Let's talk about sex baby...

[AKentuckyLady]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I was on top, he was sitting up against the headboard and had his knees bent under him.

We were going at it so hard that my antique bed moved and shifted the slats the mattress rested on. The whole back of the mattress fell through and hit the floor. I went ass over teakettle towards the footboard and since he was inside me, let's just say that something bent rather uncomfortably for him.

He bellowed, I smacked my head on the footboard, and we bought a new bed the next day, LOL.

 

[Dionysian Beast]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I was on top, he was sitting up against the headboard and had his knees bent under him.

We were going at it so hard that my antique bed moved and shifted the slats the mattress rested on. The whole back of the mattress fell through and hit the floor. I went ass over teakettle towards the footboard and since he was inside me, let's just say that something bent rather uncomfortably for him.

He bellowed, I smacked my head on the footboard, and we bought a new bed the next day, LOL.

Now that's quite hilarious.

 

[IhateClowns]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I finally got the nerve to ask this really cute girl I worked with out on a date. I used to be pretty shy believe it or not. We went to dinner and then had some drinks. When I got to her house to drop her off, she leaned in and kissed me. It started getting pretty warm in there and she asked if I wanted to come in. I agreed of course.

We got in her apartment and made it to her couch. More kissing and some petting continued taking place. After a little bit, I realized I had to take a piss. I didn't want to stop making out and finally decided to excuse myself. While walking towards the bathroom I farted (quietly thank god) and went into her bathroom. I remember standing there staring at myself in the mirror grinning like a fool. I was about to fuck the girl I had been crushing on for more than 6 months.

I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down and this smell hit me like a sledgehammer. I looked down and realized I didn't fart. I sharted!!! Not a lot mind you. Just a bingo dobbers worth, but still. So I pull my pants off and then my underwear. I'm starting to freak out, unsure what to do. I clean myself up and pull my pants back on. I roll my underwear into a tube like shape and stick it inside my pants.

I walk out to the room and tell her I need to run to the car because my contact is bothering me. I run down the stairs out towards my car. I look up to make sure she isn't looking or the window. I reach in my pants and pull out my dirty underwear. I see a truck and I nonchalantly toss them into the bed.

I then spring back upstairs to her. Things continue to get hotter. Finally she asks if I have a condom, which I do not. She says she does and goes and gets one. When she comes back we are standing up, she reaches down and unbuttons my pants and pulls them down. She is shocked to see I'm not wearing any underwear. Then the smell hits her. She looks up at me and says my cock and balls smells like her bathroom hand soap.

I turned beet red. My cock deflated. I explained the story of what happened. She busted out laughing. After a few minutes of catching her breath, she gave me one of the best blowjobs I had ever received. We dated for 3 years until a job took her somewhere else.

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

Oh man. That's terrible and funny.

 

[DayMaker]

So we all like to brag about how good we are in bed. No one likes to talk a lot the mishaps and flubs, but we have all had them. So tell us:

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I'm not sure if this is embarrassing or funny, or both.

There was a party at my house (thrown by my brother, when we all still lived at home) and I was in my room with the guy I was seeing. We were going at it pretty good, because I hadn't noticed that someone had opened my bedroom door and was watching us....and probably had been for awhile. I, being fairly young, was pretty embarrassed that he had been watching us.

Fast forward almost 20 years....this guy I was seeing "friends" me on FB. Not the brightest crayon in the box, he decides to send me a message telling me a story about that night. He described what we were doing, how much he liked it, and how hot I was in bed back then. Turns out he became really good friends with the guy that was watching us. Also turns out that he got "post to my wall" and private messages confused and POSTED THE ENTIRE MESSAGE TO MY PAGE for everyone to see.

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

I'm not sure if this is embarrassing or funny, or both.

There was a party at my house (thrown by my brother, when we all still lived at home) and I was in my room with the guy I was seeing. We were going at it pretty good, because I hadn't noticed that someone had opened my bedroom door and was watching us....and probably had been for awhile. I, being fairly young, was pretty embarrassed that he had been watching us.

Fast forward almost 20 years....this guy I was seeing "friends" me on FB. Not the brightest crayon in the box, he decides to send me a message telling me a story about that night. He described what we were doing, how much he liked it, and how hot I was in bed back then. Turns out he became really good friends with the guy that was watching us. Also turns out that he got "post to my wall" and private messages confused and POSTED THE ENTIRE MESSAGE TO MY PAGE for everyone to see.

Oh my, that's just... Damn. That's funny and not funny.

 

[DayMaker]

Oh my, that's just... Damn. That's funny and not funny.

I spit my coffee all over my screen when I read it. Pure and complete panic.

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

I spit my coffee all over my screen when I read it. Pure and complete panic.

I would have panicked, deleted, blocked and then laughed hysterically.
Did you talk to him about it?

 

[DayMaker]

I would have panicked, deleted, blocked and then laughed hysterically.
Did you talk to him about it?

I did delete it and messaged him, and then he went on to tell me how much bigger his cock was now. WTF. I suspect he had a one-track agenda.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I was on top, he was sitting up against the headboard and had his knees bent under him.

We were going at it so hard that my antique bed moved and shifted the slats the mattress rested on. The whole back of the mattress fell through and hit the floor. I went ass over teakettle towards the footboard and since he was inside me, let's just say that something bent rather uncomfortably for him.

He bellowed, I smacked my head on the footboard, and we bought a new bed the next day, LOL.

Omg that's hilarious because something remarkably similar happened to me too. The bed broke during but we kind of just shrugged and kept going. I'm a guy that likes to complete his tasks.

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

I did delete it and messaged him, and then he went on to tell me how much bigger his cock was now. WTF. I suspect he had a one-track agenda.

Sounds like it.

 

[IhateClowns]

We were going hot and heavy, I was on my tummy and he was pounding from behind. He pulled out just a tad too far and when he slammed back in, he missed and went Balls fucking deep into my ass. I screamed, bucked like a bronco and threw him off the bed and onto the floor. Funny now, but FUCK.

I have never "slipped" like that. I can't imagine the shock.

 

[IhateClowns]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I was on top, he was sitting up against the headboard and had his knees bent under him.

We were going at it so hard that my antique bed moved and shifted the slats the mattress rested on. The whole back of the mattress fell through and hit the floor. I went ass over teakettle towards the footboard and since he was inside me, let's just say that something bent rather uncomfortably for him.

He bellowed, I smacked my head on the footboard, and we bought a new bed the next day, LOL.

Good stuff. Never broken a bed, but a girl I was sleeping with out her foot through the window in our apartment.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Omg that's hilarious because something remarkably similar happened to me too. The bed broke during but we kind of just shrugged and kept going. I'm a guy that likes to complete his tasks.

Oh, he made sure I had an orgasm after the bed wreck, but he was a little too traumatized to have one himself after feeling like my hoo-haa was trying to snap his junk off.

He was recovered by the time the new bed was delivered and we christened it that night

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

A recent one...I was changing positions and I accidentally farted. Not a big one but audible enough. I thought nothing of it and proceeded like nothing happened praying to God she didn't notice. Later on after we finished we're outside chilling out. Since I'm a guy that likes to lay everything on the table I say "Yeah, so I totally just farted..." She just goes "I know you did". And we laughed and smooched. And I think later I went to go wipe my ass or something. Just to be safe.

A couple from a girl I dated last year. She wasn't bad in bed but there were a couple things about her 1) she doesn't really have the knack for proper dirty talking and 2) she had the queefiest vagina ever. That last one wasn't her fault and I usually just rolled with it. But it was always a surprise when it happened.

One time I was pounding her doggystyle. Going at it, spanking and everything. In the midst of her dirty talking she says "ohhh yeah, you like pounding my big fat ass??" I hesitated for a moment. Because seriously, what's the right answer to that? Was she testing me with the "fat ass" thing? I mean I just don't want to hurt her feelings. After the world's most awkward 5 seconds of silence. I just kind of went "Oh yeah" and tried to finish up quickly.

Another time it was the same situation and she orgasmed around my cock which made a full on, noisy whoopee cushion noise. I was doing her from behind so thankfully she didn't see me shake my head and mouth the words "What was THAT??" Not quite sure what it was at first but happy that it wasn't what I deeply feared it might have been. I tried to finish up quickly then too.

She also used to make weird noises. Like one time she seriously started doing the Curly from the Three Stooges noise. "Woowooowoowoo". She was...an experience.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

Good stuff. Never broken a bed, but a girl I was sleeping with out her foot through the window in our apartment.

I imagine shredded foot and ankle, ouch!

 

[Trekka]

Omg fuck you all!! I'm sitting at Walgreens waiting for my antibiotics coz I'm sick as a dog and I make the mistake of checking this thread while waiting and now I have the church giggles and everyone is staring at me.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

A recent one...I was changing positions and I accidentally farted. Not a big one but audible enough. I thought nothing of it and proceeded like nothing happened praying to God she didn't notice. Later on after we finished we're outside chilling out. Since I'm a guy that likes to lay everything on the table I say "Yeah, so I totally just farted..." She just goes "I know you did". And we laughed and smooched. And I think later I went to go wipe my ass or something. Just to be safe.

A couple from a girl I dated last year. She wasn't bad in bed but there were a couple things about her 1) she doesn't really have the knack for proper dirty talking and 2) she had the queefiest vagina ever. That last one wasn't her fault and I usually just rolled with it. But it was always a surprise when it happened.

One time I was pounding her doggystyle. Going at it, spanking and everything. In the midst of her dirty talking she says "ohhh yeah, you like pounding my big fat ass??" I hesitated for a moment. Because seriously, what's the right answer to that? Was she testing me with the "fat ass" thing? I mean I just don't want to hurt her feelings. After the world's most awkward 5 seconds of silence. I just kind of went "Oh yeah" and tried to finish up quickly.

Another time it was the same situation and she orgasmed around my cock which made a full on, noisy whoopee cushion noise. I was doing her from behind so thankfully she didn't see me shake my head and mouth the words "What was THAT??" Not quite sure what it was at first but happy that it wasn't what I deeply feared it might have been. I tried to finish up quickly then too.

She also used to make weird noises. Like one time she seriously started doing the Curly from the Three Stooges noise. "Woowooowoowoo". She was...an experience.

Oh my god, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying right now. Stop, my tummy hurts...

 

[IhateClowns]

I met a girl at Mardi Gras. We hit it off. One thing led to another and she came back to my hotel room. We had a great time. The next morning I wake up in pain. Severe pain. I run to the bathroom and am sitting on the toilet. Screaming as I have to piss so bad, but nothing will come out. She comes to the door asking if I'm ok. Told her she gave me an STD or something. She freaks out, cusses me out and leaves. I am cussing her pretty bad. I call one of my buddies to come get me. Take me to the emergency room. We get there. I am screaming. Tell the nurse this girl gave me an STD or something. The nurse runs some tests and it turns out I had a kidney stone. I couldn't look the nurse in the eyes after I was diagnosed.

 

[RoyceConnors]

I mentioned this one long ago in another thread, but it fits, lol

I went down with my GF to Fla and stay with mom at the park, We arrived and said hello to mom and told her we were going out for a quick puff to unwind from the drive. We went around back and it just got into us to knock off a quickie.

I had her bend over the A/C and pulled her panties down and proceeded to get into it whole heartedly. I knew she was getting close and so was I and suddenly she started laughing. I wasn't sure why but kept at it until she started laughing harder and that threw me off of finishing.

I asked why she was laughing so hard and she said we just got caught by the neighbour's daughter coming out the side door. She said she started laughing at first because of the look on her face, then laughed harder because I was still going at it and the woman couldn't look away in shock.

We didn't finish and went inside like nothing happened and didn't have the heart to tell mom why her friends were shunning her while we were there, lol.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Guys, these stories are all great. I love this question!

 

[DayMaker]

I was with a guy once (well, more than once actually) that make this sound like Tony the Tiger, from the frosted flakes commercials, "GRRRRRRRRRRREAT" when he came. I can't even imagine what the look was on my face the first time that happened.

http://static1.squarespace.com/static/5021de61e4b0c203353d47eb/t/525485f9e4b007332ef76469/1381271034007/94338.png

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I was with a guy once (well, more than once actually) that make this sound like Tony the Tiger, from the frosted flakes commercials, "GRRRRRRRRRRREAT" when he came. I can't even imagine what the look was on my face the first time that happened.

http://static1.squarespace.com/static/5021de61e4b0c203353d47eb/t/525485f9e4b007332ef76469/1381271034007/94338.png

bwahaha!
As long as he didn't dress up in a green suit and start shouting that you're magically delicious.. I think you got out pretty good

 

[DayMaker]

bwahaha!
As long as he didn't dress up in a green suit and start shouting that you're magically delicious.. I think you got out pretty good

Trust me, everything else leading up to that part made it worth the few seconds of awkwardness.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Oddly enough, I don't have enough sexual experience to really have a great "funny" that pops into my head, unless you count that me having sex is funny in and of itself.

I am a big goofball and very playful. This one guy was not having it. He got all serious and said,"Sex isn't funny. "

Of course the ridiculously stern statement had me bust out laughing at him... Which did not go over well. .