Laughter is Contagious

[SexSweetheart]

Daily Humor
October 22, 2006


I've never been much of a gift wrapper, but I didn't realize how bad my presents looked until the day I went to my new boss's home for a small surprise party. I had purchased an oddly shaped gift that had been difficult to wrap, but I was pleased with the results. My boss seemed pleased too. He picked up my gift, smiled widely at his three-year-old son and said, "I think I know who this is from!"

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Diane Rodriguez
http://deephousepage.com/smilies/biggrinangel.gif

 

[techsan]

...
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
...

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/daz.gif

LMAO

7a. HOW MANY WOMEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT UP?
(don't know.....it never happened)

 

[techsan]

You're Not Old UNLESS You Can Remember...

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and Sodas.

When there were only 2 types of sneakers for boys, & girls wouldn't wear them.

When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone's parents smoked.

When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking...for free, every time.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When schools threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed...and actually did!

 

[techsan]

Menopausal Woman

 

[wally2450]

You're Not Old UNLESS You Can Remember...

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and Sodas.

When there were only 2 types of sneakers for boys, & girls wouldn't wear them.

When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone's parents smoked.

When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking...for free, every time.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When schools threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed...and actually did!

Ain't that the truth! My dad had an Amoco station and I did all those things and enjoyed it too! Back in the 70's and early 80's.

 

[wally2450]

Charlie Brown

 

[wally2450]

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/daz.gif

ROFLAMAO!

 

[done_got_old]

Halloween

 

[done_got_old]

Just Fred

It’s a sad way to lose your last name…

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day, he decides to give the driver a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man explains that he used to have a last name, but he lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands, but plays along. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?” he asks.

The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree; so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while, I got bored being a doctor; so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree, so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then, the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD, leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then, the VD took away my dingaling, so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer was laughing so hard he was in tears, as he tore up the warning ticket and walked away.

 

[wally2450]

It’s a sad way to lose your last name…

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day, he decides to give the driver a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man explains that he used to have a last name, but he lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands, but plays along. “Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?” he asks.

The man replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree; so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while, I got bored being a doctor; so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree, so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then, the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD, leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then, the VD took away my dingaling, so now I’m just Fred.”

The officer was laughing so hard he was in tears, as he tore up the warning ticket and walked away.

LMAO!!

 

[trent0553]

You're Not Old UNLESS You Can Remember...

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and Sodas.

When there were only 2 types of sneakers for boys, & girls wouldn't wear them.

When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone's parents smoked.

When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking...for free, every time.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When schools threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed...and actually did!

OK That settles it. I'm old

 

[SexSweetheart]

Daily Humor
October 23, 2006


Judge Henry Clay Agnew of Seattle was known for his conservative courtroom. One afternoon I had to relieve a fellow reporter who had become ill while covering a trial in Agnew's court. As luck would have it, I was wearing a bright-red, Scotch-plaid jacket. All eyes, especially the judge's, converged on the press table, where I stuck out like a peacock in a chicken coop. Midway through the afternoon session, Agnew beckoned me to the bench. In a whisper that carried the length and breadth of the courtroom, he suggested that the next time I wear something less loud in court. "But, Your Honor," I replied, "I thought Justice was blind." "She is, young man," he said. "But not by any stretch of the imagination is she deaf."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Eldon Barrett
http://deephousepage.com/smilies/biggrinangel.gif

 

[techsan]

OK That settles it. I'm old

LMAO ... aw, who was it said "you're only as old as you feel" ... ??? Damn, I'm OLD! And I feel it all!

 

[trent0553]

LMAO ... aw, who was it said "you're only as old as you feel" ... ??? Damn, I'm OLD! And I feel it all!

I hear you. Shame is I remember all those things.

 

[techsan]

I hear you. Shame is I remember all those things.

Yeah, me too. I remember when gas was 19 cents a gallon regularly and gas wars brought it down to 12 cents. When you stopped to fill up, two guys came RUNNING out to service the car, including checking the air in all the tires and washing all the windows.

I remember getting a decent hamburger with all the trimmings for a nickel.

I remember when Five and Dime stores really were!

I remember when every decent drugstore had a fountain that served malts in tall frosted stainless steel containers and it tasted FANTASTIC~!

I remember when Coca-Cola gave away school supplies and tickets to the state fair...hm, wonder if they still do that...?!?

I remember when you could go to the hardware store and buy just what you needed instead of prepackaged amounts (where you can NEVER buy just what you need!)

I remember pushing a shopping cart to the car FULL of groceries and it cost only $19.73

I remember feeling rich on my first job ... making a royal $185 per month!

Ah, whatever happened to those days??? (Please don't say "progress"!)

 

[trent0553]

Yeah, me too. I remember when gas was 19 cents a gallon regularly and gas wars brought it down to 12 cents. When you stopped to fill up, two guys came RUNNING out to service the car, including checking the air in all the tires and washing all the windows.

I remember getting a decent hamburger with all the trimmings for a nickel.

I remember when Five and Dime stores really were!

I remember when every decent drugstore had a fountain that served malts in tall frosted stainless steel containers and it tasted FANTASTIC~!

I remember when Coca-Cola gave away school supplies and tickets to the state fair...hm, wonder if they still do that...?!?

I remember when you could go to the hardware store and buy just what you needed instead of prepackaged amounts (where you can NEVER buy just what you need!)

I remember pushing a shopping cart to the car FULL of groceries and it cost only $19.73

I remember feeling rich on my first job ... making a royal $185 per month!

Ah, whatever happened to those days??? (Please don't say "progress"!)

I won't.
The thing about tubes made me smile. The last tube tv my parents bought was our first color tv. It was a good tv. They lasted in those days, even if you did have to replace a tube occasionally.
I finally got rid of that tv in about 97 or 98, just before a move. We bought it in 68.
I could run out of gas on the way to the station which was at the bottom of a long hill. I could coast into the station and fill up the car, hand the attendant a $5 bill and get change back.

 

[techsan]

Sorry - a word that every one uses all the time...






Did you ever wonder what "Sorry" looks like? Here 'tis (scroll down):




http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/P-T/Sorry.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

You're Not Old UNLESS You Can Remember...

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and Sodas.

When there were only 2 types of sneakers for boys, & girls wouldn't wear them.

When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school.

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone's parents smoked.

When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus.

When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking...for free, every time.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When schools threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed...and actually did!

One of the stories that I used to tell my 8th graders is that when I was their age, my grandmother would send me to the store to get a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a half gallon of milk and tell me not to spend the change.

 

[leevining]

Not Funny...........but Stewpid

I CAN THINK OF OTHER, SAFER PLACES TO SIT AT THE BEACH, I REALLY CAN............
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l255/leevininig/1126677.jpg

 

[wally2450]

Funnies

 

[wally2450]

Sign Language (sound)

http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf

 

[wally2450]

Quotes of the Day

"Opponents are afraid of the crime element that legalizing
marijuana would attract to the state. Yeah, between the
hookers, alcoholics and degenerate gamblers those are the
last people you'd want coming into the state."
--Jay Leno

"Senator John McCain is denying rumors flying around
Washington that he recently went out drinking with Hillary
Clinton. McCain's exact quote was, 'Five years with the
Vietcong was enough'."
--Conan O'Brien

 

[done_got_old]

http://blog.eyestare.com/images/ween_cat_dog.jpg

 

[keiffers]

I CAN THINK OF OTHER, SAFER PLACES TO SIT AT THE BEACH, I REALLY CAN............
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l255/leevininig/1126677.jpg

LOL that beach is notorious for that....that's small compared to what usually comes over that beach----try laying out and suddenly a 747 is just feet above you on approach lol

 

[limiwa]

Thanks so much for the laughs everyone!

Especially after today, I needed those!