SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
- Thread starter Fingerfuxs
- Start date
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Johnny was a bright, charming boy and he was even fairly good-looking. The only problem was that he had lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. They were too poor to afford a glass eye, so his father made him a wooden one.
He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem.
But he was tired of letting the world get him down. The school dance was coming up and he would be damned if he didn't let himself have a good time.
Johnny liked a girl named Lisa. She was shy and just as lonely as he was, due to having a fairly pronounced mustache, earning her the nickname, "Hair-lip".
Well Johnny saw past her stache and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school, and he decided he was going to ask her out. He waited until lunch, and spotted her sitting alone in the corner.
He walked up to her and said, "Lisa, I've been seeing you around for a while, and, well... Would you like to go to the dance with me?"
Lisa's eyes lit up and she said, "Would I!"
Johnny said, "Hair-lip!" and walked away.
He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self esteem.
But he was tired of letting the world get him down. The school dance was coming up and he would be damned if he didn't let himself have a good time.
Johnny liked a girl named Lisa. She was shy and just as lonely as he was, due to having a fairly pronounced mustache, earning her the nickname, "Hair-lip".
Well Johnny saw past her stache and thought she was the most beautiful girl in school, and he decided he was going to ask her out. He waited until lunch, and spotted her sitting alone in the corner.
He walked up to her and said, "Lisa, I've been seeing you around for a while, and, well... Would you like to go to the dance with me?"
Lisa's eyes lit up and she said, "Would I!"
Johnny said, "Hair-lip!" and walked away.
therwine40
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Posts
- 2,599
therwine40
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Posts
- 2,599
therwine40
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Posts
- 2,599
therwine40
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Posts
- 2,599
therwine40
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Posts
- 2,599
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board the ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night, all he could offer her was $0.50 and a pair of sneakers.
She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.
He found Mable and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.
Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was please to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling around his rear. Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."
"Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers."
She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.
He found Mable and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.
Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was please to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling around his rear. Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."
"Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers."
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, and enticing Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine."
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?”
“Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine."
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
A pornstar an a nun enter a bar...
The pornstar (male) already wanted to fuck. He sees this young nun,and confident of his body and his charm,he goes to talk to her and says;
-I'll be honest. I came here 'cause I want to fuck you
-Oh good Lord! Of course not! I made a promise. I can't do that.
The nun then, pretty horrified,leaves,and the pornstar stays there drinking to forget.
The bartender, who had listened to the whole conversation, says to the pornstar:
-hey,I know what you have to do to fuck her.
- really? What?
-the nun goes every night to the gardens of the Church, hoping to find God. If you go there dressed as Him, you could fuck her.
-Wow! Thanks!
So the pornstar goes to the garden at night,dressed as Him, and he sees the hot nun. When he appeared in front of her,the nun says:
-Oh! Could it be, are you God Himself?
-That's right my child. And if you want to know the secrets of the universe,I must fuck you.
- Of course God! Anything for you! But from the ass, I want to maintain pure
So they start fucking, and the nun really seems to like it, until the pornstar makes the confession:
-Ha! You fell right into my trap! I'm the pornstar
- And you fell right into mine! I am the bartender!
The pornstar (male) already wanted to fuck. He sees this young nun,and confident of his body and his charm,he goes to talk to her and says;
-I'll be honest. I came here 'cause I want to fuck you
-Oh good Lord! Of course not! I made a promise. I can't do that.
The nun then, pretty horrified,leaves,and the pornstar stays there drinking to forget.
The bartender, who had listened to the whole conversation, says to the pornstar:
-hey,I know what you have to do to fuck her.
- really? What?
-the nun goes every night to the gardens of the Church, hoping to find God. If you go there dressed as Him, you could fuck her.
-Wow! Thanks!
So the pornstar goes to the garden at night,dressed as Him, and he sees the hot nun. When he appeared in front of her,the nun says:
-Oh! Could it be, are you God Himself?
-That's right my child. And if you want to know the secrets of the universe,I must fuck you.
- Of course God! Anything for you! But from the ass, I want to maintain pure
So they start fucking, and the nun really seems to like it, until the pornstar makes the confession:
-Ha! You fell right into my trap! I'm the pornstar
- And you fell right into mine! I am the bartender!
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
A pianist once played for a porn movie.
He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.
At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.
On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple who had been seated next to him. He felt the need to explain himself and sheepishly said "I'm not really into this sort of thing. I just came to hear my piano music."
The couple replied "Oh we aren't either. We just came to see our dog."
He decided to go to the adult movie theatre just so he could hear his own piano.
At the theatre he got very uncomfortable and embarrassed. The movie was very graphic. It involved group sex, double penetration and even a dog.
On exiting the theatre he locked eyes with the couple who had been seated next to him. He felt the need to explain himself and sheepishly said "I'm not really into this sort of thing. I just came to hear my piano music."
The couple replied "Oh we aren't either. We just came to see our dog."
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
There once was a police dog...
The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog "Karma" seeing as it was bringing criminals what they deserved.
Now, some neighborhood drug dealers weren't particularly happy about this. Even the biggest drug lords had caught wind of this. Karma had busted them more times in the last three months than they had been caught in the previous year. After all, Karma had exceptional talents with this business. Thus, Sneaky Steve and Dealer Dave, two of the most notorious drug lords in the area, devised a clever plan to stop Karma from busting them so much. During a raid, Dave shot Karma three times in the leg. The dog was going to be out of commission forever. Dave thought he was successful, but out of his window, he heard the policemen saying:
"Look, if we can't use Karma, then maybe at least Karma's pups could be of use. Maybe they have the same talents."
"Sir, Karma has no pups."
"Well... we'll have to change that."
Dave and Steve realized that there was only one way to stop this - steal the dog and then remove its... certain organs. Late one night, Steve and Dave went down to the police department, evaded several officers, and took Karma out of the kennel. Steve, being the sneaky one he was, managed to get Karma to not bark the whole time, and Dave had brought a long switchblade to accomplish their mission.
Outside the station, in an alleyway, Steve held the dog down.
"Dave, what's taking you so long? Just cut 'is nuts off and we can get out of here!"
"Steve... I'm having a few unforeseen difficulties with this."
"Dave, this isn't that complicated. Just slice it off!"
"It's impossible, okay!"
"Why? Why can't you just do the job?"
"Well... Karma's a bitch."
The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog "Karma" seeing as it was bringing criminals what they deserved.
Now, some neighborhood drug dealers weren't particularly happy about this. Even the biggest drug lords had caught wind of this. Karma had busted them more times in the last three months than they had been caught in the previous year. After all, Karma had exceptional talents with this business. Thus, Sneaky Steve and Dealer Dave, two of the most notorious drug lords in the area, devised a clever plan to stop Karma from busting them so much. During a raid, Dave shot Karma three times in the leg. The dog was going to be out of commission forever. Dave thought he was successful, but out of his window, he heard the policemen saying:
"Look, if we can't use Karma, then maybe at least Karma's pups could be of use. Maybe they have the same talents."
"Sir, Karma has no pups."
"Well... we'll have to change that."
Dave and Steve realized that there was only one way to stop this - steal the dog and then remove its... certain organs. Late one night, Steve and Dave went down to the police department, evaded several officers, and took Karma out of the kennel. Steve, being the sneaky one he was, managed to get Karma to not bark the whole time, and Dave had brought a long switchblade to accomplish their mission.
Outside the station, in an alleyway, Steve held the dog down.
"Dave, what's taking you so long? Just cut 'is nuts off and we can get out of here!"
"Steve... I'm having a few unforeseen difficulties with this."
"Dave, this isn't that complicated. Just slice it off!"
"It's impossible, okay!"
"Why? Why can't you just do the job?"
"Well... Karma's a bitch."
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
An American and an Englishman are about to be executed
The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"
The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"
They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"
American: "To drink one last shot of wiskey before I die"
They bring him one shot of wiskey, he drinks it and the executioner asks: "And your final wish ?"
American: "I wish I was burried near George Washington"
So he is executed an burried near Washington.
Then comes the Englishman's turn.
When asked about his first wish he replies: "I want to skate on that lake over there".
Executioner: "But it's not frozen."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll wait until it freezez!"
They waited until winter came, the lake froze and the Englishman skated on it.
Executioner: "Your 2nd wish ?"
Englishman: "To swim in the lake"
Executioner: "But now it's frozen"
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until it defrozez"
They waited until summer came, the lake unfroze and the Englishman swam in it.
Executionar: "And your final wish ?"
Englishman: "To be burried near Queen Elizabeth II"
Executioner: "But she's not dead."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until she dies!"
The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"
The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"
They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"
American: "To drink one last shot of wiskey before I die"
They bring him one shot of wiskey, he drinks it and the executioner asks: "And your final wish ?"
American: "I wish I was burried near George Washington"
So he is executed an burried near Washington.
Then comes the Englishman's turn.
When asked about his first wish he replies: "I want to skate on that lake over there".
Executioner: "But it's not frozen."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll wait until it freezez!"
They waited until winter came, the lake froze and the Englishman skated on it.
Executioner: "Your 2nd wish ?"
Englishman: "To swim in the lake"
Executioner: "But now it's frozen"
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until it defrozez"
They waited until summer came, the lake unfroze and the Englishman swam in it.
Executionar: "And your final wish ?"
Englishman: "To be burried near Queen Elizabeth II"
Executioner: "But she's not dead."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until she dies!"
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
God woke up with a hangover.
He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.
"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"
"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel held up a clipboard.
"This majestic creature You deemed "ferret!" It's as if a rodent became a dog! So *cute!"*
God groaned. Anxious, the angel hastily flipped the page.
"A-and this one You graced with the name 'kangaroo,' and look here! You put a little pocket on its belly so it could hold its baby on the outside!"
God grunted, snatching the clipboard. He flipped several pages before stopping suddenly, frozen in shock. "What the hell is this...?"
The angel glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, um...."
He shuffled uncomfortably. "This was just before You passed out, and we were worried You'd be upset. But in the moment, You were very adamant about naming it--"
"I WASN'T NAMING IT!" He bellowed. "I saw a duck fucking a beaver! I said 'MAKE IT PULL OUTTA THAT PUSS!!"
He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.
"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"
"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel held up a clipboard.
"This majestic creature You deemed "ferret!" It's as if a rodent became a dog! So *cute!"*
God groaned. Anxious, the angel hastily flipped the page.
"A-and this one You graced with the name 'kangaroo,' and look here! You put a little pocket on its belly so it could hold its baby on the outside!"
God grunted, snatching the clipboard. He flipped several pages before stopping suddenly, frozen in shock. "What the hell is this...?"
The angel glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, um...."
He shuffled uncomfortably. "This was just before You passed out, and we were worried You'd be upset. But in the moment, You were very adamant about naming it--"
"I WASN'T NAMING IT!" He bellowed. "I saw a duck fucking a beaver! I said 'MAKE IT PULL OUTTA THAT PUSS!!"
SunnyDays1
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Posts
- 6,396
Similar threads
