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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

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Two friends went for a job interview.......

The first friend goes in and the person interviewing him looks at his resume. Then he asks him a few questions and then asks "imagine you are traveling on a train and it is hot inside, what will you do?" The guy replies "I will open the window"

"Great!" says the interviewer and then asks " Let's say the train is moving at 100 mph and the size of the window is 2sqf then how much air will come into your cabin in one minute?" The guy gets confused and fails to give a correct answer and gets rejected.

When he goes out, he tells his friend about this. When his friend is called out he goes in and the same thing happens. The interviewer asks a few questions and then asks "imagine you are traveling on a train and it is hot inside, what will you do?"

The interviewee replies" I will remove my jacket" The interviewer asks "what if it is still hot" the interviewee replies " I will remove my shirt"

The interviewer asks "what if it is still hot" then the other guy replies " I will remove all of my clothes............. but I will not open the window!!!!!!!"
 
3 people are being interviewed for a job

The manager says to the three interviewees “We need people who can work fast. What’s the fastest thing you can think of?”

1st interviewee: “A thought.”

2nd interviewee: “A light,” thinking surely nothing’s faster than light.

After hearing the first two answers and seeing how confident they were, the third interviewee gets a little nervous and has an upset stomach. The interviewer asks the last person the same question.

3rd interviewee: “Diarrhea.”

Shocked by the answer, the interviewer ask why?

3rd interviewee: “Before you can think or turn on the light, you’ve already shit yourself.”

The interviewer then asks, “when can you start?”
 
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?"

The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?"

She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
 
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So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel his way into a position of power in hell where he can make changes to hell’s policies. He creates multiple departments that starts doing oversight on other departments in hell. He starts assigning his friends to run different departments in hell. He also makes a few changes that effected how hell's day to day operation function.

Well, the devil starts to notice that hell is starting to run slower. It's taking longer to torture the souls that are currently in hell. It's taking longer to process the souls into hell. Lines are forming everywhere. Departments are now taking months to get basic request answered. And the system seems as if it is on the verge of collapsing.

So the devil decides to ask for help and call God. The devil asked God “I don’t get it. I let one politician into hell and he turns around and completely destroys a system that been running smoothly since the dawn of time. I need to know how do you deal with all the politicians that you let into heaven?”

God says “oh, I created purgatory for a reason, there is nothing there for them to fuck up.”
 
Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...


“They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”


“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me.”


“Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!”


“I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new
paradigm.”


“I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”


“I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress.”


“Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest
problem.”


“The coffee machine is broken…”


“Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot…”


“ … this I pray. Amen.”
 
There is a scientific name for couples that use the withdrawal method for birth control.

Parents
 
A man wakes up one morning not feeling well.

He decides to go and see the doctor because he has some symptoms he’s heard are related to the virus all over the news. On the way to his appointment, his car breaks down and he has to walk the rest of the way. He’s exhausted by the time he finally arrives at the Doctor’s office, 15 minutes late.

Doctor: “You missed your appointment, you’re lucky I could fit you in.”

Man: “Sorry Doc, my car broke down on the way here and I couldn’t get a cab, so I had to walk all the way here.”

Doctor: “It’s ok. So, what’s the problem?”

Man: "Doc, I’m struggling to breathe properly and I’m so tired lately.”

Doctor: "Have you been around anyone or been anywhere where you might have caught something in the last few weeks?”

Man: "No, I drive to my office every morning where I work on my own, and then I drive home. Same routine, every day.”

Doctor : "Do you exercise often?”

Man:"I don’t really have the time because I’m so busy with work.”

Doctor: "Do you own a bike?”

Man: "I do have an old bike that I haven’t ridden in years in the garage, but what has that got to do with anything?”


Doctor: “You should sell your car. You’ll be much better for it.”

Man: "I don’t think selling my car is going to make me feel better.”

Doctor:" Well, you see, you’re struggling to breathe and you’re constantly tired because you’re unfit. If you rode your bike more, you’d be a lot healthier and you’d feel better, too. I ride to and from work every day, and I’ve never been healthier.”

Man: “Are you sure it’s not the virus everyone is talking about on the news?”

Doctor: "Coronavirus? No, it’s definitely not Coronavirus. What you have is what us bike riders like to call Car Owner Virus.”
 
Why Men Are Happier:


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.


BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house..


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
 
Ten Reasons Why Dildos Are Better Than Dicks

1. You can choose the size
2. You can choose the texture.
3. You can choose the material from what its made of.
4. You can choose the shape.
5. It never goes soft
6. It can vibrate
7. It's not attached to a dude
8. It can't get you pregnant
9. It can't give you STD's
10. You can shove it in a bag on road trips
 
Kanye West is sitting at a bar having a drink.

He notices an old man sitting next to him tapping two coins in a rhythmic fashion.
"Excuse me," Kanye asks, "what are you doing with those coins?"

"Well," the old man answers, "these are two quarters. You can make a phone-call with them, or just tap them on the bar." And he continues to tap the coins in a rhythmic fashion, while Kanye stares at them in fascination.

After a few minutes, the old man steps down from his stool and walks to the bathroom, leaving the coins lying on the bar. As soon as the bathroom door closes, Kanye picks up the coins, putting one coin near his ear and the other near his mouth.
"Hello? Hello?"
 
A grocery store opened early for senior citizens. A long, orderly line began to form. Suddenly a young man tried to cut in line and was subsequently beaten by an old woman with a cane and chased back to his car.

A few minutes later the young man tried it again only this time he was punched in the stomach by an old man and he ran away.

The third time the young man walked up and yelled, "If you old people don't let me unlock the door, none of us are getting in!"
 
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