Let's talk about sex baby...

[AKentuckyLady]

Oddly enough, I don't have enough sexual experience to really have a great "funny" that pops into my head, unless you count that me having sex is funny in and of itself.

I am a big goofball and very playful. This one guy was not having it. He got all serious and said,"Sex isn't funny. "

Of course the ridiculously stern statement had me bust out laughing at him... Which did not go over well. .

A woman's best defense AND weapon - laughter

 

[IhateClowns]

I once walked into my parents bedroom to get a pair of socks. We had a sock basket for my brother, dad, and I since we are all about 6'4. Anyway, I walked in and he pulled the sheet up over him very fast. The teepee pretty much gave it away. I should have gotten an Oscar for that performance. I kept my eyes down and grabbed the socks and scooted out of there. I don't think I saw my dad for about 3 days after that.

 

[37_ttej]

I once walked into my parents bedroom to get a pair of socks. We had a sock basket for my brother, dad, and I since we are all about 6'4. Anyway, I walked in and he pulled the sheet up over him very fast. The teepee pretty much gave it away. I should have gotten an Oscar for that performance. I kept my eyes down and grabbed the socks and scooted out of there. I don't think I saw my dad for about 3 days after that.

You're all good, IHC. That was the torch. He was reading in bed.

 

[IhateClowns]

You're all good, IHC. That was the torch. He was reading in bed.

Far from good. It's never been mentioned. I wonder if he remembers. Lol

 

[DayMaker]

Oddly enough, I don't have enough sexual experience to really have a great "funny" that pops into my head, unless you count that me having sex is funny in and of itself.

I am a big goofball and very playful. This one guy was not having it. He got all serious and said,"Sex isn't funny. "

Of course the ridiculously stern statement had me bust out laughing at him... Which did not go over well. .

Perhaps I've had enough experience for both of us? Which doesn't make me sound very good.

Sex can be funny, very funny sometimes, or rather things that happen during sex. I've stopped more than once because we've started laughing over something (like dirty talk gone very very wrong).

 

[IhateClowns]

My wife reminded me of this story. I met this woman online a while back. I think AOL or Yahoo. We met after chatting for a week. Things went very conservative and nice on the first date.

On the second date we got a bit more frisky. Lots of kissing and touching throughout. I brought her back to my apartment. I lived with a buddy of mine. We just walked right past him on the way to the bedroom.

After some teasing and a bit of oral she asked if I had ever been tied up before. I said no and that I wasn't really comfortable with the idea. She asked if I would let her cuff my ankles to the bed and leave my hands free. I decided ok what the heck.

She grabbed these cuffs out of her purse (I never asked why she had them, probably should have) and proceeded to cuff my feet. I was laying there not sure what to expect. She teased me a bit and then started sucking my cock. It felt great and every time I tried to touch her she stopped. Told me I couldn't touch. So of course I didn't.

Now it was dark in the room except for the glow of my radio. As she is fellating me I feel her finger against my ass. I say no no no. Apparently in her mind no means yes. She gave my asshole the middle finger. I sat up like Dracula because my ankles were tied down and she was straddling my legs. That released her finger and I told her not to do that again.

Back to business and a few minutes later I feel, not hear because the radio is loud, a vibration against my ass. Once again I shot and scream out what the fuck! A few seconds later I hear my roommate laughing as I'm telling her I'm done and to untie me now.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

haha!^^
My first experience with handcuffs was on a friend I had hanging from a branch in his mom's back yard..


It never ceases to amaze me what men will do for a little bit o' me..

 

[37_ttej]

haha!^^
My first experience with handcuffs was on a friend I had hanging from a branch in his mom's back yard..


It never ceases to amaze me what men will do for a little bit o' me..

That's cos your tree-mendous, RA.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

That's cos your tree-mendous, RA.

I take great care of my partner's root...

 

[37_ttej]

I take great care of my partner's root...

I'm sure with the cuffs and all you made sure he was well hung ...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I'm sure with the cuffs and all you made sure he was well hung ...

oh, my, yes! Very well hung, indeed.

 

[Trekka]

*wipes away tears and composes self*

1st time: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Last Time: Easy Rider

I attended a wedding with my folks and my brothers. I was 22. It was a friend of the family's nuptials.

We all went to the "after party" at the father of the bride's house. Fairly tanked, I proceeded to lock myself in the back room with a groomsman: proper wedding etiquette, or so I thought. Right?

We were going at it, and the roar of the party guests was so loud that I failed to hear my father inquiring repeatedly as to my whereabouts. According to the party-goers, who filled me in later, the man was informed about my back room indiscretions and he didn't take the news well.

Next thing I know, he gives the locked door The Shoulder, Tim Tebow-style, and busts the door off the hinges. The groomsman and I had about three nanoseconds to yank our clothes on.

Spaghetti strap dress: one strap broken.

My Dad announces, "That's it! You're done! We're leaving!" and, with a vice grip on my shoulder, leads me THROUGH THE CROWDED HOUSE (*not* full of prim and proper tight-lipped WASPy prudes... no... worse... the house was full of close family and friends, Irish ones, all shnockered, pointing and laughing their tits off...) and bodily inserts me into the car, ripped dress, messy hair, smeared lipstick and all. My Dad eventually apologized. I think my mom made him. The party goers still tease me about it to this day.

 

[suckonsimon]

#16. Tell us a funny or embarrassing sexual experience you have had.

I gotta read all of these when I have time later! But here's one of mine:

First summer of married life, we're students and had the chance to look after someone's house while they were away all summer so we weren't homeless until term began again. So for a few days one of my lovely bride's brothers comes to stay will us. It goes well, he's really cool and I like him.

Later that summer we visit her home town and I go for a drink with this brother of hers and his other three brothers too. Mention is made by one of them of the cool guy's few days stopping over with us. Well he starts off with how he got no sleep. He's describing in blow by blow detail the noises of the bed-springs, the headboard knocking on the wall between us and him; the yelps and the gasps of his sis and the moans of her man ... wow was I red in the face.

But in fact is was much more than embarrassing. It was a huge thing he was signalling to me, and his brothers: he was delighting in the fact that his big sister seemed to have found real happiness with the man in her life. I was embarrassed, and massively affirmed by these guys.

 

[Hornblende]

*wipes away tears and composes self*

1st time: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Last Time: Easy Rider

I attended a wedding with my folks and my brothers. I was 22. It was a friend of the family's nuptials.

We all went to the "after party" at the father of the bride's house. Fairly tanked, I proceeded to lock myself in the back room with a groomsman: proper wedding etiquette, or so I thought. Right?

We were going at it, and the roar of the party guests was so loud that I failed to hear my father inquiring repeatedly as to my whereabouts. According to the party-goers, who filled me in later, the man was informed about my back room indiscretions and he didn't take the news well.

Next thing I know, he gives the locked door The Shoulder, Tim Tebow-style, and busts the door off the hinges. The groomsman and I had about three nanoseconds to yank our clothes on.

Spaghetti strap dress: one strap broken.

My Dad announces, "That's it! You're done! We're leaving!" and, with a vice grip on my shoulder, leads me THROUGH THE CROWDED HOUSE (*not* full of prim and proper tight-lipped WASPy prudes... no... worse... the house was full of close family and friends, Irish ones, all shnockered, pointing and laughing their tits off...) and bodily inserts me into the car, ripped dress, messy hair, smeared lipstick and all. My Dad eventually apologized. I think my mom made him. The party goers still tease me about it to this day.

A brilliant recollection, Trekka, and vividly described!

 

[IhateClowns]

Thanks to everyone who participated in the last question. It was a lot of fun reading those funny stories.

#17. What's your take on anal sex?

 

[Suz_anne]

Thanks to everyone who participated in the last question. It was a lot of fun reading those funny stories.

#17. What's your take on anal sex?

Ouch. Special occasions only.

 

[suckonsimon]

#17. What's your take on anal sex?

I'll get my answer out of the way before the discussion gets interesting as it will:
For me, total no no. Just don't want to go there. Not gonna change. And it's me, not her necessarily. No persuasions please.

 

[DayMaker]

Ouch. Special occasions only.

Agreed. To be fair, having sex is consider a special occasion in my book.

 

[IhateClowns]

Ouch. Special occasions only.

What occasion is considered to be special for anal sex? I've never understood the have to have sex on a specific date or occasion. So I'm really interested to know what special occasion constitutes anal sex.

 

[INeedLove]

Thanks to everyone who participated in the last question. It was a lot of fun reading those funny stories.

#17. What's your take on anal sex?

Love it....as long as there is lube and arousal. And a partner whom I can trust to go slow if my body is tensing up.

What is YOUR take on it, Mr Clowns??

 

[Mr_Jon_Thon]

Festivus seems an appropriate occasion.

 

[IhateClowns]

Love it....as long as there is lube and arousal. And a partner whom I can trust to go slow if my body is tensing up.

What is YOUR take on it, Mr Clowns??

I always thought I wanted it, until my wife finally said yeah let's go ahead and do it. Now that she's called my bluff, I'm not so sure. As for me, I don't mind a finger while I'm getting a hand or blow job.

 

[Little_Sister]

I like tush play but anal hurts. Not enough for me to not do it but my list of things I want in my tush, it wouldn't make my top 3. 1) 1 finger 2) 2 fingers 3) small plug

I have to be properly distracted (with a vibe or wand) to enjoy it.

Full anal, him finishing in my tush, happens 3-5 times a year here, but a finger happens weekly.

 

[Suz_anne]

What occasion is considered to be special for anal sex? I've never understood the have to have sex on a specific date or occasion. So I'm really interested to know what special occasion constitutes anal sex.

It's something he enjoys, but for me it's just kind of meh. It's not so much about the occasion, but the frequency. It isn't something I'm up for most of the time, but recognizing that he enjoys it, I concede periodically. So that makes it a special occasion.

Festivus seems an appropriate occasion.

Agreed.

 

[INeedLove]

I always thought I wanted it, until my wife finally said yeah let's go ahead and do it. Now that she's called my bluff, I'm not so sure. As for me, I don't mind a finger while I'm getting a hand or blow job.

Ah, so not so much a receiver of anal. What about being a giver?