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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Laughter is Contagious

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The doctor tells his patient: "Dianne, I have some good news and
some
bad news."

Dianne asks for the good news first.

"Well, the test results are in, and the good news is that you aren't
suffering from Pre-menstrual Syndrome, as you'd feared."

"And the bad news?" Dianne asks.

To which the Doc replies: "I'm afraid there's no cure for being a
natural bitch."
 
Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake
and announced, "I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours.
I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished."

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little
Johnny exclaimed, "Golly, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece
around here, you have to be real nice and spend a couple of hours
playing first!"
 
The Lecturer

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport and took his seat. As he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and, bingo!, she took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States'.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name.'
'Tonto,' the man said ... 'Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.'
 
"Your honor, " explained the young man, "I'd like to get married,
please."

"All right, what is your age?"

"I'm 22, sir."

"And the age of the bride?"

"She's 15, sir."

"15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!"

"I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the
fella next to her with the shotgun?"
 
Subject: Men Don't Listen


In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the
men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any
of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had
promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP, and a red one labeled
ATR. Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his
bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice
things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced
the warm water, gently drying his underside .
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable
pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving
pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the
ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse
was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I
remember was pushing the ATR button.
The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN
 
Three guys were sitting at the bar. The first guy said, "You
know, I'm really lucky. When my wife makes love, she's like an
acrobat. She can get into the most incredible positions." The
second guy said, "I'm lucky, too. My wife is like a world-class
pianist when we have sex. She's got the most talented hands you can
imagine." No one spoke for a moment. Then the first guy said to
the third guy, "George how's you wife in bed?" George took a sip
of his beer, then replied, "I guess you could say that my wife makes
love like a chess player."

"A chess player?" "Yeah. Every twenty minutes, she moves."
 
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good . ) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
 
A preist, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of fucking joke?"
 
done_got_old said:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good . ) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Click to expand...

Groan! :D Thank you DGO! Definitely have to share these with my Dad. :D
 
The Post Office has just released a new stamp in the shape of a clit...however,

they are not selling very well because only 3% of men know how to lick it!!!


:devil:
 
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