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Laughter is Contagious

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Real Life

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.
 
wally2450 said:
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

...

And that, my friends, is how a company policy begins.
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO ... wally, that is so true! Just a bunch of monkeys and ...
 
 
If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand

To all you virgins out there. Thanks for nothing

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions

Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone

Every hottie with a body needs a cutie with a bootie

It's not the length, it's not the size, it's how many times you can make it rise

I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on your daughter

Anal Sex is bad... no ifs, ands, or buts

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"

The three stages of sex: Tri-weekly, try weekly, and try weakly

Warning! Sex may lead to child support

Can I offer you some sex in exchange for.... sex?

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man

No matter how you shake and dance, the last two drops go in your pants

World without men: No crime and lots of happy fat women

:D
 
Daily Humor
October 7, 2006


I work in the medical-record department of a small hospital. One day a co-worker was helping a distracted dentist complete a patient's chart. She had to repeat the instructions for him several times. After the dentist had finished and left, I turned to my co-worker and said, "Boy, helping him is like pulling teeth!"

- submitted to Reader's Digest by K.S

http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/4.gif
 
WantonWitch said:
If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand

...

World without men: No crime and lots of happy fat women

:D
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO

WW, there's a LOT of truth in these lines.
 
 
Analysis

The call girl confided to her friend, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to
give up analysis."

"But why? Isn't Dr. Greene helping you?"

"Yes, a lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get used
to lying down for a guy and then having him give me the bill."

~~
 
Daily Humor
October 8, 2006


I'm a very casual dresser. When an occasion arises that requires me to don more formal attire, my wife can barely contain her excitement. Recently we were invited to a friend's wedding. As the date neared, a neighbor familiar with my sartorial style asked if I would be attending. "Yes," my wife responded. "But you won't recognize him. He's going intuxedo."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Martin Hepner
​

http://bestsmileys.com/halloween3/19.gif
 
3 Women

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
 
Truthful study

AN INTERESTING BUT NOT TOO SURPRISING STUDY....

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are planned
 
Newlyweds

A couple had only been married 2 weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face, to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the fridge displaying 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do; all he could think to say was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar ...you know...they have frozen glasses"

"You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer to hand him.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious ...I won't be long, I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP, CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

And . . . they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story?
 
techsan said:
Truthful study

AN INTERESTING BUT NOT TOO SURPRISING STUDY....

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with a spear lodged in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire.

No further studies are planned
Click to expand...
ROFLMAO!
 
The Differences between Men and Women


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
 
Daily Humor
October 9, 2006


In a large mall we noticed a tired-looking young woman who was trying in vain to keep up with a very energetic five-year-old boy. Later in the day we saw them again. She was sitting on a bench, and he had fallen asleep on her lap. "I'm glad he's letting you catch your breath," I said to her. She looked up. "He just wants me to think he's sleeping!" she replied wearily. "What he's really doing is recharging."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by L M

http://bestsmileys.com/eyes/5.gif
 
Ron and Charlie

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ron is showering up in a locker room
with his buddy Charlie when he notices his
friend is very well endowed.


"Damn Charlie, you're hung!" Ron exclaims.


"I wasn't always this impressive;
I had to work for it."


"What do you mean?" Ron asked.


"Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing
it with butter. I know it sounds crazy
but it actually made it grow 4 inches!
You should try it."


Ron agrees and the two say good bye.


A few months later the two are in the
same locker room and Charlie asks
Ron how his situation is.


Ron replied, "I did what you said, Charlie,
but I've actually gotten smaller! I
lost two inches already!"


"Did you do everything I told you?
An hour each day with butter"


"Well, I was out of butter,
so I've been using Crisco."


"Crisco" Charlie exclaimed.
"Dammit, Ron, Crisco's shortening.
You gotta follow the recipe!!!"
 
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less



:D
 
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