd give the man three wishes....with the stipulation that his mother in law would get twice as much as he wished for. Now this made the man mad....this women had been a pain in his backside all his married life and he didn't want her getting anything out of this deal.
Well, says the genie, if you don't agree to this then you don't get any wishes....So, reluctenly, the man agreed.....
His first wish was for a big mansion on a hill....POOF!!!!! A nice big mansion on the hill....as he turned around, on a mountain, facing his new home, was a HUGH mansion worth twice what his was and much nicer.
He said to the genie...now I know this ain't fair...the genie replyed for him to make his next pick wisely....and even tho he didn't like it....his next wish was for a huge stack of money....POOF!......As he looked as his huge pile of money he peeked around it and sure enogh there was a much bigger pile on his mother in laws front lawn.

Now he was getting really mad that his mother in law was getting the better of this deal....genie said...you agreed to the stipulation....you have one wish left........make her count...and remember the stipualtion.

The man thought and pondered....and finally ...out came his next wish...he walked over to a big stick and picked it up....handed it to the genie and said for my last wish... wished you beat me HALF to death with this stick
 
-Quickie-

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
 
Old Man

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse

he has been living with for the last 40 years?

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you! .

The old man says without hesitation,

"I now pronounce you man and wife."
 
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Giving the birds & bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's your best friend

Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
 
Please read below:

Company Policy:

Effective from January 2006

Dress Code​

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.



Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.



Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
 
Daily Humor
October 4, 2006


I was very grateful when a New York City cabdriver called from the taxi I had just left to tell me that my pocketbook was still in the back seat. I offered to reward him, but he said, "If you don't mind, just let me know how much there is in your purse." When I informed him, the driver wrote the amount in a notebook and explained, "I'm keeping track of what it's costing me to be honest."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Barbara Arnstein
http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/4.gif
 
One Wish

A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the
sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said:
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish."

The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges
for that kind of undertaking. The supports required would reach the bottom
of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust
several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify
your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and
glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish
that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she
means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
 
wally2450 said:
A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the
sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said:
"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish."

The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges
for that kind of undertaking. The supports required would reach the bottom
of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust
several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify
your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and
glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish
that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she
means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Click to expand...


Good evening {{{{{{{{Wally}}}}}}}}}} ROTFLMAO :D
 
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