Laughter is Contagious

[wally2450]

Just for Curl:

Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she
takes driving lessons?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.

 

[kayte]

1. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

2. A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' answered the blonde.'They're watch dogs!'

3. A pompous minister was seated next to a Texan on a flight to Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Texan asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would l like a drink.
He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.'
The Texan looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, 'I didn't know we had a choice. I'll have what he's having.'

 

[kayte]

Just for Curl:

Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she
takes driving lessons?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.

Thank you {{{{wally}}}}}}}} LMAO!

 

[kayte]

Due To Recent Budget Cuts,

And The Rising Cost Of Electricity, Gas And Oil
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Has Been Turned Off.
We Apologize For The Inconvenience.

 

[smoothdevil]

Due To Recent Budget Cuts,

And The Rising Cost Of Electricity, Gas And Oil
The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Has Been Turned Off.
We Apologize For The Inconvenience.

Fab .... LMAO

 

[curl4ever]

Just for Curl:

Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she
takes driving lessons?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.

(Well, thanks for the personal dedication.)
Very very good joke!
Thanks,
- curl

 

[kayte]

At The Pearly Gates (No. 132)

Saint Peter asked the new arrival, 'And what bad things did you do while you were on Earth?'

The man thought a moment. 'Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. And I had some extra-marital sex, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't technically have 'sexual relations'. And I lied some, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I never committed perjury.'

Saint Peter looked concerned.

'Okay, here's the deal,' said Saint Peter. 'We'll send you someplace very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell'. You'll be there for an indefinite time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And you don't need to 'abandon all hope' upon entering, but don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over!'

 

[wally2450]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions.

One says "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other
cowboy. "What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend on all fours, mount her
from behind, and reach around and cup her breasts in your hands. Then
you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's,'
and then try to hold on for 8 seconds."

 

[done_got_old]

Olympic Pictures

 

[curl4ever]

At The Pearly Gates (No. 132)

Very cute! Thanks!

 

[curl4ever]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.

Good one!

 

[wally2450]

Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome:

Pros:

1. It can get really weird
2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings
3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one
4. Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13
5. You get to watch your best friends making love
6. You get to get watched making love
7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be
experienced to
be believed
8. You get strange looks when you all go out dancing
9. You get really strange looks when you all go out comparison
shopping for
condoms
10. Enough people to play gin rummy if things don't work out
11. You can safely check yourself for any homosexual tendencies
without
actually doing anything about it
12. Calling out the wrong name during climax isn't as much of a
problem, the
"wrong name" is probably the one on your left
13. Three-person showers are fantastic
14. Three-person naked belly laughs are even better
15. Three-person kisses are best

Cons:

1. It can get really weird
2. Tougher for three people to decide on pizza toppings
3. Simultaneous orgasms are even trickier to pull off
4. You may harbor paranoid thoughts that while you're in the
bathroom; the
other two are giggling over the pimple on your butt
5. Trying to find safe places to put your elbows
6. You get to find out what kind of really sick things your friends
like
7. Queen-sized beds are suddenly smaller than you remember them
8. Trying to fit 3 names in the little heart when drawing on your
notebooks
9. Morning breath multiplied by 3
10. You might discover homosexual tendencies you didn't suspect or
want
11. You might discover homosexual tendencies in one of your friends
you didn't suspect or want
12. You have the option of wrecking twice the normal number of
relationships
13. The odds of boyfriends/spouses walking in on you triple
14. Sorting clothes quickly when the boyfriend/spouse walks in
assumes
comical proportions
15. Now there are two wet spots to avoid

 

[curl4ever]

Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome:

Tough decision!

 

[wally2450]

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight whilein possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule,and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who hasbeen charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said."They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They usesecret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used tosay, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.'' When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,"If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of MathInstruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." Republican leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

 

[kayte]

Implants In 30 Minutes!

Owing to the advance in medical technology, surgical technique and the fact that silicone breast implants have been determined to be perfectly safe, a California cosmetic surgery practice is opening in a new office where breast augmentation surgery is done on an outpatient basis in about 30 minutes.
They are going to call the clinic: 'Jiffy Boob.'

 

[kayte]

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight whilein possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule,and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who hasbeen charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said."They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They usesecret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used tosay, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.'' When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said,"If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of MathInstruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." Republican leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

Thank you {{{{{{Wally}}}}}

 

[kayte]

Thank you to WardJan

While we're on the funny side

Two Trees

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the
woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech
says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker
lands on the sapling. The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree
expert. Can you tell if that Is a son of a beech or a son of a
birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He
replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.. It is,
however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.'

Wipe that smile off your face

 

[kayte]

Subject: Hair remover


My neighbor discovered that her dog could barely hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he shaved both ears and the dog could hear fine.


The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the drugstore and buy "Nair Hair Remover" and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the store and gets the "Nair Hair Remover".

At the register the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "Well, if you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says "Well, I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist said, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."

 

[done_got_old]

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only three survivors; Bob, Tom and Debbie.

They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Debbie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both Bob and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.


It was tragic, but Bob and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Bob and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened.

Well, a couple more years went by and Bob and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.














So they buried Debbie.

 

[curl4ever]

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only three survivors; Bob, Tom and Debbie.
. . .

Got me good with that one! Thanks, d_g_o.

 

[done_got_old]

Got me good with that one! Thanks, d_g_o.

I know what you thought. So did I!!!

 

[done_got_old]

Overhead Luggage

 

[smoothdevil]

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during Summer Olympics games that they would like to take back:



1. Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.


2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.


3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.


4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.


5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.


6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.


7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.


8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.


9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?

 

[done_got_old]

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during Summer Olympics games that they would like to take back:



1. Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.


2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.


3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.


4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.


5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.


6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.


7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.


8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.


9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?

precious

 

[riftheotherone]

I apologise in advance for the following joke not being politically correct but it still me laugh in spite of myself....

Black guy goes into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....barman says to him....blimey...where did you get that....parrot replies...Africa...there's fucking thousands of them.....